La boda

[mambocowboy]

re: unexpected expenses, not sure how it works in Australia, but in the US I paid for $1080 for the I485 application plus another $300 for the physical (not covered by Kaiser as they refuse to have their doctors do physicals for immigration purposes). Add in English lessons, cell phone, cavity fillings at the dentist (not covered by my dental insurance for her), and you get the picture...That's why we haven't gotten married in BAQ (yes I am expected to pay as her family's poor), and only had a civil wedding here...Fortunately my wife paid off her student loans in Colombia before leaving for the US, because that would have been another unexpected expense. And I didn't even mention the VISA process to bring her over to the US....Bottom line, this process requires plenty of cash.

[braziliangirl]

3% is the interest rate everyone gets regardless of credit history.

3% a year? Here we get that rate a month and there is no such thing as credit history... Just if you don't pay a bill your name go to SPC/Serasa and you can't get any type of credit until you pay that bill. They are trying to implement a good payer record, so some people can have better rates, but I don't know what's teh status now.
 
By the way, I miss Quito.

[Kiltboy1]

3% a year? Here we get that rate a month and there is no such thing as credit history... Just if you don't pay a bill your name go to SPC/Serasa and you can't get any type of credit until you pay that bill. They are trying to implement a good payer record, so some people can have better rates, but I don't know what's teh status now.
 
By the way, I miss Quito.

Quito is a great place. I spent 10 days with my in laws and brother and sister in law. Had a great time as always. They have a new area in the historic didstrict called La Rhonda that used to be a run down dangerous place. Now they have restored the old building of 400 years old to form and have lots of restaurants  and bars playing traditional and tropical music along with lots of Vino de Vida  . The traffic though has gotten much worse and with the altitude comes lots of smog. This I do not miss. I also went to Salinas to look as some condos to buy and am close to geeting one by the end of the year as a second home and possible retirement place in 10 years when we move back . V-Man, not sure what the visa process is for Aus, but it was about 1500 for me to get my wife here and all fees, so I hear you on the expense portions. Good Luck and keep some $$ put away for a rainy day.
 
KB

[fathertime]

Would you have spent that amount if you were a Colombiano ?

I really can’t put myself in the shoes of a Colombian (and really wouldn’t want to), but spending the money on what became a very memorable night was well worth it. Apparently 1st birthday party's are a big deal in Colombia and it was good harmless fun that allowed me to meet the large extended family.    This year for the second birthday party, it will just be a normal little party like we always have for everybody else in the family.   Once a woman has proven her worth and loyalty I don’t see any reason not to spend somewhat freely, if it doesn’t drive a man broke. What do you think?


Fathertime!   

[stnmasn]

mambocowboy i have found that english classes in the USA are free. they are ESL classes and everybody bringing a foreign wife  here should look into that.  now if I as an taxpaying american citizen want to take spanish lessons i have to pay   but as far as i can tell any foreign person can take ESL classes GRATIS! i guess they probably aren't entirely free  because my son will probably be paying for his mothers classes in another 15years or whenever we have to finally pay up for all the  social programs we expect in this country..


.do her dentistry work in colombia for it is mucho mas economical


 have her get a job to pay her own phone expenses


english isn't mandatory to get a job in this country either.

[mambocowboy]

yeah, I know the English classes are free but the local community college doesn't have classes between July 4 and September 4 so I hired a tutor for her during that time. My wife is signed up for Fall classes starting soon...

[InnocentVixen]

This was mostly a commuication failure. I wanted pricing for a wedding. Once she fully realised that I was borrowing all the money, she threw a fit. She is not happy about it at all. Apparently I didn't make that clear early enough. Now she has told her family about our wedding plans (which I didn't realise she had done). Hence now she feels obliged to proceed down this path, rather than something super modest. Having said that, even with the honeymoon and everything under the sun included, I'll be spending about half what the average spend just on a wedding here.

Ah, it's too bad you guys didn't notice the communication problem before she told her family, I understand how this can be uncomfortable for her, going back and changing things will not only make her look like she was making things up but it will make you look bad as well!


On the other side, if her family is understanding enough and she explains them what happened, the costs could still drop even if they can't afford to help with money, maybe they have connections that will help you get the salon de eventos at a lower cost for example, or someone will offer to cook if you pay for the materials for it, etc. It can still be a big and lovely wedding without the big price tag, if they are resourceful that is, it might even help to make sure they don't have the wrong idea of you and think of you as "the rich gringo"

[V_Man]

Thank you everyone for advice about the money. What I was wondering was am I completely crazy to marry a woman that I have only had such limited time in person with. We spend every possible moment communicating in every other way but I am aware that this is not the same as everyday life in person.

[InnocentVixen]

Thank you everyone for advice about the money. What I was wondering was am I completely crazy to marry a woman that I have only had such limited time in person with. We spend every possible moment communicating in every other way but I am aware that this is not the same as everyday life in person.

In my opinion? a little... but who am I to burst your bubble? it works for some people. I do think that communication issue might be a sign that you are actually not communicating as much, with that I mean quality communication not quantity, sounds a lot like you have not discussed financial views, I hope you have at least talked about children and the kind of life you wish to have and that she has shared her own views on this, how much does she know about your city? does she know how often she will get to visit her family? has she spent long periods of time outside of her country before? if all you guys do is flirt and exchange te quieros she is still pretty much a stranger. You said something about this being a "one time shot" I was wondering in which way you meant it.


You already have her organizing the wedding, maybe it's just cold feet, this questions is what you should have asked yourself before you proposed, if you missed any there is still time to find out!

[fathertime]

Thank you everyone for advice about the money. What I was wondering was am I completely crazy to marry a woman that I have only had such limited time in person with. We spend every possible moment communicating in every other way but I am aware that this is not the same as everyday life in person.

yeah you are pretty crazy, but that shouldn't stop you.  definitely risky from what I gather in your situation, but the reward is potentially so great that maybe it is worth the risk.  If you are a person that doesn't like risk and/or changes, then it will be tougher. 


Fathertime! 

[mambocowboy]

VMan, my wife had her heart set on a church wedding this November but given our current financial situation it's just not a good idea and we agreed to wait until she's making money as a nurse here in the US. She was sad for a few hours (she'd told everyone back home November) but as with most everything was able to move on quickly...When you say your prometida had "a fit," my only concern is how quickly she bounces back. I too married my wife after two trips, except I brought her here on a fiancee visa and we had a civil wedding...If there's one thing I'd do differently is I'd have been more insistent about her learning English before coming here, but to make a long story short it's been a challenging but very rewarding journey so far and I'm glad I took the leap of faith....

[V_Man]

In my opinion? a little... but who am I to burst your bubble? it works for some people. I do think that communication issue might be a sign that you are actually not communicating as much, with that I mean quality communication not quantity, sounds a lot like you have not discussed financial views, I hope you have at least talked about children and the kind of life you wish to have and that she has shared her own views on this, how much does she know about your city? does she know how often she will get to visit her family? has she spent long periods of time outside of her country before? if all you guys do is flirt and exchange te quieros she is still pretty much a stranger. You said something about this being a "one time shot" I was wondering in which way you meant it.


You already have her organizing the wedding, maybe it's just cold feet, this questions is what you should have asked yourself before you proposed, if you missed any there is still time to find out!

I can understand you getting this impression however it is not the case.
We have talked about all these things a great deal. We just have different styles when it comes to planning things. Plus her English is virtually non-existant and my Spanish is only intermediate. In these relationships both people have to accept that not everything is going to get properly communicated first time. If one was to loose the plot over every miss communication then frankly one is not cut out for these sort of cross-cultural relationships IMHO.

I just discovered this week that she dumped a millionare for the opportunity to go out with me. She could have been married to some wealthy New Yorker by now, but she threw it all away in the hope that the two of us would work out. I never knew about that until this week. She is not marrying me for a few te quieros or because I was the best financial option or because she would like to see some kangaroos. There is a reason why we both want a Catholic wedding. It isn't for the flower arrangements.

yeah you are pretty crazy, but that shouldn't stop you.  definitely risky from what I gather in your situation, but the reward is potentially so great that maybe it is worth the risk.  If you are a person that doesn't like risk and/or changes, then it will be tougher. 


Fathertime! 

If I wasn't willing to take risks I never would have got this far. And so far the rewards have been outstanding!!!!  Thanks.

VMan, my wife had her heart set on a church wedding this November but given our current financial situation it's just not a good idea and we agreed to wait until she's making money as a nurse here in the US. She was sad for a few hours (she'd told everyone back home November) but as with most everything was able to move on quickly...When you say your prometida had "a fit," my only concern is how quickly she bounces back. I too married my wife after two trips, except I brought her here on a fiancee visa and we had a civil wedding...If there's one thing I'd do differently is I'd have been more insistent about her learning English before coming here, but to make a long story short it's been a challenging but very rewarding journey so far and I'm glad I took the leap of faith....

Awesome!
One of the great things about her is how fast she bounces back.
Today she was saying we need a better plan B if we don't get the loan or if we decide not to use it. Her plan B consists of a civil ceremony of 6 people and then a quiet honeymoon somewhere for as long as possible.

Her lack of English and her troubles learning English are a real concern. Frankly I think this is going to take her ages.

[Kiltboy1]

Awesome!
One of the great things about her is how fast she bounces back.
Today she was saying we need a better plan B if we don't get the loan or if we decide not to use it. Her plan B consists of a civil ceremony of 6 people and then a quiet honeymoon somewhere for as long as possible.

Her lack of English and her troubles learning English are a real concern. Frankly I think this is going to take her ages.
 
 
 
V_Man
 
I know some guys here differ from my opinion on learning English but once my wife came to live with me, I could see that she would try to watch Spanish TV constantly and speak Spanish to any Latino that she came in contact with and AVOID English speaking people altogether. I decided that the only way she was going to Learn was  by the "Tough Love " approach. I refused to speak Spanish with her and I am a 90% Spanish speaker. Fast forward 5 1/2 years and I do not think I have spoken 10 words to her in Spanish and her English is very very good. I suggest that once the newness of being in AUS is over with, you put away your guilty feelings that you will be having for taking her away from her country and go"Tough Love" In later years she will thank you for it immensely.
 
KB

[InnocentVixen]

She is not marrying me for a few te quieros or because I was the best financial option or because she would like to see some kangaroos.

Are you sure about the kangaroo part? they do sound pretty adorable... I know I would be tempted


I don't doubt your love for each other and I am not surprised about the millionaire guy, they can be some piece of work. I know many guys here don't seem to want to believe it but not all the women are so concerned about money as a lot of men seem to think they are, just saying that if you feel you need to clarify anything or forgot to ask anything then go ahead, it won't change the wedding plans. I am hoping for a picture, I so love weddings!!

[braziliangirl]

I just discovered this week that she dumped a millionare for the opportunity to go out with me. She could have been married to some wealthy New Yorker by now, but she threw it all away in the hope that the two of us would work out. I never knew about that until this week.

Who told you about the millionaire? She?

[V_Man]

Are you sure about the kangaroo part? they do sound pretty adorable... I know I would be tempted

If you think they are adorable, wait until you see a sugar glider. 

[V_Man]

V_Man
 
I know some guys here differ from my opinion on learning English but once my wife came to live with me, I could see that she would try to watch Spanish TV constantly and speak Spanish to any Latino that she came in contact with and AVOID English speaking people altogether. I decided that the only way she was going to Learn was  by the "Tough Love " approach. I refused to speak Spanish with her and I am a 90% Spanish speaker. Fast forward 5 1/2 years and I do not think I have spoken 10 words to her in Spanish and her English is very very good. I suggest that once the newness of being in AUS is over with, you put away your guilty feelings that you will be having for taking her away from her country and go"Tough Love" In later years she will thank you for it immensely.
 
KB

Well she wants very much to work. And here, if you can't speak English then you are lucky to get a cleaning job. This is something that I have been telling her many times. But yeah I guess I will need a little tough love. I am far too much of a softie to her to do what you did though!!

[Kiltboy1]

Well she wants very much to work. And here, if you can't speak English then you are lucky to get a cleaning job. This is something that I have been telling her many times. But yeah I guess I will need a little tough love. I am far too much of a softie to her to do what you did though!!

V_Man
 
I am a huge softie but after 6 months I realized that this was the only way my wife was going to learn English and get the type of job here like she had in Ecuador. She is now branch manager of a credit union and makes great $$$ and benefits. If you asked her , she would tell you that she could not have learned enough English to get where she is at today without my refusing to speak Spanish with her. I was tough, but fair and of course always with a hug and kiss
 
KB

[robert angel]

 
 
That is tough love, but this was REALLY tough--As I recall, Alabama Boy struck a deal with his wife, where he insisted his wife learn English or she'd end up back home.. When she didn't, at one point he  did send her BACK home. Last time I heard, it worked--she got serious, learned English and they've been doing well together in the USA ever since.
 
It's different for us, because outside of some syntax challenges, like most Filipinos, my wife's English was pretty good when she landed here.  Still sometimes, we'll go out to dinner with several people and the wives will all be Filipino and seated at the same table with non Visayan speakers, namely us--their husbands.

The women will sometimes go on for five or ten minutes , just speaking machine gun speed Visayan and laughing like crazy--about what, us husbands have NO earthly idea. Not meaning to be malicious, they nonetheless seem to revel in it all and get wound up more as it continues, becoming more excited, giving each other 'high fives' with each better joke, story, etc.

So after a bit, it sort of grates on us. We sort of feel like we're the Yankess and they're Boston Red Sox or something equally foreign,  I'll tell them that it's impolite to run on at length like that and how we all ought to speak the same lingo.

That almost always puts the kibosh on that. On the rare occasion it doesn't, I'll slip the guys a wink and start saying some interesting things in Italian, of which the ladies have no clue, and the guys, play along, occasionally replying "capsisco" gesturing a bit with their hands like good Itai's and acting as if they actually understand me, as I try to sound like a bad imitation of Marlon Brando, speaking Italian.

Then the ladies get suspicious and stop speaking Visayan. One guy speaks 'pig latin', which I have never understood too well, but I'll play along, to the same effect. However, whatever, it ends up with us all on the same page, so to speak.

None of it ever gets totally obnoxious and it's somewhat sophomoric in how we deal with it, but keeping it light and redirecting things keeps us all happy typically--at least until the waiter brings the bill.



 

[robert angel]

I just discovered this week that she dumped a millionare for the opportunity to go out with me. She could have been married to some wealthy New Yorker by now, but she threw it all away in the hope that the two of us would work out. I never knew about that until this week. She is not marrying me for a few te quieros or because I was the best financial option >
If I wasn't willing to take risks I never would have got this far. And so far the rewards have been outstanding!!!!  Thanks.

Sounds famililar! My wife chose me over a Chicago heart surgeon and while she could have been wealthier, I'd like to think she wouldn't have ended up happier and she never looks back--she never talks about 'that'. I hope you guys are as happy and aside from the not uncommon worries about wedding expenses and the normal 'jitters' you seem to be experiencing, I bet you two will be just fine and I wish you all the best!