HI...

[Jason]

Ok,so it is kinda late here and I am kind of tired.If I mispell or anything like that,my apologies.

I am not really sure what to say about myself.I saw all the others give background so I guess I will also.I am a Translator who got into this International dating scene a little by accident.I have never been married,I do not have any kids.

So this little fiasco started a while back.I was thinking of translating Asian languages.You would be surprised how few people do.I wanted to learn Cantonese so I put up my profile on a website that deals with people in Hong Kong.I met this girl who was in College and not much younger than me.At first it was strictly language exchange and jokes back and forth.I asked her if we could talk on the phone so I could get a better undestanding of the language.
 
We started talking on the phone everyday for a couple hours.I was amazed how well she spoke english.I quickly found Cantonese is a very hard language to learn and I gave up.We kept talking though and dated for a while.I visited her and she visited me many times.After a while money ran short and I told her I could not come back for a while.She said ok but the Emails and calls came less and less.Then they stopped coming.I called and emailed for a while still but I guess things are over.A little memo would have been nice.

Anyway not here to complain,just want to know about other Asian cultures since I am single again.I would like to know about all the other countries,except Myanmar,I am a little scared to go there.I have been reading the forum for a while and read a post by Jeff_S that said"pick a culture that suits you".That is what I am trying to do.Unfortunantly what can be found on travel sites is not what I want to know.

I am trying to find out womens views on marriage and everything.I know you can not group people at all because everyone is unique.I just would like to know all of the other cultures in Asia so that I can explore my options.Who knows I may end up going back to Hong Kong but as for now,I would like to explore my options.So can you tell me about the cultures you know,or where you have a wife/GF/Fiancee from?

                             Hi to anyone who reads this.

[Ray]

Hi Jason, welcome aboard!

Any specific questions you have? We have archived posts here going back about 8 years or so with lots of info on Asian cultures.

If you want to read about other cultures, you can try the "Culture Shock" series books for some basics. Or the Net is full of good info too...

Ray

[Jeff S]

Hi Jason:
Good to have you. Yes, you do need to get involved with a culture that suits you. If for the rest of your life you're going to be immersed in that country's food, music, manners, traditions, philosophies, language, and habits, the good and bad and the ugly, you'd better enjoy and appreciate it. Strolling along on a tropical beach on short vacation hand-in-hand with an exotic lovely girl is not conducive http://japanese.about.com/gi/dynato selecting a mate for life. You need to spend considerable time together in all sorts of ordinary situations to find out if your interaction is mutually compatible for the long haul. 

To me, Japan was the most fascinating place in Asia, from the traditions, art, philosophy. and culture viewpoint, so that's why I chose a wife from there. There's also a level of sophistication available to you in Japan that is very difficult to break into in other parts of Asia. There are many advantages and disadvantages to picking Japan, just as there are many advantages and disadvantages to picking any other country. You just need to research these first.  As Ray suggested, you could spend many months on the internet reading about the various Asian cultures, and they are very different from each other, just as they are so different from the US.

Anyway, here's an interesting interview that's revealing about modern Japanese women and their attitudes about gaijin. http://intersections.anu.edu.au/issue4/karen.html

-Jeff

[jm21-2]

Interesting interview...both of them seem pretty objective.

# Interviewer: But this is contradictory! Because women are saying that they want to be treated equally, and also that they want to be protected. How can you have both?
 
# Mitsuko: Right. That's the problem. We're greedy. We want everything! (Laugh.) Japanese women - not everyone, but most, want to be supported by their husbands after marriage. We want to take it easy inside the home ... well, maybe not take it easy, but not to work - and have our husbands earn money for us. But then we also want our husbands to do half the housework, and to take us overseas once a year, and.... So we want to keep all the good parts of tradition, and then have men cook and wash dishes, pick up the kids, on top of that. So maybe Japanese women's demands have grown too big.
 
# Interviewer: Would you call yourself greedy in that way?
 
# Mitsuko: Yes. (Laugh.) I don't want to admit it, and I know it's not good, it's not attractive, it's too selfish, but I have to admit, that's what I want. I do want my husband to work and support me, and I also want him to help out at home. I think everyone must feel like that. And then when you actually meet someone and fall in love, you realise that reality and your ideals are not going to match. But if you love him, then you decide to go for it anyway. That is how people give up on their ideals, and compromise a little bit in their marriages.

EDIT: Oh, one thing to add. Though reading up on the different Asian cultures, and reading through the archives to glean info on what a relationship with a foreign lady is like and how to prepare yourself...one thing I have found very useful is to learn a bit about the personalities of the posters here. Look at what kind of guy is looking at the different countries. Are you like them? Especially if you are checking out all your options (i.e, not  focused on one country or region) I've found that can be useful. Also if you stick around for a while, you will see some posts about the (sometimes very big) negative aspects of some country or culture...those sorts of posts don't come up that often and are easy to miss. 

[Dave H]

Hi Jason,

Welcome to P-L! Religion and language are also importnt issues with many people when considering a country. Good Luck!

Dave

[Jason]

I dont really know what to make of the interview.

I am trying to look at the advantages and disadvantages.Of course I know there is the possiblity of getting scammed but I am not scared because I trust my instincts.I am not going to marry the first pretty girl who is nice to me.

I am Christian.I am not a good one but it is still there.If my wife was of a different religion.I dont mind,she can make the kids her religion and all that if she pleases.I am willing to learn her language if I need to.

I am just having a hard time finding what I want to know.I guess the reason I posted is because I am frustrated that I cant find what i wanna know the most.

I just want to know what a woman would be like at home.I mean I know that culture dictates behaviour to a certain point.I dont want to go somewhere and find the same thing I am trying to leave behind here.

Jeff,think you could explain a little more on the interview side?I mean not so much about the article itself but more so of what I could expect if I went to Japan.What could I expect from the women I would meet?

Ray,It says you are married to a Filippina,think you could explain the same thing I asked Jeff,except it would be about the Philippines?

[Materazzi]

Archives are a huge help.Check em out

[Jeff S]

To think of women as a monolithic block in any particular country is a mistake. They range from simple and sweet to high maintenance psyco bitches, and everything in-between everywhere. You can find a girl whose happy feeding chickens and tending to her garden to one who only will shop in Neiman Marcus and insists on eating in expensive French restaurants, and everything in-between, everywhere, so for us to describe what our wives are like will be, in general, entirely different from what you might expect to find.

Even in my wife's family there's a huge variation in personalities. My wife enjoys simple pleasures, is generally happy, and shuns conflict. Her sister is the opposite - demanding, dour, and loves a good fight. She goes through husbands or boyfriends every couple of years - so you can't put your finger on a certain personality anywhere.

As I said, find a culture you can live with, then look for the right girl in that culture whose a match for you. I've been running factories in Southern California and Mexico for the last 15 years, so I've been very immersed in Mexican culture, and have known thousands of Mexicanas, hundreds of them well. Some of the things about that culture just drive me nuts: the disorganization, the out of control kids, the arriving everywhere an hour late, and that banda music played waaaay too loud, the tendency to do things the easy way instead of the right way. Some guys may fit in with that culture just fine, so they'd do great with a Mexican wife. I'm not one of them. I like things quiet, organized, punctual, and done by the book.

A couple years ago I was in Kanazawa in January, a very old fashioned city on the west coast of Japan, the backside, as they call it, a long way away from the modern, industrial east coast where Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto Kobe, Hiroshima, and most of the other big cities are situated. Where I was was an hour and a half train ride from Kyoto, over the mountains. It was snowing and we were waiting for the train to arrive at the station. An announcement came over the PA system and the announcer sincerely and formally apologized because the train would be arriving ONE MINUTE LATE! That's the Japanese culture. If you find that stupid, maybe Japan isn't for you. If you find it refreshing, maybe it is.

So to answer your question, what can you expect in Japan. You can expect to meet a lot of attractive, generally slender, friendly women who usually don't have a problem meeting and marrying gaijin (outsiders.) They might be simple farm girls or sophisticated city girls. They might be ditzy or sharp as a tack. Culturally, they'll be usually polite, respectful, have a strong sense of purpose, and a drive to do whatever they do right, whether it's raising a family, being an accountant, volunteering for the Red Cross, or playing classical piano music. Picking one who'll do whatever it takes to make your relationship work and one who you're willing to do the same with is the trick from there.

Oh, and basic Japanese is an easy language to learn to speak and understand. Structurally, it's pretty simple, the pronunciation is very straightforward, there are almost no pronouns, no plurals, no future tense, very simple verb conjugation, and only 30,000 words, about 5% of the number of English words. Speaking it well is tough, though due to the richness of the language coming from idiomatic expressions, and reading it has its challenges, too.

- Jeff

[Dave H]

the tendency to do things the easy way instead of the right way. Some guys may fit in with that culture just fine, so they'd do great with a Mexican wife. I'm not one of them. I like things quiet, organized, punctual, and done by the book.

- Jeff

Hey Jeff,

Great post! I agree 110%! While the Philippines has many Asian influences in their culture, keeping peace, not making a scene in public, saving face, putting the group before self interests, etc., it has some Spanish influences which I don't care for. The "MAÑANA Principle" (why do it today when you can put it off until tomorrow...and beyond), "the tendency to do things the easy way instead of the right way," and never being on time, "Taglish" (Spanglish for the Philippines). Fortunately, I also found a wife who "likes things quiet, organized, punctual, and done by the book," and doesn't speak Taglish. At the same time she is very easy going and patient. She doesn't tsismis or chismosa (gossip) like many Filipinas and Latinas. I especially like the fact that she never walks around with a cellphone in her hand or up to her ear, (texting or chatting) which appears to be obsessive with many Filipinas and Latinas.

Dave

Here is a typical street scene. I have actually seen much worse wiring jobs!

[Jason]

Jeff,
I can see your point.I was not trying to do that but after reading my post again,I clearly did group everyone.I have been doing alot of reading on old posts and archives and it helps alot.

Dave,
That was the kind of thing I was looking for.A little view into the culture so thanks I appreciate it.
Also,that is one hell of a wiring job.Think someone needs to check it agian before a fire starts.

[Jeff S]

Another common cultural aspect of Japanese is that they're drilled to live beneath their means. It is not OK to be without savings for most. A certain portion of earnings go to savings and the balance is to live on, so it is pretty unusual to find Japanese getting into serious debt. It's not universal, but common. The "sub-prime mortgage crisis" we're having here could not have happened in Japan.

[Bob_S]

I can see your point.I was not trying to do that but after reading my post again,I clearly did group everyone.I have been doing alot of reading on old posts and archives and it helps alot.

You are not entirely off base.  Stereotypes exist for a reason, because generally speaking there is some underlying truth there.

As Dave mentioned, cultures influenced by the conquistadors have a mañana attitude.  They generally enjoy life more, but don't expect them to accomplish much.  Japan's general attitude is gaman, which translates as perseverance, or depending on the situation, suck it up and deal with it.  This combines with a group mentality.  As a result, an individual is expected to endure whatever hardship for the benefit of the group, be that company, family, sports club team, school class, or whatever.

Let me give you an anecdotal example.  I was once talking with an American expat now living in Tokyo.  On Sundays, he taught English conversation Bible studies at a church in central Tokyo.  He relayed the story of a local housewife who was a regular at the class.  He asked her if she believed in God.  Yes.  Did she believe in Jesus?  Yes.  Did she believe that Jesus was the son of God?  Yes.  So was she ready to become a Christian? No.  Why?  Because it would hurt her husband's career in his company.  That in a nutshell says a lot about the culture: the devotion of a wife to her husband; the group-think that everyone should be the same and mutually supportive (part of the business culture involves Shinto ceremonies to bless new endeavors); and a subtle latent xenophobia.

In describing wives, Japanese refer to two extremes: on the one end is the supportive wife who up-lifts her husband and his career, carefully managing the home and family finances, able to throw well-choreographed dinner parties to impress her husband's clients.  Jeff's wife, Mariko, is definitely this kind of wife.  On the other extreme is the wife who drags her husband down, blowing his money on lavish shopping trips to Ginza, and embarrassing him within the company's social network.  I've never actually met this kind in Japan, but I'm told they do exist. (I have a Chinese-American friend who avoided his family's attempt at matchmaking with Hong Kong girls because he felt these types were far to prevalent there, so now he's engaged to an OL he met in Tokyo.  Take that for what it's worth.)

[leather neck]

Hello Jason,

Welcome aboard!

You've already gotten some good advice, there's a lot to be learned from the guys/gals here. And plenty to be gleamed from the archives...

Bob-S and Jeff, you guys are right-on about Japan...fascinating country, culture,and people. And Jeff, quiet, organized, punctual, and done by the book sums it up about the land of the Rising Sun.

First time I went there some 24 years ago, I immediately noticed how clean the place was, my first train ride...how quiet it was, you could hear a mouse walking across the floor of the train. No one making eye contact, heads down/usually reading a magazine or the paper. And some of the most polite people anywhere...used a phone in the central train (Tokyo) station...left a small camera...the policeman and the gentleman that found it...actually chased me down to return it to me. Not many countries where you'll have the same outcome, if you leave anything of value anywhere.

Terrific country and people...and the ladies have great legs!!!

Dave, you and Ray always seem to find the right illustration/photo to fit the post...you two crack me up with the appropriate pics to fit the post.

[Jason]

You guys are giving me great insight on Japan and the Philippines.I still look in Hong Kong sites from time to time.I really have no basis of camparason because I was only with one girl.I am starting to learn about other places slowly.

You guys are giving me the type of info I wanted to know.I really appreciate it.

[Dave H]

Hello Jason,

Welcome aboard!



First time I went there some 24 years ago, I immediately noticed how clean the place was, my first train ride...how quiet it was, you could hear a mouse walking across the floor of the train. No one making eye contact, heads down/usually reading a magazine or the paper. And some of the most polite people anywhere...used a phone in the central train (Tokyo) station...left a small camera...the policeman and the gentleman that found it...actually chased me down to return it to me. Not many countries where you'll have the same outcome, if you leave anything of value anywhere.

Hey leather neck,

No wonder Americans get a bad reputation in Japan and other countries...it's really that evil Canadian Tom Green!    Here is is on a normally quiet train ride and at a once peaceful temple. Kind of funny, but it sure does add to the bad reputation of the gaijin.

Dave

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9Tv-qqQ1l-M&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gm2XLyg_Vqw&feature=related

[leather neck]

Yeah Dave,

No one would think he was Canadian...first thought would be...that loud American. Like I said before...you have a way of finding the right photo...and now I have to add video that fits the post.

That subway scene was just as I remembered it!


Leatherneck

[Dave H]

Hey leather neck,

Thanks!  As you probably know, any white guy in the Philippines is considered a "Kano" and called "Joe." Many of the "Kanos" walking around are ornery, arrogant, obnoxious, and/or drunk.  I heard an English school teacher that lived near me, flip out many times at being called "Joe." Some "Kanos" there just seem to be insane! No matter where the white guy comes from he, is always
considered a "Kano."  I usually avoid "Kanos" in the Philippines, except missionaries.

Dave

[Jeff S]

I usually avoid "Kanos" in the Philippines, except missionaries.

I usually avoid kanos, gaijin, gabachos, whatever they're called where I am, whenever I travel outside the country. I even sometimes shrug my shoulders and start speaking Spanish in Asia or Japanese in Latin America when approached, if they're particularly obnoxious. I can even fake Arabic sounding jibberish if really necessary.

[Dave H]

I even sometimes shrug my shoulders and start speaking Spanish in Asia or Japanese in Latin America when approached, if they're particularly obnoxious. I can even fake Arabic sounding jibberish if really necessary.

Hey Jeff,

When I swear in Spanish in the Philippines, everyone understands it!    Some people in our area of the Philippines speak Chavacano, which is basically Creole Spanish. I was thinking about selling out and getting a "I'm French" T-Shirt.  In South Florida I fake  German using what few words and expressions I know and ading gibberish.  The trouble is, some Argentineans I have met speak German.   

Dave