2000 Days

[Bear]

Okay, I'm a romantic!  I love doing neat little things to let Honey know how special and important she is, not just to me and the "Bear Family Boys" but to the world.  

I really blew the 1000 day anniversary - not even sure how.  I surprised her with a reservation at a good restruant, bought her flowers and a cute, but expensive, trinklet and she (surprise) acted as if I was wasting money!

The girls at work were all just giggly, laughing and joking telling me how good a husband I was and what was going to happen because I was making up an important "anniversary" just to let her know how much I cared.  Which I guess got my expectations up.  But then nothing happened because Honey saw it as wasteful?!.  Kinda hurt my feelings and I had to back off and realize Honey is from a different country/culture and maybe she's just not familar with celebrating anniversaries.

Several times I've bought her flowers just to see them set until they died in an obscurred location almost completely ignored.  I'd finally throw them away.  Taking her out to eat just about means I don't like her cooking?!

Don't get me wrong, there aren't any problems between us, we are still madly in love and very compassionate with each other.  But the cute little things I've always enjoyed doing seems to mean nothing to her.  Talk about being taken for granted.

Things are going great for what seems like the first time in my life.  The promotion at work with the salary and bonus', we bought a home, have two boys, saving money while having some spending money, everything just great.  I'm 52 and plan on taking the first "vacation" of my life (not counting the trip to the R.P. to marry Honey) this year.  I really want to make this 2000 day anniversary something special, celebrate the good times of life while we have them because all things come and go, good and bad.  But its just so depressing to make such an effort and have it nearly ignored and/or rebuked.  Let me give you another example.  The other day I came into a couple of thousand dollar windfall and after paying off several bills, I told Honey that we should go do something (I was thinking about renting a hotel room with a view and watching the sun come up while doing what ever cute thing came to mind).  She want to go to Wal-mart and get the kids "sandals"!!!

I need some ideas fellas!

The Bear Family

[glenn keller]

Hi Bear, you sound like a good guy and very happy. Yes, I think being she is from a different culture, things that you think are special are viewed differntly by her.

I read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are fron Venus." I think if you want to know what a woman wants, just ask her? Sometime I think we give them what we want them to have instead of what they really want?

Remember this! I am no expert on women or relationships for sure, as I was single 15 years until I met Rosemarie. I got married December 29, 2005. Be thankful everyday Honey is there with you, as I am waiting on my wifes spouse visa process and miss her dearly.

Good luck!

[doombug]

I read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are fron Venus." I think if you want to know what a woman wants, just ask her? Sometime I think we give them what we want them to have instead of what they really want?

Good call, GK.

That book was the very first thing that came to mind as I was reading his post.:lol:

I've also heard many good things about Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."



Random comments about, and quotes from, the book:

“[M]en are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration and approval of a woman. . . Women need to better appreciate the magnitude of their power and influence over men, and not misuse or abuse it.”

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The universal complaint of men who e-mailed Dr. Laura about her book “was that their wives criticize, complain, nag, rarely compliment or express appreciation, are difficult to satisfy, and basically are not as nice to them as they’d be to a stranger ringing their doorbell at three A.M.!”

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A man named Roy wrote to Dr. Laura with some good advice for wives: “If you can’t accentuate the positive, at least acknowledge it. The world is full of messages to men that there are standards we don’t meet. There is always another man who is more handsome, more virile, or more athletic than we are. None of that matters if the most important person in our life looks up to us, accepts us as we are, and loves us even though we aren’t perfect. . . . All I know is that the husband who has a wife who supports him and praises him for the positive things he does is the envy of all the other men who have to live with criticism, sarcasm, and constant reminders of their failures.”

Another recomended book in a similar vein as the latter two: "The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace."

From Amazon.com:

Self-proclaimed "feminist and former shrew" Laura Doyle sets forth a whopper of a game plan for establishing profound intimacy in one's marriage. Building on the gender stereotypes defined by bestselling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), Doyle seeks to heal the overworked, underappreciated wife who snarls at her mate's every thought or action. Her message to these smart, self-sufficient types: check the nitpicking, the unsolicited opinions, and--egads!--the finances at the marital door (although she says it's still okay to wield control at work). Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering."

According to Doyle, the wife who chooses to surrender must learn to take care of herself first, overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality. Delving into the personal tales and sisterly advice shared within each chapter's pages, surrendering wives will further note the need to master unsavory phrases like "I can't," and "Whatever you think"--tough to swallow for a generation of women who value their own opinions. While she fully acknowledges that a few bills will go unpaid and a few deadlines or freeway exits will occasionally be missed, she also insists that surrendered wives will encounter less worry and fear, more money, and better sex. Hey, "Whatever you think...." --Liane Thomas

The Table of Contents:

 1. Respect the Man You Married by Listening to Him
 2. Give Up Control to Have More Power
 3. Keep Surrendering a Secret
 4. Take Care of Yourself First
 5. Express Your Desires
 6. Relinquish the Chore of Managing the Finances
 7. Receive Graciously
 8. Foster Friendships with Women
 9. Resist Biting the Bait
10. Avoid Setting Up a Negative Expectation
11. Stop Reading His Mind
12. Don't Crowd the Setter
13. Abandon the Myth of Equality
14. Set Limits by Saying "I Can't"
15. Strive to Be Vulnerable
16. Admit It When You're Hurt
17. Let Your Husband Be the Children's Father
18. Listen for the Heart Message
19. Take a Feminine Approach to Sex
20. Say Yes to Sex
21. Never Eat Worms
22. Ignore the Red Herring
23. Rely on a Spiritual Connection
24. Let Him Solve Some of Your Problems
25. Be a Diplomat in the Male Culture
26. Measure Your Progress
27. Spend Your Energy Surplus on Yourself
 

[Bear]

My "ex" used to work for the author of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and look at what happened to that marriage!

I bought Honey a copy of the book by Dr Laura several years ago.  She read about half of it and claimed that everyone was just repeating themselves and put it down.  There's still a lot of culture differences and old filipina wifes tales she hasn't let go of.  You would not believe some of the unbelieveable things that girl has asked me!  Much better than 6 years ago but still so much more has to learn.  Then again I really don't want to change her to much because that is who I fell in love with.  Ya know the old saying, "Women marry a man thinking they can change him and men marry a woman hoping she won't change".  Both lose.

I was thinking maybe something along the lines of new suggestions on something to catch her attentions with.  One guy has suggested to write her a long letter which immediately sounded like a good idea.  Any other ideas?

The Bear Family

[doombug]

So you wanna play hardball, huh?  Okay, well take this then!!

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You and your instructor board the jump plane and you climb to between 10,000 and 13,000 feet. Signals are given and you exit the aircraft harnessed to your instructor. The free-fall is a rush and the feeling of flying is breathtaking. Then, the chute is opened and you and your instructor float to earth together. Excitement unlimited!

http://www.800soaring.com/rides.htm

If you're a California resident, there's a Sonoma Valley wine country package that runs $390:
Sanoma Valley Hot Air Balloon Ride


I'd always fantasized about one day doing the hot-air balloon ride thing; saved some brochures that I'd come across from time to time so as not to forget; but you gotta be in a relationship (or relationship predicament :lol: ) like yours for it to be a worthwhile endeavor.  But, seriously though, that is an anniversary surprise that she'd never forget (unless, of course, she suffers from hypsiphobia).

[stevjulietb]

Bear, I remember you telling us to take control of the pina, not exact quote, or she won't respect you.  The one thing I insist on, Juliet's relationship with me comes before the kid.  Now I'm not telling you our life hasn't changed since the birth of our son.  However, you still need some attention also.

Steveb

[Don J]

Hey Bear,

 It's been a long time since your K-1 process postings and I'm just trying to remember the relationship you and Honey had with her family back in the RP, wasn't it a little shaky there for a while. Hopefully things are all good now. If so, here’s my suggestion that always seems to put a big smile on my wife’s face and generates big appreciation. Do something nice for the family, send them something extra to have a pig roast and party or pack up some Balikbayan boxes with some goodies and necessities and ship them to her family. My wife always says things like “this would be useful for the family back home” and when we ship it she waits with anticipation for it to get there and when it arrives she is so pumped up it’s like she’s floating on a cloud. We send cake mixes, candy, things she buys at rummage sales, school supplies and clothing and shoes she finds at clearance sales at her favorite store (which happens to be Kohls). They get excited when they get it and she is equally excited to send it. If the relationship with the family is strained, working on making it better will certainly give her good feelings.

The other thing that my wife loves is to spend time with other Filipinos, attend some gatherings or even better have a party with her Filipino friends. Make it a Filipino pot luck party with a little American food mixed in for the attending Cano’s and lots of karaoke. It’s the only time my wife doesn’t question how many beers I’m drinking and she is in seventh heaven days before and after such a bash.

Finally, the trip back home to the Philippine. Making plans for a future trip back to the RP is always an attention getter. Somewhat costly these days (especially with kids) but it will leave a huge impression.

Most economical is the party thing, and something that can be repeated now and then. It’s also fun for all involved.

Maybe this is old news and you already have done it all, if not give it a try. Otherwise it certainly doesn’t sound like anything is broken, and you know that they about not fixing something that’s not broken. Just ask her every now and then “are you happy here” and let her know that that is your goal to keep her happy, she will then know that you need a little assurance now and again.

Just my experience, for what it’s worth!

Regards,
Don J

[Ray]

Well Bear, it sounds like your dilemma is to find a unique gift that is (1) romantic, (2) practical, and (3) relatively inexpensive. That’s a tough one but maybe I can help you out here.

What is more practical to a Filipina than her tabo? Have you seen these services that will personalize everything from coffee mugs, plates, mouse pads, etc. with personal photos? How about a tabo personalized with a special photo? You could get a photo of your face and have it placed inside the bottom of the tabo. Every time she goes to the CR and uses her new tabo, there is your big handsome face staring up at her through the water. How romantic is that? :lol:

Or perhaps instead of your face, your wedding photo with a special message. Then place 2000 shiny new pennies inside to signify 2000 days of marriage. Not really very expensive, practical, and romantic, not to mention unique, all at the same time. All her friends will be insanely jealous of her special tabo.

Let’s see… $1.69 for a nice tabo, $20 in pennies, and maybe $20 or less for the photo embossing. She can hardly get pissed at you for blowing a bundle, right?

Hey bud, just trying to help…

Ray

[ReptilesBlade]

Thank you for the wonderful romantic ideas.