Dating Girls / Women with Kids

[utopiacowboy]

It would be interesting to hear from a poster who brought a Latina (whatever country) with a boy child back to the US. The only one I can recall was Dallas Steve and he complained bitterly about the kid on his "rechasé" web site.

FT your approach sounds fine to me but probably wouldn't be accepted by any but the most weak willed and desperate Colombian mother. The best advise as mentioned above is just steer clear of Latina women with a male child. Nothing good will come of hooking up with her.

As I have posted numerous times, my wife has 2 sons and 1 girl but of course in my case, everything worked out great which is what no one wants to hear.  This is a site where everyone only looks for the worst and the horror stories. I have a very bad cold and my oldest stepson called me yesterday urging me to go to the doctor. As he said, we love you and we don't want anything bad to happen to you. And nothing good comes of hooking up with a Latina with a male child? I guess you're right.

[Chris F]

As I have posted numerous times, my wife has 2 sons and 1 girl but of course in my case, everything worked out great which is what no one wants to hear.  This is a site where everyone only looks for the worst and the horror stories. I have a very bad cold and my oldest stepson called me yesterday urging me to go to the doctor. As he said, we love you and we don't want anything bad to happen to you. Imagine that.

There are always exceptions, and I am sure UT your wonderful wife and step children do not fall into this category.
On the average however for my personal experience it is a problem.

[mambocowboy]

As I have posted numerous times, my wife has 2 sons and 1 girl but of course in my case, everything worked out great which is what no one wants to hear.  This is a site where everyone only looks for the worst and the horror stories. I have a very bad cold and my oldest stepson called me yesterday urging me to go to the doctor. As he said, we love you and we don't want anything bad to happen to you. And nothing good comes of hooking up with a Latina with a male child? I guess you're right.

Actually for every success like yours there are many more failures we never hear about on this site.

[Awesome]

Actually for every success like yours there are many more failures we never hear about on this site.

If we never hear about them on this site how are YOU hearing about them?

[Awesome]

It would be interesting to hear from a poster who brought a Latina (whatever country) with a boy child back to the US. The only one I can recall was Dallas Steve and he complained bitterly about the kid on his "rechasé" web site.

FT your approach sounds fine to me but probably wouldn't be accepted by any but the most weak willed and desperate Colombian mother. The best advise as mentioned above is just steer clear of Latina women with a male child. Nothing good will come of hooking up with her.

So you base your conclusion of "The best advise as mentioned above is just steer clear of Latina women with a male child. Nothing good will come of hooking up with her." on the complaints of ONE GUY'S  experience?


I remember hanging out with Micky who used to post here and his 8/9 year old Colombian stepson, and the kid seemed very polite and very well behaved.  I could also tell that the two of them had a great relationship.


Of course then there was DRguy who I think had a very bad experience with a Colombiana and her bratty son so maybe there is a tiny bit of truth to your theory.


Still I'm of the belief that you'd have to be a very weak man if you aren't able to demand enough respect from your wife and her son that the kid's behavior would be a detriment to your relationship.  So maybe the advice should read "weak feeble men should stay away from Colombianas with sons, because they'll see that you have no cojones and they'll walk all over you."

[mambocowboy]

If we never hear about them on this site how are YOU hearing about them?

My wife has friends married to and divorced from gringos

[fathertime]

 


Still I'm of the belief that you'd have to be a very weak man if you aren't able to demand enough respect from your wife and her son that the kid's behavior would be a detriment to your relationship.  So maybe the advice should read "weak feeble men should stay away from Colombianas with sons, because they'll see that you have no cojones and they'll walk all over you."

Well for you it remains a "Belief or an Opinion" which you are most certainly entitled to have.  I will say this though, it probably is a pretty complicated process with landmines, so I think there is quite a bit more involved than cojones alone.  I'd suggest that oftentimes things involving children don't work out the way they a parent think they should, or how they were planned.  A guy can give it his best, but at some point he will have to hope not to have everything get derailed by either bad luck, or a slick outside influence.  Sometimes even the very best of fathers can have a major problem in dealing with a child, let alone a stepchild/new wife situation.  Men that do pull it off well, have my admiration.  Even some of those that don't, still can get an "A" for effort. 


Of course what you said about being feeble or nut-free almost assures an unhappy ending. 


Fathertime!   

[Gato4Astrid]

Of course then there was DRguy who I think had a very bad experience with a Colombiana and her bratty son so maybe there is a tiny bit of truth to your theory.

In his case, it was the son who lacks discipline from his mother.  I wouldn't want my woman to have children who lack discipline

[benjio]

I think if the boy is younger...maybe between 2-5, he can still be raised to eventually respect you as a father figure. But from my experience boys in Latin America 7 and older are too set in their ways. Those from poorer backgrounds, without a father figure in the household are undisciplined and have very little sense of responsibility. Usually it's a single young mom living with her mother and any other unmarried female siblings. Sometimes even the grandmother. Any men in the household like brothers, etc. are usually gone working or in the streets. Moral of the story is the young boys have every single thing done for them. No one expects them to do even the most menial of chores and they sort of take on a psuedo head of household position where they always get their way.


I was dating a great girl from Neiva for a while and another one from Mani for a couple of months and they both had sons approaching their teenage years. I never expected them to respect me because most sons will see you as nothing but another guy passing through until you've proven yourself to be something more. What bothered me was the way they treated their mothers, sisters and grandmothers. Almost like maids...refusing to help out in any way around the house. And anytime I tried to intervene I was quickly put in my place by these girls. That's one of the main reasons these relationships didn't work out. I've never dated a girl with a daughter but the men I know who have tell me it's a much different dynamic. 

[Awesome]

I don't know, I guess I'm just from a different breed than alot of you guys.  I was raised around nothing but very hard men who would never imagine taking any lip or backtalk from any woman or child.  My stepdad who raised me is a cowboy boots wearing Texas redneck who married into a family of loudtalking, hard drinking, very short-tempered Texas Mexicans.  Ex Marines, ex military type guys.


Our family gatherings consisted of the men sitting outside grilling meat, drinking beer, bragging, and cursing.  The women stayed inside mostly in the kitchen and waiting on the men hand and foot, basically like servants.  Us kids were deathly afraid of my stepdad, my uncles and my grandfather.  They literally never ever hesitated to scream or put their hands on the women or children in my family.  And if any of the boys ever cried or acted like a sissy....wooowee, THAT WAS YO ASS!!


To this day I'll be damned if any woman's going to "put me in my place".  That's just unacceptable, seriously.  I guess in my world I just can't see how a grown man can be so affected by a child.  I guess that's just me though.


I've dated countless single moms with some BRATTY kids and I've never had a problem with any of them.  I was dating this one Mexican girl in Dallas last year and her 5 year old son was spoiled rotten.  She had this little kid with the thuggy mohawk haircut and hiphop type clothes and basically just spoiled the hell out of him.  But that little dude loved me to death and never gave me any problems.  I remember I'd be at her house hanging out and if I had to go to the store to get food and beer or whatever he'd be right behind me jumping in my car and we'd ride to the store just me and him.  Like a couple of G's baby jaja!!  Damn now I'm starting to miss Dallas.




Different strokes for different folks I guess.

[Chris F]

I've dated countless single moms with some BRATTY kids and I've never had a problem with any of them. 

Right...you "dated" them.

How many did you actually marry?
 
This is where the truth would have come out with some of these women with their "bratty" kids.

[Awesome]

Right...you "dated" them.

How many did you actually marry?
 
This is where the truth would have come out with some of these women with their "bratty" kids.

Huh?  I'm having a hard time following your logic there guy.


If I already knew they were spoiled brats when we were dating, what "truth would have came out" if were would've got married?  Would they have turned even brattier?  To be clear I was referring to women that I'd dated in real life, not over the internet. 


I'd got to know these women and their kids very well to the point we spent days at a time together nonstop, most of the time all sleeping in the same bed together.  There's nothing like waking up to some little kid's drool and snot all over my head, arm, pillow.  Ahh, good times jaja.  These chicks weren't hiding any "truth", trust me.  They weren't the type of girls to think that far ahead.  They were "what you see is what you get" types.




CF, aren't you the guy who started that thread a while back about Medellin being the number one expat retirement destination in the world?  Then it turned out the article you posted didn't even say that at all.  It's like you didn't even read the article before you started the thread.  Do you take alot of medication, or smoke pot or something?  Your sense of logic seems to be somewhat questionable.

[buencamino]

Our family gatherings consisted of the men sitting outside grilling meat, drinking beer, bragging, and cursing.  The women stayed inside mostly in the kitchen and waiting on the men hand and foot, basically like servants.  Us kids were deathly afraid of my stepdad, my uncles and my grandfather.  They literally never ever hesitated to scream or put their hands on the women or children in my family.  And if any of the boys ever cried or acted like a sissy....wooowee, THAT WAS YO ASS!!

Wonderful autobiographical piece. Are you currently in therapy?

[Elexpatriado]

I dont think you can generalize with women with kids, sometimes the kids are really nice, even if they are a boy and older. I always seem to get along with the kids, and not all have been raised bad. But if you are dating one that has a bratty kid and his dad is a jail  bird, and raised by the mom and abuela , and abuelas mom and sisters, and uncles are pandillas or working all the time (like Benjio says)..forget about having any influence on the kids life..they dont want you to have any influence..their subconsciousness  objective is to raise the kid to be a pandilla, machista and/or marica layabout irresponsible potential jail bird....like his dad and uncles..


And the above is from personal experience as well

[robert angel]

I dont think you can generalize with women with kids, sometimes the kids are really nice, even if they are a boy and older. I always seem to get along with the kids, and not all have been raised bad. But if you are dating one that has a bratty kid and his dad is a jail  bird, and raised by the mom and abuela , and abuelas mom and sisters, and uncles are pandillas or working all the time (like Benjio says)..forget about having any influence on the kids life..they dont want you to have any influence..their subconsciousness  objective is to raise the kid to be a pandilla, machista and/or marica layabout irresponsible potential jail bird....like his dad and uncles..


And the above is from personal experience as well

Of course it's going to vary from case to case, but I think the general consensus is that you really ought be on the lookout for single Mothers with boys who've developed serious cases of 'The Little Prince Syndrome". It's just a royal pain in the ass and a woman can swear up and down that she's going to start disciplining the child and it just never sets in. Or she may discipline him more in front of you, but when you're not around, he walks all over her and he knows exactly the schedule and how to make it work.

Once again, your mileage may vary, but I've seen it, heard it from guys here and it's something you'd best be on the lookout for, because he came first and may always hold that position, no matter what's said or done.

[Chris F]

Do you take alot of medication, or smoke pot or something? 

Are you capable of debating an issue without personal attacks Awesome?
 
 

[Awesome]

Wonderful autobiographical piece. Are you currently in therapy?

No, I'm currently whooping ass and taking names.

Therapy is for whiny is for whiny little p*ssies.

[Awesome]

Are you capable of debating an issue without personal attacks Awesome?

Ar you capable of debating an issue without accusing people of personally attacking you?


Or did you realize that I already won the debate and you're looking for a little whineyboy way out instead of admitting Awesome is right?

[Chris F]

Ar you capable of debating an issue without accusing people of personally attacking you?


Or did you realize that I already won the debate and you're looking for a little whineyboy way out instead of admitting Awesome is right?

Your Ghetto  P.W.T. buddy!!!    
Always have been...always will be!!!!

[Chris F]

Our family gatherings consisted of the men sitting outside grilling meat, drinking beer, bragging, and cursing. 

So tell us P.W.T. , what does barbeque Possum taste like marinated with a can of Old Milwaukee?
 

[robert angel]

So tell us P.W.T. , what does barbeque Possum taste like marinated with a can of Old Milwaukee?

Isn't that stepping over the line a bit--even for P-L, Chris F?--I mean seriously--asking for prized family recipes?

Besides--if it's in the south these days--it's PBR, not Old Milwaukee! (Same company, actually)

[Chris F]

Isn't that stepping over the line a bit--even for P-L, Chris F?--I mean seriously--asking for prized family recipes?

Besides--if it's in the south these days--it's PBR, not Old Milwaukee! (Same company, actually)

Your right Robert...I really crossed the line on this one!!!

[Awesome]

Uh oh I got Chris F all fired up!  You mad bro?  Jaja!!

I'm just showing up to my neighborhood bar right now.  I'm going to drink me a few Hopadillos and see what kind of trouble I can get into.  Maybe I'll find me a lonely single mom who's looking for some company...

[V_Man]

What's with the caustic snide remarks guys? Then you wonder why almost every thread ends up in a flame war.


With regards to the topic:


1. I don't think that you can compare a widow with other single mothers. In my book when I talk about single mothers, I actually mean single mothers who are not widows. This is because I think the difference is a vast one.


2. Take it from me, this road is a long, expensive one that is full of potential pitfalls. You just don't need all the extra complications of other people's children. I could say a lot more about this topic.


3. I think some people should re-read the posts from our resident mexicana about 3 times.


4. It's a good idea to remind yourself that latin women are very strong willed in certain aspects. They aren't known for their placid, quiet, stable temperaments. There are going to be times and topics that they will express themselves to you in no uncertain terms.
There are going to be times when you have to be strong and tell her that life is tough and she just has to accept it and there are times when you need to show your soft side and indulge her. The trick is having the wisdom to know when to apply which response.


5. I am not sure the following applies to latin developing countries or not. Probably, but that would be an assumption. There have been numerous longitudinal studies (in the developed western world) that show that children who do not have an actively involved biological father in their lives are at many times high risk of a whole host of negative outcomes. A 'father figure' doesn't cut the mustard statistically speaking because some are positive and some a negative. The determining factor is how involved the biological father is in the child's life.
For boys the risks are many. For girls they are also many but often take time to be observed. E.g. low self esteem. One aspect that has been very clearly proven is that not only are girls (without biological fathers around) at far higher risk of becoming single mothers - but they also actually sexually mature faster.
Hence the anecdotal comments in the thread about girls still at home with their biological Dad in the picture being unlikely to be single mothers is in fact supported by the studies.


Of course with people there are always exceptions both ways. It's about percentages and risks.