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Offline gc29576

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Newbie With a Few Questions
« on: February 22, 2014, 09:48:54 PM »
Hi to All and THANKS for such a GREAT forum,


I'll start this off by telling you a little about my background and where I want to end up, hopefully living happily ever after if there is such a thing for me.


So I'm mid fifties, was married for 20 plus years, divorced and have had a few relationships after the divorce but nothing really worth taking another plunge into marriage for.


I've ALWAYS had a thing for Asian women and feel they truly are the most beautiful women on earth both inside and out, (especially Filipinos) and thought that I would go on a quest to see what I could find out about dating and perhaps even marrying again. After scouring everything that I can read on the internet it seems almost impossible for a Filipino woman to visit state side (US) without a commitment of marriage via Fiance Visa. What happens to all that time that you are using chatting, getting to know each other, visiting her in the Philippines, getting emotionally involved with her and possibly her family then asking her to marry you, FINALLY getting a Fiance Visa so she can visit state side only to find out she absolutely hates the US and doesn't want to live here. Is that possible? Has that happened? This is my biggest fear. I just can't go down that path and have my emotions crushed. I'm sure that they all say that want to live in the US but saying it and actually doing it are two different things.


Would it make more sense for ME to concentrate my search in the countries that are on the Visa Waiver Program (VWP)? Japan, Singapore, South Korea and Taiwan. I do understand that this is ONLY side stepping the Fiance Visa and who's to say that the very thing I fear wouldn't happen with a woman from Japan. Bring her here for a visit and she hates the US. But it would take less time to find out if living in the US is an issue with her and certainly a whole lot less government hoops to jump through.


Has anybody tried this service http://www.tma-marriage.com/  It is in planet-love.com's link resources so I'm "ASSuming" that it is a reputable service. Seems a little pricey but if it helps cutting down on the scammers I'm game.


Any help would be GREATLY appreciated,
George

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2014, 10:17:49 AM »

she can visit state side only to find out she absolutely hates the US and doesn't want to live here. Is that possible?


Yes anything is possible I'm afraid, but it doesn't mean all these ladies will hate US. It is down to each individual.


My ex-girlfriend (my last gf) is from Italy.  She moved to England last October to live with her sister & brother-in-law.  Now, she is still living there, but she doesn't like living here and will go back to Italy.   It is the first reason why she broke up with me !!!   She moved to England because she wanted to change her life which isn't working.    The problem is really her attitude!   While living in England, she kept on  and on about "Italy"   ITALY THIS, ITALY THAT !!  Even her sister and brother-in-law told me that she never dreamt of moving to England. 


She wanted me to change into Italian style - Italian clothing, Italian hair..... so on
When bringing up any subjects, she kept on "We don't do that in Italy".   One of the subjects, I told her that she has to wear car seat belt even when she sat in the back, because of law.  She refused, and told me "We don't wear it in Italy"  on and on.    She did not want to learn English - really too lazy.


To get to the point, if your lady is similar to my ex-gf, better to move on.   




I am not an expert on Filippino ladies, but others will tell you........






Offline Ray

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2014, 03:12:14 PM »
Welcome aboard George!
 
You're over-worrying about stuff that might go wrong.
 
The only Filipinas that I've known who didn't like it here in the States found out that they married a jerk after they got here.
 
Filipinos are among the most adaptable people on earth, so don't worry about them not liking it here and running back home.
 
So what part of the States do you live in?
 
 
Ray
 

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2014, 03:12:14 PM »

Offline gc29576

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2014, 03:47:26 PM »
Thanks for the replies guys. I suppose you are correct Ray, over thinking and over worrying about things that are out of my control anyway. I just gotta roll with it and see what happens. If worse comes to worse, early retirement and a move to the Philippines isn't out of the question as long as I like it there.


I live just outside of Myrtle Beach SC. Been here since my divorce in 2005 and really love the area and the climate. Very short winters here with long hot summers, couldn't ask for anything more.


George

Offline Bob_S

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2014, 11:11:15 PM »
I live just outside of Myrtle Beach SC.
It's hard to imagine a Pinay NOT loving coastal South Carolina, especially if you have enough room in your backyard for a garden.  The climate will remind her of home.
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Offline Jhengsman

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2014, 03:47:12 PM »
With the TLC reality series and all going on we should remind you step one is, don't think of a K-1 visa as a 90 day trial live together period. Be sure before filing.

Offline JohnnyB

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2014, 10:40:43 AM »

Hi George

these men on this site have many years of experience and knowledge and can provide many different aspects of what can be encountered in your search.

have you decided if you want a woman to walk beside you in front of you or behind you?

I personally found in the profiles of many of the Filipinas that truly have something to say give you a nice forward profile.

and like many have said If in their profile pictures they show a little bit too much skin that possibly can entice you on a visual aspect you have probably now come across somebody that is not right for you because that is not the culture of the ladies.

With this said I chose to be as forward and as direct as possible with being respectable in my profile another issue is my photos have a very full beard which is not the normal for any Filipinas to be attracted to.

I wanted that friendship I wanted to know that person long before I made my journey overseas.

after 1 year and 4 months I decided on the one Filipina for me and made the trip and spent 3 weekswith her and her family.

and I can't wait to be back there again the culture is something I can appreciate.




« Last Edit: March 06, 2014, 10:46:27 AM by JohnnyB »
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Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2014, 01:48:44 PM »
I think almost any Filipina would be happy in the Myrtle Beach area, especially if she's not used to or otherwise very fond of big cities. Filipinos are probably the most adaptable people on earth--there are plenty in places like Chicago and Alaska, for example. Closer to home for you, some folks in the Philippines are even growing Crepe Myrtle trees! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagerstroemia_speciosa We've sent some varieties over there, like the Tuscaloosa Watermelon Red Crepe Myrtles--very pretty trees.

We're a bit more familiar with the Hilton Head, Bluffton S.C., Savannah, GA and Jacksonville, FL areas, where there are plenty of Filipinos, but I'm pretty sure there's quite a few in your area too. A number get over here on temporary visas to work in hotels. If you want to know more, I'd ask a Catholic Priest, they might well gravitate to one or two churches in your area. Yesterday at Ash Wednesday Mass, they were out in full force and during Holy Week, they'll be attending big time. Another source would be local Asian stores. Not sure if the US Census Bureau has or releases specific info on the numbers of Filipinos, but I've seen some figures--I think there are some out there.


Filipinos are typically pretty social--family oriented people and the few times I have seen or heard of a Filipina being especially unhappy was when she lived in a very remote area, like the great plains--long distances from any homes or civilization, with an asawa (spouse) who worked and was away from the home , leaving her alone quite a bit. That's a real drastic change for someone who probably had extended family coming and going all the time back home.


It seems like an awfully big gamble to do things the typical way---you meet, take hopefully an adequate amount of time on-line and via Sykpe, etc. to get to know each other, then you go there and meet at least once and if it's 'right' pursue the K1 or spousal visa option. From what I've seen, those guys who have the normal amount of common sense have rarely brought a gal over here on a K1 spousal visa and had her fly home because she or he were disappointed and realized they weren't right for one another or just a case where she hated it here.

Getting homesick isn't uncommon, but not insurmountable. Ladies leaving as soon as they get green cards--that's uncommon. I won't say that a sizable percentage don't get divorced eventually, after an amount of years, but unfortunately, that's part of becoming ingrained in the 'North American Lifestyle' and at that, I'd venture a guess that the divorce rate is much higher amongst N. Americans who were both born here, all other things being relatively the same.


I'd guess that Filipina Cupid and Cherry Blossoms are the biggest sites, but some guys on here have had good luck on Plenty of Fish and I think Melinda's Penpals--those last two are free I think. Date in Asia has been mentioned here also.

You learn to sort things out on the Filipina sites. Sometimes it seems overall that the ones with the least amount of clothes on also have the least education and are less conservative in other ways too. That said, there are some Filipinas--more than you might think, who are religious, conservative and good moral people who once they've decided that 'someone' is for them, may not be too hesitant to have sex. And many a Filipina is the proverbial 'Angel in Public' and a 'She devil in the bedroom'--expecting her partner to 'be there' for her, feeling it's an obligation shared betweenst the two of you.

If a Filipina comes right out and indicates she likes bars and pubs or dancing, that's something to think about--she probably won't stop that once she gets here. It's pretty overwhelming, yet flattering and fun when you first post a profile--all that attention, but after a while, you realize you have to apply some sort of method to the madness, so to speak. Good luck and let me know if I can be of further help!
« Last Edit: March 06, 2014, 05:41:48 PM by robert angel »
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Offline bcc_1_2

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2014, 02:33:58 PM »
The self proclaimed newbie has a good question and a good point. With these K visas there is a lot of added stress because these women never get to visit first which would be the normal way to do it. The best you can really do is show them videos. You can download Skype to your phone and give them a tour of your home. But that is just not the same.
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Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2014, 05:19:30 PM »
Obviously those Asian nations mentioned that have Visa waiver status to the USA have more robust economies, better infrastructure and generally speaking, higher 'quality of living standards' than the Philippines. People from those nations are less inclined to want to leave, be it for love, money or whatever.

You might wonder, and rightfully so, "Are Filipinos  leaving to escape? --For a chance to work, make money and go to Disney World?" Quite often, the answer is  "Yes". But by and large, and more than any other Asian nation, the Philippines is westernized, with long standing affection and allegiances towards the USA. Many Filipinos have family and friends from their nation already living here.

There are exceptions to everything, but I think most Filipinas on the dating sites do want to fall in love with someone from a foreign country, along with gaining a better quality of life in the process. But isn't that the same in reverse for the Yankees looking to marry a Filipina? Hell, for marrying ANY woman? Don't we expect her to improve our overall quality of life?

Sure there are differences, but I think if both sides do their homework, that love AND a better life can be had for both. And personally, I enjoy the differences!
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Offline bcc_1_2

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2014, 06:08:55 PM »
Yea but there are Americans marrying these type of b2/visa waiver girls everyday too.
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Offline Tanuki

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #11 on: March 06, 2014, 07:42:51 PM »
Before my fiancĂ© came here I sent her all kinds of videos of my town, my home, the beaches, and the events that I went too.  She enjoyed the videos but it still didn't give her full size, scope and feel of the place until she was actually here.  She couldn't believe how big the houses were, how clean it was, and how it was devoid of people.  She is from Manila so she was used to seeing the streets thick with people.  It is not like that were I live.  I told her if we were in New York it would more like Manila, with all kinds of people walking in the streets.  I think the one thing that was most hard for her was how quiet it is and the fact that neighbors were not stopping by to see who she is.  "Where is everybody!" she would say. LOL.  I told here in America people don't appreciate just anyone walking up to their windows to look in and see what going on in their house.
She has been here almost a year now and she has adapted pretty well to her new environment and the quiet.  She definitely likes the air here, compared to Manila.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2014, 03:09:40 PM »
Before my fiancĂ© came here I sent her all kinds of videos of my town, my home, the beaches, and the events that I went too.  She enjoyed the videos but it still didn't give her full size, scope and feel of the place until she was actually here.  She couldn't believe how big the houses were, how clean it was, and how it was devoid of people.  She is from Manila so she was used to seeing the streets thick with people.  It is not like that were I live.  I told her if we were in New York it would more like Manila, with all kinds of people walking in the streets.  I think the one thing that was most hard for her was how quiet it is and the fact that neighbors were not stopping by to see who she is.  "Where is everybody!" she would say. LOL.  I told here in America people don't appreciate just anyone walking up to their windows to look in and see what going on in their house.
She has been here almost a year now and she has adapted pretty well to her new environment and the quiet.  She definitely likes the air here, compared to Manila.

My wife was surprised in similar ways. She found that compared to especially the metro areas back home, most of the USA is much cleaner. She expected the buildings in our city here to be much taller--bigger, but finds the dwellings that most people live in to be a lot bigger than expected.

She was amazed that public funded housing for the so called 'poor' in the USA where we live, often has things like air conditioning, cable TV, that some have their own cars, get food stamps and some of the kids get two, or even three free meals a day at school, with before and after school programs available, then free summer day camps, again with meals served and free public swimming pools. To most folks back home, that would be a luxury lifestyle beyond imagination.

She was surprised that in comparison, in our own solid in the middle, working class area that we live in, we have to pay neighborhood dues and an amenity fee, on top of taxes and don't have half the parks or programs. She was surprised that we live on fairly small lots, but other than the immediate neighbors left and right and across the street, we don't know the names of the folks in the other houses.

She's amazed at how people basically work, come home and don't get out and mix, friends and family alike, at how especially days in the summer are so long, but so little meaningful activity amongst people occurs. She finds that the concept of 'time' is different here, and that while we might seem cleaner, richer and have more 'things', that in general and even among the poor back home, they  have more meaningful moments with loved ones--they interact and laugh more, instead of coming home from a rat race job, tired and all too ready to go to bed after dinner and TV and at the end of the week wondering how the weekend went by so fast. It seems there's more music and laughter in the air back home and people don't take themselves too seriously--they can laugh at themselves--even poke fun at one another. Despite vastly crazier traffic, there's strangely no road rage, nor people killing each other because they feel someone slighted them. I have to agree, it's very different here.

Don't get me wrong--my wife loves the USA and is proud to be a citizen, but for the all the things she's grateful to have gained, she's also aware of things she misses from home.

I think that for a lot of persons from other countries who haven't traveled outside of their own, their perception and expectations of what life in the USA is like are effected by what movies and television they may have seen, depicting so called 'life' in America. Of course that, and reality are two different things.
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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2014, 03:09:40 PM »

Offline gc29576

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #13 on: March 09, 2014, 11:11:45 AM »
Just doing an update and I want to thank everyone for all their point of views and all their valuable experiences. It is all greatly appreciated. Robert Angel - Thank You for all of your help and for reaching out and sending me a PM. I tried to reply to it but I guess I don't have enough posts yet to be able to do that yet....sorry


So I opened an account and created a profile on FilipinoCupid.com and I've been there for almost a month. I did get started there not long after my original post. I really wasn't prepared for all the "ego boosting" attention that I've gotten and found it really overwhelming at times especially when I first started on there. I could / can log in and get 15 to 25 "I'm Interested" within the first 10 or 15 minutes depending on the time of day. Obviously I'm not a fool and found that a lot of them were / are wayyyy too young and potentially scammers so I do stay away from them. But I have to admit, it would be very easy to get sucked into being scammed. I have met a few really nice ladies much closer to my age and I really enjoy chatting with them on the FilipinoCupid.com website. I have exchanged a few emails outside of the website but find that they really aren't near as talkative or chatty in emails as they are in the chat program. Is it the lack interaction through an email that they don't like? One thing that I really find disturbing is, it seems like the general consensus on the website is, if you aren't planning on a trip to the Philippines within the next couple of months "You're a Player" What the hell is that all about? Did I actually start this quest to early? Should I have made plans to fly there first and then worry about trying to meet someone on the website there? I "ASSumed" that the whole "lets get acquainted" process was 6 or 9 months maybe a year unless I met someone that really knocks my socks off. I do miss married life very much but I'm not going to put myself in a position that I found myself in 9 years ago, in the middle of a divorce. Do I need to cast my net in a different pond? or are all the ponds about the same as FilipinoCupid.com? I guess I'm just not in as much of a hurry to get re-married as they are to get married. I do understand that a lot of them don't live in the best of conditions to say the least and they are looking for a better life, I can't fault them for that. I just want my second marriage to be a "Til' Death Do Us Part"

Offline Bob_S

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #14 on: March 09, 2014, 12:18:49 PM »
Thank You for all of your help and for reaching out and sending me a PM. I tried to reply to it but I guess I don't have enough posts yet to be able to do that yet....sorry
That'll come soon enough.  Officially you are still in your "trial" period meant to dissuade spammers and scammers.

Quote
it seems like the general consensus on the website is, if you aren't planning on a trip to the Philippines within the next couple of months "You're a Player" What the hell is that all about? Did I actually start this quest to early?
No, you did not start too early.  Your time frame of travel within 6 months to a year is fine.  You can dismiss these girls trying to hurry things along as just a bunch of visa sharks.  Stand firm.  You can say, if my time schedule doesn't meet with your approval, clearly we are not a match.  Have a nice life.   :P
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Offline Ray

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2014, 03:26:42 PM »
Hi George,
 
 
On the ladies who seem to be in a hurry to marry, I don't think they are necessarily "visa sharks".
 
 
Since you said you are in your mid-fifties, and you are talking to ladies "closer to your age", I think that explains their attitude.
 
 
In the Philippines, if a single lady reaches the age of 30, and has no immediate prospects for marriage, then she is considered "old-maid" material and not as desirable to the local single males.
 
 
By age 35, she is probably feeling rather desperate to marry and have children before her clock ticks off any more of those child-bearing years.
 
 
She may have already wasted a few years being strung along by some foreign guy on line who never intended to make the trip. She is likely a little jaded by that and doesn't want to waste any more of her time with some guy who wants to wait 9 months to a year before planning a visit.
 
 
With that in mind, you may want to start thinking 3-6 months, or even sooner, for an initial visit to a lady who you are interested in, especially if she is over thirty.
 
 
Something to think about...
 
 
Ray
 
 
 
« Last Edit: March 09, 2014, 04:00:37 PM by Ray »

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #16 on: March 09, 2014, 07:32:25 PM »
Hi George,
 
 
On the ladies who seem to be in a hurry to marry, I don't think they are necessarily "visa sharks".
 
 
Since you said you are in your mid-fifties, and you are talking to ladies "closer to your age", I think that explains their attitude.
 
 
In the Philippines, if a single lady reaches the age of 30, and has no immediate prospects for marriage, then she is considered "old-maid" material and not as desirable to the local single males.
 
 
By age 35, she is probably feeling rather desperate to marry and have children before her clock ticks off any more of those child-bearing years.
 

 
She may have already wasted a few years being strung along by some foreign guy on line who never intended to make the trip. She is likely a little jaded by that and doesn't want to waste any more of her time with some guy who wants to wait 9 months to a year before planning a visit.
 
 
With that in mind, you may want to start thinking 3-6 months, or even sooner, for an initial visit to a lady who you are interested in, especially if she is over thirty.
 
 
Something to think about...
 
 
Ray
That came up about Aya on the 90 day visa show. Another point is by the time she is 30 just about all the age appropriate men in the Philippines are already married. Or will marry a 26 year old, men being men. Because unless he is Muslim he is not getting a divorce so the available pool for marriage becomes the widowers. There is not an army of divorced men willing to try again as in the rest of the world. So socially and in the Catholic world at best she is relegated to being the live in girlfriend of a legally married separated man.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #17 on: March 09, 2014, 08:46:28 PM »
A whole lot of the women there, young and old alike, have been strung along by supposed internet Romeos, bums full of sweet promises, cads who were looking for free sex cam shows and so on. Even if they are new to the web sites, the girls probably have already heard about all the 'no show Joes'--guys--'players' who left women waiting for hours, even days, at airports, all for naught .

Some guys who string women along demand the women announce on their profiles that they are committed--same on facebook--effectively taking them off the market, then these guys keep doing the same thing until they've filled up their meat market locker and then maybe go over and try to pick up the choicest cuts, hopping from island to island. Again, word's out that too many women have shown up at airports waiting for Romeos who never show. Sometime the bums even have sent some sums of money to hedge their bets. Meanwhile, they women may have told all their friends and family, some who may have seen the guy and chatted him. The woman is left in despair, feeling shamed and disgraced. No wonder she has an axe to grind.

It really leaves a bad impression and makes anyone on whatever side, wary. Sometimes the guy actually does show, then the bad doesn't come down until they've had sex, when the dude leaves awkwardly. Sure, sometimes they just weren't 'compatible' and parting is a necessary sorrow, but all too often the extent of the damage done is unnecessary. Win lose or draw, word gets around.

So no wonder they want you there yesterday, but don't let that make you make a hasty, not to mention expensive move. All good things--truly good things--take time. Position yourself carefully and have a clear, not too complicated goal before you get on the plane.

AND--there are women out there who play games just as nefariously and will be out to steal your lunch and money from the git go. Some may have been 'conditioned' into doing guys dirty by the behavior described above, but there are others who seem to have been born to scam. Some have guys and other females--boyfriends, family members etc., all in on the scam, maybe pushing them--a real 'cottage (nipa hut?) industry'. It's made the national news numerous times in various Asian countries--the scam operations. Some will take a long time to 'set the hook' and separate a guy from his money. I've seen sexy--really 'hot' looking chicks 'chatting' with four poor suckers on-line, playing them all at the same time in internet cafes, with their tight, low cut blouses and Mona Lisa smiles. Maybe the guys got a rise--an ego boost out of it, I don't know, but I doubt they got anything long term from it.

Some women, just like us guys, will leave a number of potential mates 'in play', but once you get down to choosing time, remember that "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush."

They say 'All is fair in love and war" and this endeavor tests the assertion. I wonder if "The Agony and the Ecstasy" title should've been used for a subject/title other than Michelangelo's biography. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. Be smart, don't bite off more than you can chew. While walking out the front door to go to work, or hopping on an international flight is a calculated risk, so is pursuing a serious, long term committed love relationship overseas. But I honestly feel the risks are worth the potential gains. Typically, even if you come back single from a trip overseas, you'll still have some great memories.

This is hypothetical, but given how much better my wife treats me compared to every guy I know who shares tales and overviews of his 'situation' with his American born and raised wife, I feel triply blessed. I've been burned before in a previous, far too long a marriage and as such, still cynically tell myself that 'nothing lasts forever', but if for whatever reason (most likely it'd be my own fault) that this one fell apart, I'd still feel it was worth it all. I'd like to think I'd be thankful for the great times already lived.

Take your time, but when the moment is right, seize it and enjoy your time thereafter.
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Offline gc29576

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2014, 09:46:59 PM »
Just want to do a quick update and thank everyone for their input, opinions and their vast knowledge. It is all gratefully appreciated and the information that I have gained here is only available on this forum. This is truly a remarkable forum to have at my disposal.


So I have found one young lady (age 40) that I am actively chatting with (with cam) each day. She has never been married and no kids. She lives in General Trias and has a full time job as a factory worker as a machine operator. She works very hard 12 hours a day 6 days a week for a whopping 100,000 PHP a year. How anyone could possibly survive on $2,300 USD a year is beyond me but I guess it's done there. She has been at this job for 16 years, a job by the way that she is GRATEFUL to have. I did see the 15 year plaque that she was awarded and is very proud of. She is absolutely amazing, a breath of fresh air. She is like a sponge wanting to absorb all that I can teach her about the US, living in the US, me and my family and my divorce. She is equally eager to teach me about the Philippines, the Filipino culture and her family. She is truly amazing. If things don't fall apart for some reason and things work out as I hope they do I will be visiting her in the very near future. My first trip there I want to make relatively short, 1 week. I don't want to bite off a two week stint only to get there and have things not work out between us and or not really liking it there. She is my plan A, my plan B is to take in the sights and the culture. I know that many posters here go with both a plan A woman and a plan B woman and or list of names and address but I really didn't want to go that route. I know it's only a matter of time before I get the question "are you chatting with anyone else?" and I wanted to be able to look her dead in the eyes and say "no, I'm not" and feel good about it.


My question is, when it is time to go visit her, do I get a hotel room in General Trias where she lives or do I get a hotel room closer to the airport like in Pasay? Or is this something to discuss with her when the time is right.


Thanks Again,
George

Offline Ray

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #19 on: March 16, 2014, 08:46:55 AM »
Just want to do a quick update and thank everyone for their input, opinions and their vast knowledge. It is all gratefully appreciated and the information that I have gained here is only available on this forum. This is truly a remarkable forum to have at my disposal.


So I have found one young lady (age 40) that I am actively chatting with (with cam) each day. She has never been married and no kids. She lives in General Trias and has a full time job as a factory worker as a machine operator. She works very hard 12 hours a day 6 days a week for a whopping 100,000 PHP a year. How anyone could possibly survive on $2,300 USD a year is beyond me but I guess it's done there. She has been at this job for 16 years, a job by the way that she is GRATEFUL to have. I did see the 15 year plaque that she was awarded and is very proud of. She is absolutely amazing, a breath of fresh air. She is like a sponge wanting to absorb all that I can teach her about the US, living in the US, me and my family and my divorce. She is equally eager to teach me about the Philippines, the Filipino culture and her family. She is truly amazing. If things don't fall apart for some reason and things work out as I hope they do I will be visiting her in the very near future. My first trip there I want to make relatively short, 1 week. I don't want to bite off a two week stint only to get there and have things not work out between us and or not really liking it there. She is my plan A, my plan B is to take in the sights and the culture. I know that many posters here go with both a plan A woman and a plan B woman and or list of names and address but I really didn't want to go that route. I know it's only a matter of time before I get the question "are you chatting with anyone else?" and I wanted to be able to look her dead in the eyes and say "no, I'm not" and feel good about it.


My question is, when it is time to go visit her, do I get a hotel room in General Trias where she lives or do I get a hotel room closer to the airport like in Pasay? Or is this something to discuss with her when the time is right.


Thanks Again,
George

 
Hi George,
 
My advice...let her find you a hotel in an area she chooses. A clean room, hot water, and an air conditioner are the only real necessities.
 
No need to book a hotel in advance, but if you want to reserve a room for the first night, do not pay anything in advance. Also, walk-ins are often cheaper than rooms reserved over the Internet.
 
 
Ray
 
 

Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #20 on: March 16, 2014, 06:54:55 PM »
George, that area is pretty solidly Roman Catholic. That usually means that as long as you at least profess some faith in God, or at the very least are quite tolerant of those who do, you're good to go, even if you're not Roman Catholic yourself. That area does have a proportionally sizable population of Iglesia ni Cristo followers and if she falls into that fold, I'd look into that a little closer and see if that's something the two of you would be comfortable with. Talking religion and politics isn't always easy, but it's good to know a bit about it before you fall in love with someone, as they can impact your lives a long time. Sometimes people will down play or over over play their religious convictions going into a relationship, sometimes family or close friends may have strong influences in their faith presently or later on and so on. Probably no red flag there, but just another thing to get an idea about.

On booking a place, I might get a reservation for the first night, but it's not uncommon for us to do that and then afterwards, find different hotels as our time there goes on--usually with better amenities for a better price, perhaps a better location overall. If you like this lady, I'd advise staying not too far away, but it being nowadays practically a suburb of Manila, your options are almost endless in terms of locations. But it might look close by on a map, but in reality with traffic in many places there, it can take much longer and seem much farther away when you actually go from your point A to your point B.

I couldn't imagine traveling all the way from the US East Coast and only staying a week. Of course a lot of people only have ten days or a couple week's vacation a year and I understand that--so perhaps you want to conserve.

Also--I bet that lady is really putting herself out on a line so to speak with her employer. They are super stingy about letting people take time off and people often feel (with good reason) that if they do take time off--or are late a few times, that they'll lose their job. And jobs can be mighty hard to find over there and much, much more so after age thirty and then again much harder for females.
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline gc29576

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #21 on: March 16, 2014, 08:50:53 PM »
aaaaaaa, the dreaded religion discussion. well we already had that and she is Catholic. She was the one that started that discussion. She knows that I am Protestant, her response was "well we are all Gods children" so it doesn't appear, at least at this stage that "she" has a problem with it. Now if it becomes a problem later on down the road from outside influences that might be a different story. As a matter of fact we had to arrange our chat time around Church today, I don't have an issue with it at all.

Here's the deal with the 1 week. I'm not sure that I would feel real comfortable heading over there for a 2 week stint not really knowing what I'm in for on the very first trip. At least with the 1 week if everything falls apart at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The biggest factor is this, I am self employed. If I don't work, the work piles up and I have a huge mess to come back to that will take me weeks to get caught up on. So it's not really a money issue but more that I just can't take the time away from the business. I'm actually planning on 7 days on the ground there plus the 2 days getting back and forth. I would rather spend the extra money for a second trip the same length 2 or so months later. It will be less work stress that way at least for me. She has talked about how she doesn't get paid for time off (Holiday), that is a very good point that we will have to have a long discussion about. She has worked for this place for 16 years but apparently that really doesn't amount to a hill of beans there. I would hate to see her lose her job because she took the time off. The one thing that may be a saving grace if she can't get the time off is she does work overnight.

As far as the hotel room I guess it would be best just to let her decide what ever is easier for her. I'm a happy camper as long as it has hot and cold water, aircon and a clean bed.

One thing I have to admit, you were spot on Robert when you said that she would like Myrtle Beach. I have been sending her pictures of the area and website links to a lot of the local attractions and her reaction is "it looks a lot like here"

Thanks Again,
George

Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #22 on: March 16, 2014, 10:53:26 PM »
aaaaaaa, the dreaded religion discussion. well we already had that and she is Catholic. She was the one that started that discussion. She knows that I am Protestant, her response was "well we are all Gods children" so it doesn't appear, at least at this stage that "she" has a problem with it. Now if it becomes a problem later on down the road from outside influences that might be a different story. As a matter of fact we had to arrange our chat time around Church today, I don't have an issue with it at all.

Here's the deal with the 1 week. I'm not sure that I would feel real comfortable heading over there for a 2 week stint not really knowing what I'm in for on the very first trip. At least with the 1 week if everything falls apart at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The biggest factor is this, I am self employed. If I don't work, the work piles up and I have a huge mess to come back to that will take me weeks to get caught up on. So it's not really a money issue but more that I just can't take the time away from the business. I'm actually planning on 7 days on the ground there plus the 2 days getting back and forth. I would rather spend the extra money for a second trip the same length 2 or so months later. It will be less work stress that way at least for me. She has talked about how she doesn't get paid for time off (Holiday), that is a very good point that we will have to have a long discussion about. She has worked for this place for 16 years but apparently that really doesn't amount to a hill of beans there. I would hate to see her lose her job because she took the time off. The one thing that may be a saving grace if she can't get the time off is she does work overnight.

As far as the hotel room I guess it would be best just to let her decide what ever is easier for her. I'm a happy camper as long as it has hot and cold water, aircon and a clean bed.

One thing I have to admit, you were spot on Robert when you said that she would like Myrtle Beach. I have been sending her pictures of the area and website links to a lot of the local attractions and her reaction is "it looks a lot like here"

Thanks Again,
George


I think that your religions won't be a conflict, especially if you go fiancé visa and even if you don't and go spousal visa, chances are it won't. Still you'll both need clear legal evidence that each of you is free to marry--clear evidence of divorce or annulment if applicable--I know she's never been married, but just saying. I have heard of guys marrying a Catholic girl over there being told to convert to Catholicism before a Catholic church wedding can be had there, but that's variable in some ways too and a bit of money can often make things happen and happen faster at that.
 
As to the environment of S.C. and a Filipina liking it, the Vietnam war scenes in the movie "Forest Gump" were convincingly shot in South Carolina! They rearranged some of the palmetto palms and so on, but it came off realistically. No--it surely looks a lot different when you get past the beach and the marshes, but there are similarities.
 
That said, when my wife first came here, I thought showing her a movie like Forest Gump would not just entertain her, but would give her a quick crash course in American culture, history and so on. Not so--it was total overload--way too much to digest and then I had to 'fill in the lines' and explain a bit, so it didn't work out any thing like I planned. She enjoyed the movie a lot--especially the romance, Gump's sticktuitivness to his convictions and all, but the movie moves so fast that the cultural references are hard for a foreigner to fully grasp. Tried the same thing with old movies like "Gone With the Wind", "It's a Wonderful Life" and so on, but in our case, smaller lessons and examples worked better, providing pieces that slowly but surely fill in the 'puzzle' of what makes America what it is, the good and bad alike. On the other hand, "The Wizard of Oz" and the original "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" have universal, understandable appeal.
 

A week there, a second trip if that's even necessary--all that will play out naturally. Being aware that 6 days or 16 years, missing work over there w/o it being totally cleared can mean losing a job, is a good thing to be aware of. I had several weeks to spend with my wife and her family before we became engaged and my wife was loved at her job with Coca Cola, Philippines, but there was simply no way they could let her go for weeks, so she resigned on excellent terms and I supported her until she was able to come to the USA.
 

Some guys feel differently, but on that long, 14 hour or first long leg of your trip, I try and take something--Nyquil, melatonin--Rx--whatever--to make me sleep and somewhat shift my sleep patterns so I can hit the ground running when I get there. For a lot of guys, the wear and tear of jet lag is worse coming back, so the same advice might be in order.
 
First trip there, we tend to over worry about all kinds of things.  Rest assured you won't encounter tribal head hunters, armed gangs or terrorists looking for ransom. You might even feel safer there than on the proverbial 'wrong side of the tracks' areas found in some parts of most American towns. And I bet you'll be surprised at all the familiar USA fast food chains there and how you won't miss a single episode of 'Duck Dynasty' while over there! Even if this lady turned out to actually be Broomhilda (DOUBTFUL!!) I can almost guarantee you'll wish the situation allowed you to stay longer, as there are interesting things to take in left and right.
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #22 on: March 16, 2014, 10:53:26 PM »

Offline robert angel

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2014, 08:35:04 AM »
George--How are things--you still focused on the same lady, or have you changed gears, so to speak? That happens a lot, so if it has, don't feel too bad. Hard to believe that given the years she's had at her job and all the hours she works, she makes about $2300 a year. (Plus probably a big sack of rice free from her employer each month), but that's actually what they pay a lot of managerial employers over there. I pay more than that for phone service here in the USA!

My wife also worked 6 days a week, 12+ hours a day and occasionally during inventory at Coca Cola, she had to work half days on Sunday as well. There was no way she could've gotten or would've asked for weeks off--she resigned on excellent terms to take the time to be with me. She had done her engineering internship there, was hired after college and they were about to take her off 'contract status' and make her a 'regular' as an engineer--as good as it gets over there. It's a huge risk, because for every job vacancy there, good or bad job, there are hundreds of people waiting in line and once you're over age thirty, you become much less desirable. No sex or age discrimination laws there. Even if there were, just like the minimum wage laws--they'd ignore them
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline gc29576

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Re: Newbie With a Few Questions
« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2014, 03:13:48 PM »
Hey Robert,


Yep, still focused on the same lady. We chat twice a day each and every day. Once before she goes to work and once after she gets home after she eats. just taking my time and enjoying every bit of the conversation. Trying to pick up a little Tagalog along the way. The really nice thing about technology these days is I've already met one sister, two nephews. one niece and her neighbor all through video chat. They all seem like very nice people. Another niece lives here state side (GA) now and I've talked to her on the phone a couple of times, another very nice family member.


Actually we have never talked about money, hers or mine. The 100,000 PHP was on her profile so that may very well be understated. I think if anything that may be her base salary and she has said that her work day is actually only 8 hours but she works a 12 hour shift for the overtime. In any case, she does work very hard, long hours. I am a little concerned about her asking for time off but she "says" it's not a problem. But I think at this point this is just another good reason for just a week to 10 days for the first trip.


So here I sit waiting for my stinking "Certified" Birth Certificate before I can even send the paper work in for my passport. I had a certified copy from 2005 but because my parents name wasn't on it, it is no good. Until I have passport in hand I really can't make any plans of a trip. The heads up about the Nyquil is great advice and once again I appreciate the info. It makes good sense and may help me to be able to hit the ground running. How far ahead of time yields the best airfare price? Or is it more like "it is what it is"? It seems like the further out you plan the more expensive it is. I'll be sure to either update this thread or start a new thread under Trip Reports when the time comes. I'm sure I'll have a lot of questions.


By the way Robert I'm not really worried about "tribal head hunters, armed gangs or terrorists looking for ransom" I'm more worried about not wanting to leave and being convinced to stay.


Thanks Again,
George

 

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