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Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns

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robert angel:
Had a close call in that I was close to proposing to a woman who'd kept her issues, insecurities and jealousy pretty well disguised. But after my second trip, where I again spent considerable time with her and after over a year's time, the jealousies began to come out loud and clear.

Even though I stayed in touch (while raising two sons single handedly-- one in elementary, one in middle school) she started calling me at my job, which except for real emergencies, was a no no. Our secretary and I didn't appreciate that.

Plus, a new succession of this woman's 'life emergencies' began occurring. Dramas. I wondered how on earth she was able to live her reasonably comfortable life before I came along, and then all of a sudden, things like losing her apartment and more were regularly coming up-- all requiring cash cures.

Looking back now, there were some very small signs--- not even to the 'red flag'  exent, but I am glad I took the time to see eventually the proverbial 'writing on the wall'--rather than seeing it ONLY after there was writing on a marriage certificate or if we were living together.

Aside from the above, when I was doing Match.com, I had some real weird dates/experiences. And on the Cupid and blossoms sites, there were more flakes than you'd find in a cereal box. And they all looked real promising at first.

Time.......

Wildstubby:
Robert angel said:
--- Quote ---Had a close call in that I was close to proposing to a woman who'd kept her issues, insecurities and jealousy pretty well disguised. But after my second trip, where I again spent considerable time with her and after over a year's time, the jealousies began to come out loud and clear.

Even though I stayed in touch (while raising two sons single handedly-- one in elementary, one in middle school) she started calling me at my job, which except for real emergencies, was a no no. Our secretary and I didn't appreciate that.

Plus, a new succession of this woman's 'life emergencies' began occurring. Dramas. I wondered how on earth she was able to live her reasonably comfortable life before I came along, and then all of a sudden, things like losing her apartment and more were regularly coming up-- all requiring cash cures.

Looking back now, there were some very small signs--- not even to the 'red flag'  exent, but I am glad I took the time to see eventually the proverbial 'writing on the wall'--rather than seeing it ONLY after there was writing on a marriage certificate or if we were living together.

Aside from the above, when I was doing Match.com, I had some real weird dates/experiences. And on the Cupid and blossoms sites, there were more flakes than you'd find in a cereal box. And they all looked real promising at first.

Time.......
--- End quote ---
Been there, did that, also! After 25 years of (previous) marriage, I found myself in the proverbial wilderness. In my second trip to Colombia, (or anywhere in 30 years for that matter!), I had met a girl quite younger than myself. We talked and did the video thing, and everything seemed great! Until I went to visit. Within the 1st 5 minutes I knew she was poison, and she seemed very cold and distance. It was a very terrible feeling to be in a strange country (at that time), not knowing anyone, other than a former gf, (who saved the day at least by having dinner with me). I was scolded by my friend, who owned businesses in Bogota and Medellin who told me, "Never go on a trip just to see one woman. Have several set up so that you are not caught in something toxic!". That was 3 years ago. Fast-forward to today and I am in a healthy relationship!

robert angel:

--- Quote from: Wildstubby on October 15, 2018, 04:16:18 AM ---Robert angel said:Been there, did that, also! After 25 years of (previous) marriage, I found myself in the proverbial wilderness. In my second trip to Colombia, (or anywhere in 30 years for that matter!), I had met a girl quite younger than myself. We talked and did the video thing, and everything seemed great! Until I went to visit. Within the 1st 5 minutes I knew she was poison, and she seemed very cold and distance. It was a very terrible feeling to be in a strange country (at that time), not knowing anyone, other than a former gf, (who saved the day at least by having dinner with me). I was scolded by my friend, who owned businesses in Bogota and Medellin who told me, "Never go on a trip just to see one woman. Have several set up so that you are not caught in something toxic!". That was 3 years ago. Fast-forward to today and I am in a healthy relationship!

--- End quote ---

My first trip to the Philippines, I had been chatting and camming for about a year, pretty much everyday, with a lovely, educated Filipina. Got to the point where we agreed I'd  book tickets (UNREFUNDABLE tickets) that as I recall, we're about $1500, so we could see if the chemistry was real.

THEN, about 4 or 5 weeks before my flight, after a lot of thought, she decided that "We weren't right for each other in considering marrying each other"

At first I was in a panic, thinking I'd be strictly staying in my hotel room, alone for three weeks, staying away from what then seemed like a dangerous, very foriegn place, unable to understand the language, afraid to eat the food. When I got to my hotel and turned on the TV, Oprah Winfrey was on, then the Brady Bunch and McDonalds and KFC were downstairs!  But I was afraid--again, it was my first trip there--I thought I'd be kidnapped, that traveling alone, Muslims or Communists would chop off my head. (An attempted coup d 'etat DID occur, but fortunately,  it was some Military officers against their govt---not against US citizens. But it was interesting, watching tanks and assault weaponry, live from my hotel balcony and on TV simultaneously......

Now this gal #1, was, she  IS a good woman. She ended up marrying a Greek (actually Macedonian), and raising a family later on. I'm happy for them. Life's strange, she and my wife later decided that they'd even share a face book friendship. ( I don't 'do' FB) so close to 20 years later, there's still a cordial, respectful thread amongst us.

The jealous, drama Filipina woman  mentioned above, somehow found my wife's fb, and approached her, but my wife decided not to accept.

But anyways.....the Filipina #1 who belatedly decided I wasn't right as 'groom material' sweetly told me: "Our plan was to spend time together. I'll honor that and still take my vacation days off work, show you around, but no 'kissy kissy' and if you find someone else, if you want to strike off alone, I'll understand". Very noble.

Well, always have an 'ace in the hole'! Lady number one toured me for about ten days, then for close to two weeks, I toured several lovely islands with the Filipina who had been 'choice number two'--contacting her the weeks before, explaining that girl choice # one gave me 'free agent status'. I had a great time with both, although w/ gal number one, it was bittersweet.

I think the playing field in Colombia VS the Philippines makes some of the above not as applicable in Colombia, but that there's still some wisdom there that if taken, might be useful.

But my advice is even if you feel very sure that you've picked a pretty sure bet--the right girl--the "one",  make sure you've had enough experience where you had met some other nice ladies, saved contact information and can contact them if things don't work right with #1. In other words, have back up.

 Like one of my favorite entertainers, George Strait put it:

"You've got to have an ace in the hole"
You've got to have an ace in the hole.
A little secret that nobody knows.
Life is a gamble, a game we all play,
But you need to save something for a rainy day.
You've got to learn to play your cards right if you expect to win in life.
Don't put it all on the line for just one roll.
You've got to have an ace in the hole.

If you're headed down a one way street.
And you're not sure it's the way you wanna go.
In money or love, or all the above,
Have a little more than what you show.
When life deals out a surprise
Have a few surprises of your own.
No matter what you do, no matter where you go
You've got to have an ace in the hole...."

Elexpatriado:

--- Quote from: robert angel on October 15, 2018, 06:36:03 AM ---My first trip to the Philippines, I had been chatting and camming for about a year, pretty much everyday, with a lovely, educated Filipina. Got to the point where we agreed I'd  book tickets (UNREFUNDABLE tickets) that as I recall, we're about $1500, so we could see if the chemistry was real.

THEN, about 4 or 5 weeks before my flight, after a lot of thought, she decided that "We weren't right for each other in considering marrying each other"

At first I was in a panic, thinking I'd be strictly staying in my hotel room, alone for three weeks, staying away from what then seemed like a dangerous, very foriegn place, unable to understand the language, afraid to eat the food. When I got to my hotel and turned on the TV, Oprah Winfrey was on, then the Brady Bunch and McDonalds and KFC were downstairs!  But I was afraid--again, it was my first trip there--I thought I'd be kidnapped, that traveling alone, Muslims or Communists would chop off my head. (An attempted coup d 'etat DID occur, but fortunately,  it was some Military officers against their govt---not against US citizens. But it was interesting, watching tanks and assault weaponry, live from my hotel balcony and on TV simultaneously......

Now this gal #1, was, she  IS a good woman. She ended up marrying a Greek (actually Macedonian), and raising a family later on. I'm happy for them. Life's strange, she and my wife later decided that they'd even share a face book friendship. ( I don't 'do' FB) so close to 20 years later, there's still a cordial, respectful thread amongst us.

The jealous, drama Filipina woman  mentioned above, somehow found my wife's fb, and approached her, but my wife decided not to accept.

But anyways.....the Filipina #1 who belatedly decided I wasn't right as 'groom material' sweetly told me: "Our plan was to spend time together. I'll honor that and still take my vacation days off work, show you around, but no 'kissy kissy' and if you find someone else, if you want to strike off alone, I'll understand". Very noble.

Well, always have an 'ace in the hole'! Lady number one toured me for about ten days, then for close to two weeks, I toured several lovely islands with the Filipina who had been 'choice number two'--contacting her the weeks before, explaining that girl choice # one gave me 'free agent status'. I had a great time with both, although w/ gal number one, it was bittersweet.

I think the playing field in Colombia VS the Philippines makes some of the above not as applicable in Colombia, but that there's still some wisdom there that if taken, might be useful.

But my advice is even if you feel very sure that you've picked a pretty sure bet--the right girl--the "one",  make sure you've had enough experience where you had met some other nice ladies, saved contact information and can contact them if things don't work right with #1. In other words, have back up.

 Like one of my favorite entertainers, George Strait put it:

"You've got to have an ace in the hole"
You've got to have an ace in the hole.
A little secret that nobody knows.
Life is a gamble, a game we all play,
But you need to save something for a rainy day.
You've got to learn to play your cards right if you expect to win in life.
Don't put it all on the line for just one roll.
You've got to have an ace in the hole.

If you're headed down a one way street.
And you're not sure it's the way you wanna go.
In money or love, or all the above,
Have a little more than what you show.
When life deals out a surprise
Have a few surprises of your own.
No matter what you do, no matter where you go
You've got to have an ace in the hole...."

--- End quote ---


I am a traveller been travelling all.my life lived in 8 difierent countries and have visited over 50 .Been all over Colombia (not necesarily with a female companion).

I dont go to a foreign country just to see a woman. I go to see the country or do some type of interesting activity.

So if some flaky or narcistic woman blows me off, there is no chemistry, or turns out to be a gold digger or a nice one suddenly  becomes crazy I just say "adiós " and do my own thing and eventually a better one comes a along.

Not saying there havent been "train wrecks" but why  cry and moan about the past? Life is great.

You have to always out your own interests and needs first above any women. Especially if there  is no plan to have
( your own ja ja)children with her.

utopiacowboy:
I am probably a very strange guy but I have always found my children more satisfying in terms of a relationship than any woman. My ex wife always said that I left her for my children and to an extent she is right - I was really focused on my children while they were growing up. All my energy went into them.


Now that I have small grandchildren I find that I spend most of my time with them. It's like getting another opportunity to experience my children's childhoods again with their children. I wish I could live long enough to see them all grown up and have children of their own but who knows?


Walking around the neighborhood with my three year old grandson, you really see the world fresh and new. It takes us forever to walk several blocks around their house as he explores and checks things out. That little boy is crazy about his grandfather.

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