Hello all - Look foward to your advice

[deuscopiarum]

I am 29, and after multiple failed relationships, I'm looking for some new dating avenues. I'm currently in grad school, going for a professional degree.
 
As for relationships, I've dating many U.S. women of various cultures and almost all different races. The Asian women I seemed to have the best connection with, although those still fell through seemingly because even though they didn't have to work, and while they didn't have the wealthiest lifestyle, they just always were looking for something better.
 
I honestly just want to settle down. Sexually and dating wise I've sown my oats, and all the US women I meet seem to have a fear of settling down despite always saying otherwise.
 
As for questions I mainly have two...
 
What is the best way to go about dating foreign women? [More specifically what websites, cost efficient searches, etc.]
Secondly, I've read all the articles and everything, but how do outsiders generally view your relationships? Is it a big problem?
Finally, Is being in school, and not having a career at the moment going to be a big problem? I make about 30K right now, will make less in a year or so when my UI runs out, but still will make 15Kish plus student loans thereafter. I'm just am not sure if the fact that I have not started a career yet is a nonstarter.
 
That's all I have for now. I look forward to your replies.

[Ray]

　
Hi deusch,
　
Welcome aboard!
　
First, find out why all of your relationships were a failure. Was it something about you that needs to be fixed?
　
We all have our own preferences about which method of meeting foreign women is best. You will have to explore the various possibilities and find one that fits your needs best. Personally, I prefer the personal introduction method.
　
As for the income situation, you can marry anyone you wish, but in order to make it possible for a foreign spouse/fiancee to immigrate to the USA, you will have to meet certain minimum income requirements. Not counting student loans/scholarships, you should figure on a minimum annual income from regular full-time employment of a little over $18k unless you live in Alaska or Hawaii, which would be higher.
　
Also, I would figure on spending at least $10k on travel and miscellaneous expenses to meet and date some foreign ladies interested in marriage.
　
Step one: Get your passport and start saving money.
　
Ray
　

[euforia51]

...and all the US women I meet seem to have a fear of settling down despite always saying otherwise.

Welcome ... I hang out in the Latin forum but once in a while pop in here. Ray gave you some good advice already. But to further target what's going on, I'd be seriously investigating your statement above. For some reason, this sounds to me like a red flag; which is to say it is possible that something you are doing or saying is striking fear into these women. And while you can look abroad for a quality woman, you're going to very disappointed and out a lot of money if you discover that a good foreign woman can exhibit the same fears as their US counterparts when it comes to being creeped out.
Good luck!

[Gato4Astrid]

In order to look for serious relationships especially abroad, you need to finish your school.  Stability also very important when searching for a lady abroad.      In the meantime, you can search and perhaps make friends and get to know them.

[deuscopiarum]

Thanks for all your input. Not disregarding the comments, but I can assure you all it was not me. I ended the vast majority of them. The ones I didn't want to end was due to her going back to her ex after we lived together for a year.
 
However, I suppose I may need to wait as financially, I may not be ready then. I have plenty in savings and investments, but as for current income it will slow down alot.
 
Thanks for the advice.

[Gato4Astrid]

 
However, I suppose I may need to wait as financially, I may not be ready then. I have plenty in savings and investments, but as for current income it will slow down alot.
 
Thanks for the advice.

Your savings and investments should be saved for the right reasons, eg buying house.


Use your ongoing income (eg from work) for spendings.  You can now start getting to know Asian girls, for example in Cherry Blossoms site

[Researcher]

I am 29, and after multiple failed relationships, I'm looking for some new dating avenues. I'm currently in grad school, going for a professional degree.
 
As for relationships, I've dating many U.S. women of various cultures and almost all different races. The Asian women I seemed to have the best connection with, although those still fell through seemingly because even though they didn't have to work, and while they didn't have the wealthiest lifestyle, they just always were looking for something better.
 
I honestly just want to settle down. Sexually and dating wise I've sown my oats, and all the US women I meet seem to have a fear of settling down despite always saying otherwise.
 
As for questions I mainly have two...
 
What is the best way to go about dating foreign women? [More specifically what websites, cost efficient searches, etc.]
Secondly, I've read all the articles and everything, but how do outsiders generally view your relationships? Is it a big problem?
Finally, Is being in school, and not having a career at the moment going to be a big problem? I make about 30K right now, will make less in a year or so when my UI runs out, but still will make 15Kish plus student loans thereafter. I'm just am not sure if the fact that I have not started a career yet is a nonstarter.
 
That's all I have for now. I look forward to your replies.

    You are 29 years old so you have plenty of time.You may want to wait and save some cash, this foreign women venture usually isn't cheap.

   I doubt that you have been the problem in you relationships with women in the US.These women were probably your age or younger I'm guessing.US women that age aren't in a hurry to sttle down and are usually looking for the bigger better deal.Do what you can to save money and not be in a hurry.Time is on your side.

      Researcher

[Bob_S]

Howdy and welcome.  Gato is right, you have to finish your school first.  Asian women are very practical in many regards and will not consider you good marriage material as long as you list your occupation as "student".  And Ray is right in that your income matters, not so much to the women (it varies by person of course) but to the government that requires you to be self sufficient enough that anyone you bring over won't become a public charge (i.e. they won't go on welfare).  For now, all you can do is save up.  But more specifically for your questions:

What is the best way to go about dating foreign women? [More specifically what websites, cost efficient searches, etc.]

The best way is find a way to move to the target country of your choice.  Go become an English teacher, join the Peace Corps, whatever.  The sooner you get boots on the ground, the better your prospects.

Secondly, I've read all the articles and everything, but how do outsiders generally view your relationships? Is it a big problem?

I don't listen to outsiders.  And besides, how far out in the sticks do you live where folks still have a problem with bi-racial marriages?  This is the 21st century:  your family and true friends will be supportive and the outsiders won't care.

I'm just am not sure if the fact that I have not started a career yet is a nonstarter.

The career is not important, not being gainfully employed to where you can support a family is a deal killer.  When you are in a place in your life where you can do that, you will be truly ready to dive into the deep end.  But for now you are on the right path.

[piglett]

welcome to the board Deus
the question I have is how soon will you be finished school?
if the answer is 2 or 3 more years are you dragging your feet?
I'm not really sure what field you are going into. maybe your going to be a doctor which takes a ton of time to archive.or maybe due to the questionable economy & short term job prospects
you have been dragging your feet & have started to become what i call a "professional student" this is a guy (or girl) who doesn't really want to finish their schooling & face the real world , they are very happy rite where they are. if so dude bang it out & get onto the game already!!! there are millions of high quality Asian babes that would love to be your girlfriend/future wife. I myself have to say that after marrying a lady from the Philippines i would never give an AW (american woman) more than a second look.
 
 
best of luck
piglett   

[Jeff S]

Lots of great advice above, so I won´t pile on anything what`s been said, but I would like to add another dimension to your tinking - that is picking the right culture and country for you. While many Asian women may look similar, the cultural differences in their countries are enormous. I happen to be in Mexico right now along with some businessmen from Korea and one of our main topics of conversation is how different dealing with Japanese and Chinese business people is. Of course business relationships mimic social relationships in many ways. The cultures of East Asian countries is far different than the cultures of different Latin American cultures is, for instance, as they have been separated by distance and language for far longer than even the Western Hemispherse and Europe.
 
A applaud your coming to your senses before doing a starter marriage, or just going along with the crowd and making a life changing mistake. I`m still married to my first wife and never regret ignoring the cries and pleas of some AW, I passed on in my single days.
 
As others have said, establish your career first then start looking for a wife. As Bob suggested, maybe you can work where you get to experience Asia first hand. Bob taught English there in the middle of his professional career, and I spent the first decade or so of my professional career traveling the world and still make it out of the country often. I think we both did pretty darned good.
 
JM recently was married for the first time only a couple years out of grad school - he started looking in Asia concurrently with starting up his carreer, so it´s not only a recipe for divorced middle-aged, and mid-career or retired guys.
 
Welcome, and I hope you decide to stick around and join in the conversation.
 
- Jeff

[deuscopiarum]

Sorry for the delayed response. Anyway, thanks for all the advice that came later. To answer one question posed, I am not a career student, and am going into law, after being gainfully employed (which involved some world travel). I wanted a career change and figured the best time to go back to school is in a bad economy. So I do have two years left.
Anyways, while I am better off financially, even w/o student loans than most of my friends with children, it sounds like I should wait until I get settled into my next career whatever that may be. Gives me more time to research I suppose. Thanks again for all the comments.
As for one of my questions, I just wanted to clarify, that when I ask how others view your relationships, my concern isn't the biracial factor (I've dated plenty of other races) but is more along the lines of the mail order aspect and the negatives most people connotate with that.

[Jeff S]

Most of the people I know look at our relationship with a healthy dose envy and a bit of awe at the exotic nature of it. We get a lot of smiles because we still walk holding hands after 25 years.

[jm21-2]

If you're just starting your second year of law school, you've got 3-4 years realistically before you are in a position to get into this stuff.


On a personal note, I would make sure you really really like law before going much further...it's not for everyone.

[Capstone]

Welcome aboard!


You will find a very wide range of diversity between and even within the various Asian countries - do you have a specific country in mind?

[jm21-2]

As for one of my questions, I just wanted to clarify, that when I ask how others view your relationships, my concern isn't the biracial factor (I've dated plenty of other races) but is more along the lines of the mail order aspect and the negatives most people connotate with that.

Most guys meet their wives the same way they would normally...there's really not such a thing as a mail order bride, especially with the internet. Most guys met their wife through friends or over the internet, which is pretty common with domestic relationships as well. I've never experienced any sort of problem with it. One person thought we were rushing because they thought we had only known each other for a year before getting married (we'd been dating for 1.5 years and known each other for almost 5) but that's about it.

[Bob_S]

As for one of my questions, I just wanted to clarify, that when I ask how others view your relationships, my concern isn't the biracial factor (I've dated plenty of other races) but is more along the lines of the mail order aspect and the negatives most people connotate with that.

One way of dealing with that perception is watching what language we use.  First off, we don't use the MOB (Mail Order Bride) term around here.  I know it is in the promo material for this site for all the search engines to key on to, but that is more for the ignorant yet curious to find us.  Those who've been here a while and those who've done their homework know that the concept of a Mail Order Bride or Picture Bride is a thing of the past.  Immigration rules simply don't allow it anymore.

Nowadays, you may meet on a matchmaking site (varies by individual circumstance), but you become penpals, and then you visit each other (most likely you'll visit her, but it varies by country).  So that's what guys will say typically.  That they started as penpals, had a chance to meet in person, hit it off, spent more time together in person on multiple visits (if possible), and eventually decided to get married.  Women you know may still use the MOB term disparagingly, so you may need to write them out of your life.  Men may say it out of ignorance, but with envy and willing to learn the truth.  When anyone uses the term around me, I say, no, she's not a MOB.  We married in her home town.  that makes me a Mail Order Husband!   

[thekfc]

We married in her home town.  that makes me a Mail Order Husband!