Planet-Love.com
Latin International Dating Forums => Latin -> General discussion => Topic started by: Calipro on March 09, 2012, 01:17:47 PM
-
Ever wonder if other guys experience with Colombian Cupid is as crappy as yours?
Well I have been wondering that lately....so any feed back from guys with first hand experience with the site is welcome.
I usually rely on my social network in Cali to find the women that I date along with an occasional cold approach if the chick is hot and I can make good eye contact....learned the hard way to make sure that woman keeps eye contact while you approach her because there is a type of woman in Cali that will literally stare a hole right though you but when you make the cold approach...look away and if you start to chat her up..... pretend like she never laid eyes on you. Not really sure what that is about except some kind of an ego boost for her.
So I'm a year out of a long term relationship in Cali and I still not dating any women that really, blow my mind....but by far the best prospects are two that I know though my social circle.....one I met at a party and we were introduced by friends....saw her again on one of my friend's facebook page and added her as a friend and we plan on going out...if we hit it off and she want's to spend all of her time with me I don't think I'll be going out with anyone else...she is just 100% my type.
The second one is a solid 8...saw her on a girlfriend's facebook page that I met when a group of my friends and I went up to Lago Calima for the black and white party. Asked her if she could introduce me to this chick and she said no problem but after she introduces us I'm on my own...I say no problem. Which brings me to why I hate internet dating in general...I keep thinking if I actually had all the women that I wrote to right in front of me for just 10 mins. I would be doing ten times better than I'm doing now.
Really only used Colombian Cupid for the first time this past January....of all the responses I got there where only two that I had any interest in meeting....one 22 year old from Cali and one that was 21 from Cartago which never could manage to make it to Cali and I just wasn't going to drive all the way to Cartago.
The 22 year old from Cali I actually had met in person as she was a bartender at Regge and Pop a while back....she remembered me so we knew what each other looked like in person.
I told her to meet me at Chipichape at around 8pm on a Friday and that I would pay her taxi if she called me when she got there. She called me at 8:30pm and was already in the mall...maybe she took a bus or paid the taxi herself but she got a point for being self sufficient. We weren't there 10 mins and she told me that she wanted to leave Chipi and go somewhere else...I say OK and I drove her to Bourbon Street....I ordered something to eat and tried to get her to order something but she said she had just ate...we hung out talking and drinking beer until about almost 11...I asked her what she wanted to do and she said I don't know...I said I know a hip hop club a couple of blocks away and she said OK lets go.
Order half bottle of Bacardi limon and after I kino escalate a bit...I go in for the first kiss and we end up making out in the club. We stay in the club until closing and then we get in my car....and drive to my place....we go out and sit on the couch on the patio and we are getting pretty hot and heavy...she gets on top of me and I say let's go upstairs...she says it's pretty comfortable here and I say it's better upstairs and take her hand and lead her upstairs....end of story.
Called her Saturday and talked to her on the phone...she was doing something and I ended up going out with another chick that I have know for years...(never throw away your old girlfriend's numbers away!!!)....Sunday night she comes over and we have dinner and watch a movie...she spends the night and leaves for work from my place....last I ever saw her.
Called her a couple of times no answer...then out of the blue I get a text saying that her work hours had changed and she was sorry that she couldn't answer my calls and that she get's off work at 9pm now. I think OK and I called her a couple of times more...no answer....the next friday evening one week after we met I get a text from her saying she was at chipi...I send her a text OK I'll met you there...call her when I get there...no answer....look for her for about 20 mins and never saw her.
I think there are three likely scenarios...one she has a boyfriend, two she has a husband or three I must have really ripped a stinker the last night she was there. jajaja
At any rate I have modified my approach to Colombian Cupid...not just because it appears some chicks are just looking for adventure but because the overall quality of the chicks is pretty low and the hot ones are over whelmed with prospects. I'm not sure I would have gotten a date with this one except her photos were horrible and I knew that she was a cutie because I recognized her from the bar.
My goal this time is to not find chicks that I'm only interested in dating but to make friends with chicks that have nice friends as well and just invite them out when a group of my friends get together. So I wrote to chicks that I thought were passable in the looks department even if they were the the types that my colombiano friends like instead of the flaquitas that drive me crazy.
So after about two weeks and 60 emails later these are the 14 that have wrote me back and indicated that they have and interest in meeting up...not sure that I'll have to resort to any of them as I have better prospects right now but I do think some would be good to meet in a group setting of friends.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/530940
I wrote this chick and she never even realized that I wrote her because she sent me and interest and favored me...I then sent her an email asking why she didn't answer my email if she liked my profile and then she wrote me back.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1593614
Great example of a chick that is not my type at all but something my colombian friends would go crazy for. jajaja So she'll get an invite.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1580199
This chick lives in the US and she liked and favored me before I wrote her...personally I think this chick is a runaway or over stayed her student visa or has some other serious problems that I would rather not get involved with. jajaja
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1316776
Hard to tell what this chick really looks like with her terrible photo but she does meet my height - weight ratio test. jajaja...to bad she live so damn far in the south.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1033581
This girl is cute and one of the few that actually states in her profile that she wants to meet guys over 50.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1033581
Cute but too short.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/293913
I find this one the most interesting based not only on her profile but what she wrote in her email to me.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1163383
Mystery chick...terrible foto....height and weight are perfect and she response right away to my emails.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1590190
Who knows? Comes in a little on the heavy side but looks good in the photos and it pretty open minded as she is looking for a guy up to 55 and she is only 19. jajaja
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1592641
Not my type but could be a good invite to group outing....any woman that describes herself as descomplicada can't be all bad. jajaja
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/80740
I don't know...but for some sick reason I find this chick somewhat attractive....she does meet my height weight ratio except when she was over weight in the white blouse.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/830627
Ok, looking chick....slow at answering emails.
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1322013
Not too attractive and gives juvenile responses.
Originally wrote her because she sent me an interest...but I'm not interested.jajaja
http://www.colombiancupid.com/en/profile/showProfile/ID/1516802
This one hid her profile...parents must have found out she was corresponding with gringos over the internet. jajaja
-
Cali,
Can't say my experiences with girls from Colombian Cupid are much different. One could definitely find a wife there with enough time, patience and luck; but from what I've found most of the girls in the 18-25 range are just looking for a good time. They're not so much prepagos or prostitutes, but just party girls looking for a means to have fun. The kind that would rather have a guy buy a bottle at the disco, dance with them until the sun comes up then take them home and [snip] their brains out for a couple of hours as supposed to finding a boyfriend. Meeting so many women like this in Colombia is what makes me laugh when gringos without experience tell me the majority of Colombian Women are conservative and prudish.
By the way, I can guarantee you would've enjoyed that drive from Cali to Cartago. Lots to see on Highway 25 between those two cities.
-
Cali,
Can't say my experiences with girls from Colombian Cupid are much different. One could definitely find a wife there with enough time, patience and luck; but from what I've found most of the girls in the 18-25 range are just looking for a good time. They're not so much prepagos or prostitutes, but just party girls looking for a means to have fun. The kind that would rather have a guy buy a bottle at the disco, dance with them until the sun comes up then take them home and [snip] their brains out for a couple of hours as supposed to finding a boyfriend. Meeting so many women like this in Colombia is what makes me laugh when gringos without experience tell me the majority of Colombian Women are conservative and prudish.
By the way, I can guarantee you would've enjoyed that drive from Cali to Cartago. Lots to see on Highway 25 between those two cities.
Glad to hear I'm not the only one being used and abused by these women...jajaja
I'm going to meet up with a couple of friends this time so I might end up taking a road trip to Periera and or Manizales....I've been to Periera a number of times but never bothered to stop in Maizales the few times we drove to Medellin.
-
Call yourself CaliPro when it should have been CaliAm !! lol
-
Play nice now.
-
HEy Calipro!
Well you have a large perspective after dating/marrying as many Colombians as you have. What are you finding different now that you are 15 years or so older than when you started? I imagine regarding attracting the ladies, your guile/experience makes up for a more mature physical appearance that the real fathertime deals to everybody. From what I'm gathering it appears you are looking for very young ladies. Do you think that is wise? I mean a 25, 28 year old gal can also look awfully cute too!
Good luck,
Fathertime!
-
HEy Calipro!
Well you have a large perspective after dating/marrying as many Colombians as you have. What are you finding different now that you are 15 years or so older than when you started? I imagine regarding attracting the ladies, your guile/experience makes up for a more mature physical appearance that the real fathertime deals to everybody. From what I'm gathering it appears you are looking for very young ladies. Do you think that is wise? I mean a 25, 28 year old gal can also look awfully cute too!
Good luck,
Fathertime!
Yes, experience makes a big difference along with good Spanish.....25 years old is fine with me...I even have a 28 year old in the rotation....I have know her for 4 years....actually met her before my ex.....she is paisa but lived her whole life in Cali so she behaves like a Calena.
I really don't card chicks before I hit on them....there is a certain look I go for....which is thin....5'3" at 105lbs seems to be my favorite...next 5'6" at 115lbs up to 120lbs and I have gone all the way up to 5'9" and 130lbs. Friends joke about my height weight ratio fetish...but it's serious business to me.
Most of the women I date are considered too thin to be considered top notch by a lot of Calenos.....so I have quite a bit less competition than if I was going for Car Audio model type that is famous here.
[size=78%]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21496489@N00/231513640/ (http://www.flickr.com/photos/21496489@N00/231513640/)
Eighty percent of Calenos are going to go straight for the india center left or the chick center right (boob job) while I'm going far left....also the morenas don't get as much action as the lighter chicks ..so if you can go dark and thin than that will even decrease your competition even more.
When I was 35 I would estimate that about 25% of chicks in their early to mid 20's where even open to having a relationship with a guy (like me) 10 to 15 years older than them and I'm guessing that it is down to about 15% at 50....so you end up having to meet a lot of chicks to find the few that are into it.
But like I said before it's really not an age thing....it's that the women over 30 for the most part are usually too thick for my tastes. Women in Medellin stay thinner longer so that is always an option...I mean if I can get a hold of my ego and suck it up enough to play "lets make a deal". jajaja
Would make things a lot simpler if I could get used to Paisas.
I could just date hot paisas and tell them if we have a kid...I'll buy a house there and take care of the expenses...for the next 18 years.....I bet I'd get a lot of takers. Of course a contract would have to be written up. LOL!!!
[/size]
-
I've played around with various online sites. I think CC and all the rest are basically a waste of time. It seems ironic that a communication system enabling people to segment and introduce could be less efficient than real life and chance, but to me this is true.
I have met one very good woman on Colombian Cupid. She was about as consistent, intelligent, and sincere as a Colombiana gets online. I found her when she was brand new to CC, and we quickly went to Skype. If a girl stays on CC, that is a bad sign. Because the type of people that write to the girls, and what they say, is not what a good girl wants to hear.
I GREATLY prefer meeting in person.
-
[size=78%]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21496489@N00/231513640/ (http://www.flickr.com/photos/21496489@N00/231513640/)
Eighty percent of Calenos are going to go straight for the india center left or the chick center right (boob job) while I'm going far left....also the morenas don't get as much action as the lighter chicks ..so if you can go dark and thin than that will even decrease your competition even more.
!
[/size]
Yup I'd go for center left or center right.
When I was 35 I would estimate that about 25% of chicks in their early to mid 20's where even open to having a relationship with a guy (like me) 10 to 15 years older than them and I'm guessing that it is down to about 15% at 50....so you end up having to meet a lot of chicks to find the few that are into it.
Well 15% is actually quite a few in sheer numbers and obviously it only takes one.
Good luck with it all, it sounds like the strict physical appearance criteria that a woman must maintain will be the complicating factor for you.
Fathertime!
-
I avoid the ones that are under 25 so I think that makes a difference to my experience. I had a few under 25 actually chase me quite persistantly. I was quite firm with a couple, stating that I thought there age was an issue because I only want a serious lasting relationship. That only encouraged them twice as much. Oooops!
Also I had other criteria that I used to narrow down the field to women that are more likely to have a long term relationship with me. I think this requires knowing yourself and what is important in the long term as much as knowing them. This approach has worked for me so far.
I don't like to say it but frankly the majority of girls on CC aren't as attractive as many people claim IMHO. I see way more hot girls here just walking down the street. However I decided years ago I don't want a 10 as a wife and Colombian women have a lot more than looks going for them in my view. Hence it worked for me.
I may have simply been lucky with CC. Maybe other guys have different results. My biggest problem was trying to keep up with all the correspondance, etc with my slow Spanish and different time zone. I had to devise ways to narrow down the field. One way was that if she didn't move fairly quickly to Skype, MSN or Gmail video then for me I thought it pretty impractical to continue with her. Also I made it clear why I perfered Sykpe so if she didn't get on to Skype she was always at a disadvantage with me.
For me distance is such a massive factor that unless I can build a video rapour with her then it is never gonna be worth pursuing. Hence it's best to get straight to the video stage.
I also eliminated a couple right away as soon as I got them on video. One was an obvious scammer. Not even subtle. The other was clearly chatting with several men at once while on the cam with me. I mean she was interupting and making me wait while she continued conversations with several other men at once. A few other clues made it pretty obvious what sort of relationship she was heading for.
Then I had several really very sweet pretty girls stay up the entire night without sleep to keep chatting with me. Due to the time zones this happened with me frequently. One got so wrapped up she carried on to the point of exhaustion until she actually feel asleep in front of my eyes.
So far I haven't had the other problems guys report of dates not turning up in person and other games like that. Hence maybe I have just been very lucky thus far. I would like to think my own decisions did have some bearing on it though.
-
Yup I'd go for center left or center right.
Well 15% is actually quite a few in sheer numbers and obviously it only takes one.
Good luck with it all, it sounds like the strict physical appearance criteria that a woman must maintain will be the complicating factor for you.
Fathertime!
Having your age alone weed out a good 85% of your target group is not a good thing and then narrowing down the remaining 15% to just the women that you find attractive that like you back is.... well.... the killer.....but after I find one....it does seem like my "strict physical appearance criteria" actually plays to my advantage (at least in Cali) because the chicks that I find super attractive are not the ones that have 50 million offers sitting on the table.....so at that point my conversion rate is pretty damn high if you ask me.
-
I have talked to the first one and have her added to my facebook.
Might meet up with her when im in Cali.
-
I have talked to the first one and have her added to my facebook.
Might meet up with her when im in Cali.
The first one is only 19. So if you are 35 or over I think y. ou are offi cially eligible to join
the viejo verde club. Jajaja
-
The first one is only 19. So if you are 35 or over I think y. ou are offi cially eligible to join
the viejo verde club. Jajaja
This photo was taken on September 1, 2006 (http://www.flickr.com/photos/21496489@N00/archives/date-taken/2006/09/01/).
So she was only 14 when the picture was taken?
-
The first one is only 19. So if you are 35 or over I think y. ou are offi cially eligible to join
the viejo verde club. Jajaja
Im 25 so I dont worry about that! jaja
-
Im 25 so I dont worry about that! jaja
Well she might be only 19 but she is looking for guys 24 to 45 years old....you are almost too young to date her.
I hope you look old for your age.
-
Well she might be only 19 but she is looking for guys 24 to 45 years old....you are almost too young to date her.
I hope you look old for your age.
LOL! Cali, I'm not sure if you're joking but I've actually been told by quite a few 25-30 year olds in Colombia that I'm too young for them, and I'm 31. "Eres demasiado inmaduro"...I hate that line. Of course that could be just and excuse and they're turned off by my bulging gut, severe acne, gimpy leg, and the fact that I'm balding. But I'm a gringo, so that stuff never matters, right? :-[
-
benjio sez
Of course that could be just and excuse and they're turned off by my bulging gut, severe acne, gimpy leg, and the fact that I'm balding. But I'm a gringo, so that stuff never matters, right? [img alt=:-[]http://www.planet-love.com/Smileys/default/embarrassed.gif
Absolutamente!!!!!! jajajajjajajaja
-
Then I had several really very sweet pretty girls stay up the entire night without sleep to keep chatting with me. Due to the time zones this happened with me frequently. One got so wrapped up she carried on to the point of exhaustion until she actually feel asleep in front of my eyes.
I've never done the skype/webcam thing but I'm a sucker for love and I could see myself falling for a pretty, sweet girl who fell asleep exhuasted from skyping with me all night.
-
Of course that could be just and excuse and they're turned off by my bulging gut, severe acne, gimpy leg, and the fact that I'm balding. But I'm a gringo, so that stuff never matters, right?
Ricos no son feos LOL
-
LOL! Cali, I'm not sure if you're joking but I've actually been told by quite a few 25-30 year olds in Colombia that I'm too young for them, and I'm 31. "Eres demasiado inmaduro"...I hate that line. Of course that could be just and excuse and they're turned off by my bulging gut, severe acne, gimpy leg, and the fact that I'm balding. But I'm a gringo, so that stuff never matters, right? :-[
I think all of the above might be a much bigger problem than age lol....I have seen guys get turned down for having bad teeth that is for sure.
I have seen my younger friends get that line before but I don't think it's really because they thought they were immature but rather they think they are just playing and not really serious about having a steady girlfriend. I have seen young chicks walk right past my some of my friends that are 15 years younger and better looking to land on me.
You have to ask yourself "Why?"....my theory is that some of them are just tired of getting humped and dumped and see an older guy as someone that is actually more capable and interested in having something more than a one night stand.
-
I think all of the above might be a much bigger problem than age lol....I have seen guys get turned down for having bad teeth that is for sure.
I have seen my younger friends get that line before but I don't think it's really because they thought they were immature but rather they think they are just playing and not really serious about having a steady girlfriend. I have seen young chicks walk right past my some of my friends that are 15 years younger and better looking to land on me.
You have to ask yourself "Why?"....my theory is that some of them are just tired of getting humped and dumped and see an older guy as someone that is actually more capable and interested in having something more than a one night stand.
So what you're saying is I should be going for 18 year olds? LOL!!!! 8)
-
lets be real people.
in those cases it comes down to perceived money most of the time.
older guys generally have more money / stable and are looking for a colombian gf. (which is gonna cost money)
younger guys are usually there just to "smash n dash". (gringos anyways)
hell if im 60 and dating a 25 yr old Colombiana id pretty much bet the farm she was cheating on me with a younger guy.
obviously, there is the rare exception here and there
its one big game. a trade off of sorts.
-
lets be real people.
in those cases it comes down to perceived money most of the time.
older guys generally have more money / stable and are looking for a colombian gf. (which is gonna cost money)
younger guys are usually there just to "smash n dash". (gringos anyways)
hell if im 60 and dating a 25 yr old Colombiana id pretty much bet the farm she was cheating on me with a younger guy.
obviously, there is the rare exception here and there
its one big game. a trade off of sorts.
My favorite line that I have heard a thousand times in Cali when I ask a chick if she has a boyfriend "Yes, but we are fighting right now." LOL!!!
I have slept with plenty of chicks in Colombia that have boyfriends....wouldn't call them girlfriends.....exclusivity is what costs you....the minute you have to have one particular chick any time you want and be the only one...then it will cost you here.
Besides the only one way to be absolutely sure your colombiana is not cheating on you......sleep with her every night and then you still can't be sure she isn't pulling double duty unless she is scared [snip]tless of losing you.
I was 48 and my super hot girlfriend was 20 years old at the time....watched a younger better looking guy that I know that lives in Medellin flirt with my girlfriend...make eyes at her.... she would not respond in anyway....finally the guy told me that he was impressed by the loyalty of calenas compared to paisas....I said Oh! are you talking about my girlfriend.....maybe you should try hitting on calenas that don't have a live in boyfriend that they work for. LOL!!! and then tell me how faithful you think they are.
-
So what you're saying is I should be going for 18 year olds? LOL!!!! 8)
Might not be a bad idea....I have seen some chicks here that are jaded at the ripe old age of 21. jajaja
-
I really gotta get back down to Cali, ASAP!
-
sounds like somebody might have a "reputation" in cali and now has to resort to internet dating to find new women...... hum, seems awful similar to the gringos i know in medellin who live there,hahahaha . sorry couldnt resist lol
dont know calipros situation, but seems funny that a guy living in cali would use cupid to find women.
-
sounds like somebody might have a "reputation" in cali and now has to resort to internet dating to find new women...... hum, seems awful similar to the gringos i know in medellin who live there,hahahaha . sorry couldnt resist lol
dont know calipros situation, but seems funny that a guy living in cali would use cupid to find women.
My opinion of Colombian Cupid is that you can easily find young chicks open to dating an older gringo but the quality is definitely lower than what you can pick up when you are out and about..... and the overall chances of hooking up are much greater when you meet in person. Much, much easier to seduce a woman in person than online. jajajaja
At any rate you are welcome to write any on the women that responded to me.....I mean if they liked any old gringo like me than they would probably love......well maybe not.....best to use Colombian Cupid to network rather than find a date IMHO.
-
I've never done the skype/webcam thing but I'm a sucker for love and I could see myself falling for a pretty, sweet girl who fell asleep exhuasted from skyping with me all night.
I'm a sucker for how affectionate and sexy they are in person.
-
And I'm a gringo sucker fish. jajajjajajaja
http://www.carpron.com/multisite/v/Upload/goixoye/FM3/gringo+sucker+fish.jpg.html (http://www.carpron.com/multisite/v/Upload/goixoye/FM3/gringo+sucker+fish.jpg.html)
-
what means when they says...i thought all the gringos are the old mans... they are like the 50 and like the grandpas...
... they have the wrinkles on the eyes.... and the hard face??? i no understands????
-
And I'm a gringo sucker fish. jajajjajajaja
http://www.carpron.com/multisite/v/Upload/goixoye/FM3/gringo+sucker+fish.jpg.html (http://www.carpron.com/multisite/v/Upload/goixoye/FM3/gringo+sucker+fish.jpg.html)
That's scary, BTB. :o
-
Geez guys, you make colombianas sound like such a wonderful *ahem* wife material.
-
Geez guys, you make colombianas sound like such a wonderful *ahem* wife material.
LOL!!!!
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. There are actually more attractive women (in a wider variety) in Brazil, but it's extremely expensive to travel and stay there...not to mention the visa requirments that some gringos just aren't willing to deal with.
I've also seen A LOT of very attractive women in Mexico and Honduras as well, and I would say that both countries are on average cheaper than traveling to and staying in a major Colombian city. But strolling down the street in Villahermosa, Guadalajara or Monterrey doesn't even come close to doing the same in Barranquilla, Cali or Pereira. And I haven't even been to Medellin, which supposedly blows every other city in Colombia out of the water in terms of available beautiful women.
This is the one of the only two reasons I've been able to come up with for why gringos continue to flock to Colombia to wife hunt. The other is most guys just aren't willing to partake in the adventure of travelling off the beaten gringo path. But each time I do, I'm always very pleasantly surprised.
-
Geez guys, you make colombianas sound like such a wonderful *ahem* wife material.
LOL!!!!
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S.
I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them. As a man married to a Colombian lady, pulled right from the homeland, I gotta just giggle at this silliness and ‘can’t do’ attitude. If a lady is having difficulty adapting, then you as the man/husband help her until she does. If she doesn’t adapt, it is the man/husbands fault as much as the lady’s fault if not more. That is the attitude the man needs to have, if you don’t have that attitude than it is best you don’t get involved. I’d say a relatively small percentage of men are up to that task, there certainly can be degree of difficulty involved and it is much easier to just bounce from
woman to woman.
*Competence issue can inability to choose a suitable lady for marriage, or lack of patience within a marriage, or just not being good husband material*...among many other possibilities.
Fathertime!
-
FT, before getting into this with you again, I'd like to ask you four questions. A couple I've asked you on numerous other occasions in different threads but you declined to answer.
1. On the page of the link below, Jamie writes his opinion on some of the worse traits of Colombian Women. You follow up with a post that says, "Jamie brings up a lot valid points, no doubt!"
http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=6887.msg97212#msg97212 (http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=6887.msg97212#msg97212)
Would you please elaborate on the points Jamie made that you think were "valid."
2. How many cities have you been to in Colombia?
3. What is the total time you've spent in Colombia?
4. How many women from Colombia have you dated?
-
FT, before getting into this with you again, I'd like to ask you four questions. A couple I've asked you on numerous other occasions in different threads but you declined to answer.
1. On the page of the link below, Jamie writes his opinion on some of the worse traits of Colombian Women. You follow up with a post that says, "Jamie brings up a lot valid points, no doubt!"
http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=6887.msg97212#msg97212 (http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=6887.msg97212#msg97212)
Would you please elaborate on the points Jamie made that you think were "valid."
2. How many cities have you been to in Colombia?
3. What is the total time you've spent in Colombia?
4. How many women from Colombia have you dated?
I'm just not all that interested in answering your questions but I will to indulge you and move the conversation forward.
3. been to 3 cities
4. 14-15 weeks over around 12-13 trips
5. didn't count dates but quite a few...lots of nice gals
Jamie makes lots of valid points, within the context of the thread he is commenting on and I often agree with some of what he says and not as much with other parts. I'm not disagreeing/agreeing with Jamie on this particular thread so if YOU have something to say, just go ahead and make the particular point and we will see where it takes the discussion.
ok now lets hear what you have to say about the years you have spent in Colombia and the 100's of women you have dated, and how important that is, in comparison to being involved in an actual marriage to a Colombiana in the states!
Fathertime!
-
LOL!!!!
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. There are actually more attractive women (in a wider variety) in Brazil, but it's extremely expensive to travel and stay there...not to mention the visa requirments that some gringos just aren't willing to deal with.
I've also seen A LOT of very attractive women in Mexico and Honduras as well, and I would say that both countries are on average cheaper than traveling to and staying in a major Colombian city. But strolling down the street in Villahermosa, Guadalajara or Monterrey doesn't even come close to doing the same in Barranquilla, Cali or Pereira. And I haven't even been to Medellin, which supposedly blows every other city in Colombia out of the water in terms of available beautiful women.
This is the one of the only two reasons I've been able to come up with for why gringos continue to flock to Colombia to wife hunt. The other is most guys just aren't willing to partake in the adventure of travelling off the beaten gringo path. But each time I do, I'm always very pleasantly surprised.
I know that finding the best looking woman at the lowest possible cost was pretty high on my list of priorities when I was looking for the one person who I wanted to partner up with and share the rest of my life.
8)
-
I repeat, I need you to elaborate on which of Jamie's points you think are valid, because in my opinion what you posted in response to my post ideally disagrees with almost everything Jamie wrote, while what he wrote would be in support of my argument. I'm just trying to establish this is not a personal thing with you, but an intelligent discussion. So please quote the statements in Jamie's post that you think were "valid points."
And by the way, I've never said I've spent years in Colombia, nor have I ever stated I've dated hundreds of women. I do however think you trying to discount the importance of those two variables because you haven't done much of either lame. We're talking about wife hunting here, not maintaining a marriage.
-
I repeat, I need you to elaborate on which of Jamie's points you think are valid, because in my opinion what you posted in response to my post ideally disagrees with almost everything Jamie wrote, while what he wrote would be in support of my argument. I'm just trying to establish this is not a personal thing with you, but an intelligent discussion. So please quote the statements in Jamie's post that you think were "valid points."
And by the way, I've never said I've spent years in Colombia, nor have I ever stated I've dated hundreds of women. I do however think you trying to discount the importance of those two variables because you haven't done much of either lame. We're talking about wife hunting here, not maintaining a marriage.
I have disagreed with what I feel is a naive opinion on this thread. It is odd to drag Jamie’s posts/feelings into this thread. If you don’t feel you can defend your statement or dispel mine, then that is your decision, I’ve made my point, which to repeat is as follows:
I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them.
If you would like to disagree with that point and state why then feel free to do so. It is not THAT big a deal to just state your case is it?
We're talking about wife hunting here, not maintaining a marriage.
You say you are not talking about marriage now but here is what you said in the post in question ON THIS THREAD:
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost.
You are clearly talking about potential wives in that statement. I'm only busting your chops here a little bit because it appears you are making conflicting and unsupported statements. :)
Fathertime! [size=78%] [/size]
-
Benjio seems like a good guy to me. And, I understand where Calipro is coming from. AND, many other good guys that have never come to this board.
However, FT makes a good point about a man being able, or unable, to make the glue stick. It is true ... most of the good guys I have met in my travels are somewhat, or very, selfish. It is a natural result of a successful modern life. And, it is not without it's disadvantages.
I thank my EX of 13 years for giving me HUGE patients. Although I may have acted selfishly in some cases too, at least I understand the other side - with all its faults AND rewards.
The bottom line is that most men do not meet a Colombian woman that BOWLS THEM OVER and makes them want to change.
-
but me no understands...what means... .. you almost 50 and you grandpa?? strange no?
-
Calipro- Kino escalate? You been reading 'The Game'? ???
-
I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them. As a man married to a Colombian lady, pulled right from the homeland, I gotta just giggle at this silliness and ‘can’t do’ attitude. If a lady is having difficulty adapting, then you as the man/husband help her until she does. If she doesn’t adapt, it is the man/husbands fault as much as the lady’s fault if not more. That is the attitude the man needs to have, if you don’t have that attitude than it is best you don’t get involved. I’d say a relatively small percentage of men are up to that task, there certainly can be degree of difficulty involved and it is much easier to just bounce from
woman to woman.
*Competence issue can inability to choose a suitable lady for marriage, or lack of patience within a marriage, or just not being good husband material*...among many other possibilities.
Fathertime!
Excellent post and spot on!! hehehe!
I really don't see how guys can judge a woman's ability to adapt to another country. Just like FT says it isn't all on the lady to adjust. My wife is an intelligent woman and has adapted well but her success in adapting is just as much credited to myself, or at least I believe it is. Since I lived in another country and experienced culture shock and adapting myself I had much empathy for my wife. I also had plenty of ideas to help her. So it isn't all on the lady to adapt. Of course she needs to be willing and do her part but the man needs to do his part as well.
During my years travelling I ran across other guys who had soured on AWs and I wondered if it was really the women's fault or if the guy was just as much the problem. To have a successful relationship one has to look in the mirror and take a good honest look. I always reflected on past relationships and tried to see where I fell short and how I could improve. Again, it isn't all on the lady.
Researcher
-
Calipro- Kino escalate? You been reading 'The Game'? ???
I read "The Game" so many years ago I can't remember when....I think "kino escalate" is a very common term anymore.....I would consider it mainstream.
I am meeting up with a fairly well know pick up artist while he is in Cali....should be entertaining to say the least....especially in high en venues where everyone is in their groups and cold approaches are not all that common. I personally have never had any real success at breaking into groups without the help of other very attractive women.
A hot wing woman will do wonders for your social life here in Cali.
-
"You say you are not talking about marriage now but here is what you said in the post in question ON THIS THREAD:
You are clearly talking about potential wives in that statement. I'm only busting your chops here a little bit because it appears you are making conflicting and unsupported statements. :) "
I'm speaking about potential, not actual. IMHO there is a huge dissimilarity between the two. Are you suggesting there should be no difference in the way a man approaches the process of looking for a wife as supposed to actually being married? If a board member were to post here asking for advice on what to do about his Colombian Girlfriend of two weeks asking for money, are you saying the advice you would give him wouldn't be different from the advice you'd give a board member that was already married and experiencing the same thing? I'm VERY well aware that marriage requires a level of patience, understanding and hard work. However, I do not think the same level of patience and understanding should be applied when a man is dating someone. A red flag is a red flag. A man and a woman that are not compatible probably won't ever be compatible just because one or both of them are patient enough to tolerate their irreconcilable differences. Emotionally, mentally and logically...American Men and Colombian Women are two very different creatures.
Correct me if I'm wrong, because perhaps we are not in disagreement at all, but I think your opinion of how gringos should approach dating in Colombia is, as you stated, "naive." This is a direct result of your lack of experience with dating women in Colombia. This is why more often than not your opinion is contrary to that of men that have much more experience than you in terms of living and dating there. I'm well aware you are happy with your wife now, and I'm assuming she is happy with you; but I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have found someone you are truly compatable with (if that's actually the case). That is not a simple task to say the least; and it is further complicated by distance, an initial language barrier, a difference in cultures...the list goes on and on.
I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them.
What are these "competence issues" exactly? I can only logically assume you were referring to me because you replied to my post in this thread and you've replied to past posts of mine concerning the same conflict in a similar manner. You speak as if anyone that has not accomplished what you have has no one to blame but themselves; when in my opinion if a man knows exactly what he wants, and simply has not found it yet, it has nothing to do with shortcomings on his part. He's just still searching.
I'm absolutely sure I've dated many more women than you in Colombia. I've spent much more time there, and I've been many more places. I have never once said there are not good women there. It is however my opinion they are difficult to find, and when you include the variable of compatibility it complicates things even further. I've dated many spectacular women there, but in the end, for one reason or another, we simply weren't compatible. I believe my ability to realize this and move on instead of trying to force something to work is an asset, not any level of incompetence. It has absolutely nothing to do with my own shortcomings. It's because I know exactly what I want and I won't settle for anything less than that. Does that in some way make me incompetent in your opinion?
I have repeatedly brought up Jamie's post from that thread because he provides a very good description of a problem that's common amongst Colombianas...especially along the coast. Does that make them bad women? GOODNESS NO!! Can those characteristics be detrimental to the success of a marriage to a gringo? Most definitely!!! My point is it's better for gringos to approach this process very cautiously. Do not allow the beauty, free spirits and passion of these women to make you forget about the importance of compatibility and the fact that eventually she will have to navigate a HUGE change in her life. The lack of a Colombiana's ability to adjust to life in the U.S. has absolutely nothing to do with the competence level of the gringo that married her and brought her here.
I agree with you that once married, a man should certainly be as patient and as helpful as possible with helping their wife adjust to life here in the U.S. What you have failed to realize is there are a lot of Colombian Women that are incapable of making this adjustment (in my opinion, more that can't that those that can), and there are usually signs of this very early in a relationship. I suggest that men pay close attention to these personality traits and sincerely ask themselves whether or not they can be changed. Your response to my post suggests that most gringos that choose to end things because of these characteristics are in some way incompetent.
Another direct quote from Jamie's site, a man with more experience than anyone here with Colombian Women:
"Most Colombian women would not be suitable for you. However, even with the elimination of many there is still bounty to be found. If you select a foreign bride who can think and progress from your teachings and patience, you can live with their limitations, which will become smaller and smaller over time. A good man with clear objectives of what he wants can find a foreign bride with the kind of attributes most men would not be able to find domestically."
-
Excellent post and spot on!! hehehe!
oh-ooo here we go again with the SPOT ON's. I sense an Angel close by! :D
I really don't see how guys can judge a woman's ability to adapt to another country. Just like FT says it isn't all on the lady to adjust. My wife is an intelligent woman and has adapted well but her success in adapting is just as much credited to myself, or at least I believe it is. Since I lived in another country and experienced culture shock and adapting myself I had much empathy for my wife. I also had plenty of ideas to help her. So it isn't all on the lady to adapt. Of course she needs to be willing and do her part but the man needs to do his part as well.
During my years travelling I ran across other guys who had soured on AWs and I wondered if it was really the women's fault or if the guy was just as much the problem. To have a successful relationship one has to look in the mirror and take a good honest look. I always reflected on past relationships and tried to see where I fell short and how I could improve. Again, it isn't all on the lady.
Researcher
Of course I agree 4-square! Some guys have the habit of focusing and recounting all the 'faults' of the ladies, when really it is their faults that travel with them wherever they go and thwart them! It is nice to see that Zonny is finally REALLY taking a look at himself a little more critically, just like you and I did when we were in the hunt!
I figure that many of the ladies that were interested in meeting me, were good marital material, if I did not pursue them that was my personal decision, and not necessarily a negative for them. Of course there were also a percentage of ladies that I felt were in this for the wrong reasons, but that is expected and they are usually easy to identify if a man has experience/judgement.
Fathertime!
-
I'm absolutely sure I've dated many more women than you in Colombia. I've spent much more time there, and I've been many more places.
I was chuckling to myself/waiting for you to puff up your 'credentials' as if your posts should be unquestioned and given additional weight, because you have 'dated' 100 Colombian women. You have never married, or taken a Colombian lady to the states, so you have locked into an immature state of being, for an extended stay at Disneyland. Probably not much more than an enhanced strip joint experience.
Now after all these time with what should be a great experience you come up with this dismissive and arrogant statement about the Colombian ladies:
LOL!!!!
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S.
Somebody has sold you on the idea that these ladies aren't going to be good wives, because clearly you don't have the real experience to say. I suggest you take a look at yourself a little more closely and your expectations and really figure out what it is that is important. As you long as you continue to believe/give off that vibe in the above quote, you will only attract ladies you find substandard because most of the good ones will politely excuse themselves. I get the sense that marriage is not very important to you, and that is the reason why you are making such statements.
Regarding men being competent. Here is what I said: *Competence issue can inability to choose a suitable lady for marriage, or lack of patience within a marriage, or just not being good husband material*...among many other possibilities.
[/size]
[/size]You seem to be dealing with not being able to find that PERFECT woman for you and seem to think that you have to have this perfection. I say that is an excuse to continue to do what you are doing...there are lots of attractive woman that would be willing to adapt, FOR THE RIGHT MAN with the reasonably good attitude.
[/size]Fathertime!
-
You have never married, or taken a Colombian lady to the states, so you have locked into an immature state of being, for an extended stay at Disneyland. Probably not much more than an enhanced strip joint experience.
FT - I have come to see your posts and perspective in a different light. I understand more why you are proud of your accomplishment of finding , AND marrying AND bringing a woman to the USA AND going through that obviously challenging transition AND having children (which is a book of challenges unto themselves). You really seem to have committed yourself, and that everything is going OK. And that is SUPER.
But, there is a strong tendency here, and even among Colombianos that anybody who LIKES and LIVES in Colombia is looking for drugs and womEN (play things).
It is not so cut and dry. I have spent time in Colombia just being "lonely" ... working from an apartment, just getting along and learning a new language and culture SLOWLY - it is not ALL fun and games. You can spot the foreigners who only on a party binge a mile away. (It aint pretty. I know of two guys that died in the last year. Colombia is no place for people with addictions).
Having said that, Colombia has MUCH to offer, and after one makes a sizable investment in the culture and learning Spanish, a whole new world of possibilities begin to open up. The place unfolds, and you see thing MUCH DIFFERENTLY than in the beginning. ( M4 ... don't jump on me for not knowing EVERYTHING and being Colombian. I know my vision remains partial). One of the things I have noticed, and it jibes with Benjio, is HOW TRULY DIFFICULT it is for a gringo to find a well meaning woman from a good family that is able to adapt to a modern life and that is suitable for marriage. Looks are mightily deceiving. That does not mean one CAN NOT do it. It is just difficult.
Now, FT, I compliment you for your singularity of purpose. Evidentally, several years ago you decided to go find a wife and have a family. I hope she is SMOKIN HOT and you are both happy, and your kids smart and bilingual LOL But, I really think you got more than a little lucky too. How many days did you spend in Colombia before you found your wife? How many days did you know your wife, in real life, and live together, before she came to the USA?
I realize now more than I did 12 months ago, or 12 months before that ... "most" of the people I met without knowing Spanish and in party settings or shopping settings were looking for some type of advantage from me. I see that the people I meet in Colombia nowadays are slow to form judgments about me, and trust in me ... and I am slow to form judgments and trust them too!
-
FT - I have come to see your posts and perspective in a different light. I understand more why you are proud of your accomplishment of finding , AND marrying AND bringing a woman to the USA AND going through that obviously challenging transition AND having children (which is a book of challenges unto themselves). You really seem to have committed yourself, and that everything is going OK. And that is SUPER.
But, there is a strong tendency here, and even among Colombianos that anybody who LIKES and LIVES in Colombia is looking for drugs and womEN (play things).
It is not so cut and dry. I have spent time in Colombia just being "lonely" ... working from an apartment, just getting along and learning a new language and culture SLOWLY - it is not ALL fun and games. You can spot the foreigners who only on a party binge a mile away. (It aint pretty. I know of two guys that died in the last year. Colombia is no place for people with addictions).
Having said that, Colombia has MUCH to offer, and after one makes a sizable investment in the culture and learning Spanish, a whole new world of possibilities begin to open up. The place unfolds, and you see thing MUCH DIFFERENTLY than in the beginning. ( M4 ... don't jump on me for not knowing EVERYTHING and being Colombian. I know my vision remains partial). One of the things I have noticed, and it jibes with Benjio, is HOW TRULY DIFFICULT it is for a gringo to find a well meaning woman from a good family that is able to adapt to a modern life and that is suitable for marriage. Looks are mightily deceiving. That does not mean one CAN NOT do it. It is just difficult.
Now, FT, I compliment you for your singularity of purpose. Evidentally, several years ago you decided to go find a wife and have a family. I hope she is SMOKIN HOT and you are both happy, and your kids smart and bilingual LOL But, I really think you got more than a little lucky too. How many days did you spend in Colombia before you found your wife? How many days did you know your wife, in real life, and live together, before she came to the USA?
I realize now more than I did 12 months ago, or 12 months before that ... "most" of the people I met without knowing Spanish and in party settings or shopping settings were looking for some type of advantage from me. I see that the people I meet in Colombia nowadays are slow to form judgments about me, and trust in me ... and I am slow to form judgments and trust them too!
Well old Zonny, I don’t really see it as luck (although I am lucky)…There is a lot of work involved every step of the way and I’ve been cheerfully willing to do what I’ve needed to. Maybe I’ve been rewarded more than I deserve.
I’ve said this before, but during my time in Colombia, from my perspective there was an abundance of outstanding ladies…now those same ladies I found to be exceptional, YOU might say they sucked…for one minor reason or another. I’m convinced that many people who live in, or travel extensively to Colombia have made themselves unfit for marriage themselves. That is a generality, with obvious exceptions. To be earnest, based on your posts, until very recently I think you were probably in that category! :D The tendency seems to be that the ladies are blamed, when I’m convinced that it is the men who lack the fortitude and/or commitment to take a woman by storm for marriage. I just think it is WEAK to start blaming almost an entire country full of women. My feeling is MEN should be mostly blaming themselves, except in genuine extenuating circumstances. :)
Fathertime!
-
during my time in Colombia, from my perspective there was an abundance of outstanding ladies…now those same ladies I found to be exceptional, YOU might say they sucked…for one minor reason or another.
I think you did see an ton of women that APPEARED outstanding. As did I on my first several trips, as did others. Then, when you see and learn more, some of the gloss wears off (a lot of the gloss wears off:) and you understand what you thought was a flower field is a mind field. That is what people who live in Colombia see very often. Especially men that date and see girls exclusively from lower classes living in rather desperate conditions. With a sober mind, what else could be expected?
So, when I said you got lucky, I meant YOU GOT LUCKY:) And, you were man enough not to get side tracked, and walk the walk too.
-
I think you did see an ton of women that APPEARED outstanding. As did I on my first several trips, as did others. Then, when you see and learn more, some of the gloss wears off (a lot of the gloss wears off:) and you understand what you thought was a flower field is a full of land mines. That is what people who live in Colombia see very often. Especially men that date and see girls exclusively from lower classes living in rather desperate conditions. With a sober mind, what else could be expected?
So, when I said you got lucky, I meant YOU GOT LUCKY:) And, you were man enough not to get side tracked, and walk the walk too.
Ok Zonny, you make a valid point in that only so much can be gleaned on short trips. Thanks for the complements, although I think you are overplaying the 'luck' thing, there is a lot of work involved and I felt confident that I would be able to make a good choice for a wife. Back to the point, I was never arguing that there isn't some bad apples in the barrel. I'm arguing against this point:
LOL!!!!
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. There are actually more attractive women (in a wider variety) in Brazil, but it's extremely expensive to travel and stay there...not to mention the visa requirments that some gringos just aren't willing to deal with.
I am still not buying that nearly all these women have deal breaking type traits, after you get to know them…I still think it is the ‘kid in the candy store’ type mentality that American Colombian travelers get, and once a woman displays something negative but relatively small it is deemed a ‘ deal-breaker’ and time to move on the next woman. When I see guys writing how all the women in the USA are inadequate and then travel to Colombia and start to say the same crapola, it tells me that it is the guy doesn't have the maturity to be married. This is really not a big deal, but it needs to be pointed out. At some point a man has to realize he is the problem more than anything, instead of taking the attitude of 'where to travel next' to find that 'perfect' woman. Iceland, Mongolia? Isle of Man? Newflash: All ladies are going to have faults and it is silly/immature to think, 1. You as a foreign traveler are 'entitled' to a 'perfect' woman. 2. A wife is going to have a huge shopping list of traits on a man's wish list. Sometimes the men here start to sound as fussy as the American women they are complaining about! An attractive woman that is loyal, respectful and willing to work with a husband is what men are usually shooting for...and there are plenty of those types of ladies in Colombia....BUT only for the right man!
Fathertime!
-
Sometimes the men here start to sound as fussy as the American women they are complaining about! An attractive woman that is loyal, respectful and willing to work with a husband is what men are usually shooting for...and there are plenty of those types of ladies in Colombia....BUT only for the right man!
Point well taken. At the end of the day, it is what YOU make it. Sort of like wet clay. (but, you have to find a girl that is not damaged already)
Funny little story about first impressions versus second ones. My first couple months in Cali, I partied alot. (SURPIRSED?) I got to know many of the bombshells in town, many of the owners of the popular restaurants and clubs. I had a favorite place for late night electronic music. These were my "good friends". I went back a couple years later. Everyone remembered me - a good sign, or bad sign? As the sun rose and I am surrounded by narcos and whores. WOW, that place sure changed!!! NOPE, that place was always the same. I just could not see things clearly because I did not understand the subtle, and not so subtle, things.
-
I don't consider myself any sort of authority on Colombia, Colombian women or this whole process. Even so it seems to me there are a bunch of guys that get into this who really should look at themselves.
I hardly saw any gringos while I was in Colombia so I'm no expert on them either.
Even so the few that I saw made me think that these guys are not being realistic.
A couple of times I saw guys in Cartegena that were with girls 30+ years younger than themselves.
My Spanish is pretty crap but at least I can have a simple conversation with someone. Some guys seem to have no clue about how they are presenting themselves to people.
One lady in Cartegena opened up to me a little as I chatted with her. She told me that she did not consider most Norte Americanos to be husband material because they were so pushy and agressive in their approaches. It seems there are guys that go on a cruise, get off on Cartegena and think that it is some kind of meat market.
I was in a good resturant in Cartegena with my lady and this guy came in with a hot Colombiana. They were seated next to us. She was about a 9. Very pretty. I think she was 22. He was in his thirties and there was nothing wrong with him physically. No doubt he wouldn't be able to date someone like that at home but I thought she was in his league. No problems. Good luck to you mate. Well that was until he opened his mouth. This guy simply had no clue about how to date a woman.
She spoke fluent English and from what little I could tell was quite a catch. This guy first of all needed to learn what an apropriate volume is to talk in that situation. If it had not been rude to do so, I would have asked to move. Instead I basically had to listen to how this date went. He needed to learn a few very basic things about what NOT to talk about and say in a first date. For example: describing what was wrong with his ex-wife, crisitising the girl's relationship with her parents, not to mention a huge list of things he didn't like, oh it went on and on!! It was a train wreck. I was trying even harder to NOT listen.
Eventually she just shut up but he kept on talking about himself for a long time before he finally seemed to realise all was not perfect. Then there was awkward silence which was great for me because I didn't want to hear it in the first place. He seemed to recover the situation a little by showing her some pictures. However by that stage he was not talking so loudly so I was able to ignore them. Hence I don't know how it ended but why would a great girl like that come back for more?
No wonder he was single! Imagine what he'd be like to live with!!!!
So yeah I think there are some guys that do need to look at themselves if they really want a wife. Some of them simply aren't giving themselves the best chances of sucess. I suspect they don't really need to make huge adjustments. They just need to be more realistic, know themselves and be more genuine/empathetic.
I never mentioned this episode before because I really don't want to critise these guys much. At least they got to Colombia and experienced some other women. That's a whole lot more than so many others do. It says something about their character.
-
Point well taken. At the end of the day, it is what YOU make it. Sort of like wet clay. (but, you have to find a girl that is not damaged already)
Funny little story about first impressions versus second ones. My first couple months in Cali, I partied alot. (SURPIRSED?) I got to know many of the bombshells in town, many of the owners of the popular restaurants and clubs. I had a favorite place for late night electronic music. These were my "good friends". I went back a couple years later. Everyone remembered me - a good sign, or bad sign? As the sun rose and I am surrounded by narcos and whores. WOW, that place sure changed!!! NOPE, that place was always the same. I just could not see things clearly because I did not understand the subtle, and not so subtle, things.
Sounds like you were looking for love in all the wrong places....IF you were looking for love. If you weren't then being surrounded by whores might not be so bad. I don't know if it is a matter of understanding the "subtle and not so subtle things" as it is "we find what we seek".
Researcher
-
Ok Zonny, you make a valid point in that only so much can be gleaned on short trips. Thanks for the complements, although I think you are overplaying the 'luck' thing, there is a lot of work involved and I felt confident that I would be able to make a good choice for a wife. Back to the point, I was never arguing that there isn't some bad apples in the barrel. I'm arguing against this point:
Funny, you completely scoffed at the idea that a more accurate picture of some of these women's true personalities could be gained
by spending more time in Colombia than a few short trips. Now all of a sudden it's a valid point. I'll give you credit FT. At least you detailed exactly what the valid point was as supposed to refusing to when you said the same thing about Jamie's comments, but you change your mind like I change my underwear.
I am still not buying that nearly all these women have deal breaking type traits, after you get to know them…I still think it is the ‘kid in the candy store’ type mentality that American Colombian travelers get, and once a woman displays something negative but relatively small it is deemed a ‘ deal-breaker’ and time to move on the next woman. When I see guys writing how all the women in the USA are inadequate and then travel to Colombia and start to say the same crapola, it tells me that it is the guy doesn't have the maturity to be married. This is really not a big deal, but it needs to be pointed out. At some point a man has to realize he is the problem more than anything, instead of taking the attitude of 'where to travel next' to find that 'perfect' woman. Iceland, Mongolia? Isle of Man? Newflash: All ladies are going to have faults and it is silly/immature to think, 1. You as a foreign traveler are 'entitled' to a 'perfect' woman. 2. A wife is going to have a huge shopping list of traits on a man's wish list. Sometimes the men here start to sound as fussy as the American women they are complaining about! An attractive woman that is loyal, respectful and willing to work with a husband is what men are usually shooting for...and there are plenty of those types of ladies in Colombia....BUT only for the right man!
I didn't once say all the women I dated and were unsuccessful with had "deal breaking type traits." As I explained in my previous posts, it's also a question of compatibility. You take every single one of my posts that present an argument contrary to your own, and make ridiculous and groundless assumptions about myself and my experiences.
First off, when I said, "I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and enough of an adaptive nature to function here in the U.S., you're obviously assuming, as you stated, that I've dated hundreds of women, and found maybe one or two that I would place into this category. That is not the case. I honestly don't know how many women I've dated there. I'm not one to keep track of such things, but it's certainly more than I could accurately estimate just giving it a quick thought. That's neither here nor there. My point is I've actually met and gotten to know 4 or 5 really good women that I feel would make great wives for any Gringo or Colombiano alike, but sometimes things just don't click.
Chemistry is very important to me; and a couple can usually tell if they have it when they first meet. I've met a girl on Colombian Cupid while in Colombia then asked her to dinner. She showed up, we ate, had a fabulous conversation, maybe saw each other two or three more times and we remain friends until this day. We both knew we just weren't for each other though. In the U.S., the fact that we just weren't clicking romantically probably would have had to have been verbalized at some point. In Colombia I've learned that such things don't always have to be said, and the culture actually encourages leaving statements like that unspoken. After we met in person, we realized that the spark just wasn't there. The young lady I'm talking about is gorgeous, humble, a hard worker and serious about getting married and starting a family. I could tell by the conviction in her voice. But given the option, I don't think I would have been her first choice. She wouldn't have been mine either. This experience is not an isolated incident. It's happen to me a few times. It is however so seldom an occurence I can call it "rare," as I've done on numerous occasions.
What's happened to me much more often is meeting a girl that's either one or the other. Great wife material (MANY of those!!!) or a girl that would adapt very well to life in the United States. At this point I would actually be happy with great wife material, because if I found someone I wanted to marry it wouldn't be necessary for them to move to the United States. However, I just wasn't compatible, for one reason or another, with those I've dated. Working in Bogota's Business Environment has exposed me to an entirely different type of Colombiana. One that wife-hunting gringos down for a two week safari would never even have the opportunity to meet. These women wouldn't dare join an agency or create a profile for themselves on Colombian Cupid. There is an elite, very well educated group of Colombianas bound and determined to prove to Latin America that women can do any job men can. They have always made better grades than their male classmates, and they've worked twice as hard to gain important positions in the corporate hierarchy. To say they are discriminated against would be a gross understatement. So when I meet them and hear their titles I usually know exactly what types of woman they are. Still, I've given myself the opportunity to try and get to know a couple. I've found they have a lot of obvious things in common with some women in the U.S. Not interested in being mothers, cooking, cleaning or taking care of a household. So while they'd probably excel beyond their wildest dreams in Corporate America, they probably not the best wife material. There are definitely exceptions to both.
The second thing you're obviously assuming about me is I'm some type of playboy that's not serious about getting married, and that couldn't be further from the truth. I maintained a two year relationship with a girl in Colombia making several extended trips, getting to know her life and family and planning marriage the entire time. Things didn't work out. If I actually thought looking in Colombia was so hopeless why would I continue to return? I will admit, I've had fun. I've met girls that weren't interested in being in a serious relationship. They actually wanted a fling and I guess I was a victim of the situation I was in. Should I have kept moving when I found out these women's true intentions? Perhaps. I will admit that any amount of philandering is detrimental to the sincere search for a life partner. But jeeeezzz!!! I'm 31! Should I stop living my life simply because I haven't found someone to complete it?
There are two huge differences between myself and the average wife hunter. I sincerely believe that for a marriage to last a husband and a wife have to be best friends. I don't know anyone, regardless of any personality flaws they may have, that becomes best friends with another person in a week or two. As a matter of fact, I think it's impossible. The second thing is I have the rare ability to spend extended periods of time in Latin America. I'm not held back by finance, or obligations I have with my family or my job. It's easier for me to be choicey in Colombia. I think entirely too many gringos go down with the mindframe that they don't want to come home empty handed, and they make devastating mistakes because of that. On the other hand though, some get lucky and find the one. I've never denied that is possible, but I don't think it's happened to me. I approach dating in Latin America the same way I approach it in the United States. Time and money are of no consequence to me.
I'm not looking for the perfect woman...not by any measure of the immagination. I am however looking for the perfect woman for me. Perhaps your life experience has taught you that even that is too much to expect. Mine has taught me that settling for anything less isn't living at all.
-
Well Benjio, my comments have been pertaining to your original statement here:
LOL!!!!
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. There are actually more attractive women (in a wider variety) in Brazil, but it's extremely expensive to travel and stay there...not to mention the visa requirments that some gringos just aren't willing to deal with.
You seem to be backpeddling off this original comment which is what I wanted to see...I did not want to see the original comment of yours go unchallenged, and now that he has been challenged I've done/said what I wanted to do.
Funny, you completely scoffed at the idea that a more accurate picture of some of these women's true personalities could be gained
by spending more time in Colombia than a few short trips. Now all of a sudden it's a valid point. I'll give you credit FT. At least you detailed exactly what the valid point was as supposed to refusing to when you said the same thing about Jamie's comments, but you change your mind like I change my underwear.
I've not scoffed at the idea that a man could get to know a woman better with more time spent with her. It is OBVIOUS that would be the case. There is no reason to comment on comments you have quoted by Jamie, because he comments were not what I was challenging on this thread. What was challenged was YOUR SWEEPING COMMENTS. When Zonny made his comments I agreed with them, but that doesn't pertain to your comments or go against what I believed. Who would think you get to know a person better by seeing them less? ??? [size=78%] [/size]
I honestly don't know how many women I've dated there. I'm not one to keep track of such things, but it's certainly more than I could accurately estimate just giving it a quick thought. That's neither here nor there. My point is I've actually met and gotten to know 4 or 5 really good women that I feel would make great wives for any Gringo or Colombiano alike, but sometimes things just don't click.
Really? But you wanted to a count of how many women I had seen? Obviously to do a comparison like this:
I'm absolutely sure I've dated many more women than you in Colombia.
Looks to me like you are tring to keep track of 'such things' and it is 'here or there'.
Well Benjio, I've seen lots of valid points within your posts and you have talked a good game and often give sound advice from my perspective. I just don't see the reason for your broad quote about the Colombian ladies not being good wife material, especially now that you have finally admitted that it has been PERSONAL CHEMISTRY PROBLEMS vs some negative characteristic these ladies displayed.
I get the feeling you are behaving like a very difficult guy for a woman to please, maybe even very fussy, ALMOST as fussy as DENNISLEVY who is fervently lurking right now! ;) [size=78%] [/size] You might want to take a closer look at this aspect of yourself and see if you really think it is worth being that way, if you determine that to be the case. :)
Fathertime!
-
V_Man sez
I never mentioned this episode before because I really don't want to critise these guys much. At least they got to Colombia and experienced some other women. That's a whole lot more than so many others do. It says something about their character.
yes, and it could also say something about their cash flow. But no offense taken.
-
You know fellas ... We are all missing something here.
There is a new member here, aconcpets. Clearly an intelligent, experienced expat living in CostaRica. He comes off as a PLAYER (maybe a little like me), but he is much more than that. I am happy to have met him as a man, not as an avatar only. In one of his first post, he wrote about that which binds men.
He was dismissed here because he did not knell at the alter of marriage - but he is not against it! There are a million ways to skin a cat. ALL HERE ARE BEST SERVED to first see what they can learn from another, rather than divide and be dismissive.
I talked to this very experienced, well lived, and still seeking man over the weekend, and understood his point which most here have not even stopped to consider. That which we all have in common is so much greater than we have apart ... what's with the crazy debate and judgement? This would never happen in person.
At the end of the day, we are all trying to play the hand that God dealt us as best we can, and that is all.
-
.
At the end of the day, we are all trying to play the hand that God dealt us as best we can, and that is all.
I don't like the idea that we are all the same and fate has already determined everything. It is an interesting philosophy but not the one that guides too many of my decisions nowadays. As the famous philosopher Quato said: "You are what you do"
He was dismissed here because he did not knell at the alter of marriage - but he is not against it!
[size=78%] [/size]
I like reading Aconcepts posts, although I am more interested in marriage/family and those sort of things. I can still get a kick out of hearing another man's adventures when they appear to be told truthfully! Now why are you saying that he has been dismissed? it seems to me that he has been treated with respect by membership.
Zonny, I chuckle when you compare yourself to those you admire! First Calipro, now Aconcepts, it is sort like you are complimenting yourself when you do that! Why don't you relax, and let others compliment you when the time is right? :)
Fathertime!
-
Oh, we are NOT the same! Only the same in tying to play the hand the BEST we can. There is a big difference.
"I like reading, although I am more ...."
FT - come on! grab your ball sack and pull. We get it. You are a committed father and husband. That is great. NEWSFLASH - Calipro has been married - with the best of intentions - to Colombianas in the past. And, in some months and years of his life, he could have sounded much like you. Ditto with Aconcpets. To say that listening to a little man talk is somehow morally corrosive ... its a little too Rick Santorum for me Aconcets was warned to point of not being able to post without a 8 hour delay HAHAHAH. (treated with respect!)
Compliments. bragging? I know Calipro and others who live in Colombia. Such things as "Bragging" go away when you don't pull up in a Ferrari, but every body has a 9 or 10 date for the night ... the world is different there. It is not a big penis / little penis contest. Nobody cares. Live there for 6 months / year and the world looks different still.
My point was that there is a stupid little debate atmosphere here ... and you just proved it again. Who gives a [snip] if you are married, or Calipro, or me?!?!? Or, if 5 years from now our status changes? Only a fool would think that everything remains constant forever.
-
V_Man sez
yes, and it could also say something about their cash flow. But no offense taken.
Yeah but BtB there are thousands of those so there is no need for you to take offense.
-
That which we all have in common is so much greater than we have apart ... what's with the crazy debate and judgement? This would never happen in person.
What he said. +1
-
My point was that there is a stupid little debate atmosphere here ... and you just proved it again. Who gives a [snip] if you are married, or Calipro, or me?!?!? Or, if 5 years from now our status changes? Only a fool would think that everything remains constant forever.
So what if there is a "debate" atmosphere? It seems to me to be helpful by seperating good knowledge from useless ramblings. Are you not capable of explaining what you post? If you are then debating is merely a way of doing that. Too many here are more concerned with "playing nice" and less concerned about an honest exchange. I don't see anything wrong with having a discussion where people disagree. It is a REAL chance for many to learn.
Researcher
-
Could you possibly imagine Rick Santorum stripped of his cushy Senate pension, his contacts on "K" street and his past padrinos forced to live on a monthly mill workers Social Security payment, dumped in Cali or BAQ and forced to live there? Imagine the drastic change in his 'world view' he would have to perform. It would blow more than one of his moral 'gaskets'. jajajaja
-
Oh, we are NOT the same! Only the same in tying to play the hand the BEST we can. There is a big difference.
"I like reading, although I am more ...."
FT - come on! grab your ball sack and pull. We get it. You are a committed father and husband. That is great. NEWSFLASH - Calipro has been married - with the best of intentions - to Colombianas in the past. And, in some months and years of his life, he could have sounded much like you. Ditto with Aconcpets. To say that listening to a little man talk is somehow morally corrosive ... its a little too Rick Santorum for me Aconcets was warned to point of not being able to post without a 8 hour delay HAHAHAH. (treated with respect!)
Compliments. bragging? I know Calipro and others who live in Colombia. Such things as "Bragging" go away when you don't pull up in a Ferrari, but every body has a 9 or 10 date for the night ... the world is different there. It is not a big penis / little penis contest. Nobody cares. Live there for 6 months / year and the world looks different still.
My point was that there is a stupid little debate atmosphere here ... and you just proved it again. Who gives a [snip] if you are married, or Calipro, or me?!?!? Or, if 5 years from now our status changes? Only a fool would think that everything remains constant forever.
This is a very odd post to me. Why are you so concerned about Calipro and Aconcepts and comparing yourself to them? People are free to bring up issues with other individuals and hash it out. I don't think this is Jr High school, where it has to be a little shot of self-esteem in every post. I'm convinced certain posters like yourself are full of crap at times, and I like to call people on that. I'm not at all convinced CP or Aconcepts are full of crap, so I enjoy reading their posts.
I remember some months ago you were grumbling about the Colombian women, when in fact you were acting more like a drunkard more than you originally let on here. Some of us could sense you were not being straight here and you got called on it. You seem to have finally seen yourself for what you were, maybe all the sheet you took here, made you reexamine how silly you were being. Maybe you are lucky you have idiots like us to give you crap when all those people you meet in real life are playing nice and not having the real debates you get here. I mean you would have never even known your elbows were pointy and should be covered, if it weren't for me! :D
Fathertime!
-
in fact you were acting more like a drunkard more than you originally let on here.
LOL DUDE I WAS MAD AT TIMES OVER THE PAST 3-4 YEARS! Drunk on freedom, adventure, and Pu$$y. Is that a secret?!?!? LOL
FT, You serve as an excellent example on this site - no doubt. But, you also have an editorial slant to your comments as if you are the "Consumer Report" of posts !!! I have been pretty GD frank about my play life, romance life, and general experiences. I have posted here for myself and for others that have the questions that I had before I had the experiences that I have had.
I have made the case for being a life hunter first, not a wife hunter - one week wonder. I have never thought such things were mutually exclusive as if there is a Red team and Blue team.
Yesterday I had breakfast and in the small diner was a group of men from a church group. I listened. It was amazing to me how this group reaffirmed themselves and judged others harshly. I thought to myself - basically why? A couple years from now I will be in a different chapter of life ... perhaps like you with a young wife and kids. And in this time when I hear or read material like I have posted, CaliP, Aconcepts, or others, will I be personally offended? I hope not.
-
in fact you were acting more like a drunkard more than you originally let on here.
LOL DUDE I WAS MAD AT TIMES OVER THE PAST 3-4 YEARS! Drunk on freedom, adventure, and Pu$$y. Is that a secret?!?!? LOL
FT, You serve as an excellent example on this site - no doubt. But, you also have an editorial slant to your comments as if you are the "Consumer Report" of posts !!! I have been pretty GD frank about my play life, romance life, and general experiences. I have posted here for myself and for others that have the questions that I had before I had the experiences that I have had.
I have made the case for being a life hunter first, not a wife hunter - one week wonder. I have never thought such things were mutually exclusive as if there is a Red team and Blue team.
Yesterday I had breakfast and in the small diner was a group of men from a church group. I listened. It was amazing to me how this group reaffirmed themselves and judged others harshly. I thought to myself - basically why? A couple years from now I will be in a different chapter of life ... perhaps like you with a young wife and kids. And in this time when I hear or read material like I have posted, CaliP, Aconcepts, or others, will I be personally offended? I hope not.
There you go again! Trying to put yourself in a category with Calipro and Aconcepts. Who is personally offended by their posts? You are the one who caught crap, in part because you consistently drew erroneous conclusions after you reported your travels. In the past, I didn’t sense you were at all honest with yourself. Maybe you were you not capable at the time because you were ‘mad’.
Father "Consumer Reports" Time!
-
Could you possibly imagine Rick Santorum stripped of his cushy Senate pension, his contacts on "K" street and his past padrinos forced to live on a monthly mill workers Social Security payment, dumped in Cali or BAQ and forced to live there? Imagine the drastic change in his 'world view' he would have to perform. It would blow more than one of his moral 'gaskets'. jajajaja
(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-fc/screwloose.gif)
-
This is a very odd post to me. Why are you so concerned about Calipro and Aconcepts and comparing yourself to them? People are free to bring up issues with other individuals and hash it out. I don't think this is Jr High school, where it has to be a little shot of self-esteem in every post. I'm convinced certain posters like yourself are full of crap at times, and I like to call people on that. I'm not at all convinced CP or Aconcepts are full of crap, so I enjoy reading their posts.
I remember some months ago you were grumbling about the Colombian women, when in fact you were acting more like a drunkard more than you originally let on here. Some of us could sense you were not being straight here and you got called on it. You seem to have finally seen yourself for what you were, maybe all the sheet you took here, made you reexamine how silly you were being. Maybe you are lucky you have idiots like us to give you crap when all those people you meet in real life are playing nice and not having the real debates you get here. I mean you would have never even known your elbows were pointy and should be covered, if it weren't for me! :D
Fathertime!
F.t.
Sometimes you have to understand some men lead some men follow and some just get the hell out of the way! What do you think Zon is? A follower that is all he can ever be. There always is some one who is guiding him go back to his porn days and see who was the leader, was not him. Now look and see who he follows, I have nothing against Calipro I have actually talked to him at one point.
There is more than one man here that does not follow examples? ChrisF F.T. UTcowboy ect, they lead not followed I never have seen the leader say I am a lot like BLANK because they are their own men not someone else!