Noobie In Many Ways

[benglishtea]

Just joined, and I could probably write a small novel about all the things I'd like to say.   

I'll let you know a few basics:

I am from Louisiana (don't hold that against me), just turned 36, divorced (not my choice), father of the world's greatest daughter (who is 10). Right before our 10th anniversary and right as she graduated college, my wife filed papers, left me, and married another guy within 2 years. She is what I believe to be a typical feminist-minded American girl. Although I worked tons of hours (typically at least 55 per week, sometimes 70), I never made enough money for her and her family (church people, I guess that is less surprising than it used to be).

Anyway, all this caused me to crash emotionally, physically, and financially back in 2007. I went back to college in summer of 2008 to re-undertake my first degree. I currently have about 2 years left on that.

Going through all of this has struck me on a very, very deep level. I have strong ideals, and I always have, ever since I was a child. To this day, although I know that all this has happened, I still have a problem accepting that it can, and did. However, some good things have come about as a result, one of those being a dream of mine that I've had my entire life, and that is going to Japan, spending a lot of time there, learning the language, the culture, and if possible, a loving wife. When I got married, I gave up many of my dreams for her, and traded them in for long work hours, a lifeless and passionless marriage, and anti-depressants to keep me going (which was also her remedy idea). Many times, I couldn't believe what I'd gotten myself into, but I was still willing to try and fix it. She had other plans. But I digress.

To make a long story short, I am back in college working on my Fine Arts History degree, improving my artist skills in drawing (I had stopped drawing completely while married), and am now refining my skills with digital video editing for film. From the first time I got my hands on a video camera, I wanted to make movies. Now, I have a dream to take one of my scripts with me to Japan and shoot it there.

I have more I could add but I'll end on one more thing. Next year, for my 9 hours of required language study, I plan to travel to Beppu, Japan, for 2 months during the summer to study Nihongo! Upon graduation, I have loosely planned on going to Japan to teach and immersing myself in the language as well. So, I have 2 concentrations right now, one is finding a native Japanese speaker to chat with regularly, and the second is learning as much as I can so that having a solid, permanent, and happy relationship with an Asian (possibly Japanese) girl is definitely a possibility for me. I've had it up to here with the US society, and to be honest, I wouldn't mind spending the bulk of the rest of my life overseas. I've read recently that many Japanese women who are interested in western men would prefer to stay in Japan if they were to marry, so I wonder about that, too.

Anyway, thanks for allowing me the space to ramble, I'm really good at it. Feel free to comment, message me, whatever. I'm a pretty open guy and I would love to get sage advice from those who know, or who have "gone before."

Domo arigatou gozaimasu!

-Brandon

[Dave H]

Hi Brandon,

Welcome to P-L! Your past sounds similar to that of numerous members here...many of whom are now happily married to women from various Asian countries. (myself included - married 10 years to a Filipina) It sounds like you have a good plan.

Good luck!

Dave

[Tanuki]

Hello Brandon!

Welcome to the board.  I have been to Japan a few times and enjoyed it very much.  The cities are beautiful and very clean.  I wish you the best of luck in your search.  In your search for someone to help you learn Japanese, you can try craigs list or search meet up. Being that your in college, there might be a international group on campus and might be able to find a native speaker there.

Again, good luck!!!

[Jeff S]

Iirashai Brandon! We're happy to have you.

I've never lived in Japan but have been there a dozen times or so for up to 6 weeks at a time, going back to the mid 70s. Been married to a Japanese lady for 25 years now - my first marriage, and raised a Japanese step-daughter since she was 10 years old. Bob S, another posted here, spent a year in suburban Tokyo teaching English and brought home a bride about 5 years ago. You can read his adventures in the archives.

If I can be of any help, just ask.

- Jeff

[benglishtea]

Thanks for the warm welcome!    It's been hard to tear myself away from the computer tonight, it seems I've stumbled upon some new energy to learn more about the Japanese culture. I'll definitely check out the other forum posts.

Thanks again for the replies and I hope to be around here for awhile.

Ja mata!

[thekfc]

Hi Brandon.
Welcome to the Planet.

[Bob_S]

My first thought is:  Beppu?  Honto ni?  Inaka da yo.  If you're looking for an immersion program, that's probably the place.  I've been through there once.  It's about an hour by ferry from my MiL's town.  "Nine Hells Hot Springs"?  Yeah.  Had the flan.  Interesting.  But well off the regular foreigners' tourist routes.  It's more of an onsen destination for Japanese.  So you won't find any comforting English bubbles to escape to when it gets overwhelming like you could find if you were staying in Tokyo or Osaka.  Beppu is a port town that backs up against the mountains, so no way in our out except by sea or winding mountain train.  I could see a few relaxing days there.  But 2 months?  I dunno.   

Just a warning about teaching English over there, the talkin' trade don't pay all that well.  An eikaiwa is not going to hire you if you plan to bring over a dependent.  Even a university position may not pay well enough (unless you have a higher level degree in linguistics) to afford a bilingual academy for your child.  You may need to put that dream on the back burner for 6 to 8 years when your daughter is old enough to not need you anymore.  But it is do-able when the time is right.

A note about Japanese women: they are like women anywhere in that they expect their life to be better after they wed, and if they choose a foreign husband, they expect marriage with a foreigner to be better than if they just married a local guy.  Coming to America is not a step up in their quality of life.  It is a burden they must endure to be with their husband.  So ultimately, life with their foreign husband must be sufficiently better to make up for all the stresses of living in a foreign country that is much more rude and violent than they are used to.  Compared to much of Japan, even the most rural village of Kyushu, America seems like a violent destitute Third World hell hole.  What does that mean for you?  Well, if a Japanese woman wanted to be married to a workaholic bustin' his hump 55 to 70 hours a week so she never gets to see him, she could just marry a local guy and have an easier life.  She expects a foreign husband to be more dutiful, attentive, romantic, lovey-dovey.  When I tell my wife I have to work a little overtime this week or during the weekend, she may gaman, but I can see it in her eyes she is not happy I'm gone longer than I need to be.  Just a word to the wise.

[jm21-2]

I think Bob S, as usual, raises some very important points. Oh the hours I have spent reassuring my fiance that the Pacific Northwest is a habitable place, that there are jobs in the US, and that our economy might survive another few years.


I would say the biggest difference is not that foreign girls are less materialistic (they are just as materialistic, if not more, imho), but rather that American girls have very high expectations as far as wooing and romance are concerned (the Disney movie effect). Or maybe it's that in most Asian countries the expectations are low enough that it's much easier to sweep them off their feet.

[Tanuki]

A note about Japanese women: they are like women anywhere in that they expect their life to be better after they wed, and if they choose a foreign husband, they expect marriage with a foreigner to be better than if they just married a local guy.  Coming to America is not a step up in their quality of life.  It is a burden they must endure to be with their husband.  So ultimately, life with their foreign husband must be sufficiently better to make up for all the stresses of living in a foreign country that is much more rude and violent than they are used to.  Compared to much of Japan, even the most rural village of Kyushu, America seems like a violent destitute Third World hell hole.  What does that mean for you?  Well, if a Japanese woman wanted to be married to a workaholic bustin' his hump 55 to 70 hours a week so she never gets to see him, she could just marry a local guy and have an easier life.  She expects a foreign husband to be more dutiful, attentive, romantic, lovey-dovey.  When I tell my wife I have to work a little overtime this week or during the weekend, she may gaman, but I can see it in her eyes she is not happy I'm gone longer than I need to be.  Just a word to the wise.

Bob nailed this.  My ex is Japanese and she really felt that the Japanese male was way too ridged and expected woman to take a back seat in the relationship.  She liked that I didn't require her to cook, to clean and that I could do a lot for myself.  When I was in Japan, I was blown away by how subserviant the women were.  Shoot, if the bottle was just out of the mans reach, he would ask his wife to get up and get it. Woman are expected to sit on their knees and all kinds of jazz.  When she was with me, she was as free as bird. 
 
Whenever we went back to Japan to visit her family, she was different woman.  Her family was also quick to point out her lost Japanese manners when we would go back and visit.  Oh! And whatever you do, don't let her family see her play hit you.  I darn near thought her father was going to bust a vein in his neck.  He let me know I was totally in the wrong for letting her do that.
 
To the older Japanese male, America is way to loose. 

[Jeremy.west]

Thanks for nice introduction . welcome on board

[Royce]

Just joined, and I could probably write a small novel about all the things I'd like to say.   

I'll let you know a few basics:

I am from Louisiana (don't hold that against me), just turned 36, divorced (not my choice), father of the world's greatest daughter (who is 10). Right before our 10th anniversary and right as she graduated college, my wife filed papers, left me, and married another guy within 2 years. She is what I believe to be a typical feminist-minded American girl. Although I worked tons of hours (typically at least 55 per week, sometimes 70), I never made enough money for her and her family (church people, I guess that is less surprising than it used to be).

Anyway, all this caused me to crash emotionally, physically, and financially back in 2007. I went back to college in summer of 2008 to re-undertake my first degree. I currently have about 2 years left on that.

Going through all of this has struck me on a very, very deep level. I have strong ideals, and I always have, ever since I was a child. To this day, although I know that all this has happened, I still have a problem accepting that it can, and did. However, some good things have come about as a result, one of those being a dream of mine that I've had my entire life, and that is going to Japan, spending a lot of time there, learning the language, the culture, and if possible, a loving wife. When I got married, I gave up many of my dreams for her, and traded them in for long work hours, a lifeless and passionless marriage, and anti-depressants to keep me going (which was also her remedy idea). Many times, I couldn't believe what I'd gotten myself into, but I was still willing to try and fix it. She had other plans. But I digress.

To make a long story short, I am back in college working on my Fine Arts History degree, improving my artist skills in drawing (I had stopped drawing completely while married), and am now refining my skills with digital video editing for film. From the first time I got my hands on a video camera, I wanted to make movies. Now, I have a dream to take one of my scripts with me to Japan and shoot it there.

I have more I could add but I'll end on one more thing. Next year, for my 9 hours of required language study, I plan to travel to Beppu, Japan, for 2 months during the summer to study Nihongo! Upon graduation, I have loosely planned on going to Japan to teach and immersing myself in the language as well. So, I have 2 concentrations right now, one is finding a native Japanese speaker to chat with regularly, and the second is learning as much as I can so that having a solid, permanent, and happy relationship with an Asian (possibly Japanese) girl is definitely a possibility for me. I've had it up to here with the US society, and to be honest, I wouldn't mind spending the bulk of the rest of my life overseas. I've read recently that many Japanese women who are interested in western men would prefer to stay in Japan if they were to marry, so I wonder about that, too.

Anyway, thanks for allowing me the space to ramble, I'm really good at it. Feel free to comment, message me, whatever. I'm a pretty open guy and I would love to get sage advice from those who know, or who have "gone before."

Domo arigatou gozaimasu!

-Brandon

Hi and welcome here i want to say that you are strong lady and i really appreciate you bravery and wish a better future for you and i like your aims and plans i hope you will succeed in them.