Meet the new guy and help me out!

[Bruce123]

Hello guys. My name is Bruce and I have read an read till my eyes are sore. I am 54 YOA, average attractiveness, slim not fat, own a nice home, nice vehicle and feel I have a lot to offer Ms.Right. I have had it with American women. That's the reason I am here and all over the net trying to find answers. After reading many sites it appears that the door is wide open for dumbboos and their money to fall through. I have about 10 grand I can put towards this project. However, the LAST thing I want to do is come up empty handed and broke. I have even pondered the idea of trying to find a coyote and give a new life to a nice lady that way. The pitfalls abound there as well. Being 54 I am not looking to met and marry some 20 year old. I seek a lady 35-50. Slim pickins according to the ads I have read. Then they always have these lawyers or doctors. I am not seeking someone to support me. I could care less if she came with her clothes in a grocery bag via greyhound. I want a good woman who knows how to love and be loved. One who is not so materialistic in nature. One who is not cloaked in the evil garment of me,me,me. The sites never advertise the nice lady who has nothing. Give me a poor, decent woman any time. She knows how to appreciate gifts, shopping sprees, new wardrobe, a better life. She knows how and wants to make her man happy. Any ideas?

[raycjs]

Bruce 123

First i want to welcome you to the board it is a great place to find most all of your answers the people on here will give you some great advice use it well. Before you head out looking for MS. Right and i am sure what you are looking for is out there you just have to find her. As far as the money you have to spend to find her you should be fine there are guy's out there that have nothing and they make it work. But the first piece of advise i can give you is do not put a dollar figure on this you are not buying a puppy. As far as finding a nice lady who as nothing i can tell you i have meet over 50 plus women and most of them had nothing compared to the women in the states but to them they have everything. They are very proud of who they are and what they have and where they come from.You also need to decide what you are looking for and what type of life you live now. example you take a country girl from Colombia that lives in a small house on a farm and you move her to your condo in the city it may not work? so think about what you have and the way you live and then persue that type of women. The other thing is if they are lawyers or doctor or whatever in there country that means when they come here they can work at Walmart there degree means nothing in our country. and lastly you must express to any women you meet what you want and make sure it is what she wants example you may want a housewife to care for you and your home and she may want to help support the house by working make sure you both understand what you are looking for. I want to wish you the best of luck and if i can help in anyway just ask


Ray

[GatoAzul]

example you take a country girl from Colombia that lives in a small house on a farm and you move her to your condo in the city it may not work?
Ray

You are talking about from a small house on a farm to his condo in the city - may not work.

but we are talking about from COLOMBIA to USA regardless where she comes from - that's the bigger picture.

Another bigger picture - she lives in a small house in the city, but move to a BIG house in the city in the USA.  Will she cope living in a big house?

Not easy innit? !!!

[GatoAzul]

Hello Bruce

Welcome here.  You are a 54 years old man, but you are not too old to find a new love.  You are seeking 35-50 years old lady which you will get better chance than looking for 18-20 years old girls.

Will you be happy to find a lady who already has children?  Majority of the ladies in the age 35-50 already have children.

Are you planning to go to Colombia or any other countries?

If you are planning to go to Colombia, which city, and are you looking for Marriage agency or dating site?

[Jeff S]

Hi Bruce and welcome here. The reason you see mostly 18-30 year olds on the agency sites is that's what the agency owners know sells. That's who they recruit to great the fantasy that even an old bald fat guy can get a hot chica. There are plenty of 35-50 year old divorced, widowed, abandoned, and never married women in Latin America. If I were you, I'd get away from the traditional agencies and look at social network and dating sites as opposed to marriage brokers. I'd also not limit myself to one country to start. You'll quickly get a overview of who's out there.

There is a whole world between doctors and lawyers, and barefoot dirt poor farm girls, and those are probably the crowd you'll end up with, the store clerks, secretaries, hair dressers, factory workers, nurses and other working class latinas who have some awareness of technology and advanced communications. You may think you want a dirt poor farm girl, but think again. I've employed a few and found out some couldn't read, write or even read an analog clock - I had to buy a digital one to get them to write down the time properly. While that might make an acceptable maid or FB, it's no one for a life partner. Intelligence, a basic knowledge of economics, the world, nutrition, manners and etiquette and other life skills are something I couldn't be without in a partner. Your mileage may vary.

[InnocentVixen]

Welcome to the board Bruce, As usual raycjs and Jeff's advice is great, so you already started on the right foot

Give me a poor, decent woman any time. She knows how to appreciate gifts, shopping sprees, new wardrobe, a better life. She knows how and wants to make her man happy. Any ideas?

Just be careful not to go to extremes with that idea, a woman like that would most likely be very thankful for all the things you give her and treat you right in return, until for whatever reason you can't offer those things anymore, until she starts asking for more or in the worse case scenario, until she finds someone who can give her more, then again you did say "decent woman" but people can change.

So wouldn't you rather have someone that is thankful for meeting a wonderful man to share the rest of her life with and love you in return?

I am sure you have much more to offer than just material stuff so I wish you the best of luck on your search.

[GatoAzul]

Give me a poor, decent woman any time. She knows how to appreciate gifts, shopping sprees, new wardrobe, a better life. She knows how and wants to make her man happy.

In addition to Innocent Vixen's posting, what happened when under circumstances, you become poor - bankrupt or whatever and your future girl keeps asking you for more, more, more gifts - new fashionable dress that she will probably never wear or wear only once .....

I want a good woman who knows how to love and be loved.

How will you prove that a woman will love you if you are looking for a woman who knows how to appreciate gifts, shopping sprees, new wardrobe, new vibrator

All women will falsely love you for all gifts you are going to give her (if these women do not genuinely love you)

A true genuine woman would truely love you no matter how many gifts she will get from you.  If you ask any women what they want from birthday.  A genuine woman would say 'YOU' !!

I asked my fiancee the same question before her birthday.  She said that she only want to see me on her birthday and I went to see her on her birthday in mid-December.  I also gave her uncountable gifts that she couldn't imagine. 

FIRST you need to find a woman who loves you genuinely, and then the lucky woman will get your gifts, shopping sprees, new vibrators, condoms  ... Not the other way round

[utopiacowboy]

You're already on the wrong path with this idea that you're going to "rescue" some poor barrio girl. Don't say we didn't warn you.

[Ray]

I have about 10 grand I can put towards this project. However, the LAST thing I want to do is come up empty handed and broke.

Then perhaps you shouldn't even start down this road.

I have even pondered the idea of trying to find a coyote and give a new life to a nice lady that way.

You're joking, right??

She knows how to appreciate gifts, shopping sprees, new wardrobe, a better life.

If that's what you are looking for, someone to appreciate you buying things, then you're courting with disaster. Forget about the money and don't ever mention it when meeting new ladies. If they bring up the topic of money and finances, then run fast...

Ray

[Researcher]

Bruce,
            Welcome to the board. This website is probably the best one out there for guys who aren't just playing around. Many of the guys here are married to foreign women and even though we do not agree on everything all the time, you will find answers to alot of questions. George S. Patton once said "If everybody thinks the same, then someone isn't thinking". So don't let any of the "debates" here
confuse you. It(finding a foreign wife) doesn't happen the same for everyone. You may find what you are looking for right off or you may need to look for a while. It sounds like you know what you want and, IMHO, that is 80% of it. I wouldn't rule out the lawyers and the  doctors completely and only focus on "dirt poor" women.While the ones that  are financially better off may come with certain expectations (maid, expensive clothes,etc) I've seen the ones that had nothing go "hog wild" when you start giving them things. I had a fiance that didn't know when to stop! And expected me to give her anything she wanted. Just stay focused on finding a good woman who knows how to love and be loved and you will be off to a good start. Like I wrote before, knowing what you want is a big plus but having the communication skills to quickly find out if the other person feels the same is a big advantage also.
           You might want to start out on some dating websites. Some guys here had success that way. Agencies have good points and bad it just depends on what works for you. I tried both and don’t see anything wrong with doing both at the same time.There aren’t any “hard and fast rules”  when it comes to this but with common sense, good judgement and some luck you will be successful.
 


Researcher

[raycjs]

Bruce


UC has said one of the most important things anyone here can say and he did that in just a few words.As always you are getting some real great advice so best of luck to you.


Ray

[Brainiac]

Bruce,

It just happens that I charge about 10 grand for my matchmaking services.  I guarantee you I will find a latina to marry you in 30 days.  Just give me your money and I'll do the rest.  When can we talk?  If you call me in the next 15 minutes, I'll take 20% off!

Your post has so many red flags I don't know where to begin.  Let's start here: how many people do you know that have been personally transformed by someone's generosity? Got a doctor friend? What's his marriage like?

If you rescue a damsel in distress, you end up with a distressed damsel.

[EricandCaro]

Welcome Bruce!

My wife and I own ColombianIntroductions.com online dating site and we have experience in this area. I personally,  spent a lot of time online dating with Latin women, lived in Dominican Republic -Puerto Plata for 2 years and travelled to Colombia testing the waters before finally getting married at age 38 to my wife that was at the time 28.

Bruce..Why have you had it with American women? What are the issue that you are having with American women.  We hear this all the time in our business and discover that men are not realistic when searching for Latin love. Here is the deal...Latin women are women. They are human and you will meet Latin women with same type of personalities of American women. The are some culture differences but you will find Latin women that are focused on their job and do not want a family and you will find Latin women that only want a family and are happy staying at home rasing the kids. Same thing in the US..

There are no answers on the internet. You have to look in the mirror. You are the best match maker Bruce. You will need to meet some women and get to know them. You will need to determine if their is chemistry or not. You will have to play the dating game and it aint easy especially since this will be a long distance relationship! The is the real deal...

Bruce, we are not an agency. We are an online dating site like a Match.com or ColombianCupid.  The advantage to using our service is that we are available to help you. You can call us anytime for advice, guidance or feedback. Take advantage of it..Use us as a resource.. My wife knows some of the women personally and may be able help you find a good match through our network or friends..We can call and verifiy any of the women members and provide more information about them upon your request....We provide the same service to our women members too. Many times they email or call because they want to ensure a specific man is real and not a scam or want us to verify if they are married or not. We provide a personal touch!

I understand that you believe that you have a lot to offer a good woman. It takes time and patients to find a life long mate. And even when you find her, it requires work to maintain a good relationship.  Let us know if we can help in anyway.  Feel free to call and we would be happy to share our experiences with you are just provide some guidance. Regardless if you use our service or not, there is no extra chargeto talk...we are here to help!

Our site requires a membership fee that will allow you to contact any of the women members just like any online dating site. If you choose a 6 months membership, we will give you and additional 7 months free if you do not find anyone. It takes time Bruce and if you have the time and patients, we will give you our undivided attention. Give us a call. Let us know how things are going for you.

FYI: There are plenty of Colombian or Latin women between 30-50 that are looking for single men. Many of the agencies do not accept 40-50 women because the American men have this fantasy of marrying younger women. I  have some women 40-50 and they get discouraged because all the men their age are looking for 25-35....There is high demand for women 25-35 years old so many agencies will not have many older women..Man, let me tell you...I sit with my wife and her girlfriends and  I hear them laugh about this all the time. They laugh because they do not understand why American men think that Latin women like old men...From the conversations that I have heard and from what I see on my site, the women are looking for men their age or 10 years older. 15 is max and 20 years older is pushing it..They want to grow old together with their man and share things in common...My wife is saying from her experience with the women members, that if you are 54 then you will find more success finding a sincere women 44-55 of age...Good Luck!

ColombianIntroductions.com
-Eric and Carolina

Hello guys. My name is Bruce and I have read an read till my eyes are sore. I am 54 YOA, average attractiveness, slim not fat, own a nice home, nice vehicle and feel I have a lot to offer Ms.Right. I have had it with American women. That's the reason I am here and all over the net trying to find answers. After reading many sites it appears that the door is wide open for dumbboos and their money to fall through. I have about 10 grand I can put towards this project. However, the LAST thing I want to do is come up empty handed and broke. I have even pondered the idea of trying to find a coyote and give a new life to a nice lady that way. The pitfalls abound there as well. Being 54 I am not looking to met and marry some 20 year old. I seek a lady 35-50. Slim pickins according to the ads I have read. Then they always have these lawyers or doctors. I am not seeking someone to support me. I could care less if she came with her clothes in a grocery bag via greyhound. I want a good woman who knows how to love and be loved. One who is not so materialistic in nature. One who is not cloaked in the evil garment of me,me,me. The sites never advertise the nice lady who has nothing. Give me a poor, decent woman any time. She knows how to appreciate gifts, shopping sprees, new wardrobe, a better life. She knows how and wants to make her man happy. Any ideas?

[dennislevy]

Bruce

Welcome, Im an American who lives in Bogota, Colombia, some of the guys on this board know me, and a couple have met me in Bogota.

Here is my advice.
Putting a dollar figure on this search is pointless. Guys have spent $10,000, guys have spent way, way more and keep coming to Colombia.  Your attitude should be come to Colombia (if that is where you decide) have a good time meeting women and then reevaluate. Dont, dont feel pressure that you have to make this happen on the first trip, especially if you hav eonly a week or 10 days.

Im 56 and I had exactly the same age range as you, about 35 to 50. My current girlfriend is 39, looks 32 or 33 and has the body of a woman in her 20s.  She is an English teacher in a public school, bt lives in a poor part of South Bogota called Bosa.  But she has paid for her own education, she is smart and has terrific values.

What you are looking  for is not necessarily poor or rich, but a woman who has values that are consistent with yours. But, I will say that a woman without a completed education and or a work ethic is a serious risk to bring to to the United States, especially in that age range.

As for using an agency, again if you are serious about sticking to that age range, it isnt a bad idea, especially for your first time to Colombia and you will have a lot more dates.  Many women in that age range never get dates and many times, Ive been the first man who has had a date with a particular woman 35 to 50 in an agency. Ive found that women who are closer to 40 are much more seerious about a relationship, women who are in the mid 40s to 50 may be too entreched with their families, careers, etc to leave Colombia, obviously those are generalizations.   

I would recommend two agencies in Colombia, International Introductions in Baranquilla owned by Jamie Morrow, an American and Introductions by Consuelo in Bogota owned by Consuelo Romero. Both give superior servcie to men.  Ive worked for two other agencies in Bogota and I know a lot aobut how agencies work in Colombia.

If you decide to visit Cali or Cartagena for your first trip dont use an agency, youre better off joining a web site like colombian cupid, finding 15 or 20 women from that city, communicating with them and making a trip there.

And the most important thing you can do to prepare yourself is get some Spanish under your belt, if you put in a 150 or 200 hours you can get to way more then basic Spanish-and speaking Spanish is the most impiortnat advantage you can have. There are scads of American men who come to Colombia and flash photos of their hosue and their car--and dont speak Spanish.   If you cant comunicate, doesnt mean anything.  Youc an of course pay for translators, etc., but its less romantic. And almost all women in Colombia do not speak english.

And finally dont take women on shopping spress, give them presents, etc. Youre setting yourself up to a classic gringo jerk. You should pay for meals, going to events, cabs together. if you have an exclusive relationship with a woman and youre lovers then the list may expand. But Ive been with the same woman for two months in an exclusvie, committed, lovers realtionship and other then what Ive mentioned, Ive never bouth her anything expensive.

Good luck
Dennis
bogota, Colombia   

[Bruce123]

Hey guys thanks for the great advise. Not being an author I guess I could have worded my first post a little better. Yes, we all need to look in the mirror. I have done that extensively. For my age I am attractive and well groomed. I drink very little and have a zero tolerence for drugs. I already own the needs of life. So yes, I do consider myself a good catch in many respects. I am well aware of the scams that are out there for a fool and his money. That is another reason why I have  approaced this endeavor with a dose of reality. One should know how much they can afford to spend on such a venture. That's a heck of a lot better than starting and not knowing how in the world you'll finish it. One should know their limitations both monetarily and emotionally. Looking in a mirror one should also see what his abilities are in this regard. The reason I even mentioned the dollar amount is because not having done this before I have no idea how much is needed. 10 grand might not be but just a start? I have no idea at least you guys with experience now know enough to guide me correctly. Thanks for all the replies......Bruce 

[Shadow_mas]

Whatever amount you will put to it is just a start.
I have not yet seen anyone post 'my budget finished' as reason for divorce. 

[Jeff S]

This kind of thing is nearly impossible to budget. The dating costs pale in comparison to the being married costs.

[CeeTeeEnn]

hi Bruce,

Welcome to Planet Love.

The first thing I advise you to do is put that $10K away in a high-interest bank account (if such a thing still exists) and ask yourself the following questions:

1) WHY exactly are you through with American women? Is it just the "me! me! me!" attitude or something(s) else?

2) What is it about certain non-US women that makes you believe they are better suited to you?

and most critically,

3) which non-US women are you thinking of?

Women are women the world over but differences between cultures do bring out certain characteristics in women which may make them appeal or not appeal to you. Ask yourself are you SURE you want to meet a Latina? And if so, why? Is it their looks? the way they dance? or religion? Or is it merely because Latin America is closer in terms of flying time than anywhere else? Are you sure you don't want to consider meeting women from SE Asia? If you cannot decide which culture suits you best, i advise you to try to meet people from that particular culture where you live, maybe by attending cultural get togethers or trying out some nightculbs or restaurants; if you are in a part of the country with few foreigners then you may be disadvantaged but there are many good sources of information online (most notably forums.)
 
Once you have decided where it is that you want to look for a soulmate, only then consider delving into your savings and taking out language lessons and/or a membership of an online dating site. I am reliably informed that in certain Asian countries English is widely spoken, but I can tell you that in Latin America you need to be comfortable in Spanish or Portuguese to maximise your chances of finding success. You can always change your mind at some point in the future; there are guys who got fed up with latinas and headed East or to the FSU, and vice versa. But i wouldn't recommend writing to or meeting women from different parts of the world just for the sake of it and to see how they compare; I think most guys would agree you're best off concentrating on trying to make it work within one particular culture at first before then deciding to move on.

If you still decide you want to meet latinas, then i'd spend at least 6 months or so preparing yourself by learning the language, meeting some women online on a friendship-only basis and preparing yourself in other ways (eg. learning to dance if that's your thing) before joining a formal agency and/or setting off to a Latin country of your choice; don't forget there are many Latin countries, each with its own differing ethnic, cultural, economic and political background. Only once you have a checklist in your mind of what it is you're really looking for, a plan for finding it, and the ways and means to implement this plan, should you take out your savings and book your first trip. Sorry if this sounds like a bit of a drag, but finding a woman from abroad is not an easy option nor one for the faint-hearted (I've been putting it off for years.)

In regard to the idea of dating poor or under-educated women in an attempt to avoid women obsessed with materialism, well this success of this depends on the woman in question and her upbringing. Showering a woman with gifts in an effort to impress her is asking for trouble - the most valuable gift any guy can offer his woman is his TIME, and if a women is unable to appreciate this but only interested in his material gifts then she is not worthy of him. If you wish to concentrate on dating women in the 35-50 age range, there are plenty of working and lower-middle-class women in latin America who would be very interested in dating a guy who would offer them support so that they no longer need to work. However there are also some women who work in order to gain personal fulfilment and not material gain - there are lawyers and doctors whose careers are minded towards providing charity as opposed to reaping financial reward, and their worthiness as potential wives should not be overlooked.

I wish you all the best in your search.

[Jeff S]

Just to throw another monkey wrench into the mix, the most materialistic women I've ever met were poor women finding themselves in a situation where their partner/spouse was doing fairly well. Conversely, my wife was brought up in a home that started out middle class (for post war Japan) but ended up quite wealthy, when I married her. She is the best saver and budgeter I know. She even worked for a while as a bookkeeper for her father's multi-national importing company. She's better than I at saving, planning, and getting the most out of a dollar. Not that she's cheap, but when we remodeled our home, that came out fantastic, people guessed (even those in the know) guessed that we spent over four times what we actually spent. My next door neighbor seriously asked me if I won the lottery. 

[Researcher]

Just to throw another monkey wrench into the mix, the most materialistic women I've ever met were poor women finding themselves in a situation where their partner/spouse was doing fairly well.

   I have seen the same thing. It does seem that handling money doesn't really seem to have alot to do with how much you have.But if someone does have alot they need to be able to manage it, or have someone else manage it for them.The best thing to do is not to pre-judge but to get to know someone.

    Researcher

[dennislevy]

This post by Cee Tee M was of of the most logical, most well thought out best written posts with advice for newbies that ive ever read.

He was honest to let us know that he has put of his foreign bride search for years.  My question is why?

The only difference I might have with his analysis is that I htink that if properly motvated, a man can learn way more then basic Spanish or Portugese in considerably less then 6 months.  Im noit about Russian, Chinese or Thai.

Dennis
Bogota, Colombia   

[Bob_S]

Women are women the world over but differences between cultures do bring out certain characteristics in women which may make them appeal or not appeal to you. Ask yourself are you SURE you want to meet a Latina?...

Well said, CTN, and right on.  This is no easy path, and one should do a good deal of soul searching about why you are fed up with your current fishing grounds and what attracts you to another, and whether it is truly a good fit for you.

For my age I am attractive and well groomed. I drink very little and have a zero tolerence for drugs. I already own the needs of life. So yes, I do consider myself a good catch in many respects.

Now let me get this straight.  You feel that because you look nice, don't partake of mind-altering chemicals, and have stuff, you are a good catch?  We wish you success in this endeavor, so please take this in the supportive tone I intend: pray that you do not meet a woman who feels the same or you will learn a painful expensive lesson.  There is an old saying: when you take a wife, you adopt a child.  And children do not express appreciation for stuff, they just grow to expect and demand more stuff.  Of course, YMMV, but still, do NOT expect a woman of any country to be a good wife just because you look studly and provide her with stuff.  That's corrupted thinking that comes from being poisoned by selfish AW.  The goal is to find a woman who wants you for you.  And they are out there.  Many of us here are married to such women, Asian and Latina.

That is where the soul searching stuff comes in.  When you look in a mirror, look past the surface.  Without the house, the nice car, the boat, the time-share condo, who are you?  What do you have to offer a woman besides sobriety?  Are you a Type "A" go-getter?  Or laid-back zen?  Something in between?  Do you like to putter around the house?  Or is your home just where you crash and store your clothes?  Are you The Man in Charge, or are you deferentially chivalrous?  The goal is to find someone who fits your life, not someone who will change to be what you want because of what you have to offer, because those changes never stick.

10 grand might not be but just a start? I have no idea at least you guys with experience now know enough to guide me correctly.

Costs: From the time I sent my first letters till I finally divorced my first wife, I spent many times that $10k.  Money wasted except for the much needed painful life lesson.  But for my current wife, I spent much less than $10k courting her.  The $10k figure might be a fair benchmark.  If after burning through that, and you've met hordes of hot babes but no good woman you'd trust with your life and what remains of your fortune, then something may be wrong with your picker. 

[CeeTeeEnn]

This post by Cee Tee M was of of the most logical, most well thought out best written posts with advice for newbies that ive ever read.

He was honest to let us know that he has put of his foreign bride search for years.  My question is why?

The only difference I might have with his analysis is that I htink that if properly motvated, a man can learn way more then basic Spanish or Portugese in considerably less then 6 months.  Im noit about Russian, Chinese or Thai.

Dennis
Bogota, Colombia   

Thank you for your kind words Dennis.

I have put off my search for a foreign wife because I have spent many years wringing out all the available chances on the social circuit in London. Many of my friends have struck gold here (2 Anglo-Brazilian weddings so far in 2009 bringing the total to 5, and 2 more in the pipeline) but maybe because i am so choosy and hard to please I have concluded that after having experienced a few near misses, it is now time to move on and look abroad in anger.

With regards to language, it took me a while to learn Spanish but that's because i was learning it by myself; organised classes would have accelerated the process no doubt. And yes, i believe that Spanish is easier to learn than any Slavic or Asiatic language. This, plus the relative closeness of Latin culture to European cultures makes me suspect it's possible for a Westerner with a comfortable knowledge of Spanish or Portuguese to look higher up the "food chain" in terms of potential dates in a Latin country compared to anywhere else. This is a prime factor for me wishing to confine my search among Latinas, despite my lack of success so far in London.

[GatoAzul]

Cee Tee

If you are an expert on Colombian women, then how come you are still looking for one for more than 5 years?  I can see your status!

[Ray]

Cee Tee

If you are an expert on Colombian women, then how come you are still looking for one for more than 5 years?  I can see your status!

Could you please point out the place where he said he was an expert on Colombian women? I guess I must have missed that part...