Those Cupid Sites

[buencamino]

Over the years that I've been in Colombia I've met lots and lots of girls through the cupid sites. I always ask them where they live and the vast majority live in the sur oriente where the barrios are mostly strata one and two. I don't pick them for that reason it's just where they're from. A small percentage are from Floralia, also strata 2 which is in the north end in front of La 14 Calima. There are also a fair number from the south, even Jamundi but I've always rejected them out of hand as being too far away to date. It's been mentioned before that there's a lot of flakyness to be found on those sites and I've certainly come accross my share but some have worked out including my current squeeze (two years now). I have to say though that the success Ive had has a lot to do with my being in the environs of Cali. I feel for guys who try to establish something with these girls from afar like the US, Canada or Europe. It's got to be awfully hard to get them to actually meet you in person when you come to Cali. It's too bad the agencies are almost all gone. You could get stood up a lot but there were usually replacements. 

I have over time also met a few girls from the "invaciones" (and here a digression) Those are the squatter communities you see up on the hillsides above the city. They were built illegally on private or govenment land with no city planning or permits and of course no legal deeds. They connect illrgally to city water and electric and so completely avoid utility bills. At one point the city tried to legalize some fifty or so of the homes that more or less met construction codes proving a legal deed to the property etc. but only a few families accepted. One man said I've lived like this for thirty years. I'm not going to start paying taxes. Some of these invasions actually put the city at risk. Some thousands put up their "cambuches" on the dike that keeps the city from being flooded by the Rio Cauca during high water. Their constructions can potencially cause breaks in the dike. In order to solve that problem the city created a huge housing project in the sur oriente called Potrero Grande where homes were given to the "invasores" free or at tiny cost. These invasores are mostly "desplazados" or poor people from the countryside displaced by the conflict. As it turns out the city's humanitarian effort has completely backfired because word has got out that you can come to Cali and get a free house inspiring new waves of poor descending on the city and setting up camp. And so it goes in the land of Macondo

[robert angel]

Lately I've seen some guys who I feel are overly quick to bash and abandon the Cupid, as well as the free sites on-line. I fully agree that most of the women there aren't serious or worse, are just serious about playing games to get 'things'.

Also, as mentioned, the majority of the women on pretty much all these 'free to join' sites are pretty poor.

But you can't get away from the fact that whether you want a date or a long term mate, it's still a game of numbers. The more numbers you have and more importantly, the time to sort through those numbers, the better your chances of a positive outcome will be.

I don't see any reason why a guy who's had 3 or 4 months to prepare for a trip abroad can't at least get a dozen or so e mail addies and maybe phone numbers so when he lands, he can at least find a real person to hit the ground running with. No, not someone you've chatted 3 or 4 times, but someone who seems stable.

Sometimes you can strike up communication from outside your target zone and once that person realizes you're a potential 'find', get introduced to a friend of hers. There are probably as many guys on here who met there current squeeze indirectly through someone on a site like Cupid--a 'friend of a friend' if you will, as have met their squeeze directly. That's why I suggest not quitting too quickly and building bridges for possible future use, rather than burning bridges behind you.

[bcc_1_2]

I think if you want higher strata girls off cupid you need to hit up Bogota. POF will get you some higher strata too.

[Elexpatriado]

Higher strata girls dont usually date gringos... and arent usually on these sites..they dont have to be..

[bcc_1_2]

Higher strata girls dont usually date gringos... and arent usually on these sites..they dont have to be..

To be a bit more accurate I'd say they date gringos around there own age.

[Elexpatriado]

Maybe..maybe not..

To be a bit more accurate I'd say they date gringos around there own age.

[fathertime]

Over the years that I've been in Colombia I've met lots and lots of girls through the cupid sites. I always ask them where they live and the vast majority live in the sur oriente where the barrios are mostly strata one and two. I don't pick them for that reason it's just where they're from. A small percentage are from Floralia, also strata 2 which is in the north end in front of La 14 Calima. There are also a fair number from the south, even Jamundi but I've always rejected them out of hand as being too far away to date. It's been mentioned before that there's a lot of flakyness to be found on those sites and I've certainly come accross my share but some have worked out including my current squeeze (two years now). I have to say though that the success Ive had has a lot to do with my being in the environs of Cali. I feel for guys who try to establish something with these girls from afar like the US, Canada or Europe. It's got to be awfully hard to get them to actually meet you in person when you come to Cali. It's too bad the agencies are almost all gone. You could get stood up a lot but there were usually replacements. 

Hey Buencamino...it seems you have met a lot of attractive ladies on the Colombian cupid site.  I'm curious if you have something a little special that others may not have.  I know you speak very good Spanish, and you are 'on site'.   I am speculating that you are older, perhaps over 50, yet dating ladies in their 20's.    You don't come across as if you are throwing money all over the place, but I'm sure you have enough.  Are you more handsome/charming than average?  In my limited opinion I'd say that most men would not do as well as you have, but I'm curious what you think. 

Thanks,
Fathertime!   

[bcc_1_2]

Maybe..maybe not..

They are much more selective... obviously we can agree on that. But to say they are anti blonde hair/blue eye guy wouldn't be accurate at all.

[robert angel]

There are few certainties here, but it's wise to give appropriate pause to generalizations often repeated here that are based on real life experience. But all too often--and I've been there myself, the new guys are sort of like 'lost in the candy store' and need  some seasoning.

[Gavan]

They are much more selective... obviously we can agree on that. But to say they are anti blonde hair/blue eye guy wouldn't be accurate at all.

I don't know about other countries like Colombia, but in Peru many higher strata women have blue eyes/blonde hair themselves so I am not sure if those would give you an advantage with them. Upper class "pituca" Limeñas:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY92TAWxXH4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd51n3jj9NY


I also doubt you can find a lot of those women on the cupid sites, although you can probably find them on local dating sites. And no, I am also pretty sure they do not date men twice their age like some of the poorer girls do. Obviously a good looking young gringo who speaks Spanish and spends enough time in the country does have a chance with them.

[bcc_1_2]

I also doubt you can find a lot of those women on the cupid sites, although you can probably find them on local dating sites. And no, I am also pretty sure they do not date men twice their age like some of the poorer girls do. Obviously a good looking young gringo who speaks Spanish and spends enough time in the country does have a chance with them.

Yea more or less. Granted the more educated you go with the chicas (especially with the under 35 generation) the more likely they are to know English.

[robert angel]

Also, as mentioned, the majority of the women on pretty much all these 'free to join' sites are pretty poor.

[buencamino]

Hey FT thanks for the vote of confidence but no nothing special. You ticked off the major points: speak Spanish, be here and don't be broke. I date younger women because I like them and I'm not looking to get married especially. I posted about cupid but I have met companieras via other sources too like mutual friends.

[robert angel]

Hey FT thanks for the vote of confidence but no nothing special. You ticked off the major points: speak Spanish, be here and don't be broke. I date younger women because I like them and I'm not looking to get married especially. I posted about cupid but I have met companieras via other sources too like mutual friends.

I think there's more guys here than people realize who've met the woman they're with now from being introduced to her by another woman who just happened to come from that same country. Network!

I used to have pretty long, 'matter of fact' of fact conversations with women who were quite a bit older than me and after a while, they were asking me if I wanted 'good wife' material, a girl to tour me around, with or without 'benefits' and so on. Some offered to introduce me to family members. I also learned a lot more about how things worked 'behind the scenes' and how guys from the USA were generally perceived there.

[fathertime]

Hey FT thanks for the vote of confidence but no nothing special. You ticked off the major points: speak Spanish, be here and don't be broke. I date younger women because I like them and I'm not looking to get married especially. I posted about cupid but I have met companieras via other sources too like mutual friends.

Thanks BC, your experience provides evidence of how good life could be (in terms of women) for the average somewhat older men willing to travel...especially when compared to what they are likely to get here in the states.


Fathertime!   

[robert angel]

I think sometimes we get too serious too early in the game. If some hottie wants you whether she be legally young, the same age or older than you and the sparks are really there, go for it!

I'm not saying: 'Throw caution to the wind' nor suggesting most guys ought go gallivanting and painting the town the rest of their lives, but for cripes sake, have some fun! If or when you do 'settle down', you'll be glad you did!

[Elexpatriado]

If you talk to most Colombians here, (and from my experience) , the feeling is the Cupid sites and the agencies all attract the lower quality girls, any combination of-an awful lot of interesadas, often not that attractive, uneducated, educated with garbage degrees, not working, working too much, or major psychological issues.


And I have talked to guys who used to own agencies here and say this.



Not saying all the case, but you definitely have to sift through a lot of dirt to find a tiny nugget of gold.


The best way is as Buen Camino says, personal introduction through friends . or just plain approaching women in banks, restaurants , or in the street. But this can be hit and miss, espescially the cold call approach. Just like doing it for a job interview.

[utopiacowboy]

I agree that the personal introductions is the way to go but very difficult for a gringo with no connections. How the "cold call" approach is going to avoid the list of losers on the web sites is beyond me. Either way you are taking a chance on a stranger. Somehow the idea is the chicks on the web sites are not also out on the streets and in the malls etc. Maybe you should ask a girl before you get any further in your approach, "Excuse me but are you on any internet dating sites?" If she says she is, then you can run away and hide.

[robert angel]

Personal introductions,  using the links you already have or ones you luck into (and act decisively on) once abroad  to lead you towards more desirable women is the way to go. Sometimes it's like a layer cake---it takes time and preparation. I see some guys here talking about watching videos,  reading books,  using coaches,  wingman,  learning how to be a smooth 'pick up operator' etc.,  but I don't buy into that. Go with what you know. Trust yourself.

 It all boils down to the guy in the mirror and whether or not he's using what he's got. Don't focus on all that extraneous BS. It all boils down to YOU. If you need gurus and 'self help guides'  you're probably too far gone already. Even then,  if you're at the bottom,  the only direction you can go is up,  so don't throw yourself a 'pity party'  or waste time, cynically bashing all the women--forget the sour grapes, look for fresh fruit.  I want to be 60 years old someday and seeing my kids self successful and my own freedom and options opening up.   I think to an extent that you make your own luck, but you have to play the cards you're dealt.

So go ahead,  get on the frickin plane and 'make your day!' '

[Elexpatriado]

The cold approach allows you to meet a lot more women right away..but can be quite intimidating of course..and you know nothing about her.


This approach is only what some local Colombians recommend..


But I have heard over and over from Colombians that the best women are not on the Cupid sites or in the Agencies...so there has to be a lot of truth in that..



You also have additional risks with girls you meet in banks, stores, etc. with the initial contact..besides the fact she may not be interested, she might really be married, or have a boyfriend. This happens in about 50% of the cases.


Personal introductions are the best answer, but like you say, you need connections.


I never said all the girls are bad on these sites, there are some good ones, but you have to go through a lot of chaffe. By good women,  I mean "serious long term relationship" material who is compatible with you. Not just someone for a "Fling"

I agree that the personal introductions is the way to go but very difficult for a gringo with no connections. How the "cold call" approach is going to avoid the list of losers on the web sites is beyond me. Either way you are taking a chance on a stranger. Somehow the idea is the chicks on the web sites are not also out on the streets and in the malls etc. Maybe you should ask a girl before you get any further in your approach, "Excuse me but are you on any internet dating sites?" If she says she is, then you can run away and hide.

[Elexpatriado]

Actually. I did a  statistical  analysis of this, and I am pretty sure that only a small proportion of the general Colombian population are on the Cupid sites or dating agencies- at least in any serious manner.


I looked at all the women available between 20 and 37 on the LAM an CC sites in Manizales. In total, counted about 150, including ones that have been active up to 6 months ago- previous-forget it. Even 6 months is extreme Same with the Agency in Manizales - about 150 max. And then there are some redundancy between the 2 sites and the agency.


So letssay say 500 women who use dating sites and agencies seriously or semi-seriously-


Manizales Metro area ,including Villa Maria, has a population of 500,000. divide by 2 gives female  population. Divide by 5 gives you women in the 20 to 37 age range-50,000. Divide by 5 again to conservatively  give you women who are available in that age range (not married or in a serious relationship)about 10,000.


So 95% of the women are probably not on these sites (at least on a continuous non casual or "lark" basis) or in the dating agency. And I erred conservatively on the side of caution in calculating these numbers.


I am sure you could make the same analysis in a bigger city like Bogota, Cali. etc. The only city where the numbers might be skewed a little higher is Medellin, because all the foreigners going there to meet women.


I have also looked on the other internet sites, and these are mostly populated by women 40 to 50 plus.



So by sticking to the agencies and internet, you are limiting yourself to a very small proportion, the tip of the iceberg,and a proportion that , while obviously is more open to a relation with a foreigner, will also inherently be home to less sincere and stable individuals.




 

I agree that the personal introductions is the way to go but very difficult for a gringo with no connections. How the "cold call" approach is going to avoid the list of losers on the web sites is beyond me. Either way you are taking a chance on a stranger. Somehow the idea is the chicks on the web sites are not also out on the streets and in the malls etc. Maybe you should ask a girl before you get any further in your approach, "Excuse me but are you on any internet dating sites?" If she says she is, then you can run away and hide.

[utopiacowboy]

I wonder how many guys here are married to women that they met through these sites. I met my wife on amigos. One thing I know, almost every Colombian is on a social media site of some kind, even if it's not expressly for dating. A lot of the sites serve many purposes. Nothing beats personal connections but it means a gringo has to go cold turkey and depend on his Spanish. As for the gringos in Medellin, I have yet to see one but then I never go to Poblado.

[Elexpatriado]

I know guys who rely on FaceBook.Yes Most people are con FaceBook or WhatsApp.

[utopiacowboy]

I know guys who rely on FaceBook.Yes Most people are con FaceBook or WhatsApp.

Even here in the US they are using Tinder and other apps like Down, Pure, CMB, Skout etc.

[robert angel]

I wonder how many guys here are married to women that they met through these sites. I met my wife on amigos. One thing I know, almost every Colombian is on a social media site of some kind, even if it's not expressly for dating. A lot of the sites serve many purposes. Nothing beats personal connections but it means a gringo has to go cold turkey and depend on his Spanish. As for the gringos in Medellin, I have yet to see one but then I never go to Poblado.

It's amazing how worldwide FB is and how regardless of income, how many people have accts. It really hit home when I saw how my parents have FB and LinkedIn accts.

I prefer to not have an acct., but my wife has one and I sometimes look at my son's accts. there. Employers like to have a look too--not just at employees, but also at prospective employee's FB accts.

We know a guy who got fired for making personal attacks. He'd get drunk, say real stupid things personally attacking others, then sobering up and deleting them.
 
This other guy would take screenshots before they were deleted, sending them to the company's Human Resources dept. eventually getting him fired, even though the guy ridiculously tried to say his acct. was hacked. After three times, it fell on deaf ears and he was gone.

The same guy who 'reported' him is always proselytizing, invoking God's name, saying that God is going to strike down this person or that group for various reasons. Just about every day, he gives his 'religious sermon'.  If he doesn't like someone, he'll say how God's going to strike them down. He's always posting pictures of his physical workout results and although he was a wrench turner on helicopters in the Army, talking himself up for being a veteran, calling himself a 'warrior', bragging about having been in battle while there's no combat badge or indication any of that was true.

His wife recently posted a picture of her Louis Vuitton purse. They make me want to gag and if I were on FB, I'd be too tempted to tear into their 'holier than thou' twisted posts.