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Author Topic: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?  (Read 2760 times)

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Offline beginthebeguin

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I have encountered talk here on the forum that costeñas have such a mindset that they go out of their way not to offend or become so 'non-confrontational' that their boyfriends don't know what they are thinking most of the time.

I'm beginning to think that there is something to those collective observations. I would be chatting with my costeña on-line I would ask her a question and she would totally ignore it. Now she hasn't given me the 'internet' dropped excuse yet. But it seems only a matter of time, before she tries that. It seems to happen regarding questions about her immediate family members. Her responses about family members used to be quite chatty but now she glosses over her responses. Hmmmm. Could be trouble in River City?  ???

Now I'm beginnng to think it is relationship related and not cultural.
"Any club that would have me as a member I wouldn't want to join." - G. Marx,  not Karl

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Offline fathertime

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2011, 10:37:28 AM »
I have encountered talk here on the forum that costeñas have such a mindset that they go out of their way not to offend or become so 'non-confrontational' that their boyfriends don't know what they are thinking most of the time.

 

Based on my experience, their is no 'code of the costena'. 

perhaps while dating, everybody tries to keep things pleasant, but once involved for a period of time the relationship has confrontations like any other would...if not more! :D

Fathertime!
09/08 saw morena goddess on Jamie's website
09/08Began writing/webcamming future wife
10/08Visited BAQ to meet future wife
12/08 Visited a second time and got engaged
01/09 Visa Paperwork done(williamIII)
02/09quickvisit BAQ
08/09Wife arrives
09/09Got married
11/10 son born

Offline beginthebeguin

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2011, 10:50:32 AM »
The "Code" is just a tag line for the sake of the forum FT. And yes I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has to happen eventually. Just need some advice on how to handle a costeña so when the zapata does drop. It's not aimed at me.  :D 

I already warned her in advance that if a fight develops I will not be the one who reverts to name calling. That is just bad for a relationship in any culture.
"Any club that would have me as a member I wouldn't want to join." - G. Marx,  not Karl

"Now children all colombianas you meet on the internet are bad. Muukay". - Mr. Makey

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2011, 10:50:32 AM »

Offline fathertime

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2011, 01:31:50 PM »
The "Code" is just a tag line for the sake of the forum FT. And yes I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has to happen eventually. Just need some advice on how to handle a costeña so when the zapata does drop. It's not aimed at me.  :D 

I already warned her in advance that if a fight develops I will not be the one who reverts to name calling. That is just bad for a relationship in any culture.

oh ok i understand about the 'tagline' part of 'code of the costena'...my point was to simply state that i haven't experienced it.

if/when you get to the point where you are having disagreements, you obviously will have to figure out what works best with your novia/wife....i believe it varies from woman to woman, even those costal babes.  personally i didn't take very much off the table before i knew what i was getting into in regards to disagreements...now that i know what i'm getting into, i still take very little off the table! :D sometimes a good healthy no holds barred argument really clears the air rather than letting small things fester for too long...i think many latina ladies get some perverse enjoyment from the drama.

Fathertime!
09/08 saw morena goddess on Jamie's website
09/08Began writing/webcamming future wife
10/08Visited BAQ to meet future wife
12/08 Visited a second time and got engaged
01/09 Visa Paperwork done(williamIII)
02/09quickvisit BAQ
08/09Wife arrives
09/09Got married
11/10 son born

Offline Alabamaboy!

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2011, 01:36:30 AM »
I do think most Costenas try to avoid confrontations and will do just about anything to accomplish that. Even a few well placed white lies. Although I think their most preferred method is the "don't ask, don't tell" method. They are not going to just volunteer any information. Even when you are asking them something point blank, you need to do it in such a way were there is not much wiggle room.

Here is one of my favorite experiences with Costena logic. On a Friday evening, my girl promised to do something very important for us to keep the relationship on track. On Wednesday of the following week, I find out that she never did what she promised to do on Friday. So I pointed out she had lied to me and that I was not very happy about it. She then became enraged, and proceeded to explain that she was not a liar, not at all, in fact she was perfectly innocent. It turns out that she simply "changed her mind" and did not tell me about it. But definitely did not lie. She was 100% truthful when she promised to do this "thing", but when she changed her mind, all bets were off.

Offline beginthebeguin

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2011, 09:37:16 PM »
Confontation averted. At the start of our chat she was concerned that I was irritated and asked in such a tone that before I knew it I was explaining why I was irritated with her lack of communication previously and I volunteered the reason as to why it happened.  But the funny thing is she did it in such a way that I was the one that came up with the reason and she did nothing to refute my conclusion.  Oh! She is a sly one.  ;)  But cute as a button even at 40. Oh, let's face it I'm hooked and she is just ready with the gaff now to pull me in.  :D

I spent the rest of the chat session trying to help her troubleshoot her DVD drive problem (it's broken) on her used laptop that she has. She demonstrated a lot of patience for a neophyte computer user. Again she is just reeling me in. jeeesh!!!!   ???
« Last Edit: February 19, 2011, 09:38:49 PM by beginthebeguin »
"Any club that would have me as a member I wouldn't want to join." - G. Marx,  not Karl

"Now children all colombianas you meet on the internet are bad. Muukay". - Mr. Makey

Offline beginthebeguin

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2011, 10:07:13 PM »
the man from Alabam said
Quote
They are not going to just volunteer any information. Even when you are asking them something point blank, you need to do it in such a way were there is not much wiggle room.

Well I did just that. A list of five rather delicate questions that I told her I want her to answer. She can pick the order in which she wants to answer but I told her we are going to disuss those answers. I did not demand that she answer those questions immediately but since our relationship was progressing I told her it was time that I start asking some questions that have been bugging me. So I hope this approach works.
"Any club that would have me as a member I wouldn't want to join." - G. Marx,  not Karl

"Now children all colombianas you meet on the internet are bad. Muukay". - Mr. Makey

Offline Alabamaboy!

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2011, 06:11:56 AM »
the man from Alabam said
Well I did just that. A list of five rather delicate questions that I told her I want her to answer. She can pick the order in which she wants to answer but I told her we are going to disuss those answers. I did not demand that she answer those questions immediately but since our relationship was progressing I told her it was time that I start asking some questions that have been bugging me. So I hope this approach works.
Just remember though that they don't like this kind of tactic and it will get old to them very quickly. So if you want the relationship to progress well, you definitely need to pick your battles well and not back her into a corner too often. Because even if you are right about whatever you are fighting about, you still lose sometimes. And she may prefer to be with a guy who is not so confrontational and more of a fun-loving free spirit like most of the Costenos are. You gotta go with the flow many times. Unless it is a true deal breaker.

Offline beginthebeguin

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #8 on: February 21, 2011, 06:59:23 AM »
None of them are deal breakers A-B. In fact some of the questions are meant to show her that I am sincerely interested in her. And yes, firm but not confrontational is best. Good advice.

There is one question that I would ask of her but I will wait for her to volunteer to answer that one, since it is too obvious.   
"Any club that would have me as a member I wouldn't want to join." - G. Marx,  not Karl

"Now children all colombianas you meet on the internet are bad. Muukay". - Mr. Makey

Offline raycjs

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Re: Is the "Code of the Costeña" much like the "Code of the Samurai"?
« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2011, 11:29:58 AM »
i have to agree with all of this... and the most important thing you can do is PICK YOUR BATTLES.... determine what is with worth discussing and what is worth just moving on about.... so far this has worked the best for me....



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