Aloha

[Monk]

Aloha,

I new to the international dating scene.  This forum looks like a good place to interact with people experienced in pursuing relationships beyond the somewhat limiting confines of "home."  I guess I should start with a little backstory so you can get to know me.

I am a white male in his late twenties.  I currently live in Hawaii where I am about to complete a graduate professional degree (~1 mos).  Unlike many of the posts I have read here I have never been really burned in a relationship, and I do not find american women particularly unappealing, quite the opposite actually.  That said, I have always liked asian women, and generally find them much more attractive than other women.

Recently, I was involved with a young lady from China who was studying here in Honolulu.  We went out for a couple months before she had to go home.  I really liked her, and if circumstances had been different, well who knows.  Her family did not like me.  In the end that was controlling, though surprising because generally the parents like me more than the girl.

Ever the optimist, I try to take something good away from every bad experience.  My recent relationship opened my eyes to the possibility of dating girls from Asia as well as those in America.  Which is useful because the pond in Hawaii is surprisingly small, something that you cannot fully appreciate until you have lived here a couple years.

That is my backstory.  Now I am starting to research international internet dating.  Any suggestions or tips would be helpful, but I do have a couple specific questions.

First, am I going to have the same problem with family that I had recently?  I know family is tough everywhere, but is anti-white racism completely pervasive?

Second, I know a very small amount of Chinese.  I studied it my freshman year of college (a long time ago).  It is not good enough o have a conversation, but it a start.  For this reason, I am at least going to start looking for relationships in China.  Does anybody have recommendations for good websites/agencies in China?

Third, reading some of the other posts in this forum I saw somebody mention chnlove.com.  The site certainly looks promising.  However, it kind of looks like a scam.  I signed up with just an email address (no profile/no picture) and within a few hours already had several people send me emails.  Given that emails cost around $6 each way I could easily see these websites running scams with fake girls sending fake emails and taking your for some quick cash.

I mentioned chnlove.com because the immediate response from the girls seemed strange.  Other websites have similar fees for communicating with the girls.  Is this just something I have to get used to as a cost of international internet dating, or are these sites scams to be avoided?

Thank you,
Monk

[Jeff S]

Hi Monk and welcome.

It's not unusual to have issues with her family, but most of these can be overcome with time and patience.

I would never join a website that charges you per e-mail. There are thousands and thousands of free sites or sites that charge you a modest monthly fee for unlimited communications.

- Jeff

[Ray]

Welcome aboard Monk!

$6 each way for e-mails? Whoa! No way Jose! Where I come from e-mails are free (after you pay to get on the Internet).

If this outfit limits communication so it has to go through them, forget it! If you need a translation service to communicate with a lady, then you aren't really communicating effectively which is key to building any relationship.

Personally, I would avoid using any agencies at all, except maybe to purchase addresses for a one-time fee if necessary. Explore other options.

There are lots of English-speaking Chinese ladies in Hong Kong and Singapore for example.

You may very well find some outright dislike of Westerners by parents in China or Japan, but probably less so in Hong Kong or Taiwan. In the Philippines, it is generally not a problem.

Ray

[Monk]

Thanks for the feedback.  I'm glad others agreed with my assessment of the per-email situation.  Like I said, I'm new and know practically nothing of how initial connections are made.  I do not assume any of this will be inexpensive, I just want to avoid throwing money at some scam artist.

[Dave H]

Hi Monk,

Welcome to P-L!

You might consider the Philippines as well. It is a blend of Eastern and Western cultures. Most Filipinos speak English as a second or third language. The majority of Filipinos are fond of Kanos (Americans, with Europeans and Australians included).

Good Luck!

Dave

[Marshall K]

Wow, I didn't realize chnlove charges per email.  I only recommended it since I know a lot of ladies from the agency that handled my wife's case and the agency had switched to chnlove.  I liked a lot of these ladies, so I thought it would be a good source.  When I first met my wife, we met through blossoms.com.  They have a monthly fee only.
Once you connect with a woman you like, you can drop the website, and communicate with direct email.  If she is using an agency, she will probably have the agency translate for her.
I often got a lot of hellos on the blossoms site, especially from PI girls in their 20's wanting to talk dirty.
The agency that I met my wife through is ok, except watch your wallet at wedding time.  The owner tries for the big full meal deal wedding so she can make extra commissions, but other than that, she has some very nice well educated professional gals working with her.  Look for women who have a good education and job.  I can recommend looking in Zhanjiang, since it is such a nice place, and kind of laid back.  Guangzhou is huge and dirty and had a bunch of agencies get busted for bad business practices, basically charging the poor women a lot of money and providing nothing.
Good luck!

[Frank64]

Monk,

See my Beijing trip report about Chnlove.  It's not a scam, but there is an effective way to use it.

[Bob_S]

Her family did not like me.  In the end that was controlling, though surprising because generally the parents like me more than the girl.

Not uncommon, but don't let it deter you.  Asian fathers generally don't like their precious little girls tainted with dirty foreign disease-ridden man-juice.

At that point it is a test of the girl.  Is she enough of a grown-up mature independent adult that she can make up her own mind and chose her own path in life.  If she can't, well, you wouldn't really want such a little girl as a wife anyway.  If she choses you in spite of her father's wishes (and it's usually the father who disagrees), you'll find their family changing their tune after you prove yourself with a decent well-paying job (any middle class job is well-paying by their standards) and crank out a grandchild or two.

[Dave H]

I often got a lot of hellos on the blossoms site, especially from PI girls in their 20's wanting to talk dirty.

I believe it...I heard that a lot of bar owners were having a hard time finding ladies to work because they were buying computers, quiting the bar scene, and making more money chatting and flashing foreigners. 

Dave H.