And then there were tres

[the_ace33]

It has now been a full month so far here in Barranquilla.  The average to slightly above average girls come out of the woodworks here.  They all are looking for a serious relationship.  If I am going to fall for an average girl she better be able to speak english so I can fall in love with her personality.  In most cases here the girls I meet are a bit more trouble than they are worth.  I find myself saying well if the sex is good and she takes really good care of me I may go for it.  But guess what they usually just come and drink your drinks, eat your food and take your taxi money and thats it.  No they usually do not want to stay the night with you because they do not want to be bad girls.  So you end up spending more on them than you would have a prepago and you are left with nothing, unless you wish to spend the money all over again in hopes of a second try.  But they have all been burned by Colombians and gringos alike.  They come outa the woodworks like I said fellas, everyone knows of someone who is looking for a guy like you(me).  I kind of feel like I am spinning my wheels here.  No one lady has really sparked a fire in me that burns longer than one night.  They come looking for some guy that is going to fall head over heals for them and give them the moon.  I really hate to sound negative, but I have to rant a bit about what I have seen.  There have been alot of good times but it comes with a big price tag.  I think the best thing for me to do is try to get a job here and wait for love to find me.  It seems to be the same for the Gringos I know that are staying here aswell.  Ofcourse they seem to be content with the game playing and show little interest in a bride, unlike me.  Perhaps some have given up the dream of actually finding a wife here.   Its sad that most of the best looking ones are high priced hookers.  You may not find a model for a wife here in Colombia but you can sure rent one for the night!  That was a statement that another Gringo made here and I find it quite entertaining.  perhaps I am just a bit burned out right now, or perhaps i am just rambling on,  you guys be the judge.  Semi heart breakers are a dime a dozen in Barranquilla!  Notice I said semi where you are waving your hand back and forth in the air.

[fathertime]

Take it as an adventure!  There is no hurry to 'make' something happen anyway but if you find the right woman, jump on her!

Fathertime!

[soltero]

Buck up, Ace! Everyone has to go through a slump here and there now and again. I am sure that there is not one guy here who hasn't has the same experiences or thoughts (well, maybe not PDdaddy...). The thing about women that I personally feel you need to get over is the whole "rescue me" scenario. Once you stop expecting them to be princesses and angels and just people with boobs, you might take them off of their pedestals long enough to dislike them a little. Not enough to sink further into despair, but enough to stop thinking so much of them that you can't overlook their flaws nor expect them to be perfect.

Someone, somewhere, sold you a bill of goods about the fairer sex and you appear to have bought it hook, line, and sinker. If it makes you feel better, view them all as hoes and let that sink in...make them earn YOUR trust, not the other way around. Be a little of a bastard towards them just to see how they handle it or react to it. Stop thinking of women as your savior and start thinking of them as an anchor around your neck that you don't really need! The whole "I need wifey" vibe is probably stifling any chance you have of actually finding one. As hard as it may be for you, you are going to have to seriously do some reprogramming before you will be able to find a good one. They are out there...hell, even some of the super gorgeous part time hookers will eventually be great ones for the 'right guy'. You need to do whatever it takes to evolve into the 'right guy'. There is no shame in adapting to your surroundings to get what you want. It's natural, and it's the way you will get to eat before you starve!

[the_ace33]

Soltero,
I know what you are saying.  I have changed my views and tactics a bit lately.  It is a bit more savage and "native" here as you say.  I have adapted a bit and "dropped the nice guy act."  Not really because I do not want to be a nice guy but because its hard to find a lady who is really worthy of niceness.  I am just here to have fun now.  The only thing I have not changed is that I tell the truth and I hope that does not change because Colombia could use a little more honesty.  By the way you guys that are writing ladies, most of them jump at the chance of a real date and forget about any of the guys she is talking to online!  Anyway I will update soon.  Chow.

[soltero]

Soltero,
I know what you are saying.  I have changed my views and tactics a bit lately.  It is a bit more savage and "native" here as you say.  I have adapted a bit and "dropped the nice guy act."  Not really because I do not want to be a nice guy but because its hard to find a lady who is really worthy of niceness.  I am just here to have fun now.  The only thing I have not changed is that I tell the truth and I hope that does not change because Colombia could use a little more honesty.  By the way you guys that are writing ladies, most of them jump at the chance of a real date and forget about any of the guys she is talking to online!  Anyway I will update soon.  Chow.

Ace,

Trust me, I know exactly what you are going through, as yes, Soltero is a nice guy also! I am just not above being a social chameleon to get what I want! People sometimes get offended by the "animal' comparison, but that is what we are, and mating is ingrained on a level that has more to do with instinct than sense, that why it MAKES NO SENSE! I am going to give you a crash course in swimming in skin that if it makes any sense to you, will have you beating them off with a stick. Top priority for every woman despite what she says is SECURITY. She gets all hot and bothered on levels she can't even understand if she feels you can protect her and her offspring. This is the entire strand of DNA memory that keeps the 'thugs' from appearing like ignorant neanderthals to them. Usually, since knife fights are now a rarity, she only has herself to throw in your way as an opponent, which in short means she will be the one constantly testing you. Remember, she is concerned with her protection, so unless she has some twisted, abnormal, view of what that is, then you would need to be firm with her rather than go upside her skull. During the date, what you might consider disrespect, she will consider as a panty soaking experience.

What I am saying, is invent (if you have to) situations where you have to direct her or take control. As I said, there aren't too many chest beating scenarios in this day and age for her to see you tossing around bandidos, so all she has is her lonesome to gauge you on, and women first and foremost believe if you can not 'handle' them, then there is no way you can protect them from anyone else. Add a little of that to your repertoire, practice it, and we can proceed to observation #2.

[the_ace33]

I think I take control quite alot, maybe too much.  As far as handling them when they do stupid or disrespectfull things, I have been either firing them or sending them home.  You got any other suggestions?

[soltero]

I think I take control quite alot, maybe too much.  As far as handling them when they do stupid or disrespectfull things, I have been either firing them or sending them home.  You got any other suggestions?

Maybe one...it depends on what you have time for. Me, I consider myself to be a constant student in regards to human nature. Of those fired, I would keep them around to experiment with. You have already decided that you don't want them. Why not use them to learn from? Who knows? You may meet the woman of your dreams via association. Who's to say that one of the fired didn't have an angelic cousin or friend who rarely leaves the barrio and wouldn't lie, cheat, or steal to save her life? The safest women in the world are those you have already dismissed any emotional attachment with. You can treat them however you want without the fear of losing them because it doesn't matter. I am not suggesting to be a complete scoundrel, just more of one. You still have a long way to go to catch up to what passes for normal there, anyway...

[dennislevy]

Ace:

Although Soltero uses hyperbole to make his points  in gneral I agree with his comments.

There has beeb considerable commentary aobut colombianas lying. Confrontation can be good or badm but is expected in the US, to make our points to clear the air, as a preliminary to compromise.  This is a culture of non confrontation, even between Colombians.  many things here are unsaid or transmitted through internediarires, but the parties understand what happened.  Rejection here is a ritual dance.  And there are certain formulair phrases that aware gringos with experience here understand and we also use other formulas ourselves.

One no show, OK, if the stroy is decent and possibly a reschedule, but  if the girl no shows you twice, you're done, move on. she isn' interested for any nymbe rof reasons.

As for no shows, there are some differnet components to why women don't hsow after an appointment is made.  it is part of the non confrotnation and frim a chicas point of view, she expects a man to undertand that if she doesn't show, she is not interested in that man,   

Why didb't she show? 

Some reasons are Because she may think that many gringos are too old for her,  they are rude, arrogant, they dress like bums, they show no respect or understanding  for  the culture, they don't speak a lick of Spanish and they smell.

Would a gring rather be told that? 

if a gringo can learn enough Spanish so that he can get through a first cita and "read" a girl's personality, he won't waste as much time and he will spend much less money.  It shouldn't cost an astute man anymore then 50,000 pesos (25 bucks) and two citas (coffee or a drink and possibly a light lunch) to understand if there is potential for a relationship. so its costs less then a prepago, if a  man DOES HIS HOMEWORK

Craig
I am a frinedly competitor of Jamie in Baranquilla. I represent Latin American Introductiosn in Bogota and I live in Bogota.  But if you made a ocmmittment to Jamie, let me encorage you to go to BQ, the culture of non forntation is part of Colombia, not just BQ.

Use what yoo've learned on the board and try to meet a lot of women.

Dennis
LAI
Bogota     

[Alabamaboy!]

Dennis, How is business in Bogota?  Has the economic slowdown caused any slowdown with the agencies? Does your business do even close to the numbers Jamie's does? I hear of so many guys going to Cali and BAQ, but not too much about Bogota.

[the_ace33]

One no show, OK, if the stroy is decent and possibly a reschedule, but  if the girl no shows you twice, you're done, move on. she isn' interested for any nymbe rof reasons.

That is what I think for sure.  I did have this one chica I really liked.  She cancelled the second date and then ended up cancelling the third.  I am pretty sure there was some kind of boyfriend or special friend involved.  I ran into her at the mall today and she is asking why I have not called and she misses me.  My gut tells me to stay away, another hoochie that wants free food and drinks...Perhaps I would invite her for a party but that is about it I think.

[the_ace33]

Nearing the end of my almost 3 month trip.  Learned alot.  Not knowing spanish really held me back.  It was a great learning experience.  I am still seeing one lady seriously but I have my doubts because of red flags, small but still red.  I think I may try Mexico before coming back to Colombia though, or perhaps another Colombian city.  I do not know about other cities, but Barranquilla is not all its cracked up to be.  I feel good about the trip none the less, it was an experience that I will never forget.  Perhaps if and when I do come back I will be more prepared.  Good luck fellas! 

[no comment]

Ace,
It's good to read of your experiences in Colombia.  I don't want to seem at all critical, but 3 months in country without finding a woman with good potential is discouraging.  What would the outcome have been if it was 2 & a half months of intense language training and two weeks of dating....    Communication is key.  I hope you take some time to digest the 3 months' experience and get right back at it.

[the_ace33]

No comment,
I agree completely.  Ive heard it preached on this forum about knowing the language but now I really understand.  Its not as important for casual encounters, but for finding someone special...  entonces next time I will be more prepared.