La boda

[V_Man]

Hi guys,

I have visited my noiva a grand total of two times. In total our time together in person is about 5 or 6 weeks. Now I am about to borrow a whole heap of money to go and marry her at the end of this year.

Anything I should be concerned about?

VMan.

[stnmasn]

Hey Vman.  That is awesome that you are going to DO IT!!!
 
The borrowing a heap of money part might be a concern but i am sure it a common practice for many weddings.


You are asking us a heavy question


I have only been married for 9 years to my calena and we live in a very rural part of new england. That has been our biggest issue. She is a city girl and can't seem to settle into a country life. So I guess what i am getting at is  I hope you aren't bringing her into too different of a lifestyle change. It could be an issue.


   
 

[whitey]

Two times!  That's twice as much as some people!


I was fortunate to live within a 6 hour flight of Colombia and visit my wife 7 times over a couple years before we got married for a total at that time of around 3 months.  Half of that time or more was living in her house with her family.


Did I learn more about her and her family during that extra time?  Not really.  But it did prove that what I thought I knew was consistent and real over a more extended time.  In other words, it validated what I already believed.


My wife has not changed her personality one bit since she's been here in Canada for almost a year now, and is still the honest, loving, kind, patient, optimistic, and hard-working person she was when we were courting.


Your situation is tough being so far away - I think at some point within 2 years you have to pull the trigger or not.  I believe a smart and observant person can get to know a someone quite well on-line, provided that it's backed up with a decent amount of time on the ground.


Best of luck, V-man.  And BTW, why so much money?  My wife set the budget, managed all the expenses, and it wasn't very much.  In fact, I'd be a little embarrassed to say how much it was.


 

[htown]

Sounds good vman!  Just keep your eyes open and use your best judgement going forward.  Other than that, as long as you're both in love everything should go great.

[fathertime]

Hi guys,

I have visited my noiva a grand total of two times. In total our time together in person is about 5 or 6 weeks. Now I am about to borrow a whole heap of money to go and marry her at the end of this year.

Anything I should be concerned about?

VMan.

you probably have a lot to be mildly concerned about...but until you get into the game and pull the trigger you may not know what specifically.  is there anything that really concerns you NOW?  if so, address it and see where it leads. 


we had a small wedding, but if you want to have a big one in her country than it is understandable that you have to fork out and just bite the bullet. 


good luck,


Fathertime! 

[V_Man]

I hope you aren't bringing her into too different of a lifestyle change. It could be an issue.

I believe there will be some issues with this. She lives in Bogota. I live in a major city. However it's a bit like comparing Tokyo with Honolulu.

Best of luck, V-man.  And BTW, why so much money?  My wife set the budget, managed all the expenses, and it wasn't very much.  In fact, I'd be a little embarrassed to say how much it was.

I think I have to take a huge chunk of the blame for this. She originally offered to have 4 of us in the registry office and a very small and simple celebration.

you probably have a lot to be mildly concerned about...but until you get into the game and pull the trigger you may not know what specifically.  is there anything that really concerns you NOW?  if so, address it and see where it leads. 

I think you are completely correct here.
To be honest I am trying to set aside her good points and identify any red flags I may have missed. However it is not easy.
After all, what could possibly go wrong? 

[Bob_S]

Now I am about to borrow a whole heap of money to go and marry her at the end of this year.
Anything I should be concerned about?

Going into debt for this.  I recommend the pay-as-you-go plan, even if it slows things down a bit.

When me & the missus got hitched (after an engagement period of about 6 month), it was first just the two of us at the city registrar office.  Due to circumstances, we were still living far apart at the time (same country, distant cities).  3 months later, we had a real ceremony at a church and I briefly moved into her place while we worked on her immigration paperwork.  Shortly after that, I moved back to the States, and it was 3 more months before she could join me.  The slower pace allowed resources to accumulate as we went.

[whitey]

We were married at the notary (I'm divorced so couldn't do Catholic church) with close friends and family.  Then we rented a very nice salon de eventos in a good part of town and had about 50 guests for dinner.  Most members of the family kicked in for one relatively small item or another (the cake, corsage).  It's pretty common to request money (lluvia de oro I think it's called) rather than gifts - this paid for a good chunk of the dinner, even though most gifts were modest.


So, not sure how many people you are planning or how lavish, but all told our wedding was quite reasonable. 

[V_Man]

Keep in mind that it is $4,000 just for me to step off a plane in Colombia. Plus a wedding, rings, dress, yada yada. Then a honeymoon. It adds up pretty quick.
Sweetie has not mentioned anybody else contributing a peso towards the wedding and I am not expecting anything.



We both want to have a Catholic wedding but I am not a Catholic. According to the Vatican, this is acceptable provided I agree to raise any children as Catholic. However there are doubts that the local priest will agree with this. The priest wants me to convert first.

[Kiltboy1]

Keep in mind that it is $4,000 just for me to step off a plane in Colombia. Plus a wedding, rings, dress, yada yada. Then a honeymoon. It adds up pretty quick.
Sweetie has not mentioned anybody else contributing a peso towards the wedding and I am not expecting anything.



We both want to have a Catholic wedding but I am not a Catholic. According to the Vatican, this is acceptable provided I agree to raise any children as Catholic. However there are doubts that the local priest will agree with this. The priest wants me to convert first.

 
$4000 for airfare?? You flying 1st class or something ? I can get to Australia from NC(USA) for $1200
 

[braziliangirl]

Keep in mind that it is $4,000 just for me to step off a plane in Colombia. Plus a wedding, rings, dress, yada yada. Then a honeymoon. It adds up pretty quick.
Sweetie has not mentioned anybody else contributing a peso towards the wedding and I am not expecting anything.

In Brazil, the tradition is that the bride's family pays for the wedding (party, dress etc.). Isn't like that in Colombia?

[InnocentVixen]

In Mexico, the tradition is the groom pays for everything, it is said that if he can't afford a wedding it simply means he can't afford to have a wife yet... these days has changed a little bit, things can be rough so if he can't afford it family will offer to pay for things (on both sides)


Me being old fashioned AND a cheapskate... not to mention a woman that noticed that your woman is not pushing you into this, would advice to not make a huge wedding, also things are cheaper there I am sure you noticed so don't set a budget that would pay for a wedding in your country, hopefully she will be more debt conscious than you are and you will not bury yourself in debt because of her, I've heard financial issues can break a marriage apart so I have always thought it is important to have balance in that regard, it is bad enough there will be culture shock and other things to deal with to be worrying about that too.


Congratulations and I hope you guys can make things work for your wedding, your pockets and your life together

[Ray]

We both want to have a Catholic wedding but I am not a Catholic. According to the Vatican, this is acceptable provided I agree to raise any children as Catholic. However there are doubts that the local priest will agree with this. The priest wants me to convert first.

 
He wants you to convert or he is requiring you to convert?
 
This is my understanding of Catholic Church policy on mixed marriages.
　
While the Church doesn’t encourage marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics, it is allowed with few restrictions. It usually requires permission of the local bishop and in some jurisdictions, they may strongly encourage you to convert.
　
But the Vatican policy does not require you to convert. Also, you do not personally have to make any promises to raise your children as Catholics. Your Catholic bride may be required to promise to continue to practice her faith and make a reasonable effort to see that her children are raised as Catholics, but you are only informed of her responsibilities.
　
Again, it depends a lot on local policy in the jurisdiction where you are married. It may also help if you were baptized in another Christian faith. If you do decide to convert, it may be possible to take a fast track course of instruction to allow for the fact that you are only in the country for a limited time.
　
Good luck!
　
Ray
　

[Jedimaster]

 

[Jedimaster]

Vman,
 
First of all, that's great that things are working out well between you and your novia.  Like KB is saying, it seems that $4000 is awfully steep for airfare.
 
I am curious --How did you meet your novia?

[whitey]

BG, IV ... in Colombia and probably most "developing" countries around the world ... when the "rich" gringo is getting married, it is pretty much expected that he will be the one paying ... unless you are marrying into an upper class family.


My wife's family is lower middle class.  The parents only have sporadic income, and are not old enough for a pension yet.  They are supported in large part by their three daughters.  There's no way they would have the means to pay for a wedding.


I imagine it's the same for around 80% of the Colombian population, but then again, I'm no real expert.

[braziliangirl]

BG, IV ... in Colombia and probably most "developing" countries around the world ... when the "rich" gringo is getting married, it is pretty much expected that he will be the one paying ... unless you are marrying into an upper class family.

Whitey,
Yes, it makes sense. Here in Brazil also when the bride's family can't afford the wedding and the groom can, obviously he will pay for it. But that's not V_Man's case. If he is going to borrow money, it means he can't afford.
Also, I remember him saying a lot of times that the ladies he knew in Colombia were all professionals and not from lower strata. Maybe I'm wrong. I just assumed her family had means to pay for the wedding, and tried to inform that maybe they weren't even expecting him to pay for anything.
Personally, I'd rather wait a little bit, and even save money to help him with the costs, because it would be much better to enter into a marriage as a team than in debt.

[dtibbet]

V_man, congrads on the marriage. the 1st thing comes to mind for me and thru experience is to make  sure you have all he paperwork in order before you come here. as you know i been living here almost a year and a half now and been trying to get married here. but after all the hassles were going to just do the k-1 route. so make sure you know what documents to bring and there correct with apostles. nothing sucks more than getting here and you dont have the correct papers. this is colombia after all and everything is different than what were used to lmao. 

[V_Man]

Thanks for all the good wishes everyone!!

 
$4000 for airfare?? You flying 1st class or something ? I can get to Australia from NC(USA) for $1200

The flight from Australia to LA, SanF or Dallas is quite resonable. But obviously I need to get a suitable connection to Colombia. Then I need to return. So already we a looking at over twice that figure. Then you will find when you actually go to book I'll want to travel there and back on a weekend along with everyone else so those really cheap deals are not available. But the real killer is that I am travelling at the hight of peak season. Every thing is double. Literally. So in fact I am only getting the relative bargin of $4,000 because I have booked so far in advance. Within three months there will be nothing in that time frame for less than $5,000.


I could and I have flown via Chile, this is centainly easier mostly due to all the hassle travelling through the USA. However it is more expensive.

Me being old fashioned AND a cheapskate... not to mention a woman that noticed that your woman is not pushing you into this, would advice to not make a huge wedding, also things are cheaper there I am sure you noticed so don't set a budget that would pay for a wedding in your country, hopefully she will be more debt conscious than you are and you will not bury yourself in debt because of her, I've heard financial issues can break a marriage apart so I have always thought it is important to have balance in that regard, it is bad enough there will be culture shock and other things to deal with to be worrying about that too.


Congratulations and I hope you guys can make things work for your wedding, your pockets and your life together

This was mostly a commuication failure. I wanted pricing for a wedding. Once she fully realised that I was borrowing all the money, she threw a fit. She is not happy about it at all. Apparently I didn't make that clear early enough. Now she has told her family about our wedding plans (which I didn't realise she had done). Hence now she feels obliged to proceed down this path, rather than something super modest. Having said that, even with the honeymoon and everything under the sun included, I'll be spending about half what the average spend just on a wedding here.

Whitey,
Yes, it makes sense. Here in Brazil also when the bride's family can't afford the wedding and the groom can, obviously he will pay for it. But that's not V_Man's case. If he is going to borrow money, it means he can't afford.
Also, I remember him saying a lot of times that the ladies he knew in Colombia were all professionals and not from lower strata. Maybe I'm wrong. I just assumed her family had means to pay for the wedding, and tried to inform that maybe they weren't even expecting him to pay for anything.
Personally, I'd rather wait a little bit, and even save money to help him with the costs, because it would be much better to enter into a marriage as a team than in debt.

Yes and no.
Some people have a car loan. I don't.


She is not from the lowest estratas but she is lower middle level which is difficult to campare to my lifestyle here. Also she does not have full time work.
There is a difference between her education level and work experience and her earning power.
This is very typical in Colombia.
So yeah I focused my search on women that could have some sort of career here but that does not mean they have much disposable income in Colombia.

Vman,
 
First of all, that's great that things are working out well between you and your novia.  Like KB is saying, it seems that $4000 is awfully steep for airfare.
 
I am curious --How did you meet your novia?

Thanks!
Colombian Cupid.
It is actually an amazing story. I'll probably write it up here one day.

BG, IV ... in Colombia and probably most "developing" countries around the world ... when the "rich" gringo is getting married, it is pretty much expected that he will be the one paying ... unless you are marrying into an upper class family.

This is my assumption as well.

V_man, congrads on the marriage. the 1st thing comes to mind for me and thru experience is to make  sure you have all he paperwork in order before you come here. as you know i been living here almost a year and a half now and been trying to get married here. but after all the hassles were going to just do the k-1 route. so make sure you know what documents to bring and there correct with apostles. nothing sucks more than getting here and you dont have the correct papers. this is colombia after all and everything is different than what were used to lmao. 

This has me worried. This is a one time shot. I am busy getting the documents in order. If fact I have to go now and organise some of them right now.


Thanks again, everyone for your positive posts!!!

[whitey]

Another thing to keep in mind with your plans V-man is that you are required to be in Colombia a certain number of days prior to your wedding date - seems to me it was four but I could be wrong. 


Our notario let us slide a day or two ... can't remember if he tweaked the date or just ignored it. 

[Gato4Astrid]

Vman,
 
First of all, that's great that things are working out well between you and your novia.  Like KB is saying, it seems that $4000 is awfully steep for airfare.
 
I am curious --How did you meet your novia?

I have checked the website from Sydney to Bogota and return is only £1,600 which is about AU $2,400.  That was for September fare.   $4,000 must be for Christmas fare???

[braziliangirl]

Yes and no.
Some people have a car loan. I don't.
She is not from the lowest estratas but she is lower middle level which is difficult to campare to my lifestyle here. Also she does not have full time work.
There is a difference between her education level and work experience and her earning power.
This is very typical in Colombia.
So yeah I focused my search on women that could have some sort of career here but that does not mean they have much disposable income in Colombia.

Now I get it! You are just pating the price for not waiting. Also, interest rates in Australia might be much lower than in Brazil. I honestly don't get how people enter into car loan here. They pay at least 2x the car price. Borrowing money and credit card rates here are even worse.
 

I wanted pricing for a wedding. Once she fully realised that I was borrowing all the money, she threw a fit. She is not happy about it at all. Apparently I didn't make that clear early enough. Now she has told her family about our wedding plans (which I didn't realise she had done). Hence now she feels obliged to proceed down this path, rather than something super modest. Having said that, even with the honeymoon and everything under the sun included, I'll be spending about half what the average spend just on a wedding here.

That is a good sign! You seem to be a very smart guy, V. I'm sure you made a good choice. All the best for you and her.

[Kiltboy1]

Now I get it! You are just pating the price for not waiting. Also, interest rates in Australia might be much lower than in Brazil. I honestly don't get how people enter into car loan here. They pay at least 2x the car price. Borrowing money and credit card rates here are even worse.
 That is a good sign! You seem to be a very smart guy, V. I'm sure you made a good choice. All the best for you and her.

I just got back Tuesday from 10 more days in Ecuador and the government is giving out car loans like candy for anyone with a job no matter what income range.3% is the interest rate everyone gets regardless of credit history. This is making getting around in Quito a much longer experience.They now have in place country wide Pica-Plaqua which means everyone must choose 2 days of the week that you cannot drive your car to ease traffic congestion from all those cheap car loans that are now on the road. Unemployment is under 5% in Ecuador at the moment.

[fathertime]

In the future as long as you are not being totally ridiculous with the wedding costs, you will be happy you did it right.   Everything winds up costing pretty big throughout this venture. For example, last year I spent 1000’s on my son’s 1^st birthday party in Colombia…It seemed steep, but I knew I just had to suck it up, it twas important to my wife and that made it important to me.  While your soon to be wife is going through the paperwork to enter your country, you should be working as hard as you can to prepare for a lot of unexpected expenses.
  DO you know how long it takes to get your wife to Australia, after you are married?


Fathertime!   

[Gato4Astrid]

For example, last year I spent 1000’s on my son’s 1^st birthday party in Colombia…

Would you have spent that amount if you were a Colombiano ?