Peruvian arrives in Tennessee

[robert angel]

She's probably missing the old familiar faces and places. We hear a lot about this kind of thing in the first months. That said, women from that part of the world are known to be somewhat volatile--you knew that walking in.

Don't run, just stand your ground, but don't always 'fight fire with fire'--sometimes arguing back or trying to apply 'rationale thought' just doesn't work.

There's a balance in there between 'blowing it off', being stoic and all the while, making her know that you're not a cold, aloof bastard. We all need our space. Sometimes we have to get out and just get away, be it fishing, hunting, writing--whatever. At least she's not scared of being home alone a bit with the dog anymore. There are times where you need to just blow it off and not let it get to you, while there's other times where it's something that must be attended to. Balance. At that 'time of the month', I don't take too much too seriously and it can get grouchy sometimes.

You seem to share a lot of activities, which is great, but it's good to have interests unique and  apart (but not too far apart) from each other. She probably lost some of that coming here. Good thing you have TV from her country, as I recall.

If nothing else, at least the sex probably is even hotter after you make up!

[Kiltboy1]

Jason

I have had a lot more experience with Latinas then you, like 300 more

They are all the same in some ways and very irrational compared to what we are used to.

The first year or so I let things bother me too much and that always ended in arguments. BUT, I learned they are who they are and you cannot change them. Like I posted before, that is what they make Bars for. I do not mean that in a joking way. When I know my wife is about to expload due to job stress, kid stress, family stress or Ole KB stress, I just head out to a bar or to golf or anything that gives us a few hours apart. By the time i return the anger is gone and apologies told and accepted and all is good again. Latinas do not have patience at all

I looked at the first two episodes of the TLC thing on 90 day fiance and the Colombiana Paola is 100% exactly like the 200 Colombianas I dated. no patience, hard headed and explosive--But Ole Okee gets a smile on his face when they hit the bedroom, so well, there you have it.

You being the man needs to be the one with patience because your Latina will not have much of it in her DNA

PM me if you have specific questions if you like.

KB

[bcc_1_2]

I looked at the first two episodes of the TLC thing on 90 day fiance and the Colombiana Paola is 100% exactly like the 200 Colombianas I dated. no patience, hard headed and explosive--But Ole Okee gets a smile on his face when they hit the bedroom, so well, there you have it.

HA I watched the same thing and got a good laugh. My wife has seen it and a friend was over watching it as well. What I found entertaining was her fiancé doesn't have the pebbles to be with her. His very beta personality is a bad fit as she'll eventually run right over him.

[benjio]

How do you married guys deal with the up and down roller coasters? I'm not good at dealing with this BS. To be honest, I'm thinking American women are rational at this point...

Jason,


You should PM Alabama Boy...he was going through the same thing. Latinas are inherently high maintainence emotionally. You have to be patient with their irrational behavior, mood swings and emotional outburst. It's something I'm still learning to do myself; but I'll admit that I have broken up with my current girlfriend at least three times before because she was just acting completely nuts over nothing. We have a strong relationship so we always manage to patch things up, but I've also instilled a fear in her that gives her a moment of pause before throwing fits. I have made it clear to her that I will not tolerate that kind of behavior and she'll be an ex-girlfriend much sooner than I'd put up with that for a lifetime.


The senseless jealously only makes things worse. I've never been married, but most of the vets here that are married to Latinas say things eventually smooth over and being patient is worth it in the long run if she truly loves you. Best of luck to you.

[bcc_1_2]

Jason,


You should PM Alabama Boy...he was going through the same thing. Latinas are inherently high maintainence emotionally. You have to be patient with their irrational behavior, mood swings and emotional outburst. It's something I'm still learning to do myself; but I'll admit that I have broken up with my current girlfriend at least three times before because she was just acting completely nuts over nothing. We have a strong relationship so we always manage to patch things up, but I've also instilled a fear in her that gives her a moment of pause before throwing fits. I have made it clear to her that I will not tolerate that kind of behavior and she'll be an ex-girlfriend much sooner than I'd put up with that for a lifetime.


The senseless jealously only makes things worse. I've never been married, but most of the vets here that are married to Latinas say things eventually smooth over and being patient is worth it in the long run if she truly loves you. Best of luck to you.

I'm not sure we should generalize all Latinas this way. They all tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve in my experience, but Latin America is a big place. The type of behavior you are describing would get a latina fired if she pulled it after getting frustrated with a co-worker if she was working in the States. That kind of behavior isn't going to solve anything with her husband. It will get her fired in the workplace. All girls get emotional. Nobody is perfect, but the behavior of some of these Colombianas can certainly be over the top. I'd hate to throw an accountant from Mexico City or Buenos Aires in that same group automatically.

[benjio]

I'm not sure we should generalize all Latinas this way. They all tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve in my experience, but Latin America is a big place. The type of behavior you are describing would get a latina fired if she pulled it after getting frustrated with a co-worker if she was working in the States. That kind of behavior isn't going to solve anything with her husband. It will get her fired in the workplace. All girls get emotional. Nobody is perfect, but the behavior of some of these Colombianas can certainly be over the top. I'd hate to throw an accountant from Mexico City or Buenos Aires in that same group automatically.

Point taken....but who here is dating girls in Mexico City and Buenos Aires? I think everyone here can agree that all statements made about any group of people on this forum are generalizations and don't apply to every single individual that falls under that group.

[fathertime]

How do you married guys deal with the up and down roller coasters? I'm not good at dealing with this BS. To be honest, I'm thinking American women are rational at this point...

you can go toe to toe


you can send her packing


you can attempt to listen and argue rationally


you can take a break like KB said, and perhaps the argument will be less important in a few hours.






don't give up a lotta ground or concede points


don't be OVERLY accommodating...and make huge concessions without receiving something in return.


don't take shiit


don't be a fake nice guy




i think some ladies don't require all these measures...but this is what i think based on what i've read...hard to give too much advice without knowing more. 


hey good luck guy!


Fathertime! 

[JasonA]

I've taken the hard stance of I'm not gonna take this bull[snip] the last 2 times. I told her today that if this continued, I was done. Life is too short. She cried. I felt like an [snip], but I think that I got my point across. I just don't understand how I'm the best thing ever one minute and getting the you're a dick cold shoulder the next. We have had some amazingly good times since she arrived, but the handful of arguments stick with me longer than they do with her. I told her that her behavior might be acceptable in Peru, but it wasnt acceptable here and definitely wasnt acceptable with me. She apologized in the end, but said she didn't like it that I was willing to quit so easily. I guess fighting/arguing is much more accepted and just part of the marriage in Latin culture.

She is a good person and has many positives, but I just have a low tolerance for other people's bull[snip]. It's probably the biggest reason for never being married until now. My life is good and I'm not someone who needs someone complicating my life (beyond reason). Anyway...

Thanks for your input guys...

[benjio]

I've taken the hard stance of I'm not gonna take this bull[snip] the last 2 times. I told her today that if this continued, I was done. Life is too short. She cried. I felt like an [snip], but I think that I got my point across. I just don't understand how I'm the best thing ever one minute and getting the you're a dick cold shoulder the next. We have had some amazingly good times since she arrived, but the handful of arguments stick with me longer than they do with her. I told her that her behavior might be acceptable in Peru, but it wasnt acceptable here and definitely wasnt acceptable with me. She apologized in the end, but said she didn't like it that I was willing to quit so easily. I guess fighting/arguing is much more accepted and just part of the marriage in Latin culture.

She is a good person and has many positives, but I just have a low tolerance for other people's bull[snip]. It's probably the biggest reason for never being married until now. My life is good and I'm not someone who needs someone complicating my life (beyond reason). Anyway...

Thanks for your input guys...

Yeah...I don't care what BCC says. I've been dating Latinas from any Latin American Country you can name my entire adult life and I've never met one who doesn't do exactly what you're describing occasionally.

[JWR]

Jason,
 
Your in the thick of it now my friend and I feel for you.
 
Having a mother in law come stay with you this soon is a big challenge, and a big problem.  I've been there and done that.
 
 A couple things I learned over my 10 year marriage.
 
You said,
I've taken the hard stance of I'm not gonna take this bull[snip] the last 2 times. I told her today that if this continued, I was done. Life is too short.
 
If you have it in the back of your mind that things may not work out in the end, and you are having doubts about the longevity of the relationship, NEVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS TO YOUR WIFE. Keep these thoughts to yourself right up to the end if you then decide you want out.  You have to find other ways to express your disatisfaction with her behaviour without throwing out the "nuclear" option.
 
 
Once these statements get out, she will never forget them, and may never totally trust you again that you are in the marriage for good times, and bad.  These Latinas  never forget anything you say even in the heat of an argument, and will use the comments against you years later.
 
 
Never use breaking up, or ending the relationship as a bargaining tool in an argument.  I believe that some of these girls start planning their exit from the relationship soon after a few of these comments get thrown around by the guy.  She may not leave for a few years, but comments like that get the ball rolling in the wrong direction.  I think that these girls feel insecure to begin with here in their new country, and talking about the relationship possibly failing during an argument really scares the crap out of them because they are truly alone here without the marriage.
 
 Arguing with an American women is a entirely different game.  Both people say stupid angry things, you make up, forgive, and move on.  Latinas forget nothing, and forgiveness is not their strong point either.
 
About the disorganization in her housekeeping.  I highly suspect that she's not an idiot, and can put two of the same socks together when folding the laundry.  I hope she's not already bored and annoyed with keeping up the house, and showing a lack of care this early on.  I wouldn't put it past one of these latinas to purposely do a bad job when annoyed with the tasks.
 
 I was sorry to see that you went out and spent so much money in the beginning.  It's easy to do when you 1st get together, but I think it's better to live exactly the same as you always did in the beginning.  There's time for expensive travel, and trips after things settle in.  Giving the girl the impression in the beginning that life is always going to be like that just sets things up for a let down after the reality of the budget sets in later.
 
I figure my marriage with my Colombiana cost me about 200k with all things said and done.  Stop the bleeding early, and watch out for yourself financially.  I hope things work out for you, but you have to protect yourself a bit.
 
Best of luck.
 
 
 
 

[bcc_1_2]

she didn't like it that I was willing to quit so easily. I guess fighting/arguing is much more accepted and just part of the marriage in Latin culture.

I've got to AND1 what JWR said about not using the threat of breaking up during an argument. There are parents that do very well with their kids and handle them and parents where their kids just run all over them. Now we aren't dealing with a kid here, so you can't apply that logic in the same way. But how you handle these things and manage them on your end does play a role.

[bcc_1_2]

Yeah...I don't care what BCC says. I've been dating Latinas from any Latin American Country you can name my entire adult life and I've never met one who doesn't do exactly what you're describing occasionally.

Personalities and traits vary wildly among people in general. I agree that you can generalize cultures and be aware and that there are outliers within each culture. An obvious physical example is that while we have an obesity epidemic in the United States we also have some very fit women as well.

The fact that Latinas are so passionate and wear their hearts on their sleeve is a very good thing. But there are women that will be all over the map emotionally (rapid changes) and others that are a little more tame or at least a little bit more cognizant of their behavior.

Heck men have bad days too now and then, but to say reoccurring arguments over stupid crap is normal or acceptable in a relationship with a Latina I'd say is far fetched.

[mambocowboy]

Jason,
 
Your in the thick of it now my friend and I feel for you.
 
Having a mother in law come stay with you this soon is a big challenge, and a big problem.  I've been there and done that.
 
 A couple things I learned over my 10 year marriage.
 
You said,
I've taken the hard stance of I'm not gonna take this bull[snip] the last 2 times. I told her today that if this continued, I was done. Life is too short.
 
If you have it in the back of your mind that things may not work out in the end, and you are having doubts about the longevity of the relationship, NEVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS TO YOUR WIFE. Keep these thoughts to yourself right up to the end if you then decide you want out.  You have to find other ways to express your disatisfaction with her behaviour without throwing out the "nuclear" option.
 
 
Once these statements get out, she will never forget them, and may never totally trust you again that you are in the marriage for good times, and bad.  These Latinas  never forget anything you say even in the heat of an argument, and will use the comments against you years later.
 
 
Never use breaking up, or ending the relationship as a bargaining tool in an argument.  I believe that some of these girls start planning their exit from the relationship soon after a few of these comments get thrown around by the guy.  She may not leave for a few years, but comments like that get the ball rolling in the wrong direction.  I think that these girls feel insecure to begin with here in their new country, and talking about the relationship possibly failing during an argument really scares the crap out of them because they are truly alone here without the marriage.
 
 Arguing with an American women is a entirely different game.  Both people say stupid angry things, you make up, forgive, and move on.  Latinas forget nothing, and forgiveness is not their strong point either.
 
About the disorganization in her housekeeping.  I highly suspect that she's not an idiot, and can put two of the same socks together when folding the laundry.  I hope she's not already bored and annoyed with keeping up the house, and showing a lack of care this early on.  I wouldn't put it past one of these latinas to purposely do a bad job when annoyed with the tasks.
 
 I was sorry to see that you went out and spent so much money in the beginning.  It's easy to do when you 1st get together, but I think it's better to live exactly the same as you always did in the beginning.  There's time for expensive travel, and trips after things settle in.  Giving the girl the impression in the beginning that life is always going to be like that just sets things up for a let down after the reality of the budget sets in later.
 
I figure my marriage with my Colombiana cost me about 200k with all things said and done.  Stop the bleeding early, and watch out for yourself financially.  I hope things work out for you, but you have to protect yourself a bit.
 
Best of luck.

I agree with most of this. The risk of doing damage with the nuclear statements far outweighs any positive effect it might have in motivating her to change her behavior. Most of us are attracted to these ladies for their innocence and spontaneity. Drama comes along with that. I can say I've said some things to my wife I've regretted and vice versa, to the point where we both agreed not to do it more and instead take time to cool off first. I have found that biting my tongue, cooling off by blowing off steam in healthier ways is helpful, even to the point that by the time we talk about it I'm nowhere near as angry and much more rational...

[robert angel]

Making 'nuclear statements' often puts the other person in a stealth, defensive mode, perhaps hiding, or making their actual, offensive behavior more low key. But the behavior, actually the mindset behind the behavior, typically remains within--they're just on 'red alert' status, waiting for a time when they can get away with it again.

Meanwhile, you've lost a strategic advantage and if you don't follow up on words you've said, your position is even weaker than before--your 'line in the sand' has washed away.

In some situations, I never let the other person know what I'm really thinking. (or planning)

[JasonA]

I hear what you guys are saying and part of me agrees...   but I wanted her to know that I was absolutely serious and absolutely meant what I was saying. Did I feel bad after I said it? Yep. Did she get the message? Yep.  We had a lengthy conversation after we cooled off. We both understand each other's view of things.

Her view:
She wants time to cool off so that she doesn't say anything hurtful

My view:
2 to 4 hours to 'cool off' after something very small is excessive. Also, the cold shoulder is not the same as cooling off.

Her view:
Hurt that I would give up on the marriage so easily.

My view:
I don't like drama. I have a positive outlook and don't get upset often. I expect similar treatment from my spouse. Life is too short to be upset over small stuff.

I've got to be honest, life has been great here since that blowup. I don't know if it's fear or better understanding, but it's been great. Haha. I think that it's a better understanding. L has a great heart and really wants to have a happy life together. I've actually started to appreciate her mom. Her mom has talked with her about men and marriage and has helped smoothe things out.

I played the nuclear bomb card because I'd rather get out now than drag things on (if we were going to fight all of the time). Life is short. I like the idea of being married and having a couple of critters, but I could also be a lifetime bachelor and it wouldn't bother me (until I'm sitting in my nursing home on Christmas Day with no family coming to see me...).

As for the socks...  Lol.  I asked her about it. She didn't want any socks to be singles, so she folded up non-matches a few times. I'm a little OCD, but no big deal. I laugh every time I go to bed and I have a pair of pajama pants under my pillow. I'm up to 4 pairs now!

I appreciate everyone's input and letting me vent a bit. I know that you guys understand where I'm coming from. I'm hesitant to vent to friends or family because I don't want any negative opinions about her or our relationship.

[robert angel]

I


As for the socks...  Lol.  I asked her about it. She didn't want any socks to be singles, so she folded up non-matches a few times. I'm a little OCD, but no big deal. I laugh every time I go to bed and I have a pair of pajama pants under my pillow. I'm up to 4 pairs now!

Heard the one about the dryer eating the socks? I think most households that have multiple members will have that legendary phenomenon. My wife, to be honest, wasn't raised to be a house keeper. She does plenty, more than my sons and I ever did, but it's not like she's an absolute perfectionist.

I have a HUGE collection of 'orphaned' socks. Maybe once a year I look in the bin of rags and try and find lost ones to match, but at least on every b day and at Xmas, I can (and do ) tell my wife when she asks what I want:

"Socks--and under wear" 

[JasonA]

 Arguing with an American women is a entirely different game.  Both people say stupid angry things, you make up, forgive, and move on.  Latinas forget nothing, and forgiveness is not their strong point

The American women you have dated must be completely different than the ones that I have dated. They don't forget either. In fact, I think that it's a genetic trait on the second X chromosome! It's every woman on the planet!

As for our house, it's not in a state of disarray or dirty. It was that there was no rhyme or reason with what dishes & pots went where. Also, it was a little of the same with my clothes. Things have improved in both areas. Also, like I said before, I'm treated very well when it comes to food and drinks.

I guess that we are just finding our way as a married couple. We obviously have more challenges than most due to the blending of languages and cultures (same as the rest of you guys). As long as I'm not getting the cold shoulder treatment/high drama act, I'm very happy.

[robert angel]

The American women you have dated must be completely different than the ones that I have dated. They don't forget either. In fact, I think that it's a genetic trait on the second X chromosome! It's every woman on the planet!

As for our house, it's not in a state of disarray or dirty. It was that there was no rhyme or reason with what dishes & pots went where. Also, it was a little of the same with my clothes. Things have improved in both areas. Also, like I said before, I'm treated very well when it comes to food and drinks.

I guess that we are just finding our way as a married couple. We obviously have more challenges than most due to the blending of languages and cultures (same as the rest of you guys). As long as I'm not getting the cold shoulder treatment/high drama act, I'm very happy.

Any woman who doesn't remember being done wrong is a light weight and probably has been done wrong so many times she's lost count and is already messed up. Any woman who remembers slights and holds them over your head or otherwise mentions them like they're some sort of currency to be used against you, is trouble also.

Never forget, but be selective in what you say and how you use what you remember. Save the best bullets for last--when they count the most!

[JWR]

Before I started chasing International girls, I had great relationships with American girls.  I just got caught up in dating more exotic girls.  None of my American girlfriends were ever as vindictive as my ex Colombiana.


Your wife creating drama, and withdrawing by giving you the "cold shoulder" is most likely just using these tools to try to get her way, or express herself.  She may have learned these methods from her parents.  There's obviously always going to be disagreements.  Learning to handle them in a more positive way is the challenge.  Some of these girls haven't done much compromising before they get married, and they have to learn how to work things out.  Some girls can look at their own behavior, and grow.  Others can never look at themselves objectively.  In Colombia an apology doesn't seem to be a normal part of the culture.  It can get very difficult to live with someone who won't accept that they ever make mistakes. 


I think its very smart of you to keep your relationship issues private, and not include your friends and family in the beginning.  There's just too much bias, and I think some people secretly want to see these relationships fail.


You can blow off steam here, and you won't get judged.  Most of us have been there before, and know the realities.  I'm sure all of us want you to succeed.







quote author=JasonA link=topic=7706.msg113704#msg113704 date=1391788710]
The American women you have dated must be completely different than the ones that I have dated. They don't forget either. In fact, I think that it's a genetic trait on the second X chromosome! It's every woman on the planet!

As for our house, it's not in a state of disarray or dirty. It was that there was no rhyme or reason with what dishes & pots went where. Also, it was a little of the same with my clothes. Things have improved in both areas. Also, like I said before, I'm treated very well when it comes to food and drinks.

I guess that we are just finding our way as a married couple. We obviously have more challenges than most due to the blending of languages and cultures (same as the rest of you guys). As long as I'm not getting the cold shoulder treatment/high drama act, I'm very happy.

[robert angel]

You can blow off steam here, and you won't get judged. 

That is...... unless your politics are remotely center or to the left...

[bcc_1_2]

That is...... unless your politics are remotely center or to the left...

You won't get judged on a site like this for dating overseas. Outside of that niche is less important.

[Gavan]

Personalities and traits vary wildly among people in general.

This. I don't understand why people on internet forums seem to think that people from a particular culture all have the same personality... Individual differences matter much more than culture IMHO although I will agree that culture does have an impact as well.

[JasonA]

Saludos todos!

Wow, it's been 2 1/2 busy months since I've been on here. A few highlights.

* We drove to southwest FLA with mother-in-law tagging along in the middle of February. My parents rented a big house for 2 weeks, so we vacationed on the cheap. The funniest thing was her mom getting along so well with my mom and my aunt even though they didn't speak the same language.

* Her mom flew back to Lima at the end of the vacation. 80% of me was happy to see her go & 20% a little sad for my wife. To review comparative mathematics,  80% > 20%.

* Life has been really good. We've had a few small little spats, but they've been minor and we're really learning to deal with those things in a healthy manner.

* She should be eligible for a drivers license soon, so she'll be taking driving classes. She's excited to start driving.

* This weekend, we are going shopping for plants/flowers for the front landscaping and outdoor furniture for our back covered patio. No big deal, right? Well, when you live in an apartment in a big city your whole life...  this is the first time for her to do any gardening.

* She's loving the weather and the beautiful colors of the trees, grass and flowers. Lima area is a coastal desert similar to areas of California, so it's either concrete or dry, brown landscape.

* She's very close to kicking off her jewelry making business. It's been great for her. It keeps her busy while I'm at work. She's made some cool & trendy stuff. Hope it sells...   otherwise, she's spent her jewelry budget for the next few years. Lol.  I suggested this idea to her about a month and a half ago after I remembered someone on here posting that their wife was selling handmade jewelry. She's excited.

* Getting married at the end of the calendar year after claiming Single & 1 the whole year is great for the tax return!

* We went to St Louis 2 weekends ago. There's a Peruvian restaurant there called Mangos. She was super stoked to get some 'home cookin'. She got her ceviche and lomo saltado fix. Unfortunately, there are 0 Peruvian restaurants in the Nashville area.

Looks like a few new babies and a new marriage or two for members on here. Congrats to everyone. Hope everyone survived winter and is doing well!

[robert angel]

Saludos todos!

Wow, it's been 2 1/2 busy months since I've been on here. A few highlights.

* We drove to southwest FLA with mother-in-law tagging along in the middle of February. My parents rented a big house for 2 weeks, so we vacationed on the cheap. The funniest thing was her mom getting along so well with my mom and my aunt even though they didn't speak the same language.

* Her mom flew back to Lima at the end of the vacation. 80% of me was happy to see her go & 20% a little sad for my wife. To review comparative mathematics,  80% > 20%.

* Life has been really good. We've had a few small little spats, but they've been minor and we're really learning to deal with those things in a healthy manner.

* She should be eligible for a drivers license soon, so she'll be taking driving classes. She's excited to start driving.

* This weekend, we are going shopping for plants/flowers for the front landscaping and outdoor furniture for our back covered patio. No big deal, right? Well, when you live in an apartment in a big city your whole life...  this is the first time for her to do any gardening.

* She's loving the weather and the beautiful colors of the trees, grass and flowers. Lima area is a coastal desert similar to areas of California, so it's either concrete or dry, brown landscape.

* She's very close to kicking off her jewelry making business. It's been great for her. It keeps her busy while I'm at work. She's made some cool & trendy stuff. Hope it sells...   otherwise, she's spent her jewelry budget for the next few years. Lol.  I suggested this idea to her about a month and a half ago after I remembered someone on here posting that their wife was selling handmade jewelry. She's excited.

* Getting married at the end of the calendar year after claiming Single & 1 the whole year is great for the tax return!

* We went to St Louis 2 weekends ago. There's a Peruvian restaurant there called Mangos. She was super stoked to get some 'home cookin'. She got her ceviche and lomo saltado fix. Unfortunately, there are 0 Peruvian restaurants in the Nashville area.

Looks like a few new babies and a new marriage or two for members on here. Congrats to everyone. Hope everyone survived winter and is doing well!

Great write up. I think having parents and in laws a distance away is usually good. If and when you have kids, family becomes a lot more valuable though.

I have a friend who's Mom is from Colombia and she was making custom jewelry for a while, only to find that not only is there not much of a market and profits thin, but competition's pretty tough too. Maybe that's just here, but you might want to not invest too much until you see how it goes. If nothing else, you'll have gifts to give for a while.

Its really cool how you have involved you wife in the house building process and continue to get her opinion on how to decorate it. I had been in our house for a while before I remarried and sometimes when my wife is a bit out of sorts, she'll say 'It's YOUR house'--so hopefully you won't get that. I tell her it was a 'house' before, but she made it into a 'home'.

Now we have a sense of order, curtains on the windows--a sense of style overall. She wants to get rid of the old carpet and put wood and stone tile floors in--that's fine with me so far--haven't seen the cost yet though! For being raised on a farm, she's not much in the way of having a 'green thumb'. Sure most of the plants are different from her homeland and I'm glad she'll get out and help me pull weeds, but I have to make sure she doesn't pull perennial plants that aren't in bloom at that time of season. She might go out an pull up bunches of garden mums and day lilies if I don't watch out!

[robert angel]

Oh--and driving will probably change her life--really her self perception to an extent. Not sure about your wife's situation back home, but for my wife, back home few people can afford cars and almost all drivers are male. Going on nine years driving, including to and fro work, she sometimes still finds herself in disbelief that she's REALLY driving a car--her own car at that.

But it breaks a cord of dependency and makes life easier overall. I hope your wife doesn't pass the parallel parking test and never attempt it again, as in our situation!