My local trip report

[Adam MN]

This I my American trip report lol.  I was dating a very nice Colombian woman same age as me which I know a lot of guys are really hung up and age but I am not.  She just recently broke it off.  I am writing this more as a therapy for me and lessons learned.  I have read a lot of posts on this forum and some come across to me as very harsh and seem to objectify women which I believe each one is very unique and different.  Maybe someday I will find the right one for me.  I thought I did and felt I did.  I fell way too hard to fast.  She was not ready of relationship. 
​We would talk for hours I used a lot of Jamie’s questions and then some to get to know her which really helped.  I still see no red flags with her today she is a good woman and I wish her the best.  She was honest, sincere, funny, insightful, she was a good mom, has a good soul, giving and caring, good communication skills, hardworking, we shared a lot of the same values.  With all of this being said I have had I taste of what I really want out of partner now I feel I need to find my match even more! Basically she was everything she said she was and aligned with a lot of the profiles I have recently been reading on Jamie’s site. 
​ We shared many things and had some amazing dates and good times together in our short journey.  My biggest mistake with her was I moved too fast and didn’t listen to her needs.  And that is what is most disappointing about this listening is one of my better skills.  I kept pushing I thought I was showing I was fighting for her and us.  She is divorced and kept talking about moving back to Colombia.  Which I understand but sometimes took it to personal.  She has been through a lot here in the US and said she never really adjusted to living here.  Which I understand now where we live the area is not exactly big city and the weather can be crappy in the winter especially.  Which I would love to move to Colombia someday but just can’t for a while I am trying to raise my daughter and that is what I need and want to do.  Colombian woman are few and far between in my area too so maybe I put too much stress on her because this is what I really want.  I hope I can learn from this experience but it’s complicated I think because everyone I meet from here on out will be different.  This is a mistake I see people make the compare everything to past people they have met and not past experiences.   Not saying that every past experience is related able from one situation to another.  I really think people struggle with differentiating them form each other.  It seems like a lot of guys each time this happens gets bitter and a piece of their heart in gone forever or it starts to shut down.  I get that this woman will always have part of me but I have plenty more to give.  Then it seems like they become petty and even more immature.  I don’t want to be one of those guys not ever. 
Sorry not much of a trip report.   I am not looking for I told you so s or people to feel sorry for me just sharing my experience.
What I am looking are people on the board that are genuine, sincere and I am looking for connections with people who share similar interest to find that someone special or have found some they hold dear.
Take care everyone.       
Hopefully this is not one those things I regret posting 

[robert angel]

Great report, great insights. I can't ever seeing you regret the post and somehow, I think you probably feel that if posting it can help even one person, it's worth it. Inevitably some here will ask questions and want details, and while that's all well, good and helpful, answer what you want. Having gone through something like what you've been through and sharing it can be a catharsis of sorts, but shouldn't be an 'inquisition'.

I have been 'let go' in the past and just this past weekend, made contact after thirty years, finding out a lot of things about a woman and her family, a Belgian woman I almost married, looking at the good places and diferent directions our lives had taken since, us each marrying, raising a family and pursuing different careers in different parts of the USA. I was so tore up when she broke off with me that I moved two day's drive away from the area. Somehow it all worked out, going our separate ways.

There are some great insights to be taken from your post---thanks!

[katik]

Hopefully my story gives you a little bit of hope and encourage you to not give up.

What happened to you is very similar to what happened to my husband before me. He met a girl thought Jamie's agency and he fall deeply in love with her, dated for almost 2 years and brought her to the US with a fiancé visa and married her. But 6 months into it they both realized they weren't for each other and she wasn't really happy living here and she went back

But another woman's failure became my happiness. I met my husband at Jamie's too the first time he went there, but he chose her instead. 3 years later I became member of this forum and saw his post where he shared his experience and how broken heart he was, I didn't know it was him! I didn't even remember his name at that point, but I saw his profile picture and I realized it was the same man I have met years ago in Colombia throught the agency. How crazy is that? I quoted his post and continued talking to him for a few months and now we have been together for 6 years! And happily married for 2.

So don't give up!! There are a lot of good women in Colombia waiting for a good man to love.

[Juan Valdez]

Hopefully my story gives you a little bit of hope and encourage you to not give up.

What happened to you is very similar to what happened to my husband before me. He met a girl thought Jamie's agency and he fall deeply in love with her, dated for almost 2 years and brought her to the US with a fiancé visa and married her. But 6 months into it they both realized they weren't for each other and she wasn't really happy living here and she went back

But another woman's failure became my happiness. I met my husband at Jamie's too the first time he went there, but he chose her instead. 3 years later I became member of this forum and saw his post where he shared his experience and how broken heart he was, I didn't know it was him! I didn't even remember his name at that point, but I saw his profile picture and I realized it was the same man I have met years ago in Colombia throught the agency. How crazy is that? I quoted his post and continued talking to him for a few months and now we have been together for 6 years! And happily married for 2.

So don't give up!! There are a lot of good women in Colombia waiting for a good man to love.

+1

Beautiful story Katik :-)

[katik]

+1

Beautiful story Katik :-)

Thanks Juan

[mambocowboy]

Hopefully my story gives you a little bit of hope and encourage you to not give up.

What happened to you is very similar to what happened to my husband before me. He met a girl thought Jamie's agency and he fall deeply in love with her, dated for almost 2 years and brought her to the US with a fiancé visa and married her. But 6 months into it they both realized they weren't for each other and she wasn't really happy living here and she went back

But another woman's failure became my happiness. I met my husband at Jamie's too the first time he went there, but he chose her instead. 3 years later I became member of this forum and saw his post where he shared his experience and how broken heart he was, I didn't know it was him! I didn't even remember his name at that point, but I saw his profile picture and I realized it was the same man I have met years ago in Colombia throught the agency. How crazy is that? I quoted his post and continued talking to him for a few months and now we have been together for 6 years! And happily married for 2.

So don't give up!! There are a lot of good women in Colombia waiting for a good man to love.

Great story Kati!

[Adam MN]

Thank you Robert Angel for your good words and encouragement.

Katik that thank you for sharing your story and i know what you mean I will hang in there and I keep thinking there is something there for me in BAQ.  I am sure I will have a bunch of questions for you most likey will message them to you. 


thanks,


Adam

[katik]

Thank you Robert Angel for your good words and encouragement.

Katik that thank you for sharing your story and i know what you mean I will hang in there and I keep thinking there is something there for me in BAQ.  I am sure I will have a bunch of questions for you most likey will message them to you. 


thanks,


Adam

No problem, it will be a pleasure to help

[robert angel]

Thank you Robert Angel for your good words and encouragement.

Katik that thank you for sharing your story and i know what you mean I will hang in there and I keep thinking there is something there for me in BAQ.  I am sure I will have a bunch of questions for you most likey will message them to you. 


thanks,


Adam

Hey, we're just 'paying it forward'! It's doing good for those who need and can appreciate the good. Reading such posts and seeing a lady with as much class and insight as Katik contributing---that really adds a lot here IMO. If we can just get Brazilian Girl and Innocent Vixen back to posting, along with Katik's polished take on things, I think we might bring some other positive light into this forum. (hopefully)

[Researcher]

This I my American trip report lol.  I was dating a very nice Colombian woman same age as me which I know a lot of guys are really hung up and age but I am not.  She just recently broke it off.  I am writing this more as a therapy for me and lessons learned.  I have read a lot of posts on this forum and some come across to me as very harsh and seem to objectify women which I believe each one is very unique and different.  Maybe someday I will find the right one for me.  I thought I did and felt I did.  I fell way too hard to fast.  She was not ready of relationship. 
​We would talk for hours I used a lot of Jamie’s questions and then some to get to know her which really helped.  I still see no red flags with her today she is a good woman and I wish her the best.  She was honest, sincere, funny, insightful, she was a good mom, has a good soul, giving and caring, good communication skills, hardworking, we shared a lot of the same values.  With all of this being said I have had I taste of what I really want out of partner now I feel I need to find my match even more! Basically she was everything she said she was and aligned with a lot of the profiles I have recently been reading on Jamie’s site. 
​ We shared many things and had some amazing dates and good times together in our short journey.  My biggest mistake with her was I moved too fast and didn’t listen to her needs.  And that is what is most disappointing about this listening is one of my better skills.  I kept pushing I thought I was showing I was fighting for her and us.  She is divorced and kept talking about moving back to Colombia.  Which I understand but sometimes took it to personal.  She has been through a lot here in the US and said she never really adjusted to living here.  Which I understand now where we live the area is not exactly big city and the weather can be crappy in the winter especially.  Which I would love to move to Colombia someday but just can’t for a while I am trying to raise my daughter and that is what I need and want to do.  Colombian woman are few and far between in my area too so maybe I put too much stress on her because this is what I really want.  I hope I can learn from this experience but it’s complicated I think because everyone I meet from here on out will be different.  This is a mistake I see people make the compare everything to past people they have met and not past experiences.   Not saying that every past experience is related able from one situation to another.  I really think people struggle with differentiating them form each other.  It seems like a lot of guys each time this happens gets bitter and a piece of their heart in gone forever or it starts to shut down.  I get that this woman will always have part of me but I have plenty more to give.  Then it seems like they become petty and even more immature.  I don’t want to be one of those guys not ever. 
Sorry not much of a trip report.   I am not looking for I told you so s or people to feel sorry for me just sharing my experience.
What I am looking are people on the board that are genuine, sincere and I am looking for connections with people who share similar interest to find that someone special or have found some they hold dear.
Take care everyone.       
Hopefully this is not one those things I regret posting 

Sorry to hear it did not work out for you Adam. The reality is she just was not the one for you. This is the way it goes in life. I learned this through experience. I have been in relationships with women who I was crazy about but they did not feel the same and I have been in relationships with women who were crazy about me but I did not feel the same. To me both of those situations stink.

One of these relationships I was in I was crazy about her but she did not feel the same. I stayed in it hoping she would change how she felt. She stayed in it because she did not want to hurt me. I finally decided to end the relationship altogether. No friendship and no contact. It was not easy. My reasoning was that it was not fair for her to stay with me just to save me from being hurt. She deserved to be with someone that she was crazy about. It also was not fair to me. I deserved to be with someone who felt the same way about me as I did them.

So I made myself available to meet and date women. No more settling. I experienced different degrees of attraction with different women. When I started travelling I would meet many different women and get to know the ones I was interested in. When I met my wife I became interested in only getting to know her more. The best part was that it was mutual. We have been married since 2007.

The other relationships I had were learning experiences. I found out what was good and what wasn't. I remember how difficult it was to break it off with "the one" but it turned out to be a good decision. It probably would have ended badly. Two people have to want to be together.

[fathertime]

  I kept pushing I thought I was showing I was fighting for her and us. 

Thanks for the trip report Adam.   It sounds like you were fighting for her, so you did what you could.  You learned a bit in the process and will be even better equipped next time, and I'm sure there will be a next time if allow for it.


Fathertime! 

[Adam MN]

Thanks for the trip report Adam.   It sounds like you were fighting for her, so you did what you could.  You learned a bit in the process and will be even better equipped next time, and I'm sure there will be a next time if allow for it.


Fathertime!

thanks fathertime i appreciate your insight!  I am sure there will be another time.  Just still processing all of this and trying to figure out my next step in the furture.


Adam

[Awesome]

I just did a search on latinamericancupid for "women living in the US ages 18-35" and there are literally hundreds of beautiful latinas who have logged on in the last 24 hours.  I don't know if you're posting on this board because you've already made plans to find a wife in Colombia, but keep in mind that finding a woman who already lives in this country can have significant advantages.

[robert angel]

I just did a search on latinamericancupid for "women living in the US ages 18-35" and there are literally hundreds of beautiful latinas who have logged on in the last 24 hours.  I don't know if you're posting on this board because you've already made plans to find a wife in Colombia, but keep in mind that finding a woman who already lives in this country can have significant advantages.

While if you're going to marry and bring a woman from another country to the USA it's inevitable that the USA experience will change her to some degree, at least you have some control over it. But if you're going after a woman originally from the same country, but who has been living and going to school and/or working here for years, I dare say you're going to have a different experience. She'll probably be more jaded, with different perceptions and expectations.

[Adam MN]

Awesome,

I appreciate your help again and I did take your advice from my previous post a few months ago.

I will check out the Latina sight you mentioned.  I found my ex on match just by complete accident in my second attempt on Match and I am not a fan of Match at all btw.   

My plans are to go to Colombia this summer.  I still feel the need to complete this trip and adventure.  I am romantic guy and I think it's  very cool and takes a lot of courage for a guy just to attempt this. After all that is why there is this forum right?  I am an open minded kind of person so I am not dead set and will not feel like a failure if I do not find anyone in Colombia or here in my first attempt I just simply hope I do.   

Adam

[Elexpatriado]

I just did a search on latinamericancupid for "women living in the US ages 18-35" and there are literally hundreds of beautiful latinas who have logged on in the last 24 hours.  I don't know if you're posting on this board because you've already made plans to find a wife in Colombia, but keep in mind that finding a woman who already lives in this country can have significant advantages.

Your absolutey right there-she wont be a visa hunter, probably already relatively stable financially, wont have to go through visa process, etc, etc


We dont know how old the guy is, but may ave the same results if you did a search 35 to 70

[Adam MN]

Robert Angel,

Great point that might be a whole another thread on the term “JADED”

I consider myself a very respectful, chivalrous kind of guy.  (I don’t want to seem like I bragging just saying explaining how I feel things should be).  Meaning me open doors for ladies, even car doors with auto locks lol.  I like to help them get in and out of the car.  I think this is very important and respectful my parents raised me right.   I know a lot of girls I have dated in the US are completely thrown off by this some have flat out said very snappy  I can do this myself and one or two have truly appreciated it and were still shocked.  I don’t do for the thanks either btw.   I see JADED all over in the US it’s like this huge layer of walls have been put up.

I also find that US woman profiles will say they are adventurous and yet their desired distance for a relationship is only 5 miles from where they currently live.  So add close minded to the list.

I prefer Latin women and I keep an mind open each one is different and each culture is different to and I enjoy learning about the different cultures and each person.   But overall I feel there values are much better than a lot peoples in the US.  More stress is placed on family and just being happy and enjoying life no matter what it throws at you.  There is more team work.  Along with several other positive attributes, values.

 I read 2 recent articles on dating sights in US and what nice guys shouldn’t do (really??)

                The article on the us dating sights say example on match 70% of the people are on their only looking to “hook up” and will do and say whatever to achieve this.

30% are looking for a relationship and of those 30% 15-20 percent are not ready for one so makes that even more difficult to find something real.

These numbers are crazy!  So yes why not go to Colombia then.  I am sure not going to settle for anything like that.

2nd article in the US for nice guys which I consider myself to be.

                Don’t text too much ask how she is doing or how she is feeling ---- (So then what are you supposed to say I guess just be a jerk right???)

                Don’t be over do the chivalry- I get this there is a point where sometimes a guy can do too much and then guys end up getting walked all over.

                Don’t ask too many considerate questions--- did you have a good day? Ect.   

                Too many compliments—I get this one too but some woman here cannot even take a single complement or return one either.

Don’t mean to go completely off but just some thoughts.

To answer other questions about me I will be 40 years old in August.  I am divorced over 2 years. I totally settled will never do that again.  Just started dating and felt like I have already seen it all.  So I have been thinking about what I really want and for me and my daughter.  O yeah btw I am a single dad raising a 7 year old girl by myself. I currently live in MN rural area.  I am an Engineer.  I have dreams of being an Expat at some point in my life.  If you want to know more just ask I have obvious no issue sharing.

[Elexpatriado]

At your age, and being an engineer, youwould be the perfect age to look for a position overseas to become an expat engineer.
But given that you are a single father with a 7 year old daughter, it doesnt make much sense, until she becomes an adult.
 
Dont pay to much to those dating sites that tell you what to do and what not to do. Just be yourself. If a girl doesnt like you texting every day or holding the door, Foch her, shes not for you.
 
The main thing is not to look too desperate. But if a guy looks like Brad Pitt, girls will fall over him no matter what he does (within reason), either being to "Clingy" and "nice" or too much of a "jerk"
 

Robert Angel,

Great point that might be a whole another thread on the term “JADED”

I consider myself a very respectful, chivalrous kind of guy.  (I don’t want to seem like I bragging just saying explaining how I feel things should be).  Meaning me open doors for ladies, even car doors with auto locks lol.  I like to help them get in and out of the car.  I think this is very important and respectful my parents raised me right.   I know a lot of girls I have dated in the US are completely thrown off by this some have flat out said very snappy  I can do this myself and one or two have truly appreciated it and were still shocked.  I don’t do for the thanks either btw.   I see JADED all over in the US it’s like this huge layer of walls have been put up.

I also find that US woman profiles will say they are adventurous and yet their desired distance for a relationship is only 5 miles from where they currently live.  So add close minded to the list.

I prefer Latin women and I keep an mind open each one is different and each culture is different to and I enjoy learning about the different cultures and each person.   But overall I feel there values are much better than a lot peoples in the US.  More stress is placed on family and just being happy and enjoying life no matter what it throws at you.  There is more team work.  Along with several other positive attributes, values.

 I read 2 recent articles on dating sights in US and what nice guys shouldn’t do (really??)

                The article on the us dating sights say example on match 70% of the people are on their only looking to “hook up” and will do and say whatever to achieve this.

30% are looking for a relationship and of those 30% 15-20 percent are not ready for one so makes that even more difficult to find something real.

These numbers are crazy!  So yes why not go to Colombia then.  I am sure not going to settle for anything like that.

2nd article in the US for nice guys which I consider myself to be.

                Don’t text too much ask how she is doing or how she is feeling ---- (So then what are you supposed to say I guess just be a jerk right???)

                Don’t be over do the chivalry- I get this there is a point where sometimes a guy can do too much and then guys end up getting walked all over.

                Don’t ask too many considerate questions--- did you have a good day? Ect.   

                Too many compliments—I get this one too but some woman here cannot even take a single complement or return one either.

Don’t mean to go completely off but just some thoughts.

To answer other questions about me I will be 40 years old in August.  I am divorced over 2 years. I totally settled will never do that again.  Just started dating and felt like I have already seen it all.  So I have been thinking about what I really want and for me and my daughter.  O yeah btw I am a single dad raising a 7 year old girl by myself. I currently live in MN rural area.  I am an Engineer.  I have dreams of being an Expat at some point in my life.  If you want to know more just ask I have obvious no issue sharing.

[benjio]

Robert Angel,

Great point that might be a whole another thread on the term “JADED”

I consider myself a very respectful, chivalrous kind of guy.  (I don’t want to seem like I bragging just saying explaining how I feel things should be).  Meaning me open doors for ladies, even car doors with auto locks lol.  I like to help them get in and out of the car.  I think this is very important and respectful my parents raised me right.   I know a lot of girls I have dated in the US are completely thrown off by this some have flat out said very snappy  I can do this myself and one or two have truly appreciated it and were still shocked.  I don’t do for the thanks either btw.   I see JADED all over in the US it’s like this huge layer of walls have been put up.

I also find that US woman profiles will say they are adventurous and yet their desired distance for a relationship is only 5 miles from where they currently live.  So add close minded to the list.

I prefer Latin women and I keep an mind open each one is different and each culture is different to and I enjoy learning about the different cultures and each person.   But overall I feel there values are much better than a lot peoples in the US.  More stress is placed on family and just being happy and enjoying life no matter what it throws at you.  There is more team work.  Along with several other positive attributes, values.

 I read 2 recent articles on dating sights in US and what nice guys shouldn’t do (really??)

                The article on the us dating sights say example on match 70% of the people are on their only looking to “hook up” and will do and say whatever to achieve this.

30% are looking for a relationship and of those 30% 15-20 percent are not ready for one so makes that even more difficult to find something real.

These numbers are crazy!  So yes why not go to Colombia then.  I am sure not going to settle for anything like that.

2nd article in the US for nice guys which I consider myself to be.

                Don’t text too much ask how she is doing or how she is feeling ---- (So then what are you supposed to say I guess just be a jerk right???)

                Don’t be over do the chivalry- I get this there is a point where sometimes a guy can do too much and then guys end up getting walked all over.

                Don’t ask too many considerate questions--- did you have a good day? Ect.   

                Too many compliments—I get this one too but some woman here cannot even take a single complement or return one either.

Don’t mean to go completely off but just some thoughts.

To answer other questions about me I will be 40 years old in August.  I am divorced over 2 years. I totally settled will never do that again.  Just started dating and felt like I have already seen it all.  So I have been thinking about what I really want and for me and my daughter.  O yeah btw I am a single dad raising a 7 year old girl by myself. I currently live in MN rural area.  I am an Engineer.  I have dreams of being an Expat at some point in my life.  If you want to know more just ask I have obvious no issue sharing.

Ignore those "Nice Guy" articles. They make me laugh. Most of them are written by women and they're complete BULL$HIT! Honestly, when's the last time you've seen an American Woman actually date the kind of guy she says she'd be interested in. Much less saying or writing exactly how she feels. DO NOT let American Women build your game plan on how date successfully. PLEASE!!!


You have to find a happy medium with all women. There's nothing wrong with being a gentlemen and any woman worth being with will appreciate that. What's more important though is women want dominant men by nature. When a man is too nice and "chivalrous" that can give a woman the impression that he's a pushover. On the surface a man might think he's winning he over because she's usually getting what she wants. But in reality this behavior only drives women away from my experience. Took me a few years to learn that. I'm no stud in the U.S. or Latin America but I've had much more luck SOTB because there's still a relatively traditional paradigm with respect to gender roles. Women expect us to be the breadwinners. They expect us to be heads of the family and have the final say on big decisions...to protect and even control at many levels. A lot of gringos I've met in Latin America are so used cowering to beautiful women in the states they act timid and controllable when they start dating an attractive Latina. I don't care how handsome a guy is...that turns the women off that are genuinely interested in building an emotional connection with you. The only girls that like it are gold diggers.
 
I always act like a bit of an a$$hole when I first meet a girl that I'm interested in now. First off...I need signals. I need good body language from her end to even begin to act like I'm interested. If I'm not getting that I try my hardest to ignore her. Believe me this is never a waste of time. If they want nothing to do with you you're not losing a thing by ignoring them...and if they're the least bit curious most attractive women will wonder why you're not paying attention to them and begin to seek it out. If you don't know how to read female body language buy a book. There are literally dozens of them on the subject. Body language is a science...not a personality trait. Learn to read it and you'll have most people figured out 5 minutes after you meet them. Familiarizing myself with it has done wonders for me in dating and my professional life.


There's nothing wrong with calling and texting often. Again, when a woman is genuinely interested in you this behavior is appreciated and even encouraged! But I'd rather call when I'm first getting to know a girl. Texting is easy. Answering a phone call requires a bit more of an investment in communication. It also allows you to read her voice. Does she sound excited when she answers? Is she bothering to answer at all? How much you should text will be self-explanatory after a few phone conversations. Also, there's nothing wrong with showering a girl with compliments. Once again....if you're the guy she wants to hear compliments from...SHE'LL LOVE IT!!! One thing about that is being original. Telling a beautiful woman she's beautiful isn't going to wet her underpants because she's probably heard it a dozen times every day since she learned to speak. I've always found compliments about a woman's personality, fashion sense or personal accomplishments go much further.


Dinner and a movie/concert/show is the standard first date protocol. I will always tell a woman what movie we're going to see and what we're going to eat. Usually I will already have asked what kind of food she likes but I don't even give her the opportunity to question what we're going to do on the first date. A guy I know that's very good with women taught me that and it sets a very important precedent from the start.


I guess what I'm trying to say is going forward, if you're going to date SOTB...never be a pushover. Keep your balls firmly between your legs and don't be afraid to expose them. Say "NO!" if that's what you mean. Don't even second guess it. The awesome thing about dating somewhere like Colombia is you get numb to the beauty after a while. All the hot girls eventually fade into the background and you become oblivious to it. You lose all fear of losing a woman just because she's very attractive. If you're serious about finding a life partner in Latin America after you spend enough time there you'll very easily start to see the women for who they truly are.


Sorry about the long post. I just hate to see this crap happen to good men.

[utopiacowboy]

Benjio laid it out there for you. Some very good advice.

[Awesome]

Your absolutey right there-she wont be a visa hunter, probably already relatively stable financially, wont have to go through visa process, etc, etc


We dont know how old the guy is, but may ave the same results if you did a search 35 to 70

While she may not be a visa hunter, there are many latinas living in the US who are looking to marry an American to gain US  citizenship.  For example many are living here on a temporary visa, or have overstayed their visa and can't legally work.  Therefore there is still a possibility of her using you and you still have to go into it with open eyes.  I know two younger guys who both met beautiful latinas in S Florida and got used for their "papers".  The one who married the Peruana actually thought his marriage was real until she dumped him as soon as she got her green card.  The one who married the Colombiana knew all along that it was an arrangement but he was ok with it since she was by far the hottest chick he'd ever been with.


Logistically speaking it's much easier to maintain a relationship with a woman who's already in the country.

[whitey]

Great post benjio ...

[katik]

It seems to me that a lot of Latina women who come to the US chage their ways after a while of living here. I have a half sister, older than me who married an American about 15 years ago, we weren't raised together but I knew her, she was a good woman, hard working, and very old fashioned. She came here on a fiancé visa and married her husband. The marriage lasted about 4 years; and then she asked for divorced. When we saw each other again after a few years of her being here I saw a completely different person, I saw a woman who slept around, cheated, and a liar, there was nothing left of that Colombian woman she was in Colombia. And this is usually what happens to many Latinas who come here.

This is not the only case I know, I have seen a few similar to my half sister. I am not saying all women here looking for a relationships are bad, but so far I haven't met a good one.

[robert angel]

It seems to me that a lot of Latina women who come to the US chage their ways after a while of living here. I have a half sister, older than me who married an American about 15 years ago, we weren't raised together but I knew her, she was a good woman, hard working, and very old fashioned. She came here on a fiancé visa and married her husband. The marriage lasted about 4 years; and then she asked for divorced. When we saw each other again after a few years of her being here I saw a completely different person, I saw a woman who slept around, cheated, and a liar, there was nothing left of that Colombian woman she was in Colombia. And this is usually what happens to many Latinas who come here.

This is not the only case I know, I have seen a few similar to my half sister. I am not saying all women here looking for a relationships are bad, but so far I haven't met a good one.

Why do you think that is? Seems that life in the USA changes everyone...

[utopiacowboy]

Why do you think that is? Seems that life in the USA changes everyone...

Twelve years in the US and my wife has not changed in the slightest. Still absolutely pura Colombiana. She never wanted to leave Medellin and even though she has made the best of things here in the US, I am sure she would be back in her apartment there before I was cold in the ground.

[Kiltboy1]

Twelve years in the US and my wife has not changed in the slightest. Still absolutely pura Colombiana. She never wanted to leave Medellin and even though she has made the best of things here in the US, I am sure she would be back in her apartment there before I was cold in the ground.

I have the opposite experience than UC. My wife and I have been married 10 year now and she is completely different than when she came to the USA, but in a good way. For one, she is a Conservative Republican-YES and she was a Liberal when I met her and 2, she fully understands that for all the problems we have in the USA, it is far and away the best country in the world to live and raise a family and to have opportunity that no other country can provide if you get your ass out of bed every morning and work hard.My wife has absolutely no desire to ever live anywhere else. Crap, I'm trying to get her to move to Naples Florida and that is a struggle, She likes it fine where she is at.

Unlike Kati'ks sister, my wife is the most loyal, caring and sincere woman I have ever met and life only gets so much better each year together. My wife is a professional and also just started her own business with 3 coworkers on the side and this is what I like to see in a woman. I am not a man that wants a housewife, that is too damn boring for me. I like a woman with dreams and her own ideas  that also help make me a better person. I do however see lots of guys marry bad including me before and let's face it, they marry with the Peckers and not their common sense.

[robert angel]

Twelve years in the US and my wife has not changed in the slightest. Still absolutely pura Colombiana. She never wanted to leave Medellin and even though she has made the best of things here in the US, I am sure she would be back in her apartment there before I was cold in the ground.

UC, With all due respect, I have a hard time imagining the above, or perhaps I'm not quantifying "in the slightest" corrrectly. Like yours, KB's and my wife, I think they all have been in the USA for over ten years. I think they all share an experience in growing up in country where they saw a lot more poverty and less opportunity, probably even more the case for women back there, than is the case here.

I know how my wife views the poor is quite different here, compared  to back home. Here, she's more likely to see people as really being not so disenfranchised,  as they are more lazy and failing to take advantage of opportunities for education, of fairness in employment, largely due to laws and such. She sees a lot of people complaining without doing anything BUT complaining. Yet she cares about the homeles and donates time and money, albiet carefully. She has seen people largely living off the govt. dole, sometimes in public housing, with air con., cars, internet and smart phones and that's a stark contrast to back home, where if you don't work you don't eat, where to get medical care you need money up front and there aren't student 'loans' and even with an education, jobs are few and the playing field in terms or working is far from being fair and level.

Although back home she was always aware of the wealth gap in her home land and now sees it in other places, including here in the USA, she's still amazed when we go certain places, like Boca Raton and the Naples Florida area's "Gold Coast", in NYC, etc., to see the palatial mansions, the amount of cars that cost in the hundreds of thousands each and just how much of 'everything' seems to be in the USA. She's amazed at how much space and open land there is here.

 In ten years, she's grown to appreciate some of the 'finer things', whether it's the best cuts of steak, more expensive 'whole foods',  or skin care products, yoga classes, clothes and shoes---things that really weren't 'in the picture' back home. Not saying she's become overly materialistic or is taking things for granted, but her perceptions and tastes have changed. Thankfully her core values have not really changed.

I am more interested in the 'how and why' our wives have or haven't changed here, for good and bad. For us, I think choosing friends carefully and valuing our own company and advice rather than others, has made a difference. We don't put our lives out on Facebook, which IMO has a lot of 'poison' with people picturing every fancy meal, outfit or 'rich and famous' type lifestyle, experience, yet you never hear about their credit card statements.

We go to certain social events where you can't help but hear, but we don't buy into, the  gossip and dramas among those we know. We have a lot of 'aquaintances' but few we count as friends and confidants. We're really careful about what we do or say, especially amongst the Filipino community. There's a lot of gossip, back biting and people concerned about what other's have materially there, if you give them something to chew on.

But I still really feel that five or ten years in the USA, especially if coming from a non wealthy background, from places like Mexico, S.America or the Philippines, will change anyone. For good or bad and to whatever extent--those are the variables.

[utopiacowboy]

It may be hard to believe but she hasn't changed at all. In Medellin she was a supervisor at a large textile plant and her passion was playing bingo and her family. Here she is a supervisor at a large automobile manufacturing plant and her passion is bingo and her family. She lives her life almost completely in Spanish speaking English only when it is absolutely necessary. She listens to the same music and follows the same soccer teams she used to follow. She is as Colombian today as she was 12 years ago and would go back there in a heart beat.

[robert angel]

It may be hard to believe but she hasn't changed at all. In Medellin she was a supervisor at a large textile plant and her passion was playing bingo and her family. Here she is a supervisor at a large automobile manufacturing plant and her passion is bingo and her family. She lives her life almost completely in Spanish speaking English only when it is absolutely necessary. She listens to the same music and follows the same soccer teams she used to follow. She is as Colombian today as she was 12 years ago and would go back there in a heart beat.

That's great! Your's is a remarkable story indeed. The way you and your wife, your children,  came together, especially the kids, as well as other factors, is just refreshing. Seems that things that all too often become stressors, actually brought and continue to keep you together.  It's rare enough to find stability in the 'whole, enriched white bread' slices of USA life, but to hear you making something out of such diverse ingredients without screwing up the whole recipe is really nice. Salute!!

[katik]

I am referring to those that wonder outside their marriage. I haven't chage a bit either I am the same girl that came to this country 8 years ago! But let me tell you my sister ain't and the others who I know for a fact left their husbands thinking they could make it on their own and later on find themselves not doing so well, and in the process they become more and more "Americanized" but in the wrong ways.
I repeat this is not everybody's case but at least the few I know made me think it is.

[katik]

I have the opposite experience than UC. My wife and I have been married 10 year now and she is completely different than when she came to the USA, but in a good way. For one, she is a Conservative Republican-YES and she was a Liberal when I met her and 2, she fully understands that for all the problems we have in the USA, it is far and away the best country in the world to live and raise a family and to have opportunity that no other country can provide if you get your ass out of bed every morning and work hard.My wife has absolutely no desire to ever live anywhere else. Crap, I'm trying to get her to move to Naples Florida and that is a struggle, She likes it fine where she is at.

Unlike Kati'ks sister, my wife is the most loyal, caring and sincere woman I have ever met and life only gets so much better each year together. My wife is a professional and also just started her own business with 3 coworkers on the side and this is what I like to see in a woman. I am not a man that wants a housewife, that is too damn boring for me. I like a woman with dreams and her own ideas  that also help make me a better person. I do however see lots of guys marry bad including me before and let's face it, they marry with the Peckers and not their common sense.

I agree with you! And my husband can tell you the same about me. I have changed but for the better too! I now understand life different, I graduated college here and it helped me see things in a different way. I help my husband run our business, we work hard side by side everyday. But, again I didnt meant to include every woman I was referring to the 90% of those who leave the husband who brought them here to look for something better or thinking they can make it on their own now that they have a green card.

[Awesome]

It seems to me that a lot of Latina women who come to the US chage their ways after a while of living here. I have a half sister, older than me who married an American about 15 years ago, we weren't raised together but I knew her, she was a good woman, hard working, and very old fashioned. She came here on a fiancé visa and married her husband. The marriage lasted about 4 years; and then she asked for divorced. When we saw each other again after a few years of her being here I saw a completely different person, I saw a woman who slept around, cheated, and a liar, there was nothing left of that Colombian woman she was in Colombia. And this is usually what happens to many Latinas who come here.

This is not the only case I know, I have seen a few similar to my half sister. I am not saying all women here looking for a relationships are bad, but so far I haven't met a good one.

In this case of your half-sister being a cheater do you blame this on her moving to the US or is it the fact that maybe she married the wrong guy in the first place?  I believe women only cheat when they're with a man who doesn't satisfy all of their needs.  Where does she live?  For example where I live it's very easy to find young, handsome, well paid professional, latino men.  These guys can be very tempting to a woman who isn't 100% satisfied in her marriage.


Maybe if she meets the right guy, a man who she highly values, she won't have any reason to cheat or sneak around.


Another question, do you have children who you are raising in the US?  If so how do you plan to keep them from growing up to be terrible, lying, cheating Americans?

[katik]

In this case of your half-sister being a cheater do you blame this on her moving to the US or is it the fact that maybe she married the wrong guy in the first place?  I believe women only cheat when they're with a man who doesn't satisfy all of their needs.  Where does she live?  For example where I live it's very easy to find young, handsome, well paid professional, latino men.  These guys can be very tempting to a woman who isn't 100% satisfied in her marriage.


Maybe if she meets the right guy, a man who she highly values, she won't have any reason to cheat or sneak around.


Another question, do you have children who you are raising in the US?  If so how do you plan to keep them from growing up to be terrible, lying, cheating Americans?

Never did I said Americans were terrible, cheaters and all you just said. If I thought that I would not be merried to one. Don't take it the wrong way Awesome. I meant to be sarcastic when I talked about Latinas getting "Americanized"  meaning Latinas who usually leaves their husbands on the basics of freedom and independence more likely are misusing the term. Therefore, the majority of them just don't do well after that. In my half sister case it was just pure stupidity and bitterness on her part.

[Gato4Astrid]

brought her to the US with a fiancé visa and married her. But 6 months into it they both realized they weren't for each other and she wasn't really happy living here and she went back

Similar happened to me with an Italian girl about 2-3 years ago.  She lives in Milan but her sister lives in England with her husband who is my good friend from school.  Anyway, I met her three times before through this friend's 40th birthday party and two other occasion visiting his house.      She decided to live in England for a year (living in her sister's house).  We went out and became couple.    6 months later, she wasn't happy living England and went back to live in Italy!


In 6 months living in England, she did not learn English at all.  She was too lazy.  That's explains one of the reasons.  Also in 6 months she kept talking about 'Italy this, Italy that' as if everything Italy is better.   Not surprised she went back though she complaint about poor jobs life in ITALY !!  Even she wanted me to change into wearing Italian style!!  WTF!!!  Despite this, her sister & her husband (my good friend) warned her about adapting life in England and encouraged her to speak in English.   The sisters chatted themselves in Italian everyday which hadn't helped at all.


The difference between these sisters.  The older one (my friend's wife) had always dreamt of living in England, learnt English, taking interests in English cultures, history, life, whereas my ex-girlfriend was the opposite.

[Elexpatriado]

Good point.You have to be careful of that too .Better one thta has been in US a long time and have her citezenship.
 

While she may not be a visa hunter, there are many latinas living in the US who are looking to marry an American to gain US  citizenship.  For example many are living here on a temporary visa, or have overstayed their visa and can't legally work.  Therefore there is still a possibility of her using you and you still have to go into it with open eyes.  I know two younger guys who both met beautiful latinas in S Florida and got used for their "papers".  The one who married the Peruana actually thought his marriage was real until she dumped him as soon as she got her green card.  The one who married the Colombiana knew all along that it was an arrangement but he was ok with it since she was by far the hottest chick he'd ever been with.


Logistically speaking it's much easier to maintain a relationship with a woman who's already in the country.

[Elexpatriado]

With all due respect Katik,I dont thinkyou knew your half sister very well. People who were raised with solid,  good morals and standards do not change thier character because of a new environment.
Thats why I keep telling guys on here,you shouldnt take this type of thing lightly, especailly if you expect to bring the woman back to the US or wherever.Two or three trips then back to the US with a marriage Visa,,highly risky..many people have lots of plain  bald-a$$ed luck, and things turn out..but highly risky business..
It sometimes takes years to really get to know someone from your own language and culture...
 

It seems to me that a lot of Latina women who come to the US chage their ways after a while of living here. I have a half sister, older than me who married an American about 15 years ago, we weren't raised together but I knew her, she was a good woman, hard working, and very old fashioned. She came here on a fiancé visa and married her husband. The marriage lasted about 4 years; and then she asked for divorced. When we saw each other again after a few years of her being here I saw a completely different person, I saw a woman who slept around, cheated, and a liar, there was nothing left of that Colombian woman she was in Colombia. And this is usually what happens to many Latinas who come here.

This is not the only case I know, I have seen a few similar to my half sister. I am not saying all women here looking for a relationships are bad, but so far I haven't met a good one.

[Awesome]

With all due respect Katik,I dont thinkyou knew your half sister very well. People who were raised with solid,  good morals and standards do not change thier character because of a new environment.

Exactly.  It's hard to believe that someone who was supposedly a wholesome, honest, good natured person can all of a sudden change into a lying, cheating hussy simply because....she lived a few years in the United States??  I don't understand that concept at all.


Is the US and American culture that horrible that all of these innocent, honest to goodness latinas are being turned into evil lying witches simply from living here for a few years?




Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?  So I think these cheating Colombianas learned how to cheat way before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

[Juan Valdez]

the others who I know for a fact left their husbands thinking they could make it on their own and later on find themselves not doing so well, and in the process they become more and more "Americanized" but in the wrong ways.

+1

[mambocowboy]

Exactly.  It's hard to believe that someone who was supposedly a wholesome, honest, good natured person can all of a sudden change into a lying, cheating hussy simply because....she lived a few years in the United States??  I don't understand that concept at all.


Is the US and American culture that horrible that all of these innocent, honest to goodness latinas are being turned into evil lying witches simply from living here for a few years?




Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?  So I think these cheating Colombianas learned how to cheat way before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

I think it's more the US is the land of opportunity. Immigrants in general are extremely vulnerable because they don't know the language or the laws. They are cut off from their families and all that is familiar to them. I think that's why they engage in behavior that we can consider out of character....

[buencamino3]

Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?

There was also a pole that showed Colombians to be the happiest people. Could there be a connection?

[Elexpatriado]

They had to get someone from  Poland to convince Colombians they were that happy ?

There was also a pole that showed Colombians to be the happiest people. Could there be a connection?

[Ricardo1]

They had to get someone from  Poland to convince Colombians they were that happy ?

Be nice, Expat!

[katik]

I think it's more the US is the land of opportunity. Immigrants in general are extremely vulnerable because they don't know the language or the laws. They are cut off from their families and all that is familiar to them. I think that's why they engage in behavior that we can consider out of character....

Right! I prefer to called it "culture and society shock." And it affects some more than others.

[robert angel]

I think it's more the US is the land of opportunity. Immigrants in general are extremely vulnerable because they don't know the language or the laws. They are cut off from their families and all that is familiar to them. I think that's why they engage in behavior that we can consider out of character....

Tens of thousands of college students who  might be well educated, disciplined and fairly conservative on campus, where there are rules and reputations to consider, go to distant, party oriented resorts for Spring break and become different people . Getting smacko drunk, doing drugs, engaging in sexual activities and other things they'd probably not do on campus or back home, suddenly become OK.

I think there's a parallel there between foreigners who come to the USA. I remember partying insanely hard, chasing skirts and all kinds of debauchery, with Arabs who came from royal families to attend US universities.Alcohol, cocaine and chasing girls from any religious or economic  back ground was somehow "OK' once in the USA. On the other side of the coin, I even dated some beautiful Iranian coeds who let's just say " let their hair down a bit'.

Foreign women who marry and move to the USA, depending on the friends they choose to make and how strong the value system they were raised under is retained, can meet women who encourage them to leave their husbands, get alimony, child support and if applicable, half the guy's assets and move on to greener pastures. Some of these women 'friends' even keep several of their lawyer's business cards to distribute and may get kickbacks for referring new 'clients'.

Chances are that back in the women's native countries, they don't see large billboards and TV commercials advertising things like "Divorces: $100" and that between having to deal with the people in their villages and negative stigma, the church back home might frown on 'quickie divorces for personal profit' and a mindset that views marriages as disposable stepping stones towards a higher, more freegoing standard of living might not be seen as 'right'.

[mudd]

Exactly.  It's hard to believe that someone who was supposedly a wholesome, honest, good natured person can all of a sudden change into a lying, cheating hussy simply because....she lived a few years in the United States??  I don't understand that concept at all.


Is the US and American culture that horrible that all of these innocent, honest to goodness latinas are being turned into evil lying witches simply from living here for a few years?




Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?  So I think these cheating Colombianas learned how to cheat way before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

agreed, be careful who you bring up and marry.
" you can take the girl out of the barrio but you cant take the barrio out of the girl "

[Awesome]

Never did I said Americans were terrible, cheaters and all you just said. If I thought that I would not be merried to one. Don't take it the wrong way Awesome. I meant to be sarcastic when I talked about Latinas getting "Americanized"  meaning Latinas who usually leaves their husbands on the basics of freedom and independence more likely are misusing the term. Therefore, the majority of them just don't do well after that. In my half sister case it was just pure stupidity and bitterness on her part.

Ok suppose that your sister would've married the same man but they stayed living in Colombia, do you think she would've still cheated and divorced him?


Do you think if she finds a man that she loves and values she would still cheat on him and divorce him, or is she forever "Americanized" and not capable of being a good wife?




I also saw that you said that she now "sleeps around".  I guess that means she didn't sleep around when she lived in Colombia?  Why do you think she changed in that regard?  Is it because in Colombia she lived with her family and in the US she's more independent without her family there to judge her actions?  Do you think women in the US or women in Colombia sleep around more?




Katik I'm so glad you decided to participate in this forum, your input here is extremely valuable.  I have a million questions I'd like to ask you.  In fact I'm going to start a new thread dedicated to you. 

[katik]

Ok suppose that your sister would've married the same man but they stayed living in Colombia, do you think she would've still cheated and divorced him?


Do you think if she finds a man that she loves and values she would still cheat on him and divorce him, or is she forever "Americanized" and not capable of being a good wife?




I also saw that you said that she now "sleeps around".  I guess that means she didn't sleep around when she lived in Colombia?  Why do you think she changed in that regard?  Is it because in Colombia she lived with her family and in the US she's more independent without her family there to judge her actions?  Do you think women in the US or women in Colombia sleep around more?




Katik I'm so glad you decided to participate in this forum, your input here is extremely valuable.  I have a million questions I'd like to ask you.  In fact I'm going to start a new thread dedicated to you. 

I don't know how to answer some of these questions. I can only judge what I have seen. My sister left a good man who loved her and her daughter as his own, and I strongly belive she did it for several reasons: peer pressure (other Latinas and  American women she met here who constantly told her she was so pretty and she could do better ect) She was also very naive and uneducated (unlike me she didn't have any education) she also started making friends with a lot of illegal immigrants who constantly advised  her wrongly.

Now you will probably ask why did she let these things happened, wasn't she strong to confront these people? Well I am not going to make excuses for her, but I belive culture shock and lonelyness (far from her family and all she knew)   Played a big part in her desicion making. I wish I could share the whole picture, but it will be a long story. My sister is not a good example for me to explain how good women can changed when facing a different environment because she wasn't perfect even before she came to the US. But I saw her doing things here that she would it never do if she was back home. I don't know if she will ever go back to being the same woman she was in Colombia, I don't think so she is to damaged now, even psicologically.

I don't think there is any difference between women in America and women in Colombia when it comes to sleeping around. You have the ones who don't do it and the ones who do. In my sisters case I can tell you she didn't do it back in Colombia, in fact she was for many years in a abusive relationship with her ex husband, the father of her daughter. And stayed with him until she couldn't take it no more. But never cheated (as far as I know) then she met the man who brought her here; and after 4 years she left him. She started sleeping around in order to have a roof over her head and things went down hills from there.
I can tell you for a fact that to this day she regrets leaving her American husband and for listening to her "friends"   

[mambocowboy]

I don't know how to answer some of these questions. I can only judge what I have seen. My sister left a good man who loved her and her daughter as his own, and I strongly belive she did it for several reasons: peer pressure (other Latinas and  American women she met here who constantly told her she was so pretty and she could do better ect) She was also very naive and uneducated (unlike me she didn't have any education) she also started making friends with a lot of illegal immigrants who constantly advised  her wrongly.

Now you will probably ask why did she let these things happened, wasn't she strong to confront these people? Well I am not going to make excuses for her, but I belive culture shock and lonelyness (far from her family and all she knew)   Played a big part in her desicion making. I wish I could share the whole picture, but it will be a long story. My sister is not a good example for me to explain how good women can changed when facing a different environment because she wasn't perfect even before she came to the US. But I saw her doing things here that she would it never do if she was back home. I don't know if she will ever go back to being the same woman she was in Colombia, I don't think so she is to damaged now, even psicologically.

I don't think there is any difference between women in America and women in Colombia when it comes to sleeping around. You have the ones who don't do it and the ones who do. In my sisters case I can tell you she didn't do it back in Colombia, in fact she was for many years in a abusive relationship with her ex husband, the father of her daughter. And stayed with him until she couldn't take it no more. But never cheated (as far as I know) then she met the man who brought her here; and after 4 years she left him. She started sleeping around in order to have a roof over her head and things went down hills from there.
I can tell you for a fact that to this day she regrets leaving her American husband and for listening to her "friends"

I never understood how this could happen but now that I have been married 4 years it is very understandable. My wife's "friends" have told her she can do better. The same things that make her a good friend also make her gullible....