BAQ trip report

[chameleon]

It's been a while in coming but i'm finally getting around to posting my thoughts/impressions.


I'm not completely new to international dating and I've known for a while that i wanted a south american wife based on a variety of characteristics, both real and imagined, I'm sure. I'd started a couple relationships with south american women during my previous travels there but neither of them were right so i didn't pursue them. I'm 31,  slim and decent looking, have a good career, am personable and have never been married.


My spanish was very mediocre on my first trip to Colombia but i was able to understand a lot more than i was able to speak because of the aid provided to me by fluency in both french and english. I'd been training my ear with pimsleur on the way to/from work for 3 months prior to going.


I wanted a holiday but in the end some of the members on the board convinced me that if i was going to take this seriously, to either make a decision to look for a wife or to take a vacation, but not to try to mix the two too much. I think it was a good call but I hedged my bets by not booking my entire time at Jaime's. I had 3 weeks to meet and get to know someone but had no idea how it would go. In the lead-up to the trip i sent jaime all my favorites from his site and he started lining things up. Communication was always clear and responses were always prompt.


I'm a pretty conservative guy in many respects and I'm pretty jaded about women and marriage so I'd say that a woman has a lot of obstacles to overcome in winning my affection. I want a wife that's open to working and being a housewife. I prefer the latter, circumstances permitting, but can accept the former as long as her priorities are in the right order. I also look for women that have worked and have shown the ability to dedicate themselves to something and finish it because it shows the strength of character that will be necessary for making an easy transition. Looks are very important to me and i'm looking for a woman that's attractive and has a good body, but I don't want to marry a 9 because it's just not worth the extra trouble. Ultimately, the woman has to impress upon me that she's not promiscuous (not that i expect a virigin), has a good personality, is patient and easy-going, doesn't yell, etc. I like my peace and quiet and hate fighting over irrelevancies.


Since my spanish was lousy and it was my first trip to colombia, I decided to book with Jamie for 11 days. I figured that would provide me enough time to meet all the girls i'd selected, determine whom my favorites were, and at least clear up the big compatibility issues with a translator present. Then i could spend the rest of my time there getting to know her better, assuming i met one i would be serious about, or travel more within the country if it turned out to be a total flop.


I arrived on a saturday and was met at the airport by michelle (my translator) and the first girl. This was a girl i'd found very attractive in her photo but quite a bit less so in person. She had a great body, but her skin/teeth just didn't look as good and that was a turn-off. She had a nice personality but not enough education or interest in pursuing education so my mind was made up instantly. We chatted on the way back to Jaime's, which was 35-40 minutes or something, and i thanked her for coming.


I had a bit less than an hour to get prepared for my first group intro. This was the first time i'd ever been placed in a situation like that, but i got used to it quickly. I think there were about 10 girls there and that was to be the largest intro of the trip although i'd do several more before i was done.


It's a bit formal, and answers can be a bit superficial with a fair number of girls repeating what others said, but I approached it from the perspective of it being a useful tool for weeding out women that it wouldn't be worth spending my limited time with either because I didn't like how they looked or due to a major issue of compatibility/chemistry. Frequently, when I was speaking, I'd glance around the room and see who looked bored or distracted and they were struck off the list.


My approach was to front-load the heavier questions into the initial intros, though not the first questions. General introductions were performed first. To prevent them being caught off-guard I'd always preface by saying that although it wouldn't be my normal approach to start talking about those things before a relationship even developed, I felt it necessary under the circumstances (limited time in colombia) to establish compatibility first and that although it was definitely a less romantic way to start a relationship, it was probably better in the end. I explained that i thought many relationships failed because people approached them first from physical attraction angle forgoing all other considerations until months later, they realized they really weren't suited for each other. I avoided leading questions like the plague.


As far as I could tell the women accepted this and gave me honest answers. I was completely honest in answering questions about myself. I didn't play up my lifestyle or anything like that.


I think i booked 3-4 follow-up dates with women in the initial meeting. All of those women had solid jobs and good careers. My initial dates were a couple lawyers, a doctor, a regional coordinator for a big tobacco company, etc. I won't recount all of the dates but just impart my general impression that all were sincere in their desire to find someone but that they just weren't right for me. I was super interested in one girl after the initial intro but our first date felt like a sales pitch (literally) and I gave her the axe. She was very successful probably because she was forward about promoting her business like that, but it was a turn-off to see on a first date.


The intros and dates continued unabated for 3-4 days. I never ate alone and always had a woman with me. The translator knew a lot of my responses by heart and started completing thoughts/sentences for me. Frankly, i was getting tired of it by the end of week 1 and wanted to slow down.


I narrowed it down to 2 women and saw them both several times. The two were the doctor and the one that's now my novia, whom i'll oh so affectionately refer to as #2. The doctor was a very sweet woman, but ultimately was a little too passive for me and in the looks department was less my type than the other woman. I was also concered about a future career conflict. This woman had put 6 or 7 years in to finally be able to practice medicine, but once she comes here, it would be very very difficult to get licensed. And then I had to couple that with my desire to expatriate in a couple years and there was a real problem brewing before the relationship even started. I really did enjoy my time with her though.


The girl that became my novia was of more humble means and had a lesser education. Her parents moved to Medellin when she was 14 and she stayed in BAQ with her aunt. She had to start working at 15. When i met her she was 23 and in her last term of university. At the time we met she was working and taking classes full-time. she was up at 6 and got home at 10:30 every day and worked on Saturday too. Although her job was not as good as the doctor's, it was a job with actual responsibility at the university so I was ok with that. She was very clearly a girl that had done everything within her own power to improve her situation and I always respect people like that.


I assessed the situation rationally at the time. I liked both women and weighed the pros/cons of both. Both were very relaxed and easy to be around and completely lacking in the neurosis I'd become accustomed to dating NA women. They laughed at my translated jokes and we had fun together as I gradually got to know them better.


Conversation was admittedly difficult when alone and lack of good spanish-speaking abilities is a clear barrier to developing real chemistry, but i did ok with them. Without Michelle it would have been a waste of time though. As we spent more time together, Michelle started to disappear (intentionally), which forced me to attempt to talk to them directly. Gradually my spanish is getting better and our conversations have gotten better as a result and there is a real spark between us.


I will say this. If your spanish is lackluster, bring a smartphone and use google translate (but be careful where). It was a lifesaver for me. Not all intended meaning was communicated perfectly but I got things across mostly intact and I probably understood 70-80% of what was said to me directly. For important topics that I wanted clarity on, I used Michelle, as I didn't want anything to be lost in translation.


We always talk about what we like, and our desires from our women, but an interesting thing Jamie does is have the women score the men. After intros they interview them and have them score their interest in you. This again helps to avoid chasing the wrong women. The translator also speaks to the girls in private after dates to attempt to establish whether they really do like you or have ulterior motives (if even just the free meal at a nice restaurant). She does just by talking to them as opposed to asking point blank. Overall, I found the girls to be honest about the process otherwise i would have received nothing but 5s. Some girls showed no interest and other gave me a 3. Thankfully, the girls i was most interested in rated me highly as well. Most will have some interest or they wouldn't show up in the first place.


I'm not the type of guy to dilly dally and always told myself that when i found a good woman that possessed the qualities I was looking for, I'd commit. I've done a lot of dating back home, a little in South America, and I had a list of criteria in my mind that I wanted my wife to posses. #2 had them all. Sure, there's a slight chance that if i were to continue going down there for years at a time, I'd meet someone better, but I didn't pick this girl for lack of options either in Colombia at home. To give you an idea, I'd dated probably 20-30 women in my home country over the course of the previous year, and met a solid 30 women in colombia.  I made #2 my novia in week 2 as I felt that all-considered, she was more suitable for me and her desires better lined up with my own goals.


Things were not all roses. #2 had a really horrible schedule and that caused some apprehension on my part, especially since i went down with a "trust but verify" mindset. I didn't want to get played. With full-time work and school, #2 was hard to spend as much time with as I'd have liked. She also had a dying grandmother at the time. Yes, I can hear the collective sigh of those thinking it's just an excuse to be out banging her regular bf or whatever because a lot of girls use flaky excuses like that, but that wasn't the case here.  She finally died 2 weeks ago, but while it was there it definitely put a damper on things, both in terms of accessibility and her mood in general. She also lost her job towards the end of my trip, which again added stress to her situation. We weren't as close as I'd have ideally liked by the point I left because of all this.


Also, there were a couple things Michelle and I didn't understand about her life, but over time they have become clear to me and they weren't the potential flags they may have been (like where she was being dropped off at night). Michelle's minimal skepticism was gone by the time i was done at Jaime's.


Gradually most of the problems/concerns surrounding her have melted away. Some things take time and my feelings for her have gradually been deepening and it's clear to me that the same is true on her side. We speak more and more and she's more and more happy to speak to me. My improving spanish is a strong contributor because we can have more meaningful and more fluent conversations now. I'm very happy with the direction things are headed in.


Getting back to the agency, Jaime himself is very hands-on. He doesn't really trust people to do things as he wants them done so he was around from 9 am to 10-11pm  even though he was originally supposed to be travelling. He wanted to make sure things went smoothly for his clients as it was a full house for the time i was there and beyond. For the most part I and the other client stayed out of each other's hair, but we had a few chats and it was all very friendly. He left before I did and I met the next guy, a doctor from miami, also a good guy.


Obviously, I don't have anything to compare him to, but the service offered was top notch. The translator, Michelle, was excellent, and it's hard to overvalue the benefit of having a translator, even if your spanish is good. I would have absolutely hated doing all that coordinating myself. All in all, along with most other people that have been there, I highly recommend him if you go the agency route.


I left Jaime's and still had a week and a half left. I checked in to a suite at the SmartSuites Royal. Fantastic hotel with very good prices on expedia. I paid 150/night for a suite and service/room was great. Floor to ceiling windows with automatic blinds, rain shower, good bed and big flatscreen tv. it had just been built. Will definitely be staying there when i go back. since the post is getting long i'll just say that BAQ itself is pretty uninspiring. I've been to much nicer places in SA but that's not why we go down there, is it?

[whitey]

Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed report.  "#2" seems to have a lot of potential.

I'm always amazed by the long days many young women put in.  It's very common for someone going to university to get up at 5:30 or 6:00am, study, work, then study more until 10:00pm, six days per week as you described.

My wife did it and her sister just finished doing it.  To do this consistently over years, most paying the cost themselves, shows a great amount of character in my book.

[Micky]

Cham -
 
Good TR!  It takes a lot of time to write a report,  good on you for doing so.  Guys,  like you,  make this board a better place.  The best 2 U and 2  (could not stop myself).  Keep us up to speed,  if you care to,  you are very much helping the next guy.  Thank you very much.
 
Micky

[JWR]

Thanks for the report. 
 
Wondering what you did with yourself while your new gf was at school all day every day?
 
My gf in Barranquilla worked full time, and the down time was a real bore..... 

[benjio]

Chameleon, BRAVO!!!
 
Really enjoyed the report. Glad you've found someone that tickles your fancy and I wish you all the best.
 
I used all my alone time in Barranquilla to explore. I honestly think I've been in every corner of the city at one point or another. I would not recommend someone that didn't know Spanish doing this, but I've seen a lot and learned so much more about the Costeno Culture. Find a trusty cab driver, pay him for the entire day's service and just ride. You'd be surprise what you'll find.

[fathertime]

Sounds like you had a great time Cham!  Hopefully you continue to get good feelings from this babe.  I agree with the perspective of not ‘dilly dallying’ around.  You like something then go for it and if you continue to feel good about her, you marry her and take your chances!   I was never interested in being in a long state of limbo with an overseas ‘novia’ for a period of years.    Your ability to get over your initial negativism (regarding AM's) will help you from impeding this and perhaps future relationships.  Many men are unable to accomplish this.   


Regardless of how this lady turns out, you are on a very good path so keep the faith and don’t worry about a woman having every trait you desire, just most of them or the important ones! I’m convinced it is the man is the determining factor in nearly all these relationships, so keep yourself in perspective too and continue improving your weaker areas. 


Good luck!
Fathertime!

[Researcher]

      Cham., sounds like it is working for you.Just goes to show a guy can meet women from all walks of life in an agency.Doctor, lawyer, college student kind of makes you wonder where alot of these guys get their idea of women in agencies.

      Anyway, I hope things work out for you.#2 sounnds promising and moving in the right direction.Good luck and keep us posted.

       Researcher

[chameleon]

Thanks for the well wishes, guys.


Whitey,
I admire that trait so much because i did it myself. i worked/studied for 100hrs/wk for a 3 years straight with no breaks. It sucked but was character-forming. I have no doubt that when she comes here she'll work hard if she needs to (depending on my career, she might not have to).

JWR,
My downtime in BAQ without #2 after she became my novia was mostly spent reading/relaxing (before that I was still having dates with other women all the time). By the end of week 1 I felt i'd seen most of what there was to see in BAQ as michelle took me to many different places for all my dates. We rarely repeated the same place. BAQ really doesn't have much for tourists. I went to the beach with some dates but even that didn't really appeal to me on my own. The hotel had a roof with a deck (and very small pool) so I read there and studied spanish. I usually hate sitting around on vacation (i hate beach vacations), but at least I went back to work recharged. I was also starting to think about how much money I was spending. I never added it all up but I think I spent 6k over the course of the trip.


If i hadn't already committed i might have gone to buena vista to try for more women but i would have felt wrong about it after asking her to be my novia, even though i wasn't that emotionally attached to her yet (takes a lot of time for me).



I also got a little bit more cautious about security after week 1 as I think i may have avoided a mugging at the beach, which was a bit of a reality check. Three men were staring at me, michelle and my date. Michelle noticed this first and whispered it to me so as not to make my date nervous. We went for a walk and when we came back they'd moved to the exit area. They were just sitting there with a sullen look on their faces, doing nothing, not even talking to each other, but staring at us intently. As we approached they got up to leave at that exact moment. I just wasn't getting a good vibe from them, and apparently neither was michelle, because we both made an excuse to hang back and we stayed inside the restaurante del mar until the taxi was there. If we'd followed them out who knows. We ended up leaving 20-30 minutes after they did and nothing happened. The geography of BAQ confused the hell out of me and the GPS on my iphone didn't work well there for whatever reason, so i stuck to safe areas and didn't go out "adventuring" too much on my own. I didn't see the point as there was no architecture or sights to see.


-------------------------------


The one thing I will add is that guys shouldn't let their paranoia get the best of them. With the high stakes (threat of future divorce), distance, and short time-tables involved, it's best to act with moderation after careful consideration but not let paranoia get the best of you. Of all the women I met at Jaime's, none of them particularly struck me as interesadas except for maybe one. The sales pitch on first date girl caught me off-guard, but she was successful in her own right, making good money, leading a comfortable life, so i don't know what was going on there. She may have thought that by marrying a gringo and going to NA/Europe she could do even better, but her personality was so warm and cheerful that it was hard for me to reconcile that with her being an interesada; still, i was put off and didn't see her again.


I'm not married yet and therefore not an authority on these types of relationships, and things could still go bad, but at this point i feel very good about things and that wasn't always the case. Some of these women can have complicated lives that can make things look suspicious when there is really no cause for concern. This can be compounded by cultural/language issues. If someone has many positive qualities, don't be too quick to judge them or cut them out of your life because sometimes it will turn out to be nothing but a confluence of bad circumstances that will become clear over time.


There's a prevailing group-think on this board that you should drop someone at any perceived slight, faux pas, or bad decision on the woman's part but sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and see how things unravel over time. That's not to say you should ignore something that is a serious and unambiguous flag, but be very careful about over-analyzing the small things.

[Researcher]

   Chameleon, that "group think" you speak of is largely because most guys fall head over heels in love and ignore red flags. They end up in a bad situation because of it and then blame it on the woman when they are just as much at fault for being in the situation.I've been around the foreign wife hunters long enough and can say this kind of attitude(of kicking them to the curb) is much needed and sometimes necessary to jolt some sense into some guys.

         Researcher

[z_k_g]

Great trip report chameleon and good luck!

There's a prevailing group-think on this board that you should drop someone at any perceived slight, faux pas, or bad decision on the woman's part but sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and see how things unravel over time. That's not to say you should ignore something that is a serious and unambiguous flag, but be very careful about over-analyzing the small things.

You have not been on the board long enough, there is no group think on P-L, you will find everyone is pretty independent thinking.

With that in mind, If we all agree on a course of action its not because of any type of "group think", but because we have experienced it and already know how the story will end.

If you want to ignore the collective advice of guys who have been in the trenches, that's your choice, but....you were fairly warned.

...It's your money, time and ultimately your final decision.

Famous last words...."But my girl is different!!"" 

Good luck.

Zulu

[benjio]

I also got a little bit more cautious about security after week 1 as I think i may have avoided a mugging at the beach, which was a bit of a reality check. Three men were staring at me, michelle and my date. Michelle noticed this first and whispered it to me so as not to make my date nervous. We went for a walk and when we came back they'd moved to the exit area. They were just sitting there with a sullen look on their faces, doing nothing, not even talking to each other, but staring at us intently. As we approached they got up to leave at that exact moment. I just wasn't getting a good vibe from them, and apparently neither was michelle, because we both made an excuse to hang back and we stayed inside the restaurante del mar until the taxi was there. If we'd followed them out who knows. We ended up leaving 20-30 minutes after they did and nothing happened. The geography of BAQ confused the hell out of me and the GPS on my iphone didn't work well there for whatever reason, so i stuck to safe areas and didn't go out "adventuring" too much on my own. I didn't see the point as there was no architecture or sights to see.

Surely Kilamanjoaro Beach. I enjoy it with the right crowd. It actually turns into a beachside night club with a DJ and all on some weekends, but outside of that...pura mierda. There are other nights were really skanky prostitutes will hang out down there in droves. That's what those guys were probably coming for and ran into you three. You were right to hang back. There are some small pueblos outside of Salgar where some very questionable characters live. Most of the marijuana that's smoked in Barranquilla is grown in those small shanty towns and the rural areas by the river. If you've ever been to Salgar at some point you'll probably ask yourself why every house is surrounded by very tall walls with shards of broken glass on top of them. It's so far from Barranquilla that the rich locals shouldn't have to worry about getting robbed, right? Well, those little pueblitos are exactly why. Guys walk from there to the bus stops and to Salgar to find work...usually they find nothing. But then no one wants to come home empty handed do they? If you continue up the road the entrance to Kilamanjoaro is on, you'll run into a fire station and a couple of the very nice houses Salgar is known for, but after that...nothing but slums. The people there can't even afford to live in the poorest neighborhoods inside Barranquilla. They have absolutely nothing.

[fathertime]

There's a prevailing group-think on this board that you should drop someone at any perceived slight, faux pas, or bad decision on the woman's part but sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and see how things unravel over time. That's not to say you should ignore something that is a serious and unambiguous flag, but be very careful about over-analyzing the small things.

I agree.  I don't think there is any reason to be overly paranoid at the drop of a hat.  Give the ladies a small break here and there.  It should be clear what's up soon enough to pull the plug. 


Fathertime!



 

[LatinSharpei]

You said you spent around 6k...  How much per day would you say you spent on dates?