Medellin (Back Again)

[the_ace33]

So this is my second trip report, everything feels familiar, I am staying close to the places that I frequent and are comfortable to me so far... anyhow so This is the second trip seeing my girl and about 9 months of us pretty much being an item.  I have to say it is starting to feel a little less exciting..  I hope this is just me going through a kind of cold feet period that doesn't last.   To be honest I think it has a lot to do with seeing what other chicas have to offer in the physical department,  because I know that I am 100% happy with my girl in the personality department.  Anyhow I will post some other updates later.  We are suppose to go to one of the resorts near Medellin to visit.  Love this fresh crisp night air!

[fathertime]

So this is my second trip report, everything feels familiar, I am staying close to the places that I frequent and are comfortable to me so far... anyhow so This is the second trip seeing my girl and about 9 months of us pretty much being an item. I have to say it is starting to feel a little less exciting..  I hope this is just me going through a kind of cold feet period that doesn't last.   To be honest I think it has a lot to do with seeing what other chicas have to offer in the physical department,  because I know that I am 100% happy with my girl in the personality department.  Anyhow I will post some other updates later.  We are suppose to go to one of the resorts near Medellin to visit.  Love this fresh crisp night air!

Hi Ace,  I'd say you have hit on a point that many also struggle with....regardless of how attractive your girlfriend/wife is, from my experience, that same initial excitement does wear off and that  can be problematic for many men....it is a reality and it probably will be something to contend with for you during marriage....perhaps eventually some men age out of it...others get so wrapped up with families/kids that the problem fades away to a minor issue....  I'd say try to remain focused on your lady as best you can and continue to look at what you do have verses what you don't have.


Fathertime! 

[Awesome]

I remember the photos you posted of your girl.  I thought she looked pretty good.

[robert angel]

So this is my second trip report, everything feels familiar, I am staying close to the places that I frequent and are comfortable to me so far... anyhow so This is the second trip seeing my girl and about 9 months of us pretty much being an item.  I have to say it is starting to feel a little less exciting..  I hope this is just me going through a kind of cold feet period that doesn't last.   To be honest I think it has a lot to do with seeing what other chicas have to offer in the physical department,  because I know that I am 100% happy with my girl in the personality department.  Anyhow I will post some other updates later.  We are suppose to go to one of the resorts near Medellin to visit.  Love this fresh crisp night air!

Father Time's advice is good here. I don't know if some of us will ever lose an appreciation of the female form. My Dad's 83 y/o--he's in a real nice adult care facility and while by dinner time he probably can't tell you what he had for breakfast, he's affectionately known by the female staff as being quite the "Ladies' Man"--not too shy about telling them they're attractive and exactly why--and so on.

But once you settle down with someone, kids or not, the personality thing is more important than ever. My wife knows exactly what type of ladies I like (ones that look like her) and when we see one, she'll squeeze my hand and say "I know she's your 'type'....."--but there's a 'look but you better not touch' unwritten law. I'm quick to tell her "Yea maybe on the outside, but overall there's no chance she has anything that could possibly beat you!"

I think it's more the norm than the exception that after a while, guys get used to their GF's or wives and I'll come right out and say it--that they fantasize-- or 'wonder' if you prefer, what that 'other woman' or women, would be like to have and hold, if just for a while. We think that maybe the grass is greener on the other side....

But I think that even if you went and got that hotter chick, it'd be like fast food--taste great, but after a while, you'd get tired of it. That's why I suggest that guys considering marrying someone give more weight than they're used to doing, to a woman's personality. The fact is that if they're really super hot, they're probably going to know it and be high maintenance down the line. And that mindset will only get worse when they come to the USA.

I'll even reverse the coin and admit I'm sometimes afraid to move to my wife's country because when I'm there, I'm suddenly the hot, interesting flavor, the one who hot babes will come onto a lot. It'd be--hell when I'm there it IS a challenge to resist temptation! No wonder my wife always has a family member help me out when I decide to go into town!

And certainly don't forget that while you're comparing bodies and looks in that foreign country, it's probably nothing like the competition back from where you live. When you get that chica home, she'll probably be about the best looking lady in the room when you get together with friends. A 7 down there is probably a 9 or 10 in most parts of the USA.

So if you're looking for a keeper, don't get lost and let your mind get screwed up there in Colombia's candy land. Use the big head! Think long term. And maybe get some wrap around sunglasses!

It's been 9 months? Must be that long since Stevieboy found a gal he went gaga over. Anyone heard from him? 

[the_ace33]

Awesome, Don't get me wrong,  She is very attractive.  I kind of expected to get tomatoes thrown at me for saying anything at all. 

[benjio]

Awesome, Don't get me wrong,  She is very attractive.  I kind of expected to get tomatoes thrown at me for saying anything at all.

Robert and FT are correct. I think it's completely natural for any gringo to feel that way; especially in a place like Medellin. Let me tell you though...do some serial dating in Latin America for a while making looks your primary focus, and you'll gain an all new appreciation for personality. The importance of physical beauty never completely disapears, but being compatible with someone that actually cares about you has an uncomparable beauty within itself. Sticking with her is good advice if she's a keeper, but there's also nothing wrong with playing the field in Latin America for a while to gain a better understanding of exactly what you're looking for. For some reason a lot of men frown upon this, but it's exactly what we do in the states. Colombia isn't some magical, mystical place where the first girl you date automatically ends up being your perfect match. There are very few of us that understand what women in Latin America are like until we spend time here and get to know a few of them. On the ground experience usually warps your focus in one way or another. Most men I've met that initially came here to wife hunt and are now in successful marriages ended up with a woman that's different from what they envisioned their partner would be like before hopping on the plane.


I have a very good friend I met at Jamie's a few years back that ended up bringing his girlfriend to the states to visit him (she was born in Italy so she did not need a visa). Before her trip to the states, the more he traveled to Barranquilla to visit her, the more he began to think he could do better in the looks department (Half Colombian, Half Italian...CAN YOU IMAGINE?!! ). However, as soon as she got to the states and he saw men's reaction to her, the light bulb in his head clicked on and he gained an all new appreciation for how beautiful she really is (and believe me...SHE IS!). Regardless of how attractive any of us are as men, your standards of beauty inevitably increase once you discover the possibilities in any foreign country full of beautiful women. That can be a good thing, but it usually isn't. The fact that some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen may be interested in you romantically doesn't necessarily make them better life partners. As a matter of fact, quite the contrary from my experience.


"Show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a man somewhere that's tired of [snip]ing her." - George Carlin

[the_ace33]

I have been able to land a nice and pretty girlfriend with each trip to Colombia,  a lot of the reason is because whoever I got on my number one list kind of fades out after a while, that has been par for course I think,  Due to the fact that I am growing older instead of younger... well you know the rest.  However another thing comes to mind is that when the woman is still as enthused as she was in the beginning, what is she thinking?  what makes me particularly interesting now that newness has worn off?  How can I step back into the way she is feeling? 

[Awesome]

I have been able to land a nice and pretty girlfriend with each trip to Colombia,  a lot of the reason is because whoever I got on my number one list kind of fades out after a while, that has been par for course I think,  Due to the fact that I am growing older instead of younger... well you know the rest.  However another thing comes to mind is that when the woman is still as enthused as she was in the beginning, what is she thinking?  what makes me particularly interesting now that newness has worn off?  How can I step back into the way she is feeling?

So you haven't seen your novia in how long?  And you're already bored or tired of her, is that what you're saying?  How much time have you two actually spent together?  Only a few weeks right?


If you've got bored with her that quick, maybe she's not the one for you after all.


Your sig line says you're dating a "piasa".  So you're into dating dragons painted by native americans on bluffs of the mississippi river?

[the_ace33]

Im the worlds worst when it comes to the grass is greener!!  I could get bored with a Ferrari thinking I might do better with a 4 door Chevy truck!  At any rate I am trying to re discover the excitement of it all while staying with the same girl for once.  I also know that she is a girl who is well suited for a guy like me in the long run.  If I was rich I might choose to fall in love again every 6 months but that is not reality.  I always promised my family that I would marry a nice girl who would fit in nicely with our family and she meets that requirement and is quite lovely.  So I am not ready to let my old self get in the way,  But I do share my challenges with the group so that I can get some good feedback.  Another another note we are talking of either spending a couple of days in Manizales or at the guaracu resort in Sante Fe just outside of MDE.  Can you guys weigh in on that one?

[fathertime]

Im the worlds worst when it comes to the grass is greener!!  I could get bored with a Ferrari thinking I might do better with a 4 door Chevy truck!  At any rate I am trying to re discover the excitement of it all while staying with the same girl for once.  I also know that she is a girl who is well suited for a guy like me in the long run.  If I was rich I might choose to fall in love again every 6 months but that is not reality.  I always promised my family that I would marry a nice girl who would fit in nicely with our family and she meets that requirement and is quite lovely.  So I am not ready to let my old self get in the way,  But I do share my challenges with the group so that I can get some good feedback.  Another another note we are talking of either spending a couple of days in Manizales or at the guaracu resort in Sante Fe just outside of MDE.  Can you guys weigh in on that one?

Well Ace if I recall right you mentioned you are around 40 years old.  I completely get that you are getting bored of ladies once the initial thrill wears off.  I don’t think that what you are experiences is that uncommon.  It appears you want a woman to squirt out a couple kids and be the woman of the house for you part time.  In addition it appears to me that you want to have the freedom of singlehood and while having  a woman/family.  If I am correct, it would seem that you would be a great candidate for living in Colombia full time, or finding a woman that is willing to have you as a part timer in exchange for financial security. 
Based on what you have said and regardless of how cute she is, I have my doubts that you would not be bored with a woman after she arrives in the States. The problem with all of this is that you can hurt a kind-hearted lady during the process.  You will have some choices to make it seems, but I believe there are ladies out there that could meet your needs, although they might be a little different than the ones you have been dating.   It is a real dilemma.  Perhaps being very truthful about what you want up front will yield the precise result you want, although it may take a little time.  Of course another option is to suck it up, and just accept that you only get one woman and that you are going to be bored at times. 
 
I just threw this my thoughts together here so If it applies I hope it is helpful, if not just ignore.

 Fathertime!     

[the_ace33]

well her feelings are important to me.  I know that she deserves to be treated well.  At this point I can't even imagine coming back home and telling all my friends and family that all the crap I been talking about getting married was just hot air.  I would imagine that they would never again take me seriously ever again this time.  So right now I am calling this a cold feet situation that I need to get a hold of.  I am far from throwing it all away.  Having a look at my wrinkles when I smile has helped some!

[benjio]

well her feelings are important to me.  I know that she deserves to be treated well.  At this point I can't even imagine coming back home and telling all my friends and family that all the crap I been talking about getting married was just hot air.  I would imagine that they would never again take me seriously ever again this time.  So right now I am calling this a cold feet situation that I need to get a hold of.  I am far from throwing it all away.  Having a look at my wrinkles when I smile has helped some!

Ace,


The way you're thinking now, if you lived in Medellin, I can almost guarantee you'd be cheating on her and/or dumping her for another girl within 3 months of moving there, regardless of her feelings. I think you really need to be honest with yourself and do some more dating before jumping into something just because you don't want to hurt someone. The longest relationship I've had with a Colombiana was over 2 years and I couldn't wait to get back down there and see her each time I boarded a plane to leave. If you're not feeling that way I don't think you should continue to waste her time.

[mambocowboy]

Ace,


The way you're thinking now, if you lived in Medellin, I can almost guarantee you'd be cheating on her and/or dumping her for another girl within 3 months of moving there, regardless of her feelings. I think you really need to be honest with yourself and do some more dating before jumping into something just because you don't want to hurt someone. The longest relationship I've had with a Colombiana was over 2 years and I couldn't wait to get back down there and see her each time I boarded a plane to leave. If you're not feeling that way I don't think you should continue to waste her time.

Major red flag if he's not super enthusiastic before even living together. Her feelings and his family's feelings shouldn't influence his decisions.

[mambocowboy]

Major red flag if he's not super enthusiastic before even living together. Her feelings and his family's feelings shouldn't influence his decisions.

Should clarify. I mean to say ace that you r family and her feelings shouldn't influence whether to continue with her or get married...

[Awesome]

Should clarify. I mean to say ace that you r family and her feelings shouldn't influence whether to continue with her or get married...

I disagree with this.  I think her feelings and his family's feelings SHOULD influence whether he continues on to marry this girl.


He's not getting any younger.  He's already got almost a year's time and thousands of dollars invested.  She's pretty, young, educated, and he likes her personality "100%".  What the heck more could he want?  It's like fathertime said, suck it up.  It's time for ace to man up, and do what he knows is right.


I say that because I'm in the same boat as ace33.  I'm 35 years old and I've passed up on marrying quite a few good, beautiful girls who worshipped the ground I walk on.  My friends and family have literally told me to my face I must be crazy for letting some of my ex girlfriends go.  The truth is I just haven't matured to the point that I'm ready to commit and be tied down with the responsibilities of having a wife and kids.  My poor mother's already given up on me ever giving her grandchildren.  Before I turn 36, which means some time soon I've made a promise to myself to "suck it up", kiss the carefree life goodbye, and settle down.


When your single at my age people start thinking something's wrong with you.  Is he a weirdo?  Is he actually gay?  It's not normal to be middle aged and still single with no kids.

[mambocowboy]

I disagree with this.  I think her feelings and his family's feelings SHOULD influence whether he continues on to marry this girl.


He's not getting any younger.  He's already got almost a year's time and thousands of dollars invested.  She's pretty, young, educated, and he likes her personality "100%".  What the heck more could he want?  It's like fathertime said, suck it up.  It's time for ace to man up, and do what he knows is right.


I say that because I'm in the same boat as ace33.  I'm 35 years old and I've passed up on marrying quite a few good, beautiful girls who worshipped the ground I walk on.  My friends and family have literally told me to my face I must be crazy for letting some of my ex girlfriends go.  The truth is I just haven't matured to the point that I'm ready to commit and be tied down with the responsibilities of having a wife and kids.  My poor mother's already given up on me ever giving her grandchildren.  Before I turn 36, which means some time soon I've made a promise to myself to "suck it up", kiss the carefree life goodbye, and settle down.


When your single at my age people start thinking something's wrong with you.  Is he a weirdo?  Is he actually gay?  It's not normal to be middle aged and still single with no kids.

I married at 41 so I know how it sucks to be looked at that way. Nevertheless I am also married so I also know the importance of making the best possible choice in a spouse...

[Awesome]

I married at 41 so I know how it sucks to be looked at that way. Nevertheless I am also married so I also know the importance of making the best possible choice in a spouse...

I think he already has the best possible choice in a spouse, that's not the problem.  The problem is him. 


There's still a little voice in the back of his head that's telling him not to settle down, not to commit, that there are still too many hot chicks out there he can be hooking up with.  He needs to ignore that voice and realize that that chapter of his life is over and It's time to start a new chapter.

[the_ace33]

Awesome,  its good to know there are guys like me out there who have the same struggles.  We seem to attract the good girls who really want it.  Its hard not to get thrown ofcourse by some chica with tantalizing assets.  But if that chica is not married and most often times she is, then why is she not?  Is she not easy to get along with or crazy maybe?  strong possibility.  Not to say that my girls have not been hotties but they have more on the inside to bring to the table and that is something that the whole family can enjoy.  Some guys in my family have wifes that are simply tolerated and not really enjoyed by the family.  I do feel in a way that it is time for me to man up and get a solid partner despite my wondering eye.  No kids? No ex?  no issues?  wow!  That should weigh in heavily on choosing the "right" one.  I mean we are like best friends, never had a real fight.  She gives me full respect despite my imperfections and my problems.  It seems to me that the guy who decided to let his womanizing spirit get the best of him is who walks away a loser...  And I admit that I have been that guy in the past and it hasn't really gotten me anywhere to speak of other than some interesting experiences.  If my dad even knew that I was having any doubts at all he would probably take me to have my head examined.  So its an obvious problem with me, not her.

[fathertime]

  I am far from throwing it all away.  Having a look at my wrinkles when I smile has helped some!

I hear ya....bald head...gray hair....wrinkles....pot belly....liver spots....you probably want to make a choice before all these little things, among others befell you!


Fathertime! 

[robert angel]

When I turned thirty, I saw how most of my friends had married and settled down. I was living a mile a minute, living in an immaculately restored 200 year old townhome, overlooking the cobblestones and river leading to the 3rd busiest port in the USA, in the heart of the city's trendy historic-tourist-night life area. I'd fall out of my place, into the company of beautiful women from all over the place. Clubs and restaurants knew me as a generous tipper and usually didn't even charge me--no cover charges at clubs or tickets for meals or drinks--'comping me' for whatever I wanted. I had a part time job working as the maitre de at the toniest place in town. I took care of them, and they me.

Still, I convinced myself that it was time for me to settle down--that I was 'at that age'--to in a way, 'save me from myself'--from my drinking, womanizing and partying ways. I had and kept a good job, plus my part time job, which was as more fun than it was work, but it was an understatement to say I 'footloose and fancy free'.

So with that 'time to settle down' mindset working on me, I met a gorgeous nurse who spoiled me, lavishing me with all kinds of attention and gifts. I could still party and afterwards, go her place to unwind and live a different life. 'Playing house' seemed so nice, we even bought a house together before I even discussed marrying her. She wasn't a partier, she could cook, was very pretty and she wasn't a nagger, so I married her.

It was the biggest mistake of my life. I was, as Steinbeck put it so well: "full of piss and vinegar"-- simply not ready for the married life.

""Up on Cripple Creek she sends me
If I spring a leak she mends me
I don't have to speak, she defends me
A drunkard's dream if I ever did see one

Good luck had just stung me, to the race track I did go
She bet on one horse to win and I bet on another to show
The odds were in my favor, I had 'em five to one
When that nag to win came around the track, sure enough she had won""

Robbie Robertson--'The Band'

[Kiltboy1]

Awesome,  its good to know there are guys like me out there who have the same struggles.  We seem to attract the good girls who really want it.  Its hard not to get thrown ofcourse by some chica with tantalizing assets.  But if that chica is not married and most often times she is, then why is she not?  Is she not easy to get along with or crazy maybe?  strong possibility.  Not to say that my girls have not been hotties but they have more on the inside to bring to the table and that is something that the whole family can enjoy.  Some guys in my family have wifes that are simply tolerated and not really enjoyed by the family.  I do feel in a way that it is time for me to man up and get a solid partner despite my wondering eye.  No kids? No ex?  no issues?  wow!  That should weigh in heavily on choosing the "right" one.  I mean we are like best friends, never had a real fight.  She gives me full respect despite my imperfections and my problems.  It seems to me that the guy who decided to let his womanizing spirit get the best of him is who walks away a loser...  And I admit that I have been that guy in the past and it hasn't really gotten me anywhere to speak of other than some interesting experiences.  If my dad even knew that I was having any doubts at all he would probably take me to have my head examined.  So its an obvious problem with me, not her.

The Latins have a saying " The physical changes over time but the heart remains the same"

That is what you have to come to terms with if you what to have a long and meaningful marriage/relationship. There is always going to be some woman come by hotter, more exotic  and you and your wife will get older, body changes, more wrinkles. You need to make sure you are with someone that you have good things in common with and not just hot in the sack or a need to have arm candy.

My Cali ex wife was smoking hot but there would have been no way we would have survived as we had little on common and well, she was a Narcissist.

Choose substance over looks Ace unless you want drama and struggles.

KB

[ManAlive]

Very very strong advice here.  I married last year (2nd time) to a Peruvian woman.  It took me 15 years with a gringa, 4 kids, and a divorce before I grew up a bit.  I still look at the menu, but would never consider ordering 
 
The looks fade.  The personality and the unique things a good woman can offer a man do not.  When you find the right one you'll know.  If you have 2nd thoughts early RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  Trust your gut and your instincts.  Best of luck !

[michaelb]

""Up on Cripple Creek she sends me
If I spring a leak she mends me
I don't have to speak, she defends me
A drunkard's dream if I ever did see one

Good luck had just stung me, to the race track I did go
She bet on one horse to win and I bet on another to show
The odds were in my favor, I had 'em five to one
When that nag to win came around the track, sure enough she had won""

Robbie Robertson--'The Band'

 
Faster horses,
Younger women,
Older whiskey,
More money

[the_ace33]

that's the funny thing is that she is fine!  Looks and all.  very sweet!  compliments my slightly grumpy at times personality...  I think I just need to stay cool and see if this cold feet thing passes.  If not maybe I don't deserve her.  maybe I am just more in love with the hunt.  But Im getting too old for the hunt and my pockets are not very full these days...

[pchip]

Im the worlds worst when it comes to the grass is greener!!  I could get bored with a Ferrari thinking I might do better with a 4 door Chevy truck!  At any rate I am trying to re discover the excitement of it all while staying with the same girl for once.  I also know that she is a girl who is well suited for a guy like me in the long run.  If I was rich I might choose to fall in love again every 6 months but that is not reality.  I always promised my family that I would marry a nice girl who would fit in nicely with our family and she meets that requirement and is quite lovely.  So I am not ready to let my old self get in the way,  But I do share my challenges with the group so that I can get some good feedback.  Another another note we are talking of either spending a couple of days in Manizales or at the guaracu resort in Sante Fe just outside of MDE.  Can you guys weigh in on that one?

Temptations & doubts are part of the game: there will always be hotter and nicer out there but Marriage is a concient choice.  Once you've taken it, there's no looking back.   Rediscover the excitement of your wife is something you have to do daily.   She's just better at it than yourself (being Latina gives her a head start  [size=78%]).[/size]


Whenever this happens, think of why you've selected her, forget the family & friends, they'll always understand your choices in the long term, but think of yourself, what you want from this partnership and how you're getting it being with her.