temporary visitor visa

[newby2mailorder]

Hello.
In my current situation I've considered asking the Filipino woman whom I'm writing to about applying for a temporary visa to visit me, since she and I may have problems applying as conjugal partners at the moment, I'd just thought I'd bring this up in case anybody has any objections

[jm21-2]

I doubt a Filipina could get a visa to visit the US, not sure about Canada.

[william3rd]

Same basic issues as for the US- has she traveled anywhere else? Had visas for other countries? Did she go home on time? Does she have something to go back to? What will she be doing in Canada?

Answer those questions and put yourself in the shoes of a consular officer. Would YOU give her a visa under the consular rules for your country, knowing what you know?

[Bear]

From your most recent replies I decided to warn you that you are waisting your time.

1) No visa will ever be approved for an average Filipina unless SHE is rich enough to own $10000 in property in her country (USA but I bet similar for Canada).  To indicate this is for conjugal reasons might get you arrested - definitely wont get you approved.

2) To Filipina to not have children is cruel beyond belief.  A good Filipina will obey you but beware, she will make your life a hell, just like you'll be doing her by saying such. There are many Filipinas who agree to not have children but they are older and/or married to much older men, an excuse you do not have.  I wish Don2222 was around to explain to you what happened to him over this topic.  I personally have seen this 3 times.  It will be the biggest mistake of your life should you succeed.

3)  Your post indicate some wimpiness in decisions.  I have never in my life met anyone who can be as vicious as a Filipina who loses respect for  a guy and thinks he is not a man.  One of the most important things to a Filipina is security and a wimp cannot give them security so they go into protect mode and it will make your parents look like biblical prophets.

Not an insult Dude but you're not ready to marry and have not considered fully complicated foreign relationships.  You are only going to hurt a lot of people.

The Bear Family

[newby2mailorder]

I'll give her up because I guess that's what everybody wants, and go back to crummy ole lavalife. I cant deal with life to begin with anyway

[catz]

That is the smartest thing you could do.

 ~ If you would her up because "everyone" thinks you should - you are nowhere near prepared to begin an international relationship.

 ~ If you can't deal with life to begin with - you are nowhere near prepared to begin an international relationship.

Sorry if this sounds cruel but from what I have read you have one heck of a lot of work to do on YOU before you would be ready for ANY type of relationship. Good luck to you!

Catz

[newby2mailorder]

Hi Everyone.
I cut her loose this morning and told her to find someone else. HAPPY NOW

[Bear]

It doesn't matter if we are happy. 

You don't have to completely abandon this girl but honestly if she asking you for money and knowing you just want her to come here for conjugal visit I think you have found a "user".  The R.P. is a very religious country.  No one there would even consider such a visit especially if you're not married.  She's be called names and run out of the government offices.  So if shes agreeing to this - something is very strange!  Either she's expecting marriage or she's gonna use you.

You need to start over with a reasonable plan.  Think it through. 

What kind of woman do you want?  Most suggest a girl at half plus seven your age.  I think in your case thats 22. 
What type of attitude do you want her to have?  Happy, encouraging, loving, etc. 
How do you want her to look? 
Does it matter if she has kids?  Does it matter if she wants kids? 
Are extremely close family ties a problem? (most Filipiinas will obey a close family member before her husband for quite sometime - but a good one will want you to free her from that slavery). 
How do you feel about religion and strong church ties? 
Do you want your wife to work or stay home and take care of the house, you and the kids? 
If she does work how is the money to be used?  Sent to the R.P. or as part of your joint incomes?  What if she wants to send hundreds, even thousands home every month? 
Can you be tough asking questions and sticking to your expectations while meeting her needs?  She will.

It is wrong to stereo-type but there are several traits about Filipinas I have learned.

1)  They will insult their best friend with the cruelest of comments.  The best friend is not allowed to let it bother her and only consider it helpful information.  This includes calling them stupid and ugly.

2)  Filipinas want a "simple life".  Which basically means they want a man that will find out what they want in life and insist she gets it like it was his idea.  Of course they'll submit when its contrary but be prepared for "tampo" if you don't make her see it's value to her.  Heaven help your way fails.  Most won't leave you but they'll lose respect because you insisted and didn't know.  So ask their opinions, expect no answers but remember what they say.

3)  From my observations, Filipinas want security.  I guess its because of being from a third world nation.  They also know that they can and will do what has to be done to get to the next place they need to be.  Take into consideration that they so easily marry foreigners!  I used to mistakenly call that "maturity".  It most definitely isn't - its a harsh reality of life that they've lost confidence in "what is going on around them" and they will step up and do what is nescessary.  Which means if you are not up front leading them to a better life you will find yourself a stepping stone on her way out.  Read "she will leave with everything she can take and most of her friends/family will be encouraging her to do it".  If she stays with you be assured she's discussed it with all her friends and you are considered a bad husband.

4) Filipinas will become Americanized so fast it will be hard a year later to remember what they were like before they got here.  It takes a good man to help her not be corrupted by all this never experienced before "freedom".

5)  A good Filipina knows absolutely nothing about one-on-one relationships and it will fall on you to handle temper-tantrums-silent treatment (called "tampo") when they don't get their way and can't understand why.  Most will be willing to submit to all your needs when they first marry - you'll think you are in Heaven but then you'll make a few mistakes and forget their "simple life" and the Honeymoon is over in a snap.  Then you'll think you are married to a two year old.  Heaven help you if you don't make sure she's discussing her concerns and worries with you and not her friends.  Her friends might convince her you are a waist of time and someone to be used to get to the next place.  So who her friends are and what her family discusses with her should be a critical "importance to you".   Gain her confidence and keep it but be a man, not a wimp and not an a-hole.

A Filipina is like all women they want to be courted and treasured.  To feel important and necessary, yet pampered and unstressed.  Most are virgins when you met them, very religious (Catholic) and couldn't give a flip about government.  What they learn about sex most likely will come from you - at first.  What happens after that is basically up to you.  From my experience they either think they are pretty or ugly - nothing in the middle.  You'll find they'll marry someone they think is ugly because they want to marry.  They also will give a value of "well, okay" to what is fat, ugly, bald, old, etc in their mate. Getting to America and providing a secure future will be 1 and/or 2 not necessarily in that order.  They will marry the first man who shows up on their doorstep even if they love someone else and he has asked her to get married.

As you can by now see, don't go after a Filipina unless you really Love her because it will be one heck of a trip but don't let a good one get away either.

When you've considered all this ask the first Filipina you see for a introduction or even one of the guys on this or one of the many other bulletin boards.  Introductions are the fastest and safest way and provide some helpful assistance after marriage.

The Bear Family

[newby2mailorder]

Thanks Bear.
I thought I'd save everybody here the task of replying to my anxious posts, and just "start from scratch" then finding my own solutions. I took everyone's comments too hard and couldnt' take their criticism, and decided to take the easy way out. Yes, I forgot to read the spousal and common law requirements, only the requirements to support a spouse with everything she needs for up to 10 years here in Canada. I'll look further into the temp visa thing and wish I could talk to a real person on the phone, rather than a press 1 for service in English etc.

I've thought about church because in the past I've looked for guidance, and I know the RP is very religious.
I haven't asked her yet whether she's willing to work or stay home and let me be the main bread winner. If she wants to work, I"ll help her everyway I can.
Filipinos working overseas sent home almost $10 billion in 2005 to help their families and the economy. I'm willing to send money home if this is what she wants. I dont know if I could send a thousand home, but definitely a few hundred. This will be your average baseball salary in 2 years I think. LOL
I want my family to accept my choice whatever they have to say.
I've mentioned to her that I dont want kids and she was fine with that, although I reconsider the idea myself from time to time.
I dont want her for a conjugal partner as I didnt' read the finer print on spousal and common law partnes, but I want her as a long term partner as I'm trying to work on other options to make things easier. I also want to meet her family.
I want her to have a caring loving attitude and help me with my relationship and difficulties with common sense, without yelling to wake up the neighbours.
Night

[Bear]

I really think its unnecessary to answer those questions for anybody here.  Answer them for yourself then try to find someone who'll meet your needs while allowing you to meet hers.  Kind of hard to make decisions if you haven't thought those things through.

Personally when I thought about those things I seemed to remember being very firm on a few ideas and thinking "its not so important" on others.  Now I am completely different.  An example would be I truly expected to marry a girl between 30 and 45, ended up marrying a girl 20.  My mind couldn't picture how that would work, but its done very well.

Life is making decisions about life.  You have to know the road your on and what happens when a fork comes up.  Planning ahead "helps" when that fork comes up.  If you can't ask tough questions and decide what you expect to happen and plan for the opposite then life will kick your tail.  With a Filipina you have to not only do it with emphasis you have to be ready to teach her.  But you had better be prepared for anyone you meet in/on most foreign introduction services has a goal and a plan.  You want to see if it meets your needs and doesn't just provide them with a path to theirs.  MOF, I decided to "look for someone not looking for me" so that I wouldn't have to be afraid and concern that I was going to be used.  It worked for me although I almost screwed up before I met Honey.  When you use these services, your primary function becomes finding out if shes a user or not.  Asking questions that would trip them up.  I even told my wife I would be doing this because I wanted a lasting loving marriage not more heartache.  And after I got a satisfactory answer(s) with who ever I was asking I answered it for her too so she could see why I asked.  She appreciated my effort because she wanted the same.

Like I said, spend a lot of time thinking about what you want and expect, and ways of communicating it.  But being too obvious will get you a user, because she will know how to answer your questions so that you think shes the right girl.  These Filipinas are experts at that. 

Get serious and know what you want.  A good Filipina will really appreciate it because she will feel safer and more secure and like shes with someone with a plan for her future.  And still let her know you intend to satisfy her needs, goals, wants too.

The Bear Family.

[Jeff S]

Hey newby - I kind of kicked off the negative comments, and apologize if it sounded harsh. They really weren't intended to make you feel bad. I just wanted to try to get you to look at some of the harsh realities and take them on as a challenge rather than being defeated by them. I don't think there's a poster here who isn't hoping you'll pull it together and succeed at this venture.

No one said this is easy. On the contrary, it is a more difficult road to travel. Likewise the rewards are substantial as well. Remember that nothing succeeds like success and when you family sees how happy you and your foreign bride are and how well you're taking care of each other, they may not admit that they were wrong, but they'll surely tell you that you lucked out. Of course, to that you can reply that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. So, as Bear pointed out, the best bet is to start preparing. But remember, as John Lenon said, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

- Jeff