The Value of Marriage ...

[innerperson]

I normally post on the Russian side but enjoy reading this forum because of some interest in many of the countries you guys have been too.


Value is a hard thing to convey.  It is completely independent.


Those guys that are going to places like Colombia, Philippines, Ukraine, Russia would be more interested in marriage.  Let's face it, most guys are not able to leave their jobs and move somewhere to take their time and date like they would normally do in the states.  That in itself would mean marriage is the reason for their search.


I honestly don't understand the problem with it.  Most people want families and marriage is the best way to raise a family. 


Those that want to date and not get married, no problem and I doubt most people here would have a problem with it.  I think the fallout is trying to make guys seem desperate because they want marriage and a family. 


Marriage isn't for everyone.  I was married once and I hated it.  I found out that I enjoy having my own time and I felt like I lost myself when I was married.  I have always enjoyed relationships more then I enjoy serial dating.  The older I get the more I am selfish if my time.  That doesn't make for an ideal husband and father. 


Each person needs to find their own path.  There is no need to look down on whatever path the person chosen.  We all want different things. 

[Fuzzyone]

It is a phenomena of internet discussion boards - like Kangaroo Courts - where one (or two) loudmouths can create the appearance of truth, righteousness, and "just cause". So, do I care - NO!  But, I do not like bullies, and am not intimidated by your blow back.  Fuzzy even imagines this is a salon brawl.

  You really should take credit for the "salon brawl" since you seem to be the only one stating it! I said something to the tune of your behind getting handed to you which I really do not know has to do with salon brawl!


  I could see where you would get confused it is hard for you to keep all your stories straight and when you have a couple of loud mouths that keep pointing out your falsehoods which are really not hard to find since you feel beating you have to beat that drum on the internet every chance you get.


  So what is a pimp again?

[robert angel]

I normally post on the Russian side but enjoy reading this forum because of some interest in many of the countries you guys have been too.


Value is a hard thing to convey.  It is completely independent.


Those guys that are going to places like Colombia, Philippines, Ukraine, Russia would be more interested in marriage.  Let's face it, most guys are not able to leave their jobs and move somewhere to take their time and date like they would normally do in the states.  That in itself would mean marriage is the reason for their search.


I honestly don't understand the problem with it.  Most people want families and marriage is the best way to raise a family. 


Those that want to date and not get married, no problem and I doubt most people here would have a problem with it.  I think the fallout is trying to make guys seem desperate because they want marriage and a family. 


Marriage isn't for everyone.  I was married once and I hated it.  I found out that I enjoy having my own time and I felt like I lost myself when I was married.  I have always enjoyed relationships more then I enjoy serial dating.  The older I get the more I am selfish if my time.  That doesn't make for an ideal husband and father. 


Each person needs to find their own path.  There is no need to look down on whatever path the person chosen.  We all want different things.

That's a really good, open minded post. Hope you 'wander' over this way more often. Marriage the second time around is better for me, but I have to admit I sometimes miss the old days when I could pack and leave on a whim w/o giving it a second thought, or just while a way entire days around the house w/o a second thought.
 
In some parts of the world, marriage and having children is becoming less and less popular.
 
The 'word' selfish usually has negative connotations, but yea, I guess it fits some of my thinking and ways. Before I married this second time, We discussed  'set asides'--things, hobbies and activities I'm free to do. If my wife wanted to go Pre Colombian Indian artifact hunting, digging and mucking along and around miles and miles of bramble lined river banks, she'd be welcome, but that's not something she likes. She'll join me and sometimes even out shoot and outfish me on the range or out on the water, but she's not one to take a couple days off and head out into the field or out to the Gulfstream for heavy duty action.
 
But she worries when I'm out and about, wants to know when I'm leaving, when I'll likely be back and that's certainly different than the single life. A comprimise? Yes, but I don't have to deal with nagging, bitching about that time. She knows we'll have our own quality time and that she's actually a higher priority.
 
It's all about balancing what works in each person's life and sometimes freedom and obligations aren't a precise fit, but right now, it works for us and we're in a good spot, so to speak.

[V_Man]

Great posts Benj Micky and Thomas.

[Zon]

Hate/dislke, how sad you think of it in those terms...i just think your behaviors have been shyster'ish and buffoonish too!

FT, are you [snip]ting me?  Hate / dislike / argument / intolerance / name calling accurately discribe 60% of your posts here.   

Rarely do I remember you every striking and understanding, curious, conciliatory tone with any poster who did not share your agenda and perspective. We may argue about values and approaches; but one this is a 100% fact, you caste a narrow net.   

One of the many characteristics that I see more clearly in Americans now that I have spent much time abroad is the idea that nothing has consequences ... as if everything is a video game.   Well, I take you and your 1000 posts at your word, and judge you accordingly.

I think that a person can be many things.   I do not believe that one size fits all.   I do not hold to the notion that only "vanilla" people can have loving relationships that, in some cases, lead to successful long term marriage.  In fact, some of the best - most honest - marriages I know are couples that are active in the swinger community.  I was surprised to witness that!  Clearly, I am a much more open minded person than you.  I am willing to try a great many things, as long as they do not harm others.   I think that I am better for the experiences.  Only then, do I feel that I can draw a conclusion based upon personal observations.  We are completely different people. 

Again, it is evident that we disagree and dislike each other.  It would be nice if you could repeat that fact one last time - completely and its entirety - and move on.  Do you not allow yourself to see that this obsession is very strange and without purpose?

[Zon]

Value is a hard thing to convey.  It is completely independent.

Indeed.  And, thus my motivation for the original post.  I am of the opinion that if like minded people share opinions and perspectives, a sharper and more clear picture may be formed.  Such a discussion is good food for thought.

Timing and point in life is an important consideration - as much as the individuals involved, I think.  There have been times in my life where I was MUCH more willing to sacrifice everything for another.   I do not have those motivations now.  But, then again I am not dating anybody that I am head over heals in love with either. 

There is a problem with the "head over heals" feeling too!  Those feelings are fleeting.  Maybe they will last 1 year, or 3 ... but, a lifetime? I do not think so. My experience tells me this is unlikely.  At best it is a mutual garden that two people cultivate.

One thing I would add from posts above is the targeting of Perfect 10s.  I think it unwise, all thing considered, to pursue the most beautiful of women.  Girls that are truly exceptionally beautiful ( I am talking about high model quality) have been treated differently since the day they were born. The affect is not usually conducive to a good wife.  A solid 8 - 8.5 is where I shoot for when considering a LTR.   Perfect 10's in my book are best for play, and if lighting happens, well you got lucky.

[fathertime]

FT, are you [snip]ting me?  Hate / dislike / argument / intolerance / name calling is 60% of your posts here.   

Rarely do I remember you every striking and understanding, curious, conciliatory tone with any poster that did not share your narrow agenda. We may argue about values and approaches; but one this is a 100% fact, you caste a narrow net.   

One of the many characteristics that I see more clearly in Americans now that I have spent much time abroad is the idea that nothing has consequences ... as if everything is a video game.   Well, I take you and your 1000 posts at your word, and judge you accordingly.

I think that a person can be many things.   I do not believe that one size fits all.   I do not hold to the notion that only "vanilla" people can have loving relationships that, in some cases, lead to successful long term marriage.  In fact, some of the best - most honest - marriages I know are couples that are active in the swinger community.  I was surprised to witness that!  Clearly, I am a much more open minded person than you.  I am willing to try a great many things, as long as they do not harm others.   I think that I am better for the experiences.  Only then, do I feel that I can draw a conclusion based upon personal observations.  We are completely different people. 

Again, it is evident that we disagree and dislike each other.  It would be nice if you could repeat that fact one last time - completely and its entirety - and move on.  Do you not allow yourself to see that this obsession is very strange and without purpose?

Well it is too bad you think in terms of hating.  Since you care so much, maybe you should start a thread on ‘the value of high priced escorts’ since you have already indicated that is more your speed and have experience in that area.   My impression is that you were backdooring that alternative into this thread, so why not just be courageous and give it a thread of its own?

Fathertime!   

[fathertime]

I think that a person can be many things.   I do not believe that one size fits all.   I do not hold to the notion that only "vanilla" people can have loving relationships that, in some cases, lead to successful long term marriage.  In fact, some of the best - most honest - marriages I know are couples that are active in the swinger community.  I was surprised to witness that!  Clearly, I am a much more open minded person than you.  I am willing to try a great many things, as long as they do not harm others.   I think that I am better for the experiences.  Only then, do I feel that I can draw a conclusion based upon personal observations.  We are completely different people. 
 

The end of result of all of this is your earlier claim:




Quote from: Zon on March 26, 2013, 03:38:13 AM    There is not escape from discontentment.


I don't feel discontented.  I'd say that the result for you has been less than positive, but you are now a prisoner of your own choices and close-mindedness.     

Fathertime!

[Zon]

I don't feel discontented.     
Fathertime!

A man that has been married and proposed marriage more than what 4 or 5 times, and is still only middle aged, says that he is now CONTENT IN LIFE ... as if his life is somehow over ... as if there is some magical trophy, and now it is in his hands?   Well, good luck on that through the years.   The famous saying goes " Ignorance is bliss," and you have shown every inclination to be a shallow thinker; so maybe life for you is a thing that is already won.

But why fear a little discontentment and self introspection   What's wrong with a life journey, even if it takes a few years?  Why does such a thing make some men uncomfortable (scared)?  Certainly, there are far worse things in life - a very bad marriage to name but one.

[ and I am NOT anti-marriage!  But, I do not believe that marriage is the only goal in a man's life ]

[Fuzzyone]

 Tim who runs around with a alias that a porn star gave you? Do we have to say? I mean really that is what I spent my life looking for. I am just waiting for what you try to reinvent your self into next, I see a marriage counselor for which you saved all those guys marriages with no training yet wow.

[fathertime]

A man that has been married and proposed marriage more than what 4 or 5 times, and is still only middle aged, says that he is now CONTENT IN LIFE ... as if his life is somehow over ... as if there is some magical trophy, and now it is in his hands?   Well, good luck on that through the years.   The famous saying goes " Ignorance is bliss," and you have shown every inclination to be a shallow thinker; so maybe life for you is a thing that is already won.

But why fear a little discontentment and self introspection   What's wrong with a life journey, even if it takes a few years?  Why does such a thing make some men uncomfortable (scared)?  Certainly, there are far worse things in life - a very bad marriage to name but one.

[ and I am NOT anti-marriage!  But, I do not believe that marriage is the only goal in a man's life ]

You crapped on your own thread here by pretending you were talking about the 'value of marriage'when all along you had all these articles that were anti-marriage.  You caught a lot of crap and deserved it all!  It seems pretty clear that you don't possess the traits necessary for being married at this time, so yes you need to start with a little 'introspection' or maybe see a professional. 


Now that I've goaded you into creating the 'sister topic', I think my work is done here! 

Fathertime! 

[fathertime]

I agree with you 100%.  I have a fat old aunt that I can't stand and she's married to this real nice guy that treats her like a queen and she treats him like crap.  They're both in their late 50's and got married about 10 years ago.  If he was smart he would've went to colombia and got him a nice looking lady who would treat him like a man is supposed to be treated.  He's a very conservative type who never "thinks outside the box", so to him I guess he's just satisfied with not being alone.  If I was in his shoes it would be a no-brainer to seek a wife from another country.  Life's too short to let what people think dictate how you live your life.

 

hey htown...


---i've discovered that most men aren't going to do very much to change their options when it comes to women.  I've got many many single buddies in their 30's 40's and 50's... quite a few of them have the $ and freedom to take the plunge overseas.  What they don't have is a strong enough desire.  It just isn't that important to some men I guess.  They are happy enough to spend time with whatever is out there in front of their face 


I have a friend similar to the husband of your fat old aunt.  Evidently he prefers to be treated like a fool, then to take the risk of going overseas.  In his case, I'd say he is too far gone anyway, he would just get abused by whomever he wound up with.. 
 
Overall, I think it is a huge bonus that 98% of men will not go outside their own backyard, even when they see a friend who has upgraded through the international dating scene.  Although at first I encouraged others to take the risk, I don't really do that anymore.  If somebody asks though and takes the initial initiative then I will happily point them in the directions I think are best.


Fathertime!     

[Zon]

--i've discovered that most men aren't going to do very much to change their options when it comes to women.  I've got many many single buddies in their 30's 40's and 50's... quite a few of them have the $ and freedom to take the plunge overseas.  What they don't have is a strong enough desire.  It just isn't that important to some men I guess.  They are happy enough to spend time with whatever is out there in front of their face 

Most people fear change most of all.  It is associated with pain.  Thus, it is hard for most to modify ANY pattern of behavior - eating; health; financial.  Most people fear trying new things, and tasting different lifestyles.   

I think THIS is the greatest commonality of those participating or reading this discussion board.

[V_Man]

Most people fear change most of all.  It is associated with pain.  Thus, it is hard for most to modify ANY pattern of behavior - eating; health; financial.  Most people fear trying new things, and tasting different lifestyles.   

I think THIS is the greatest commonality of those participating or reading this discussion board.

Zon, I'd be P'ed off with FT's never ending attacks if I were you as well.
However this comment makes no sense. This forum is about finding and having a marriage with a foreign person. That simply doesn't happen for people who fear change.

I agree with you that people can be swingers or have similar aspects in their lives and also have a happy lasting marriage. If that is the lifestyle you are searching for then I have no issue with it.

But Zon, what is your point?
If you had an insight that most people over 25 didn't already know then I guess I missed it.

I don't actually know what FTs point is either. Except that he doesn't think you are ready for marriage. Frankly my eyes glaze over with you two back and forth and I just skip past it. 

My point is that I think recent posts on this very thread show that people on this board show that guys here notice that they embrace change and possibilities more than their peers.

[innerperson]

This forum is about finding and having a marriage with a foreign person. That simply doesn't happen for people who fear change.

Just because someone made a change in their life doesn't mean they didn't have fear.   They just overcame that fear. 

[Zon]

My point is that I think recent posts on this very thread show that people on this board show that guys here notice that they embrace change and possibilities more than their peers.

NOTE: of course, argument and name calling is distracting!   That's why joining social clubs cost money - more respect, better behavior.

Of course many on this board have adopted change - how many 50 maybe 100?  How many lurkers have not?  thousands.  Go on a foreign dating site, and you will see thousands of men, but very few ever leave the country.

This board is about marriage to a latina.  But, the concept is not that simple.   

Buying a car analogy  Some people have to take their car to the shop frequently. Some people have to learn to drive it.  Some people are so excited they form car clubs.  Some people are happy with their choice, others are sad.  A large percentage will sell their car and start over again. 

[Fuzzyone]

NOTE: of course, argument and name calling is distracting!   That's why joining social clubs cost money - more respect, better behavior.

Of course many on this board have adopted change - how many 50 maybe 100?  How many lurkers have not?  thousands.  Go on a foreign dating site, and you will see thousands of men, but very few ever leave the country.

This board is about marriage to a latina.  But, the concept is not that simple.   

Buying a car analogy  Some people have to take their car to the shop frequently. Some people have to learn to drive it.  Some people are so excited they form car clubs.  Some people are happy with their choice, others are sad.  A large percentage will sell their car and start over again. 

  Marriage for you is not simple in fact I would not be surprised if at night you do not toss and turn most of the night trying to figure out why us duds have something you will never have!

[Maverick]

I'm 26 and have a good amount of dating experience. After dating American women and foreigners, I can attest to the fact that American women are way more unpleasant to be around overall. The hotter they are, the more unpleasant they are, generally.


EDITED:

I wrote more, but I don't want to offend anybody lol.

[JasonA]

I just read this thread and found one of the most awesome terms ever- angry masterbators!!  F'ing hilarious!! Gotta see if I can use that in a sentence today...

[fathertime]

I just read this thread and found one of the most awesome terms ever- angry masterbators!!  F'ing hilarious!! Gotta see if I can use that in a sentence today...

heheh i probably said that one on this thread somewhere.  i have used it only a couple times in the real world.


Fathertime! 

[Researcher]

I just read this thread and found one of the most awesome terms ever- angry masterbators!!  F'ing hilarious!! Gotta see if I can use that in a sentence today...

sounds painful....

[RuseMD]

I'm sort of on the fence with this. I wonder if it is better just to stay single until I get my entire life together. I should wait to find the right one.