A little about me....

[Dave]

Hello men!

A little about me, I’m 42, African American, well, technical biracial half black and half white.  I’m a business owner.  I’m in good shape with a youthful sprit, outlook, and easy going personality.  My last 3 relationships, over the last few years, where with American women age 26, 32, and 22.  I’m proactively looking for a good woman for marriage.  But, I’m not willing to settle or go with something that doesn’t feel right.  I’m a good guy and I’m financial successful.  I find a way to get what I want in life.  I’m formulating my strategy to attempt to find a good Latin American woman.   Failing to plan is planning to fail!

My motivation for looking for a woman from South America, firstly, they’re so beautiful, physically.  Also, my research shows they are very family oriented and good women generally speaking.  I live in the suburb about 45 minutes outside of Los Angeles in a bedroom community.  There’s just not that much of a singles seen in my area.  I work a lot too. Usually 10 to 14 hours a day.  I’m always at the office it’s my second home.  So, I don’t have the opportunity to go out that much.  And, the dating scene is very tough in Los Angeles.  Finally, I’ve also tried American online dating with mixed results. But, I just can’t seem to find a woman with the traditional family values I’m looking for.  I started reading about American guys in my situation having better success with foreign women especially in Commonwealth of Independent States (CIS) and Latin American Countries.  So I thought I would give it a try.  I also read the divorce rate is actually roughly 25% among Americans marrying foreign women verse around 50% for traditional U.S. marriages sighting census numbers which I found encouraging.

I have been searching for a South American woman for a little under a year now online.  I’ve been using LatinEuro.com (www.latineuro.com) so far.  They have some really beautiful women on their site.  I’ve had no experience with scammers and it’s inexpensive and easy to use.  I’ve been getting a good response and I’ve met some nice girls and made some friends but no real “love connection” so far.  I’ve been chatting with the women online using translation software and cutting and pasting.  I’ve learned that I’m going to have to start learning Spanish because it’s hard to get beyond chat as most of the women I’ve met don’t speak English or have limited English ability.  I plan to start Spanish lesson next semester at the local community college. 

I will have to also go and visit them.  That’s the limitation with LatinEuro, they offer no support beyond providing contact information.  I’m apprehensive about traveling to a third world Latin American country.  I’ve read some horror stories about American men and foreign women.  The story that sticks in my mind from a couple months ago is the guy from San Francisco who had an online romance with a Brazilian woman.  Basically, it was a setup.  She and her boyfriend tortured him, drained his bank account, and killed him.  This may be an aberration but, it sticks in my mind, the safety issue.  I figure I have two options, a tour group or to go alone to a country where I don’t speak the language, not familiar with the culture and surroundings, and with no support, to meet someone I met online.  The later is not an option for me. 

So lately, I’ve been researching tour groups as an option.  I started with Jim’s list (www.jimslists.com) to research more full service sites with a gold rating.  I’ve been looking at Women for Love (www.loveme.com).  But, looking at the tour photos I wasn’t sure.  One guy here, on one of the posts, who tried the tour and was unimpressed. He summed up his experience when he said the women looked like tired pony’s.  That was my gut feeling too and he described it perfectly!

I looked at Amor de Cartetagena (www.amordecartagena.com) which Jim gave a gold rating too.   I was really impressed with the photos of the women on his site.  I had some questions about the site and I spoke with Mark Anthony, the owner, at length last Sunday.  He was very passionate about his agency, pleasant to speak with, and I appreciated the amount of time he spent answering my questions and discussing his program.  He appeared optimistic and interested in what I want and helping me achieve my goal.  I also liked it was a smaller site and the owner is available to help with the process.  He presented me with a third option for a personal tour guide, Luis and his condo rental for consideration. I will reserve any comment from what I read in the forum at this time.  Anyway, I like the women’s photos appeared to be real, not glamour photos.  I was concerned that the women are available, the profiles are not stale, and the information about the ladies is current. After speaking with Mark, he addressed my concerns.  So, I decided to give it a try and purchased the 7 address package for $50.00.  Then, I discovered this forum and I have been reading many of the threads.  I was surprised to discover that Mark is very active on this site.

I’ve read many of the posts here over the last few days.  I found them very educational and informative.  You appear to be a very intelligent, knowledgeable, and good group.  I really enjoy the different personalities too.  So, I thought I would join. I believe I can learn much about the whole process of finding a foreign woman from you guys with experience.  I can gather intel, tips, and advice from guys who have done it! 

[sean126]

Welcome Dave!

We look forward to your participation and opinions.  I'm glad you found us.

sean126

[fathertime]

Dave,

This is a good site, check out the trip reports and ask questions. People are happy to help and the opinions vary greatly.  You have to figure out what works best for you. 

Good luck!

Fathertime!

[jm21-2]

Sorry if this post is a little long-winded, but I've done a bit of research on the divorce rates, and it's a very interesting and deceptive subject that dozens of groups try to twist to their own ends.

The 20-25% figures for divorce rates between American men-Foreign women are just as deceiving as the supposed 50% rate for American men-American women. Those figures are for divorces per year compared to marriages per year...which is a pretty useless percentage in and of itself (because there is an accumulation of marriages, and obviously marriages don't end on the year they began for the most part). I have yet to hear of a good study on either divorce rate, and there are many more factors to consider than domestic or foreign (such as education, income, age at marriage, kids, pregnancy before marriage, cohabitation before marriage, etc.). The only thing that seems fairly certain is that the divorce rate in America has actually been in a steady decline for a significant period of time (since the '80s, after various increases and declines prior to that). It is probably around 30-35% for domestic marriages made today, though you can find figures as low as 10-15% or as high as 60%.

For American Man-Foreign Woman marriages, that figure includes everything from war brides to those who met as exchange students, to those who married after knowing each other for 2 days while the guy was on vacation. Judging from articles I've read, and the input from William3d on a few posts from his experience as an immigration attorney (as well as some input from a few other posters), the divorce rate for long-distance international relationships is not inspiring, especially for the "love tours."

But despite all that, there always seem to be more guys coming here (myself included) and more success stories. Failure and horror stories too though. Don't mean to crash the party, but I always think it's better to go into things with your eyes open, and the agencies seem to be over-eager to send you off to dreamland.

[Jeff S]

HI Dave and welcome aboard. I live and work about 45 minutes outside LA too, and am a businessman as well, as are a number of people on the board. have been married for some time to an Asian women, though I do speak Spanish and have spent a lot of time in Latin America on business. As others have said, this site is a wealth of information. Spend a few hours going through the archives. You'll learn more than most people will ever want to know about foreign dating.

I have also read about that Washington State carpenter who was killed in Brazil. He was on his third trip visiting her when all of this came down. The woman and her accomplice boyfriend were captured and imprisoned. Fortunately those kinds of stories are extremely rare, though many guys have been bilked out of sending money to women who professed true love and had all sorts of sob stories. A quick Google of "dating scams" will reveal a wealth of information on things to look out for. I wouldn't let the misfortune of one person dissuade you from seeking happiness wherever you find it.

Good luck with your search and we're sure glad you showed up.

- Jeff

[doombug]

It is probably around 30-35% for domestic marriages made today...

...

[T]he divorce rate for long-distance international relationships is not inspiring, especially for the "love tours."

I came to a similar conclusion back in November, 2006, while researching divorce/marriage rates.

The thread: http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=1199.0

[jm21-2]

I came to a similar conclusion back in November, 2006, while researching divorce/marriage rates.

The thread: http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=1199.0

Going off-topic even more, I just thought of something and thought I'd mention it. From the statistics I've seen, anecdotally from the posts here, and just because of the expense of the whole process, it seems like most guys seeking foreign brides are more successful financially than the average. This would also seem to indicate they are also better educated than the average. I think it's pretty undeniable that the vast, vast majority are over 25 as well. Judging by those factors, this would put most of the guys doing this in the lowest divorce brackets when it comes to domestic marriages, which makes the low success rate for foreign marriages all of a sudden seem quite shocking.

I mean, just estimating here, most guys with those qualifications would be around an 80% or even higher success rate with american girls, statistically, but more like 10-30% with foreign? That's a pretty drastic difference.

Of course, there's more to life than statistics, but damn. Though I have a feeling what the statistics represent is that when the girl is in her mid-20s or older, has an education and a good job, etc...that she's picky enough and discerning enough about what guy she marries that the divorce rate decreases significantly (note most divorces are filed by women). This would jive with the higher foreign bride divorce rate, as they realize how much pickier they can be here in the states.

Food for thought. Sorry to go off-topic.

[bigstew33]

I have kinda off the wall question.  In your description of your self you describe yourself as African American.  But at the same time your half white half black.  My kids are the same and they describe themselves as African American.  Why not Caucasian American, or mixed etc. 

[utopiacowboy]

I have kinda off the wall question.  In your description of your self you describe yourself as African American.  But at the same time your half white half black.  My kids are the same and they describe themselves as African American.  Why not Caucasian American, or mixed etc. 

You bring up an interesting point. My son's girlfriend is half and half and yet she is described as "black". Or like Halle Berry who is also half and half. These women are just as much "white" as "black" but why are they described as "black"?

[bigstew33]

Anytime I fill out paperwork for my kids that asks for race I always leave it blank.  Like school registration etc.  We are in a time in history when races intermingle and have kids.  So the race question is becoming obsolete.  Or maybe come up with new definitions.  It's not just black and white, but all races. 

[michaelb]

Similar situation (or maybe the reverse?) on all those stupid forms at school, my daughter always checks the hispanic box...and often the person taking up the papers will say "opps, little mistake here, you checked hispanic" - when she tells them it is not a mistake, they reply "Gee, you don't look Mexican"....oooooh, that makes her mad!

[utopiacowboy]

Similar situation (or maybe the reverse?) on all those stupid forms at school, my daughter always checks the hispanic box...and often the person taking up the papers will say "opps, little mistake here, you checked hispanic" - when she tells them it is not a mistake, they reply "Gee, you don't look Mexican"....oooooh, that makes her mad!

There was a friend of one of my kids who had a pale complexion with freckles and red hair. His mother? A short little classic Latina. These days you never can tell and I think it's great!

[Dave]

I have kinda off the wall question.  In your description of your self you describe yourself as African American.  But at the same time your half white half black.  My kids are the same and they describe themselves as African American.  Why not Caucasian American, or mixed etc. 

Bigstew33 it’s refreshing you asked the question.  Its great this led to several other comments I’m assuming by White folks who where wondering the same thing.  People of different races would have a better understand of the others point of view and reference if there was more open discussion of sensitive racial questions and this would lead to greater understanding. 

On a subconscious level, I believe many people tend to want to know their race when they interact with or see someone.  It seems just human nature to want to know what someone’s races and how to classify them.  Are they like me or not like me?  Can we relate to each other?  This is not good or bad it’s just human nature.  In addition, to me someone looks foolish if they say they’re White and clearly they’re Bblack.  This is also looked down upon by most African Americans.  We think you’re not proud to be Black or are ashamed to be Black.  Or, you think you’re too good to be Black.  Do you want to be part of the dominate culture and are you ashamed to be part of the subordinate culture.  This is also a point many Whites fail to understand when they say “What’s the big deal, I’m mixed!  I’m a mix of German, Irish, and Dutch!”  All these are dominate cultures.

On a more conscience level, history has always said it is better to be white or the lighter skin you have the better.  I have observed this seems to be just as prevalent in the South American cultures.  They seem to go to great lengths to classify someone by race.  Also, I understand even today, the darker a person the less opportunity one has.  Furthermore, negra, morena, trigueira, etc., they have over 100 different classifications based on race!  Someone asked a similar question in a thread here and another posted this link, www.zonalatina.com/Zldata55.htm .  Classification by race seems so historically important to them, yet they readily interbreed as evident by all the different colors and shades of people.  It’s kind of a contradiction because they are the most racially mixed people in the world.  This is due to European Spanish and French traditionally having a more relaxed view of race mixing.  However, to me it makes for some of the most beautiful women in the world, the mix of European Spanish, African, and Indigenous Indian.

From Wikipedia  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulatto  :  Mulattos represent a significant portion of various countries in Latin America: Belize (83%) the Dominican Republic (73%), Cuba (approx. 51%), Brazil, Colombia, Panama (approx. 14%), Haiti (approx. 5%), Costa Rica (approx. 5%), Honduras, and Nicaragua.

America has traditional had a big problem with race.  This is our contradiction, ugly side, our skeleton in the closet.  Historically England was less tolerant of racial mixing.  Plus, in the past, and with slavery, our government and White culture has imposed laws such as Dred Scott Decision, Plessey vs. Ferguson and Jim Crow laws.  My point being even a drop of Black blood made you Black.  So, in the Black community this is still the standard.  This is why Hailey Berry, Mariah Carey, The Rock, and Dave Justice considers themselves Black.  Furthermore, it is kind of a joke in the Black community when Tiger Woods describes himself as “Amer-black-n-asian”  We think…”Naw dude you’re Black!”  Anyway, I guess the modern White community may not understand these subtleties this because such harsh laws where not historically imposed on them.  But, this is our American history and the way the Black community generally views anyone of mixed race.  This is why I consider myself African American.

Michaelb & bigstew33,  my opinion about the government forms where you check off the box about race,  it’s the only way the government can make statistical calculations and gather hard data about how a race is generally doing as a whole.  It’s not a bad thing when you look at it from that perspective.  I agree the lines about race are now getting blurred to some extent when it comes to how one defines them self and how the culture defines you.  I believe the negative attitudes about what it means to be Black or Latino or any other group thought to be, in the past, inferior to Whites are improving but some may disagree.

[Jeff S]

Well, we all have at least one drop of black blood. You go back far enough and we were all from Africa.

[Dave]

Well, we all have at least one drop of black blood. You go back far enough and we were all from Africa.

Jeff S – True, generic mapping proves modern man evolved out of Africa.  But, my point is the standards defining race in terms of who was considered Black back in the 1800's was very strick. It was either 1/8 or 1/16 of African ancestry.  In any event, that’s a very small percentage, wouldn’t you agree?  That’s one drop of black blood.  This was a very tough time for Black folks and some very hateful laws where pasted.  Furthermore, this legacy still exists in terms of defining race.  But, I agree. It is not a strict as it was in the past.  But, ask some of your Black friends about how they define race and about what I am saying. 

[Jeff S]

Well, that was then and this is now. Glad all of that nonsense is behind us. Hitler would have thrown me in a gas chamber for my surname alone, even though my grandparents, parents and I were raised Christian. One of the few things I agreed with in the movie "Bullworth" was when he said, "Everyone needs to keep f__ing everyone until we're all the same color."