BAQ trip#4

[Montrealer]

Guess whose back, whose back again? (sung to tune of Eminem)

Okay, so I got back yesterday, May 1st, and me not having much of a life and having the ability to work or not work when I want, I have decided to post a trip report for you all.

If you are new, here's the links to my previous reports so that you can follow along.

TRIP 1-
http://www.goodwife.com/archives/latin/display.php?archive=244&id=86607

TRIP 2 -
http://www.goodwife.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=14

TRIP 3 -
http://www.goodwife.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=314

Which brings us to...

TRIP 4 -

So this trip was designed to finalize some of the wedding plans.  But more importantly spend some time with my fiancee, whom I've missed since being away from her the past few weeks.

The filght was flawless, except my flight from BOG to BAQ was delayed an hour on the runway, but that didn't seem to bother me, as I met a very nice Colombian woman sitting next to me on the plane.  After talking to her in English and Spanish, I noticed alot of people we're pointing and waving at her.  It turns out that Valerie was the current Queen or Miss Colombia.  She was coming back from BOG doing a fashion thing for charity.  Looking at her, she was an attractive woman, but I wouldn't have guesses she was the Queen.  But talking to her, she was very well educated and well travelled.  Getting off the plane, LS recognized her right away and asked "do you know who that is?" and I replied ever so casually "oh, that's Valerie, the Queen, she's a nice woman."  LS freaked out when she found out I spent the whole flight talking to her, but was more mad at me for not getting a picture.

On my previous trips, I had stayed at hotels, but this trip her family had invited me to stay with them at there house.  I've been to there house before and knew that it was small and did not have enough room for me, but they assured me they would.  In exchange for giving me free lodging, I bought about 70% of the groceries while I was there.  I was given LS's room, which she would normally share with her sister, and LS and her sister we're going to sleep on cushions in her brothers room.  We weren't sure how the family would react if she crashed with me in the bed, so we didn't want to open that can of worms yet.

After a couple days, we were off to Santa Marta for Semana Santa for a family camping trip.  There family goes every year.  So we loaded up the 2 pick-up trucks with 13 people and all the stuff we would need for the trip.  Included in the trip were LS, her sister, brother, mother, step-father, uncle, aunt, 3 cousins, step-brother and step-sister and me.

Once we arrived in Santa Marta, LS told me that we had to change the camping idea to an apatament/hotel because the step-brother and step-sister didn't want to go camping.  This pissed everyone off alot, including me.  I was looking forward to camping and had bought a tent for this sole trip.  But the step-kids (kids is the wrong word since they are both in there mid/late 20's and are spoiled rotten by the dad) always get what they want.  So the three working men, step-dad, uncle, and me, set out to find an affordable apartement to rent.  After about 90 minutes, we found a place that had 3 closed rooms each with there own bathroom, and each room had 2 double size mattresses on the floor.  After the step-dad negotiated the price, it came to $450 000 pesos (aprox. $200 USD for everyone for 3 days.  We split the cost 3 ways between the working men.  It actually turned out to be cheaper than paying the camping fees.  But at this point, I didn't really care and just wanted to get changed and hit the beach.

We pretty much split up into 3 groups.  My group, LS, brother, sister and me headed to the beach as fast as possible and the others met up with us after.  I took the liberty of renting a beach tent to keep our stuff and rented chairs for my group, and figured the others can just add chairs if they wish.

The first day, there were a few activities on the beach and lots of people.  Sort of reminded me like a sping break in Florida, but with a more family friendly enviroment and without all the dumb-ass college kids getting alcohol poisoning.  I had my eyes out for the Agulla girls, as LS had given me permission to stare at there butts (if you've seen them, you know what I'm talking about), but I never did find them.  During the daytime, it was a lot of family entertainment and probably not a good time for a single guy to go pick up, but the night time was a different story for any of you single guys.

The first night, me, LS, sister, brother, and 2 cousins headed out to look for a club.  This night was entirely on me.  After adventuring for over an hour, I dragged them into a beach terrasse and we hung out there all night till about 1 AM.  That night, LS slept in my bed, because we wanted to see if her parents had any reactions towards it.  Luckily no, probably since her sister and brother were in the same room.

Next day, we woke up a little later than normal, some of us hungover, but ready to head out to the beach.  Me and LS walked the entire beach and had some good quality time, which were needing since we were always surrounded by family.  The afternoon was pretty much lazy day style.  Then at night we headed out to another club.  A rumba style club, much cheaper alcohol and this time I split the bill with her brother and 2 of his friends that were in Santa Marta also.  What a night!  After 2 bottles of rum and several beers later we staggered out at about 3AM and rented 2 four wheel bicycles and drove drunkily down the street for the next hour.  I haven't been that drunk in a while, but I had a great time nonetheless.  Then we stopped off for pizza at a place called "Pizza Vomito".  For those that don't know spanish, the name translates pretty easily.  Great pizza, but it looks just like it sounds.

Day 3 was even a slower start for everyone.  We had a BBQ at the beach and I met one of the owners of a big hotel there.  He wanted to speak bad english with me, so I humored him for a bit.  Nice guy, but I would have understood his spanish more than his english.  He arranged for me, LS and her brother to go to the Aquarium for free.  Normally the boat ride would be about $10 000 per person and another $10 000 or so for entrance.  We did tip the boat driver though, since we got everything comped.  The aquarium was nice, but a little small.  They had the opportunity to swim with dolphins, but we were stressed with time, so we didn't do it.  It was much cheaper than Cancun was though.  Maybe in Santa Marta for our honeymoon we'll do it.  We then cruised by Playa Blanco for a couple of minutes just to check it out.  2 words - "Gorgeous water" and is definately a must go to next time I'm in Santa Marta.  We left the following morning back to BAQ.

Once we got back, we pretty much chilled out and recuped from my sunburn.

We then got to fianlizing the wedding plans and she took me to see the location for the reception.  It was gorgeous and I will post some photos of the place once I unpack my camera in case anyone else wants to use the place as well.  It's on the lagoon/lake with the ocean right behind it.  Fantastic view and place, and if I wanted something simular, it would cost me more than 10 times the price here.  It's a good thing I liked it, because she had already given the deposit.

We then talked immigration stuff and everything is going smoothly there.

We went to the movies a couple times.  We went to Buenavista mall to watch Ice Age 2.  I like those animation movies, probably cause I'm a big kid at heart.  Before the movie though, I did add 2 new words to my now fairly fluent spanish.  I added "pupi" and "corriente".  Pupi basically means snob, and corriente means a commoner.  I told her, that although I may look like a pupi and enjoy doing pupi type things, that I'm a corriente inside because I wasn't born with money and I was born broke and made everything I have myself.  She told me she always hated pupi's but deep down wanted to be one.  We then spent the next half hour making fun of them and there plastic bodies.  Why is that almost every Colombian woman with money feels the needs to get fake boobs, fake asses, fake everything, even when there only 18-25 years old.  I always though it to be kind of sad.  I can understand if your in your 30's or 40's and things aren't where there supposed to be, but why at 18?  Anyways...

It was a nice trip overall and a good way to spend 3 weeks.  And am looking forward to my next trip next month, as this will be the trip that I get married on.  June 18.  And then hopefully she will be coming back with me early July, if not, then by mid August at the latest.  I'm definately looking forward to that.

*Side notes
-We checked out a club in BAQ called "Ba Barranquilla".  A great club with live music.  The night we went, it was all Vallenato, which I still don't dance that well to, but had a great time none the less.  For guys wanting to pick up in BAQ, this is a great club to do it.  Lot's of women only tables more than willing to sit down and drink with you or get up and dance.  And the women we're of middle class mostly so you can carry a good conversation that night, but still have the possibility of waking up with them in the morning with your wallet intact.
- Since the parents didn't object to her sharing the bed with me in Santa Marta, we continued that in at her house.  I did find out one thing by doing this.  She's a bed hog.  It was a single bed, and I'm not a small guy, but she took up more place than me.  I'm going to have to find a way of changing that.  Any suggestions?
-I'll post a few pics of the place where we are getting married and if anybody wants info on the place, send me a PM and I'll help you out the best of my ability.
-I did buy 2 pink flamingos for my garden, but they both broke on the way back, so if anybody knows where I can buy them online, please help.
- The helping the family out questions have started.  I knew that this would be coming at one point, but I was kind of relieved with the help that they had asked.  They wanted to move from there current house (3 bedrooms 1 bath) to a bigger house (4 bedroom 2 bath).  There current rent is about $300 000 ($140 USD) and the new rent is $420 000 ($200 USD) a month.  And me and LS would have our own room for when I/we visit in the future.  And I would be helping out with $200 000 ($90 USD) a month rent including utitlities.  So a year would cost me about $1080 USD and I/we would always have a place to stay during future visits.  Since I'm going so frequently now, and probably will make trips 2-3 times a year after we're married, I'll actually be saving money on the hotel costs.  So again, I come out smelling like roses.  There family is looking to move in July.

We'll that's about everything.  Maybe a long read with not much pertinant information, but like I said earlier, I have way too much time on my hands and thought I would share my trip with you all.

Any questions or comments, feel free.

Chao

[FanMan]

Sounds like everything is going well for you Monty that is good. By chance did you see what the new house looks like and what kind of neighborhood it is in? And how much on average would the utilities be down there in BAQ?[/b]

[EbonyPrince]

Great report Monty.

It was hard-hitting and to the point.

I have a couple of questions for you, if you don't mind:

In the purest honesty, did it bother you when she or family asked you for help?  I know how we get here in the states regarding friends or family asking for things, unless they really need it.

Do you feel this could be an issue down the road once you are married?

I like to derive as much knowledge as I can for any potential situations that I may run into, so I hope that you don't mind my asking.

Thanks

[Montrealer]

From what I read (or at least interperated) from men who are married to women from Colombia and that are close to the family, there is usually some financial help provided.

I would anticipate it, but only do what you feel comfortable with.  Don't commit to something while grinding your teeth.

Me and LS talked about how she would want to help her mom and family, and I told her that once she starts working here in Montreal, she could feel free to send a portion of her money home.  And if ever her family was in dire need of something, that I would help out if I could, after all they are soon to be my family as well.

The family has never really needed anything, since the step-dad makes a reasonable living.  But at the same time he has a wife and 3 step-kids (17,21,23) to support at home, plus his 2 kids (25,29)from his first marriage, so sometimes it does get a little close budget wise.

Like I said in my report, I felt comfortable providing the little support so that they could move into a better house and me and LS would have our own room for visits.  Plus, the years rent for me there is the rent I pay for 1 month here, so it's not a big burden.  And it's cheaper than a hotel.

In conclusion, you are not obligated to help out financially if you don't want to, but expect it to be hinted if she is close to her family.  And if you do marry, then expect your wife to want to send some of her own income to her family, if she decides to work.

LS constantly apologizes everytime I pick up a bill at a restaurant, saying that I'm the guest and I shouldn't be paying.  In the end though, when I do visit, the family usually picks up there share of tabs at places.  It's sort of unspoken rule if we go out to eat at a cheap restaurant, step-dad pays, and if we go somewhere decent, I pay, simply because it would not be in the budget for him to pay for everyone at a decent place and still have enough money to support his families.

[Parlay Rey]

this is practical information, good stuff and good follow up questions. thanks guys!

[EbonyPrince]

Thanks Monty.  I got the same impression when I was down there that everyone chipped in to help.  This is regular part of life for them, which I think helps bond the family together.  I was asked a couple of times about who took care of my mother or father.  I would kind of joke about it that she is retired and her and my stepfather take care of themselves.  So it was really interesting to hear some ladies tell me that they were in school but had to get out and get a job to help support the family.

I of course don't have a problem with it, and I understand that if I get married they will want to send money home to help out.  So your feelings and information is definately beneficial.  You're right that the money that you send is really not much when compared to living here.

[utopiacowboy]

I think a lot of it depends on the family's economic situation. We've never given my wife's family so much as one thin dime (other than normal birthday and Christmas presents) in three years.

[Montrealer]

So, I've posted the pics of the salon where the wedding will take place in June.  If anybody is interested in costs or details about the location or what's included, contact me by PM and I'll give you whatever I can.

I also included a few pics of the trip, however, I will remove them at the sign of any negative comments, so act appropriately.

www.picturetrail.com

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[Looking4Wife]

Monty:

Just chiming in late to say "thanks" for another great trip report.  Also the pics were very nice.

I am curious did you check out Castillo Salgar, or Pradomar, and how these places compared to the place you guys chose?  

Also what is the place you guys chose... or did I overlook it in your posts, or is that too much info to ask right now?

Gracias

[Montrealer]

L4W,
Thanks for your comments.

As far as choosing the location, I pretty much left it to her so that we wouldn't get charged "Gringo" prices.  I don't know if she looked at other reception areas like the ones you listed, but I know she did look at a few others.  This was the best bang for the buck.

The name of the place is called La Casa Campestre El Lote.  It's located on Sabanilla Beach.

The company that we reserved from had a nice hall in the city as well, but me and LS both wanted to do it in an outside waterfront setting.

If you want any other info, go ahead and let me know.

[jediknight]

nice pics monty and thanks for sharing, not many would do that and it makes  this process a bit more real for those that are just starting out on this journey, i think it helps a lot.
as far as helping out the family financially, each case is different. my fiances' family has seen economic good times and bad ones. one of many things that i love about my future suegros (in laws) is that they've been married for over 30 years, have lived through economic highs and lows but have remained loyal, faithful, loving and supportive of each other. my suegro tells me that my suegra has never complained when things were bad, when they had to do with out, when there wasn't enough money to do the things that they were able to do and buy when things were good. in other words, they both rolled with the punches and have a healthy outlook on life and i place a lot of value on that because my fiance has lived through that. she has seen that relationships are not perfect, they need work and need nurturing. what her parents consider important was the love and respect they've had for each other, their children and their faith in God. they've also been a family that has never lived in debt, with the exception of the mortgage. my fiance has been taught to not buy unless you have the money to pay for it in cash and if you don't have it then it can wait. her father always says that he sleeps like a baby at night knowing that he doesn't owe anything to anyone.
helping the family out should be looked at individually, some families simply do not need it and if you feel that they are asking you for help to live the high life then you should be ready to say no. this has to be discussed before hand, before marriage so there are no surprises. for example, my fiance works and contributes to the household expenses. i have lived with them long enought to know who works, how much they make and what their expenses are, enough to say that if anyone looses their job things would be very tight. so when she comes to live with me, her family will not have her income, so it's reasonable for me to send them what she will not be earning and contributing.

i have seen and met gringos that give money when they shouldn't be doing so, giving so much that it gets the family used to living a life that they cannot afford by themselves. remember that a guys priority is to support his wife, not her family. guys should expect to help the family out but not support them. do not get them used to expecting gifts everytime you go, see how they react when you show up empty handed. don't get them used to expensive gifts or big ticket items. if they goto santa marta or cartagena once a year, don't send them money so they can go twice or three times a year. bottom line is that a family shouldn't feel that they've won the lottery with you and shouldn't look at you as a sugar daddy. personally it would bother me if my new family began to ask for money or gifts. they haven't done so and i don't expect them to. i'm generous but i do not go overboard so they are always happy and grateful with what i offer. be prepared for family members, either immediate or exteneded, to ask for stuff. colombians think that the streets in the US are littered with money and that its easy to get things. on the coast, the costenos will want to talk about business, propose that you invest in a business or go into business with them. they will paint you a picture of a great idea they have, to import or export something.. learn to say no from the beginning with some things. don't get the family used to you saying yes to all of their requests. when they see that you are not easy then they might be more careful and choosy with their wants. good luck
JK

[Montrealer]

Great comments Jedi.  It seems like you too found a good one.  It's nice to know that there are other people that are willing to come forward and share information on this site.

Our future suegros share some simular qualities.  Bith men are proud of what they have and are comfortable with who they are and what they earn, even if it's not alot.

I discussed alot of details with my fiancee about finances.  She always brings them up.  She's told me many times that I'm not Santa Claus and I don't have to do what everybody asks of when I'm down there, but luckily things are never asked of me.  She even took extra precautions of not telling the extended family about the wedding date or the visa application.  She said that some may try to take advantage, or may tell there neighbors/friends/etc and it could even be dangerous.  I thought that was a little over protective, but I understand her reasoning.  She always tells me how she would like to help her family out when she starts working, and asks how soon it would be until she could get a decent job.  She would love to give her family a better life, but she has told me that it's not my responsibilty to worry about it.

As for the gifts, I stopped purchasing gifts for the familty after Christmas.  This was the only time I bought gifts for them, but I did go a little overboard in the excitement maybe.  Now, whenever I go down, I usually just bring a couple small things for my fiancee, and she buys/makes me a couple small things.  Not because we feel obliged but because we like to.  The mom is always hinting for gifts whenever we go out, but along the lines of chocolate, ice cream, etc. so I find it funny.

I've never had anyone come to me with any business opportunity yet.  However, I have given many people free advice on Canadaian immigration.  Many people there are attracted to Canada's refugee programs as they are easy to obtain and the government is genourous with them.  And one person said he would love to go to Canada to become a dish washer, who I didn't take too seriously.

I think you're right though about each family having different needs.  And to avoid giving them a better life just because you're a gringo.

[EbonyPrince]

Excellent information and advice Jedi!!!

Gracious!

[snoppuppy]

For Montrealer or anyone else with a fiancee or wife:  Have family members asked or intimated they would like you to help them emigrate?

[jediknight]

no one in her immediate family has asked, although her extended family on her fathers side have asked for things in the past so i would expect it from them at some  point, to which i'll say...no.  her extended family on her mothers side are cool because they pay for things upfront that they want from here so it's no problem. her cousins, aunts, uncles  on her fathers side are quick to ask for things but don't have the money to pay for them. they'll say, we'll pay you when you come back, to which i've said no thanks. i've told them i'll get whatever they want..as soon as they give me or my fiance the money, not before. that quicky ended all the requests for things. you've got to be firm without being rude. say it in a nice way, they'll get the hint that you are not dumb or a push over.

i may help her brother or sister out if they ask to come here but i doubt that they will want to, but who knows. her parents don't have any desire to come, perhaps to visit or help out once my fiance gets pregnant but not to live here.
JK

[Nicks]

To Ebony Prince,

i am in Panama, but my experience is that the lower level of income the womans family has, the more likly it is that they will ask/expect you to pay items for the family. In my case, my wifes family have NEVER asked me for a cent, and they are high middle class. It might be diffrent in the diffrent countries in south/central america, but asking the foreign husband for many, has to do with there own economic situation.

rgds
Nick