Expanding my search a bad idea?

[AmazingAtheist]

So as some of you who have read my posts know I am looking in China for a woman.I have been thinking recently to expand my search to S.Korea and Japan.Although some people I have talked to said I should concentrate on one area and work with that.

Now I am confused,is it a bad idea to expand the search or is it really a big deal?

[Jeff S]

I don't think so, so long as you understand that China and Japan are worlds apart culturally. I'm not sure I'd spend much effort in South Korea, though. There just don't seem to be many Korean/American mixed marriages at all. I don't know why, but Japanese-American and Chinese American are far more common.

As I've always said, find a culture you're going to be very comfortable with, because you WILL be adopting it - the good the bad and the ugly for the rest of your life.

- Jeff

[Bob_S]

So as some of you who have read my posts know I am looking in China for a woman.I have been thinking recently to expand my search to S.Korea and Japan.Although some people I have talked to said I should concentrate on one area and work with that.

Now I am confused,is it a bad idea to expand the search or is it really a big deal?

It's not a bad idea at all if you can do it.  Most guys concentrate on one area for a simple matter of logistics, time, and money.  Traveling to one country is cheaper than traveling to two (in the early stages, you'll want to meet more than 1 woman on your first visit overseas).  Plus there is the matter of learning an extra language and brushing up on the cultural differences (e.g.: eat everything on your plate in Japan, don't eat everything on your plate in China).  You know, expanding your search from Russia to Ukraine is no big deal because if you know a bit of Russian, you'll get by fine in Ukraine. And expanding from Colombia to Peru is also not such a problem.  But Chinese, Japanese, and Korean languages (and cultures) are so different, knowing one still leaves you functionally illiterate in the others.  Even though Japan borrowed its writing system from China millenia ago, my wife has trouble deciphering a Chinese menu.   

[Bear]

I suspect something else here.  If you are not encouraged by what you are seeing where you are looking then i'd like to know why?

The Bear Family

[AmazingAtheist]

I don't think so, so long as you understand that China and Japan are worlds apart culturally. I'm not sure I'd spend much effort in South Korea, though. There just don't seem to be many Korean/American mixed marriages at all. I don't know why, but Japanese-American and Chinese American are far more common.

I understand that they are worlds apart for sure.I understand there are some similarities(correct me if I am wrong).Is there some kind of big cultural gap that Koreans and Americans can not seem to bridge?I do not know anything about Korean culture but I have been reading on Japanese culture the last few days.

It's not a bad idea at all if you can do it.  Most guys concentrate on one area for a simple matter of logistics, time, and money.  Traveling to one country is cheaper than traveling to two (in the early stages, you'll want to meet more than 1 woman on your first visit overseas).  Plus there is the matter of learning an extra language and brushing up on the cultural differences (e.g.: eat everything on your plate in Japan, don't eat everything on your plate in China).

I can see what you are saying,it makes sense.Although at this point I have only spoken to a few women.I am doing a lot of reading on Chinese,Japanese,and trying to find some on Korean culture.I think it may be difficult but I am not dead bolted on China just yet,it is my first choice though.

I suspect something else here.  If you are not encouraged by what you are seeing where you are looking then i'd like to know why?

The Bear Family

Its not that I am not encouraged,its just that I want to look at all the possibilities before jumping in head first.I want to take a few steps back,take my time,and do everything right.I want to be fully happy and not regret it at the end of the day.

[Ray]

There's nothing wrong with keeping all your options open.

I would recommend that you go ahead and explore any countries you are interested in, BUT I would first find a country/culture/people you are comfortable with before you start any serious wife hunting.

Hit the library/internet and study up, try to learn a little of each language, sample the typical foods in local ethnic restaurants, try to make some trips overseas to visit places of interest, experience the cultures as much as possible, THEN pick a country.

Now you will be ready to start pursuing the women of the country you have chosen.

Ray

[bcc_1_2]

AA,

why not Thailand?

[piglett]

You have mentioned anything about looking in the philippines.
Most of these ladies already speak English, Not so with the other country's so far on your maybe list.
The ladies from the philippines are consitered by many to make the best wives in the world, not to say that there are not a lot of very good Asian ladies in the country's that you are already consitering.

[AmazingAtheist]

AA,

why not Thailand?

I have known quite a few Thai women,its just not my cup of tea.

You have mentioned anything about looking in the philippines.
Most of these ladies already speak English, Not so with the other country's so far on your maybe list.
The ladies from the philippines are consitered by many to make the best wives in the world, not to say that there are not a lot of very good Asian ladies in the country's that you are already consitering.

PI,is not really my cup of tea either,although I do hear a lot of good things and it seems like the guys on this board who went there found great women.Some women I have seen are very beautiful but,it just never was really an interest for me personally.I guess what I read about the culture just doesn't seem to fit who I am or what I am looking for.

[bcc_1_2]

AA,

From what I hear about South Korea and their culture it would probably be on the bottom of my list of places to visit in Asia. I'm not trying to change your mind or anything... heck I'm flying down to Cali  . But I am a curious dude and have said in the past I have never ruled out anywhere.

What appeals to you about South Korea? And what turned you off about the Thai ladies if I may ask?

[Jeff S]

Hey AA - Did you get my PM? (Look on the menu bar above under MY MESSAGES.)

[Bob_S]

I have known quite a few Thai women,its just not my cup of tea.
PI,is not really my cup of tea either,although I do hear a lot of good things and it seems like the guys on this board who went there found great women.Some women I have seen are very beautiful but,it just never was really an interest for me personally.I guess what I read about the culture just doesn't seem to fit who I am or what I am looking for.

Makes a lot of sense and shows you are giving it a lot more thought than most.  You see a lot of guys who go into this and see "hot women" or "beautiful women, makes good wives" or "beautiful, speaks English" and that's enough to fly over with an engagement ring.  They don't realize that along with the foreign woman comes a whole package of cuisine, customs, cultural biases, superstitions or common practices, and a foreign language that you will hear every day for the rest of your life including music and TV shows or DVD movies she will want to bring with her or buy here, and maybe a specialty language cable channel you will be watching.

I know some Thai girls and Vietnamese girls too.  They are lovely, dutiful, and great cooks (as most Asian women seem to be).  But the culture and history are not nearly as interesting to me as Japanese culture with its samurai history and colorful contemporary pop culture.  And SE Asian languages are not nearly as lyrical to my ear as Japanese spoken softly by a Japanese woman.  A personal taste.  I know there are some guys who feel completely opposite.  But it's my taste and my choice that I'd have to live with.

BTW, finding a Korean gal from the Motherland may be difficult because the U.S. is not exactly viewed in a positive light over there.  For most of their history, Korea has been dominated by one major foreign power or another.  It has created a sort of siege mentality.  And we are viewed as one more oppressive foreign bully despite sacrificing many lives to prevent the southern half of the country from going the way of the primitive Stalinist north.  If you really want a Korean gal, your best chance is to join the Army and try to get stationed near the DMZ where you can spend time courting the local girls and show them that you are not an evil arrogant oppressor.

[AmazingAtheist]

AA,

From what I hear about South Korea and their culture it would probably be on the bottom of my list of places to visit in Asia. I'm not trying to change your mind or anything... heck I'm flying down to Cali  . But I am a curious dude and have said in the past I have never ruled out anywhere.

What appeals to you about South Korea? And what turned you off about the Thai ladies if I may ask?

Well I never ruled any out at first,I was looking everywhere,even western Europe and here at home.

What appeals to me about Korea was I have known some Korean exchange students and they told me about their culture and home.I liked what I heard,although I am sure there is much they did not tell me.I was in Seoul once but honestly,I was in a meeting everyday so I was able to spend maybe 6 hours outside.

Well what turned me off from Thai ladies was a lot of things I would rather not get into here because I do not want to make anyone angry or upset.I just don't see how I could come out of it as a happy man personally.

Hey AA - Did you get my PM? (Look on the menu bar above under MY MESSAGES.)

Yes I got it and it is much appreciated,I will reply to it after this.

Makes a lot of sense and shows you are giving it a lot more thought than most.  You see a lot of guys who go into this and see "hot women" or "beautiful women, makes good wives" or "beautiful, speaks English" and that's enough to fly over with an engagement ring.  They don't realize that along with the foreign woman comes a whole package of cuisine, customs, cultural biases, superstitions or common practices, and a foreign language that you will hear every day for the rest of your life including music and TV shows or DVD movies she will want to bring with her or buy here, and maybe a specialty language cable channel you will be watching.

I know some Thai girls and Vietnamese girls too.  They are lovely, dutiful, and great cooks (as most Asian women seem to be).  But the culture and history are not nearly as interesting to me as Japanese culture with its samurai history and colorful contemporary pop culture.  And SE Asian languages are not nearly as lyrical to my ear as Japanese spoken softly by a Japanese woman.  A personal taste.  I know there are some guys who feel completely opposite.  But it's my taste and my choice that I'd have to live with.

BTW, finding a Korean gal from the Motherland may be difficult because the U.S. is not exactly viewed in a positive light over there.  For most of their history, Korea has been dominated by one major foreign power or another.  It has created a sort of siege mentality.  And we are viewed as one more oppressive foreign bully despite sacrificing many lives to prevent the southern half of the country from going the way of the primitive Stalinist north.  If you really want a Korean gal, your best chance is to join the Army and try to get stationed near the DMZ where you can spend time courting the local girls and show them that you are not an evil arrogant oppressor.

I gave it a lot of thought,really,2 years worth.I thought I am still young so I might as well go for it now before the chance leaves.I even though about looking at home but it just seems like a needle in a haystick to find a good woman here at home.

Well the reasons for my interest in China is the same as yours in Japan.The history and culture fascinate me tremendously.I just keep finding things that keep me coming back to learn more.It is the same for me with Japan though.I always want to know more.I took a long hard look at SE Asian countries and it just did not strike my interest.The more I got to know women from there,the more I saw them as a friend to chat with,than someone I would want to get to know in a romantic interest.

Thanks for the info about Korea,your one of the few people who know about it from any where.I was looking through some old posts here and saw what someone said about Korean women,that did not help.(It may have been you,I dont remember).Well I had heard we are viewed badly there,also keep hearing some of them are cold and distant,again in the minus column.

[AmazingAtheist]

In China,Japan,and Korean,how is the perception of being sensual(E.I.Kissing,cuddling)?

[william3rd]

in public or in private?

[Marshall K]

In China excessive public displays of affection are not seen much, although I was mauled pretty good when I was met at the airport last time I went.  Generally, they are more reserved in public.  However, once behind closed doors...
You will not suffer for lack of physical pleasure in private.

[Jeff S]

Yes, I agree. In public most Asians are very reserved, but in private, that's a whole other matter. Shhh - the guys on the Latin board think that only their women are "passionate." Hah!

[william3rd]

in Thailand- only the prostitutes show "affection" in public and that includes hand holding, etc. especially with foreigners. . .

I even got a warning from Mom for chaste kisses during our ceremony in Udon to not make a habit of it in public.

Huge loss of face. . . and since prostitutes have no face, it doesnt matter to them.

[AmazingAtheist]

No I was meaning like at home or when you are alone.I am not too much for PDA's myself.Thanks for letting me know though

In China excessive public displays of affection are not seen much, although I was mauled pretty good when I was met at the airport last time I went.  Generally, they are more reserved in public.  However, once behind closed doors...
You will not suffer for lack of physical pleasure in private.

Good to know that things will be great behind closed doors 

[Bear]

Filipinas, and I guess other Asians, are just like any women elsewhere - you please them and make it worth their while and you'll find no end of the same in return.  You might have to teach them because they haven't a clue but that shouldn't be a problem?  But they will get turned off just like other women if you make it too selfish or painful.  I made a post recently about several ladies I know who completely refuse to sleep with their men for a variety of reasons.

The Bear Family

[Marshall K]

Yeah, Bear.  I had to give a couple of lessons when my Tiger Lady got a little too rambunctious and kneed me in the cojones during some intimate recreation.  However I like to encourage her enthusiasm, you know, no pain, no gain.

[AmazingAtheist]

Filipinas, and I guess other Asians, are just like any women elsewhere - you please them and make it worth their while and you'll find no end of the same in return.  You might have to teach them because they haven't a clue but that shouldn't be a problem?  But they will get turned off just like other women if you make it too selfish or painful.  I made a post recently about several ladies I know who completely refuse to sleep with their men for a variety of reasons.

The Bear Family

Hope I can find someone more understanding of me than that.I usually try my hardest in everything.I don't think it should be too much of a problem to say what I want,I am usually pretty clear about what I want and what I like.

[Bear]

I'm sure you are, just like I was. 

If you marry a simple province type there is a good chance she won't know a thing.  Mine didn't and her mother practically refused to teach her.  Said she should "ask her husband". 

My wife actually grew up thinking if a guy wanted it several times each week he was a "sex maniac" and should be avoided?  She doesn't know but it took a lot of discussins to get some of those old back woods, ole wives tales out of her head.

The situations I am aware of that Filipinas started refusing dealt with basically two issues, religion and the fact the girl wasn't being satisfied.  A lot of guys seem to have this concept that if they enjoyed the 15 seconds of panting, surely the girl did - wrong.  In the beginning (after the first few times of course) its pretty enjoyable for everyone but for it to continue the couple must "explore and experiment" as the Filipina Health instructor proclaimed.  A guy is happy with 2-3 minutes, most girls are barely happy with 30 (read lots of foreplay after a hour or so of putting them in the mode.  But they don't care about that extent of effort 7 days a week, just as long as they get that 2-3x month, they're happy.  And if they get that, they are willing to give you what you expect 3-4x a week.  Still every girl is different and it would be stupid and a lie to stereotype any culture or ethnicity.

If you marry a Catholic girl and she refuses birth control, the day will come when she will say "NO" because she doesn't want more children.  What do you do then?  I've personally seen that one twice.

Better get all these things discussed before the marriage and keep it in writing (just teasing about the last part - maybe).

The Bear Family

[bcc_1_2]

I grew up catholic. Pretty much stopped believing in god around the same time as santa claus and the easter bunny but the parentals still made me go. Here in the states I doubt very many of the younger generation take the rules of the catholic church very seriously. To be honest I've kinda enjoyed the church's fall from grace over the last decade or so  . Since I've never been to the Philippines I can't say I have a clue how strongly the catholics follow the rules of the church. In Latin America I've noticed while they may believe strongly in god they aren't stuck on the "man made" rules so much. Hopefully you can find a woman like that. I personally wouldnt want to have a bunch of kids to begin with- and sure as hell wouldn't want to get cut off down the line. Besides I wouldn't want kids real early in a marriage anyways. Thanks for the tip Bear. Something I'll make sure doesn't happen to me with a catholic girl from anywhere.

[AmazingAtheist]

I'm sure you are, just like I was. 

If you marry a simple province type there is a good chance she won't know a thing.  Mine didn't and her mother practically refused to teach her.  Said she should "ask her husband". 

My wife actually grew up thinking if a guy wanted it several times each week he was a "sex maniac" and should be avoided?  She doesn't know but it took a lot of discussins to get some of those old back woods, ole wives tales out of her head.

The situations I am aware of that Filipinas started refusing dealt with basically two issues, religion and the fact the girl wasn't being satisfied.  A lot of guys seem to have this concept that if they enjoyed the 15 seconds of panting, surely the girl did - wrong.  In the beginning (after the first few times of course) its pretty enjoyable for everyone but for it to continue the couple must "explore and experiment" as the Filipina Health instructor proclaimed.  A guy is happy with 2-3 minutes, most girls are barely happy with 30 (read lots of foreplay after a hour or so of putting them in the mode.  But they don't care about that extent of effort 7 days a week, just as long as they get that 2-3x month, they're happy.  And if they get that, they are willing to give you what you expect 3-4x a week.  Still every girl is different and it would be stupid and a lie to stereotype any culture or ethnicity.

If you marry a Catholic girl and she refuses birth control, the day will come when she will say "NO" because she doesn't want more children.  What do you do then?  I've personally seen that one twice.

Better get all these things discussed before the marriage and keep it in writing (just teasing about the last part - maybe).

The Bear Family

One of my reasons for avoiding the Phils.I dont like religion.It is important to some people but to me its the writing of a bunch of backwards cave dwellers.For all we know,their god was the sun.Anyway dont really wanna turn this into a religious discussion.I prefer an atheist/buddhist/other.

As for me if she starts refusing,how much of a choice do I have?I would have to say to make some compromises,IMO without some compromises,marriage will just make you miserable cause no one gets what they want so everyone is miserable.

Well as for me,I like it alot so I want a girl who is ok and enjoys it often.I guess I am not most guys from what you desribed,quite the opposite.