Rookie seeks advice

[whitey]

2.  If you want a hot vacation with a horny latina, do the Carribean vacation with her....If you want a wife, visit her in Bogota and meet her family and friends.  If she is willing to meet you on a Carribean vacation, you don't want this young lady as a wife.

Welcome Jason, and congrats on starting to think outside the box.  It's a big world out there with big rewards ... I could never settle for a westernized woman again.

I can't emphasize the above point enough.  It's certainly understandable that you have some security and language concerns about visiting Colombia, and that you would like to have a nice beach vacation ... but ... you really need to decide whether you want a vacation, or whether you are looking for relationships that may lead to marriage.

Nothing wrong with either choice, but if you are interested in marriage, I would advise you against spending any more time with a latina that doesn't know you, but is willing to fly off and meet you at a resort in another country.  In the latin culture, decent women would simply not do this.  It's also absolutely essential to get to know your woman's family, friends, and life so that you can make the best decision possible as to whether you are compatible and a good choice for each other.

First thing to do is start reading and asking questions to figure out what country interests you the most.  Then start researching what region/city within the country interests you the most.  In Colombia you can have chose from places like Bogota (sophisticated, big city, well educated women, rainy, cold, polluted), Barranquilla (laid back, less complicated women, on the coast near resorts), Medellin (big but beautiful city, more fair coloured women, perfect climate but no beach), and tons of other choices.

After that, start chatting up some women from your favourite city or cities, start learning Spanish, and above all ... get yourself on a plane as soon as possible!  And be prepared for several more trips.

If all of this sounds like a big, expensive drag ... then this is probably not for you.  Learning a new language should be FUN ... experiencing a new country and culture should be a CHALLENGE and an ADVENTURE.  Romancing a latina and getting to know her family/friends should be an incredibly ENRICHING experience.  It was for me, and I'm sure the vast majority of other guys who have done it.  It will change your life forever and for the better ... if you are open to it.

Best of luck ...

[aconcepts]

“3.  Learn Spanish....or find a Filipina, no Spanish required.”

Hahahahaha

Well.. that may make a lot of sense Jason. I might have should have went that direction years ago.

First, I have been dating LA women for many years.

It’s a whole different world – it’s as if they speak a foreign language!

Now their culture is second nature to me. This means that, a kind lie rather than a hurtful truth. I have ran the gambit of girls and have kept my eyes open. I have cheated and been cheated on. Felt more alive and more hurt than any relationship with a non-latina.

My points are one:

1) Huge learning curve I don’t just mean the language.

2) You better like it hot. I am not talking the beach here. In my experience, most Latinas want to see you at your best and at your worse. They want to find the line. In English the translation is arrive at the line but don’t cross it. Well you better have a very flexible line, or do what I do which is draw the line several meters before the real line.

They will trounce the first line and that is where you make your stand in order for them not to cross the second line (which may or may not be the real line).

Look people here have a lot of experience but I am trying to draw the bigger picture here.

Best sex and dirtiest fighting I have ever had have been with Latinas. I made a lot of money young in life so it’s not like I have not had a wide field to compare.

Tell you the truth if I was looking for mid America, 2.2 kids, picket fence - and I was a beginner like you, I would not marry a Latina form Latin America. I would not even start dating them. Kinda like heroin. If you are stuck on Latinas you will have less culture shock and probably not as much trouble (or fun) with a pre fem US Latina: A Latina that was either born in the US or learned the ropes on her own after someone else brought her to the US.

You know for me in the strictest sense of the American middle class dream 2.2 kids etc, a foreign women that does not speak your language just does not seem to fit in the equation.

You are talking exotic high maintenance in that you will have a huge learning curve to maneuver.

I don’t think you should be pondering Caribbean (although the San Andreas idea was a winning one) or Bogata. I think you should be asking yourself if you are ready to redefine yourself?

That is what you will have to do if you are serious about SUCESSFULLY dating Latin women from a foreign country. Key word: Foreign. It’s all gonna be weird and wonderful once you start and like another poster says it can be very addicting (like heroin – powerful stuff).

My closet girlfriend to a Latina I found in Newport Beach. Borderline personality disorder 22 year old lingerie model half American Indian half Scandinavian, jet black Indian hair white complexion green eyes. Wild!

For that one that was that good in bed and that wild and fun, I have met literally countless women in LA that have sized up to her. When you open up that box of Latina Chocolates I hope you like picante!

Yes, I am generalizing and this is according to my own tangled webs and my experience, but you will find that when a Latina is mad - you just don’t speak. Every sound, let alone word, you make will turn up the heat.

You can’t taste the soup when it’s hot.

Ya get what I mean Jason?

So if you are mild mannered and want a woman that will be let’s say “demure” or sedate, modest or shy, I would not venture into Latin territory. But the make up sex? Well it can be a serious high. It’s hard to explain the ocean to someone that has never seen it.

You may buy into your woman’s self-image or make up your own image of her but be advised – she is Latina. You will be riding bareback without a saddle. So you better be a seasoned cowboy or start practicing your ropin if you don’t want to get off that filly with a chapped ass!

The bottom line with you I believe is, and your only decent chance, and maybe your winning move, is to find a Latina that will enter your paradigm rather than you entering hers. You may find it more functional but it will also eliminate the highs and lows. Sick as it sounds I love those highs enough to handle the lows.

Last thing: You better know how to drive the relationship. I have not been to Colombia but there are many Colombianas here and they are devastatingly attractive, confident, charming, much more sophisticated than Ticas - and hot. Like wear your flame retardant suit hot in many ways. If you are easily hurt and the sensitive type a tuff chick from the Southside may be more than a handful emotionally.  I’d rent before buying just to get the hang of it…

[JasonA]

Hey, everyone! 
Here is an update on my situation...
M and I had a 3 hour webchat tonight (going cross-eyed from staring at the computer screen!).  During the chat, I asked her to go get her purse. She left and came back a minute later. I asked her to show me her ID. She showed me 4 picture ID's up close. One was her university ID from a few years ago. I feel good that she is who she has portrayed to be. Also, I sent her a Christmas card and a small gift last week (mistake #1- shipping fees. lesson learned. please skip lecture! ha!). She had the card and gift during the chat, so I have an address for the CSI people in case I end up on the back of a milk carton (relax, joking. mostly joking  ).
 
Also, I asked her if she wanted to meet at a neutral location or if she wanted me to come to Bogota. I told her that I wanted her to feel comfortable and safe when we meet. She immediately returned the question. I told her that I preferred a neutral location of the resort variety, but I would come to Bogota if she preferred. She said that she feels comfortable with me and that she likes the resort idea too.  Everyone slow down for a second...   1) I don't think that she is a gold digger in it for a free trip. I have dated too many American girls like that. I can usually spot it from a mile away.  2) I don't think that she is a whore either. In fact, I think that it is entirely possible that we may not have sex on this trip (not by my choice). She is somewhat shy and she has told me and handful of times that she takes things slow. Yes, I have heard that a lot from American women in my days and it usually means nothing. Somehow, I believe her when she says it. So, for the people painting this as a sex fling weekend, chill out, I don't have those expectations (not that I would be disappointed) and I don't think that she does either. We'll see what happens...    Like I posted previously, I want to go someplace warm and sunny and chill on a beach and take a timeout from my life for a few days. From what I've heard, Bogota is neither warm, sunny or beachy...  If she and I hit it off. I will likely visit her there sometime in the following month or so.
 
Oh, by the way...  her sister is in Bogata from the States and I got to 'meet' her tonight during our webchat.
 
 I am looking at language learning programs. Is Rosetta Stone the way to go? I'm sure there is a forum post discussing that somewhere on here...
 
So, for now, the resort trip is a go...  If we hit it off, great. If we don't, at least I am still at a resort and will enjoy myself! Ha!  Seriously though, I am one of those people that can have fun with just about anyone, so I think that it will be a great trip whether there is a Chuck Woolery Love Connection or not...
 
Ok, before I get flamed by everyone on here...   just remember that there is more than one way to skin a cat (by the way, where the heck did that saying come from? has anyone here actually skinned a cat? lol). IF this works out, awesome! IF IT DOESN'T, lesson learned and I will try the 'romance' tour route if I decide to continue down this path. AND everyone here can say 'I told you so!'.      
 
Wish me luck...   Will keep you posted on happenings if people are interested...  if nothing else, maybe it will provide some entertainment for someone!
 
Happy New Year to everyone!
J
 
 
 
 

[JasonA]

Aconcepts, you are one funny dude. Your post cracked me up! But I also get your message. The fiery personality stuff is definitely something to think about. So far, M seems kinda shy and soft spoken...   are those the ones that I need to look out for?
 
I am a dominant, strong-willed personality (don't let the nice guy online persona fool ya).  As for easily hurt feelings, I am an ice hockey player, you can't be sensitive and play ice hockey...  even in men's league.  In short, I don't take too much crap...  which is probably why I am still single?     
 
Good stuff though...  Thanks for the post!  Something tells me that you should write a book about your adventures...

[vikingo]

Jason, they all are softspoken in the very beginning. LOL. I have met only one Latina in my life (Mexican) who was even tempered, but unfortunately she was happily married. Latinas have a strong tendency to flair up once in a while, some on a daily basis, usually when you critizise her, even if ever so slightly. It is a deadly insult to her and our ways of being humorous goes right over their head, unless they've been gringonized before and are somewhat familiar with our culture.
When she get's bent out of shape I usually picture her in my mind without clothes on and stay quiet and an hour later she acts like nothing happened.
I don't like it, this trait, to be perfectly honest, but what's a man to do, settle for a Western woman?
Just curious, have you asked her if she's ever been to San Andrés (you pronounce the last syllable, that is the reason for the "tilde" over the 'e'.
Most people from better off families have been there, some several times.
San Andrés is not a foreign country to Colombians, BTW, it's their proud pocession and favorite resort, most of the tourists there are Colombians.
Pictures of San Andrés:
http://www.google.com.co/search?q=san+andr%C3%A9s+island&hl=es&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=Hzr8TtD8GYa3tweGzJDQBg&sqi=2&ved=0CFYQsAQ&biw=1014&bih=670

[euforia51]

I don’t think you should be pondering Caribbean (although the San Andreas idea was a winning one) or Bogata. I think you should be asking yourself if you are ready to redefine yourself?

That is what you will have to do if you are serious about SUCESSFULLY dating Latin women from a foreign country. Key word: Foreign. It’s all gonna be weird and wonderful once you start and like another poster says it can be very addicting (like heroin – powerful stuff).

Great post! While I can't agree with everything as it relates to life in my world, the point in bold really hit home for me once it was certain I was going to do this. And that moment actually came when I took my seat on my first flight to Medellin.

[euforia51]

Oh, by the way...  her sister is in Bogata from the States and I got to 'meet' her tonight during our webchat.
 
 I am looking at language learning programs. Is Rosetta Stoone the way to go? I'm sure there is a forum post discussing that somewhere on here...

Jason, it sounds to me like you're getting everything in order on your own with this woman. Checking your (her) facts, you met her sister via webcam, cautiously optimistic, etc. None of the advice being given to you here is going to trump your own intuition. So if you and this lady feel good about doing a rendevous in a remote location, and you have analyzed and have prepared an escape hatch if you need it (for any reason), then why not?
 
As for Rosetta Stone, I personally found the price alone to be more than I was willing to invest. I use a program called Visual Link Spanish They have 3 levels in CD form ... along with additional MP3 discs you can purchase. They also have an online lesson portal where you login to study and practice.
 
You can also sign up for lessons from a site called Rocket Spanish This site will send short text and mp3 audio lessons to your e-mail for free. They also have programs for sale but I have not purchased them.
 
I recommend making the purchase of a dedicated program. As the free lessons aren't sufficient enough.
 
Best of luck...

[aconcepts]

Jason - thanks for the compliment. Look I am trying to help you out here. You need to be tough on their home turf which is the stadium of EMOTIONS. I was watching Modern Family last night which is one of the few TV shows intelligently written. Gloria the Colombiana was upset because she thought Jay was putting their dog before here.

She says to Jay her 20 years older husband, "Hey Jay, Colombians respect their women. It’s their wives first, mistresses second, and then the dog!”

What a line if you know Latinas.

Great laugh but also deadly deep serious insight to Latin culture. I don’t have the same value regarding cheating after living here for 10 years, and being in and out of LA for 20 years.

I don’t even feel as violated when women cheat on me.

That’s the kind of stuff that you need to have to play in this arena.

Also from my years here, the emotional BS thrown down by Latinas can be so cruel that you will want to cheat just to get back at them. And they know it.

This may sound weird but like the other poster mentioned they cool off and actually feel remorseful. They start to rationalize that if they were not so emotionally cruel, you would not have cheated. The circle is complete.

It’s a hall pass.

Most gringos (I use that word even though I don’t like it) won’t see the opportunity and their Latinas (living in LA mind you) see them as less masculine for not jumping on it (all possible puns intended).

Yes when I said “weird and wonderful” I meant it. Preparate! (prepare yourself!!!!)

The bottom line is as Gloria indicated its accepted and even though they call for faithful, I really do not believe that it means that much to them if you are with another women. I think faithful is code for “easily controlled.” Preparate!

It’s the price you pay for the most sensuous beautiful and sexually hot women in the world. If you know that and they know you know then they will respect you for not being naïve and you are ahead in the game (a little bit anyways). You have been warned, read the bamaboy saga if you want a glimpse of Latinas and what I believe to be naïve American thinking they are steering the ship.

Last thought/ Latinas love make up sex more than anything. They also want you to be motivated in bed and they know that a man not tired of being with the same women is better in bed. I think they would reather have you motivated than faithful. Makes sense to me. Personally after I have cheated it’s like going home to a new woman every time. Weird and wonderful down here.

[whitey]

Also, I asked her if she wanted to meet at a neutral location or if she wanted me to come to Bogota. I told her that I wanted her to feel comfortable and safe when we meet. She immediately returned the question. I told her that I preferred a neutral location of the resort variety, but I would come to Bogota if she preferred. She said that she feels comfortable with me and that she likes the resort idea too. 

You missed an opportunity here to find out for sure what her REAL preference is.  It would have been better if you threw the question back to her.  Sometimes you have to ask a few times, in different ways, especially early in a relationship with a latina.  Why?  Because you are the man, most expect/want to be led (with their input), and they want to please you.   

It would be better that her REAL preference is for you to come to Bogota, and meet her friends and family.  You have to appreciate that there are significant cultural differences between independent, feminized, western women and most latinas.  Decent women in Colombia DO NOT fly off by themselves to another country with some guy they have been chatting with on the internet for a short time.  Actually, IMO, decent North American women don't do that either.  How is she going to explain this to her parents, brothers, sisters, friends? 

For you to be too scared to visit her in Colombia and prefer a neutral location is not good for many reasons that should be obvious and have already been stated in other posts.  Latin women do not respect the timid.  This is no way to start a relationship. 

You need to get over this, or pick someone from another country that you perceive to be safer.  No shame in it - Colombia isn't for everyone - but most of the guys here have been many times lived to tell the tales.

Everyone slow down for a second...   1) I don't think that she is a gold digger in it for a free trip. I have dated too many American girls like that. I can usually spot it from a mile away.  2) I don't think that she is a whore either. In fact, I think that it is entirely possible that we may not have sex on this trip (not by my choice). She is somewhat shy and she has told me and handful of times that she takes things slow. Yes, I have heard that a lot from American women in my days and it usually means nothing. Somehow, I believe her when she says it. So, for the people painting this as a sex fling weekend, chill out, I don't have those expectations (not that I would be disappointed) and I don't think that she does either. We'll see what happens...   

She may not be a gold digger, she may not put out.  But one thing we know for sure is that she is willing to go against her cultural norms and (probably) the wishes of her family to go on an exotic foreign vacation with a complete stranger. 

BTW, for the record, I see nothing wrong with a sex fling weekend between two honest and consenting adults.  I offer this advice ONLY if you are interested in optimizing your chances to meet a decent Colombian woman for a relationship that could lead to marriage.

Like I posted previously, I want to go someplace warm and sunny and chill on a beach and take a timeout from my life for a few days. From what I've heard, Bogota is neither warm, sunny or beachy...  If she and I hit it off. I will likely visit her there sometime in the following month or so.

Go to Cartagena for a day, then a 2 night/3 day resort stay at the Decameron on Isla Baru, 1 hour by boat from Cartagena.

http://www.decameron.com/

Even my freaking 70 year old parents have been to Cartagena ... you can do it!

I am looking at language learning programs. Is Rosetta Stone the way to go? I'm sure there is a forum post discussing that somewhere on here...

 
A good option to start with vacation level Spanish is Coffee Break Spanish:

http://radiolingua.com/shows/spanish/coffee-break-spanish/

Ok, before I get flamed by everyone on here...   just remember that there is more than one way to skin a cat (by the way, where the heck did that saying come from? has anyone here actually skinned a cat? lol). IF this works out, awesome! IF IT DOESN'T, lesson learned and I will try the 'romance' tour route if I decide to continue down this path. AND everyone here can say 'I told you so!'.      

I hope you don't feel too barbequed by this post ... there's no real risk in what you are planning other than spending a few bucks.  But you will learn virtually nothing about Colombian culture or what I would consider to be a "normal" Colombian woman with your current plan.

[braziliangirl]

You missed an opportunity here to find out for sure what her REAL preference is.  It would have been better if you threw the question back to her.  Sometimes you have to ask a few times, in different ways, especially early in a relationship with a latina.  Why?  Because you are the man, most expect/want to be led (with their input), and they want to please you.   

Jason, Please listen to Whitey... Latinas are raised to please their men. We will always say what you want to hear, even if it's not true.

JimD once said something about not being too open about your preferences early in the relationship with a Latina. I agree with him. You'll never know how she really is if you say what you look for in a woman in the early stages. Or perhaps you'll get to know when it's too late.

Decent women in Colombia DO NOT fly off by themselves to another country with some guy they have been chatting with on the internet for a short time.  Actually, IMO, decent North American women don't do that either.  How is she going to explain this to her parents, brothers, sisters, friends? 

100% true. We're not saying that she is a golddigger, but as Whitey said "one thing we know for sure is that she is willing to go against her cultural norms and (probably) the wishes of her family to go on an exotic foreign vacation with a complete stranger." Do you think that's a good sign in someone you are considering as a candidate to be your wife?

[whitey]

Thanks BG.  Um abraço.  I'm sending you the $5 I promised. 

[JasonA]

OK...   I am feeling a bit confused here...  Some messages are saying "be tough, be a man" and others are telling me (in a round about way) "you need to be sensitive and find out what she really wants".  So which is it?
 
In my opinion, I just need to be myself. Will I change if/when a relationship develops? Sure, every relationship requires both people to change some things for the relationship to work.
 
A couple of reasons that I chose to correspond with this woman are:
1) She spoke English.
2) She lived in an 'Anglo-cised' country for over a year.
3) Her mom and sister live in the US.
I am looking for someone to live here in the US. I'm not looking to relocate anytime soon (if ever). I let her know that up front. So, if I find a Latina, she needs to be willing to adapt to American culture (Pause, breathe people, breathe!). Do I expect her to give up her up her whole upbringing at a moment's notice? No, that's not possible. Do I expect to make changes myself? Of course, I do.
 
Regardless of the culture, everyone wants to be loved, respected and treated well. That is what I am bringing to the table. If a woman doesn't want that, then I'm not her guy and it's time to move on...     
 
 

[vikingo]

BG, Whitey, she is a grown woman, her immediate family doesn't even live in Bogotá anymore, it appears her parents are separated, she doesn't have a visa for the States, which takes time. She has traveled before, probably been in a relationship or two, why pretent she is little miss innocense, for what, to make a good impression on Jason? She is not pretencious at all.
BTW, I'd prefer a woman who puts out after the second date, than let's me wait a couple of weeks, so I have a good impression of her, even though her last boyfriend didn't have to wait more than a day. This woman sounds uncomplicated without being sluttish. I'll bet she is as honest and forthright as the day is long and that is an attribute few colombianas deserve.
Jason doesn't seem to like ass-freezing Bogotá, I don't either, I ain't never going back there.
 

[whitey]

BG, Whitey, she is a grown woman, her immediate family doesn't even live in Bogotá anymore, it appears her parents are separated, she doesn't have a visa for the States, which takes time. She has traveled before, probably been in a relationship or two, why pretent she is little miss innocense, for what, to make a good impression on Jason? She is not pretencious at all.
BTW, I'd prefer a woman who puts out after the second date, than let's me wait a couple of weeks, so I have a good impression of her, even though her last boyfriend didn't have to wait more than a day. This woman sounds uncomplicated without being sluttish. I'll bet she is as honest and forthright as the day is long and that is an attribute few colombianas deserve.
Jason doesn't seem to like ass-freezing Bogotá, I don't either, I ain't never going back there.

Hey Vikingo ... all of those things you mention are cautionary flags at best for me.  And both the young latinas on this forum seem to feel the same way ... doesn't mean we're right about this individual, but ... there are way too many great women in Colombia for a young man to waste time on that IMO.  What Jason doesn't realize yet is that there are TONS of women there that will be just as interested in him.  Pero ... cada persona tiene su gusto.

I don't like Bogota either ... there are many better cities in Colombia ... even Barranquilla ...

Feliz Ano Nuevo amigo (please imagine there is an accent on the n) ...

[whitey]

OK...   I am feeling a bit confused here...  Some messages are saying "be tough, be a man" and others are telling me (in a round about way) "you need to be sensitive and find out what she really wants".  So which is it?
 
In my opinion, I just need to be myself. Will I change if/when a relationship develops? Sure, every relationship requires both people to change some things for the relationship to work.

Jason, being confused is natural ... there are many veterans of latin america posting on this thread, including two latinas, and we don't all share the same opinions.  You'll have to filter all this stuff yourself, and make your own decisions.

It probably seems that I am saying "be tough, be a man" and  "you need to be sensitive and find out what she really wants" in the same post, but you misunderstand.  What I was trying to say was that you missed an opportunity to let her reveal her character and personality to you ... this doesn't mean that you have to follow what she says. 

The concept of how to relate to latinas, how to be macho (in a good way - not the negative connotation) is difficult for a lot of guys who have been raised in western countries in the last 30 years to understand.  Most western women actively seek to control and neuter their men, and then wonder why they are unhappy and have no respect for their husband.  This wasn't always the case ... you only have to look at movies made before the 1970's to get an idea of what more typical male-female roles were, and still are in most of the world.




 

[braziliangirl]

Regardless of the culture, everyone wants to be loved, respected and treated well.

That's true. I agree. Especially for women. BUT, you just have to consider that those concepts change depending of the individual and it's largely influenced by culture.

A couple of reasons that I chose to correspond with this woman are:
 1) She spoke English.
 2) She lived in an 'Anglo-cised' country for over a year.
 3) Her mom and sister live in the US.
 (...) if I find a Latina, she needs to be willing to adapt to American culture (...)
 

That's interesting... If you ask around here, those would be reasons to avoid a woman. (Not that I agree with that.)

Would you mind sharing with us why did you decide to look for a Latina? What in your friend's recommendation made you believe it would be a good idea?

[robert angel]

Jason,


You sound like a really nice guy, kind of laid back. I've always thought it took a special kind of guy to 'make it work' with a real Latino woman. Sort of a combination of lion tamer and smooth talking lover boy, able to convey that he's in control but that he values his wife's mind, especially on child rearing concerns. Sort of a Rhett Butler type--but who likes rice and beans.


I have three Uncles, guys with a lot of Bronx bred moxie, who had decades long marriages with Latinos, but ultimately, they split up. I loved being in their homes--being a young male, I was treated like a prince and we ate and drank like kings. My Aunties would always stuff $10 or $20 in my pocket before I went out on a date and back then, that was more than enough for a flick and dinner. To them, money was something to be used--they'd always be printing more, they figured. They lived for the moment. I think that's not uncommon still in those circles.


But the atmosphere in their households was as far from what we typically view as 'suburban N. American', as much as Hong Kong is different from St. Louis. When it was good, it was GREAT, when they were in a fight mode, you could feel the tension between them the minute you entered the house.


There's some really good advice here already. I think Aconcepts has pretty much outlined in a colorful way what you're likely to expect from the vast majority of Latin women and you should heed his advice--he has a lot of experience. Whitey has approached his advice giving somewhat differently, but he's also someone you should most definitely tune in on. No slight towards Aconcept, but I think you and Whitey have more in common and what you're looking for.


I can't list everyone, but as said--there's good stuff from a lot of guys and gals here--try and think about it as objectively as possible. I have never been to Colombia (yet) been close, but never crossed over. But despite having read a lot of stories, both good and bad, I would not hesitate to not only go there, but to even travel outside the metro areas in Colombia--safety concerns are everywhere nowadays.


What really concerns me is you meeting her somewhere far from her home base. It's bad enough that when we go to their country/hometown, that it's sort of like a honeymoon before the honeymoon--seeing the nicest sights, spending money like you usually don't, being on your best behavior and dressing to impress (probably). But at least to some extent, you can see more of how she really is in dealing with others in her home element IN Colombia.


That includes interactions with her family and friends, from which you can learn a LOT, but also how she treats maids, taxi drivers, store clerks, etc. But if you meet on 'neutral ground'--namely on some Caribbean resort scenario--it really throws in a "Disney World" effect--in most parts, it seems like 'la la land'.


I lived in the Caribbean for a few years--we were going to places like the Baths on Virgin Gorda, Tortola and other British Islands, before the National Geographic even got around there--my Mom's in a photo from when they did their first story there back in the 60's in fact.


I've lived mostly in the US Virgin Islands for a few years, but traveled to and fro  Danish, French and Spanish Islands as well. I even shared a room with a guy named Pappillon, on a little island off of French Guinea for a while once (NOT!!--LOL)


It seems like everytime we'd find a favorite island/beach, the cruise ships would also come a while later, pushing out the funky family restaurants and souvenir shops for T shirt and cheese burger joints. Pick pockets, petty thefts, assaults, rapes and even murders typically followed.

 
It's even happened now in Key West, USA, 90 miles from Cuba and 120 from mainland Florida, where we long ago finally decided to have a winter base, buying one of the original ship captain's homes in Old Town and fixing it up. About twenty years later--what happened? Cruise ships came there too! It's hard to get a real Cuban sandwich there anymore and someone stole a potted tree off our front porch-we'd never had a single problem before that!

 
Even the 'deserted' islands have pretty much been bought up and if you set anchor on some of them, you might get chased off by the likes of owners Merv Griffin, Richard Branson or Johnny Depp's henchmen.


Key West is probably still the safest of the above, but  make NO mistake, those islands are just as dangerous--if you're in the wrong place--as is Colombia. I have been in slums in the Americas, Europe, Asia--spent a fair amount of time in Black, Spanish Harlem and the south Bronx, Chicago and Detroit and there's no town I'd less like to take wrong turn in than Kingston, Jamaica. Puerto Rico has some really scary neighborhoods too.


If you're thinking of marrying a Colombian, you ought to be there, learning about and embracing her culture--observing her and her surroundings first hand. Why she has family members so keen on living in the USA already raises questions on it's own, but I don't know how that effects any motivation she has or doesn't have to marry a Kano and move here. That's for you to find out.

 
Jason, you sound like you're asking some good questions and doing some good research too. It does sound like you might be moving a bit fast here though. Very few Latin women will wait too long if your not visiting them personally, but it could be a big mistake if you rush into a marriage without knowing where her head is at, where she's coming from and the situation--the land and the culture, the many, many things that made her who and what she really is. Good luck!!!
 
PS:---And yea--DON'T ask her anymore leading questions!- Don't act wishy washy, but pick HER mind....

[maritime04]

That is what you will have to do if you are serious about SUCESSFULLY dating Latin women from a foreign country. Key

 
What is your definition of success? And Dating?

So if you are mild mannered and want a woman that will be let’s say “demure” or sedate, modest or shy, I would not venture into Latin territory.

You’re making a HUGE assumption/Generalization Not only about a particular race but sex included…………………………………………………………………………

Last thing: You better know how to drive the relationship. I have not been to Colombia but there are many Colombians here and they are devastatingly attractive, confident, charming, much more sophisticated than Ticas - and hot.

Seriously, and what do these devastatingly attractive women do in a country like coast a Rica?

She says to Jay her 20 years older husband, "Hey Jay, Colombians respect their women. It’s their wives first, mistresses second, and then the dog!”

What a line if you know Latinas.

Great laugh but also deadly deep serious insight to Latin culture. I don’t have the same value regarding cheating after living here for 10 years, and being in and out of LA for 20 years.

I don’t even feel as violated when women cheat on me.

That’s the kind of stuff that you need to have to play in this arena.

So what your saying is you want to wind up, a drunken deadbeat with 17 children, running away from supporting your kids, chasing your fat wife’s daughter, and trying to sleep with numerous 20 year olds who only use you for beer money and clothes!
Hey it’s only fair that if you use stereotypes you USE them all

Last thought/ Latinas love make up sex more than anything. They also want you to be motivated in bed and they know that a man not tired of being with the same women is better in bed. I think they would reather have you motivated than faithful. Makes sense to me. Personally after I have cheated it’s like going home to a new woman every time. Weird and wonderful down here.

It’s not that I disagree with you, because allot of what you see is true, it’s simply how stupid that type of life is. The Latin males that I have meet in my life would totally agree with you, and in my eyes these guys are pathetic losers that I described above, long past any chance to create any type of meaningful relationship with anyone, not even their own children let alone women.  Latin culture can sometimes be self-destructing, but your implication that is how a man should live is just stupid nonsense, and a justification for bad behavior. The circle never ends unless someone is willing to set-up and act like a human being. Your insisting that in order to have a good sex life you have to cheat, that’s like saying in order to be wealthy you have to steal? Sorry dude I am not buying it.
Some guys love the worst that is Colombia; they revile in the absolute bottom of human behavior, and consider it normal. Heres some terms I think you should look up
Loyalty, like as in having loyalty to your women not to cheat, or your country not to betray…..
Dignity, having dignity in business or love life………………………………………………………………………….
Honesty, like being honest with yourself, and others……………………………………………….
Integrity, Like having the integrity to say what you mean, and do what you say………………………
Respect, like respecting your wife, and expecting her to respect you in return………………………………
Responsibility, like having responsibility to your family, to be a father to your children instead of looking for your next [snip]……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
I know, you left the states and entered into a whole new type of life, values and culture. Sure it revolves around sex, instant gratification, and desires. With a little money you can get anything, people here sell themselves cheap. Your happy I know, you must be the happiest man on earth.

[michaelb]

Darn, that's two of you who don't know the difference between an accent and a tilde.
 
 

Just curious, have you asked her if she's ever been to San Andrés (you pronounce the last syllable, that is the reason for the "tilde" over the 'e'.
 

 
 

Feliz Ano Nuevo amigo (please imagine there is an accent on the n) ...
 

 
 
 
 
 But seriously, I vote with Brazilian Girl and Innocent Vixen and Ray.....they all raised some valid points. If you want to meet her, go to Colombia and meet her.....if she shows up at the airport or your hotel to meet you, great, and it's 99 66/100% sure that she won't you go any places that you shouldn't and won't let anything happen to you. If she doesn't show up, well, V-Man has already covered the worst that can happen. Or if you're really paranoid, keep telling yourself that she will show up, but she'll turn out to be an axe murderer, but somehow I don't think that will happen.

[vikingo]

@Robert Angel, it seems you have never visited San Andrés. Allow me to shed some light on the subject. It is not your ordinary Caribean island. It is an island which is part of mainland Colombia, an exact comparison would be to the United States owning the Hawaiian Islands.
Unlike wide-spread crime and armed rebel activity (9000 active FARC members, to just name one of the rebel groups), including kidnappings on the Colombian mainland, San Andrés has no such activities and is for all practical reasons free of crime. It also doesn't have an onslaught of cruise ships like most Caribean islands, most tourists are Colombian families and young couples who come by airline. I have a  friend, an American, who lives on San Andrés, he is married to a native woman and there fore is permitted to live on the island year round. I myself have been there twice, in 2005 and 2007. It is the dream of every Colombian to vacation on San Andrés and since the riffraff can't afford to go there one is usually in good company.
 
@michaelb, young man what is widely known as an accent mark or to be precise, a 'diacritic acute' in the English speaking world as in San Andrés is known as a tilde in Spanish speaking countries, where I live, so I suppose you are correct since I wrote the post in English.
What my good friend Whitey called an accent mark over the ñ is in Spanish also known as "tilde" and in English it is known as 'tilde' as well in luck of an English word (which is one the best kept secrets), or as "palito de ene" by the Spanish speaking kids.
You are very observant, Michael and it was an opportunity for all of us to learn something, including me.

[robert angel]

@Robert Angel, it seems you have never visited San Andrés. Allow me to shed some light on the subject. It is not your ordinary Caribean island. It is an island which is part of mainland Colombia, an exact comparison would be to the United States owning the Hawaiian Islands.
Unlike wide-spread crime and armed rebel activity (9000 active FARC members, to just name one of the rebel groups), including kidnappings on the Colombian mainland, San Andrés has no such activities and is for all practical reasons free of crime. It also doesn't have an onslaught of cruise ships like most Caribean islands, most tourists are Colombian families and young couples who come by airline. I have a  friend, an American, who lives on San Andrés, he is married to a native woman and there fore is permitted to live on the island year round. I myself have been there twice, in 2005 and 2007. It is the dream of every Colombian to vacation on San Andrés and since the riffraff can't afford to go there one is usually in good company.

 
@michaelb, young man what is widely known as an accent mark or to be precise, a 'diacritic acute' in the English speaking world as in San Andrés is known as a tilde in Spanish speaking countries, where I live, so I suppose you are correct since I wrote the post in English.
What my good friend Whitey called an accent mark over the ñ is in Spanish also known as "tilde" and in English it is known as 'tilde' as well in luck of an English word (which is one the best kept secrets), or as "palito de ene" by the Spanish speaking kids.
You are very observant, Michael and it was an opportunity for all of us to learn something, including me.

Vikingo,


Thanks for the info. I think we would enjoy St Andreas. It looks like it's pretty laid back, with some infrastructure, but not like what essentially became an instant--exotic, over blown city--resort, with too many high rise hotels, namely Cancun, Mexico. It sort of reminds me of what Cancun was probably like in the late 1970s. I went there a bunch of times when it was still in fairly early development in the early 1980s and for less than $300, you could get airfare, a hotel and by then, you could party like crazy  for a whole week, real cheap. Corona beer seemed cheaper than bottled water.


 I was a single 'wild and crazy guy' still more a kid than a man and with a couple running partners, we had some scenes that were funnier than anything from the movie ''The Hangover". You could get all kinds of things from the locals and the 'Pharmacias' that you couldn't get back in the states Let's just say I don't know if I really did all the things they said I did, but it wouldn't surprise me if I did.

We went all around newly discovered Mayan ruins 3, 4 hours from Cancun proper , went swimming in cenotes that the govt hadn't even marked off yet as world historic sites, climbed pyramids, sunbathed on sacrificial altars--just a lot of stuff you can't (or shouldn't) do anymore. Today Cancun has over 600,000 people--in 1970, Cancun had THREE residents.


I do like places off the beaten path--part of the reason why I like my wife's home area. There are occasionally little problems with communist NPA (New People's Army), MILF (Moro Islamic liberation Front) and gold mining interests--their 'issues' with the official national 'govt', but honestly, they seem more like political parties than terrorist groups around there to me, although there are most certainly other places I would never, ever go not that far from her province. Those are places where the NPA and MILF really ARE hostile forces, mainly against police and military forces, don't tolerate outsiders as easily and it's no secret-so why bother?. After you've been there a few times, you sort of get a feel for friendly---indifferent--cool--unfriendly vibes, black magic practitioners versus 'natural health care providers' etc and you just 'roll with it'.


But St. Andreas looks like I a place we could relax, maybe do some fishing and see a mix of Spanish, Indian and Afro American people--my kind of flavors, including food too probably--we've got a curry--cinnamon seafood stew cooking as I write now. Yellow or white rice--black beans?--hmmmm...


Really, from below Belize, (about as far as I've been in that region so far) over into Colombia, from Brazil to Peru and all the way down to Patagonia, there's still a lot of places I want to see in that part of the world and that's a whole lot of ground and climates to cover.


Vikingo, I enjoy reading your posts. You have some years on you, but you don't seem old. You seem wise, but not preachy, serious at times, but still with a fine tuned sense of humor. I hope the new year brings you good things and that we keep hearing from you!!

[JasonA]

That's interesting... If you ask around here, those would be reasons to avoid a woman. (Not that I agree with that.)

Would you mind sharing with us why did you decide to look for a Latina? What in your friend's recommendation made you believe it would be a good idea?

My issue with many of the American women that I have dated is that they EXPECT you to do things for them/take care of them. It seems like they don't appreciate things. That is one of the first things out of my buddy's mouth (without me asking). He told me that LA women (he has visited Colombia and Peru and handful of times) have a zest/passion for life and that they get joy out of the small things that many Americans (male and female) take for granted. I think that would give me a new perspective and keep things fresh throughout a relationship/marriage.
 
OK, I will admit that I am attracted to thin(ner) women with curves too and naturally tan skin, so that may have something to do with looking for a LA woman too...
 
As for why I was looking for those traits (the ones that most men would avoid), I am probably looking for a hybrid LA woman. Or maybe medium spice would be a better way to put it. Also, she seems like someone who could adapt easily to living in the US and enjoy it here.
 
*As for an update on the trip- As of now, we are still a 'go' with the Caribbean vacation. We are going to finalize our trip details and book everything later today. I have another week of vacation scheduled for earlier February. We briefly talked about seeing each other that week if things go well.  I'm not sure if I will visit there or her come up here. She seemed excited about the prospect of possibly seeing each other again soon.
 
*For the person above who mentioned me thinking that she's an ax murderer...  I loved the Mike Meyer's movie from the 90's!!  I just need a Scottish father to sing at my wedding and the pipes player to pass out...      It's not her that I'm worried about. I'm a risk taker- I rock/mountain climb and I white water kayak (been stuck upside down before...  scary stuff), but for some reason my gut tells me to play it safe on this trip (safer location than Colombia). I'm not sure why, but I'm sticking with my gut instinct. Maybe it's just gas...   
 
*In a couple of our webchats, we play '5 questions'.  We alternate turns asking each other whatever we want to ask. No questions are off limits.  I asked her what the stereotype of American men was there in Colombia and she replied, "they are loyal and make good husbands". (I think that she gave the positive aspect of the stereotype and I'm curious if there is a negative side, but I didn't ask.)  She asked me the same question, but reversed.  I replied, "warm, cheerful, loving, passionate...   and hot tempered."   I wasn't sure what response I would get.  She laughed and said that it is true. Even before asking her this question, she has said many times that she likes to talk things out and not yell. After reading several posts on here, I hope this is true...
 
*Also, in our game of 5 questions, she asked if I had ever done drugs. I told her that I had cocaine once in the 4th grade and that was it (true story- broken nose playing baseball. couldn't get the bleeding to stop).  I then jokingly asked her, "what about you, did you hang out with Pablo Escobar a lot back in the 80's?"  Apparently, that is not funny. Lesson learned.
 
*I rely heavily on humor/wit with women. It's not easy with a woman from a different country. She hasn't seen the same movies or TV shows or know the current funny American slang phrases. I am having to adapt. It's not easy, but I have still managed to make her laugh, Pablo Escobar joke aside.
 
Hope everyone is having a great start to the New Year...   

[euforia51]

I then jokingly asked her, "what about you, did you hang out with Pablo Escobar a lot back in the 80's?"  Apparently, that is not funny. Lesson learned.

Yeah, I don't recall anyone mentioning to stay away from Pablo jokes. So now you know. In any event, every article I've read that mention Pablo and the narco-traficantes in general all indicate that the people of Colombia have long been ready to move on and remove the bad rep that still plagues the country to this day. And lest we forget that it is the western world at large who is keeping a good portion of the drug trade in business. The irony...

[vikingo]

Robert, thank you for the kind words. For an even more laid back vacation may I suggest Providence Island which is just a short hop from San Andrés and is part of the San Andrés archipelago and also belongs to Colombia.
http://www.providenciaespasion.com/eng/ Remember to look at the Photo Gallery.
 
And here are some pictures of San Andrés, where you have to go first to get to Old Providence:
http://www.colombia.travel/es/turista-internacional/multimedia/galeria/san-andres

[vikingo]

Jason, Latin people are easily offended and insulted. They don't have the capacity nor the tolerance we have to laugh it off, when we are made part of a crude joke, even if you have known them for 20 years. You may not have realized at the moment that the women Pablo Escobar surrounded himself with where his sex toys or his personal prepagos (callgirls) so to speak. So any decent Latina would be highly offended to be compared to those women. Her somewhat calm reaction tells me though she is a good sport. She sounds more and more like a keeper.
Any Latina who can control her temper is worth her weight in gold! (vikingo)