This is my story!

[aakerfelt]

Okey, I guess I wii spill my heart out a bit here, maybe get some usefull feedback.

I have been into the international dating for about a year now! Mainly focusing on the FSU area. Some letter writing with Philipinas.

I dated a girl from st. pete in Russia, but that did not really work out. I also visited a girl in Riga, Latvia. Same thing there.

Now the thing is that I have been chatting with this girl from Brazil, for about 4 monhts now. I have mostly seen it as something not too seriously. Now things have taken a new turn.

After 12-14 months in this "game" I see that this girl is serious, not a scammer or GCG. I cut her off quite hard before my Latvia trip. Still she is there, mad ar me for the cut-off. But still wants to talk with me. We have talked about it, an she is ok with it now. I found her on Latinamerican.com. Not very good pics there, but a beautiful slim woman.

The problem is that I had decided to give up this international search. But now I do not know now, this girl has captured my heart! And I want to give her a chance.

I guess I have to take a long hard think

[Jeff S]

All the chatting and falling in love online are just so much fantasy until you actually meet. If you like her and enjoy her company, then the only place lots of thinking will get you is nowhere, and fast. Hop on a plane and visit her. Brazil is a great country to visit, even if it's just for a short vacation.

[herbrags]

I make agreement with Global Moderator. You don't not adherence to chasity. Go to Brazil and enjoy woman's company and see if she enjoy knowing you.

[aakerfelt]

Jeff,

 I am the first to agree with you! I was just set to leave this scene for now, and thaught she was history. I basically dumped her, but she is still wants me. It is no, and have never been talk about love! I have just found new values in her. Especially how she handled my rejection.

[InnocentVixen]

Over a year talking online... but then again you were not serious so you weren't actually communicating all this time correct? I think you should give her a chance, if it doesn't work at least you won't be wondering about "what if?" and if it works great

I find it interesting that you must be the first one I notice on this forum that doesn't focus on culture (do you know what you are looking for yet? or maybe you are going through phases?), not necessarily a bad or good thing, just an observation...

[aakerfelt]

I am focusing on the person, and she is good, the restt is private!

[aakerfelt]

She i Latina by the way

[herbrags]

I am focusing on the person, and she is good, the restt is private!

You make good choice for privacy for lady benefit.

[raycjs]

aakerfelt

Before you head out to meet any women i would first ask yourself a few questions. What are you looking for a girlfriend in another country or a wife. If you are only looking for a girlfriend then go buy your ticket and have fun. If you are looking for a wife then you need to ask find out something about her. Is she wealthy or poor is she a country girl or a city girl and will that all fit with your life style. it is hard to take a country girl and put her in a big city. Also is she going to be an asset to you or just a dependent. make a list of everything you are looking for in a wife and see if she match's up to your list. The best advice i can give you is if you decide to go and see her or any other women that you are looking to be your wife ( not a girlfriend). Please do not think with your little head and go there just for a good time...


I wish you the Best of luck

Ray

[Pivery]

  Aakerfelt,

I second what Raycjs has told you. He has a great deal of experience and is a good man to listen to.
When I began talking to the woman who is my fiancee' now, I asked her many questions and during
our conversations, I would have an opinion about a topic to see where she stood. Also don't trick her
or B.S. her only for sex or ? If you are going down to wherever you decide to go to only have fun make
sure all parties involved understand this. Otherwise you are going to hurt the woman and you will likely
end up with a bad reputation among other ladies if you use an agency (woman do talk).
 
Just make sure this lady of interest right now possesses all of the qualities that you are looking for in a
future wife and take things slow. This is a very important step for you as well as her. When things turn
from just being silly talk online with each other to serious relationship talk you need to make sure this is what
you want. But more importantly this is WHO you want.

¡Mucho Suerte! 

[Calipro]

Now the thing is that I have been chatting with this girl from Brazil, for about 4 monhts now. I have mostly seen it as something not too seriously. Now things have taken a new turn.

After 12-14 months in this "game" I see that this girl is serious, not a scammer or GCG. I cut her off quite hard before my Latvia trip. Still she is there, mad ar me for the cut-off. But still wants to talk with me. We have talked about it, an she is ok with it now. I found her on Latinamerican.com. Not very good pics there, but a beautiful slim woman.

The problem is that I had decided to give up this international search. But now I do not know now, this girl has captured my heart! And I want to give her a chance.

I guess I have to take a long hard think

I have a friend that uses Latinamerican.com and other sites to meet Colombian women. He has a pattern of getting into an online relationship and going down just to be with and meet only one women. He mostly comes back disillusioned or down right disappointed.

I have another friend that finds chicas on Hi5 and other websites and meets many women each time he goes to Cali. He normally has a great time and never seems disappointed.

I think the normal approach to relationships is mutual physical attraction...sexual satisfaction....feelings of love and caring and then you move on to considering a long term relationship.

I don't think that I would ever seriously consider traveling overseas to meet just one woman unless we were already in an intimate relationship. Online sex doesn't count.

If you are going to go all the way to Brazil... I suggest you find at least 5 or 6 other women in the same town you'd like to hook up with.

[aakerfelt]

If you had read my post properly, you would know that I have met foreign women before.

I have been communicating with this girl for about 3 months (not a year). I am not in love, but I like her! I have no intention to go there to have "a good time" I respect her too much to even try! She would never let me anyway About the culture: of course I know about that, and will learn more if this will get serious! Right now it is mostly about a man and a woman interested in each other.

She is from a mid size town, studying economics and marketing, also my field.

She is attractive but no classic beauty, but i am getting more and more attracted to her personality.

[raycjs]

aakerfelt


after reading your reply you are acting like we are attacking you and we are not we are only giving you really good advice from a group of guy's that have been there and done that. So please do not take it that way we are not accusing you of anything and keep in mind that when we read you questions we answer them the best way we see fit None of us know what is going on in you head or hers so relax take the advice and make you own decisions. We are here if you need help or advice
just ask but please to not feel like you are being attacked.


Best of luck to you and i mean that

Ray

[GatoAzul]

I have a friend that uses Latinamerican.com and other sites to meet Colombian women. He has a pattern of getting into an online relationship and going down just to be with and meet only one women. He mostly comes back disillusioned or down right disappointed.

I have another friend that finds chicas on Hi5 and other websites and meets many women each time he goes to Cali. He normally has a great time and never seems disappointed.

I think the normal approach to relationships is mutual physical attraction...sexual satisfaction....feelings of love and caring and then you move on to considering a long term relationship.

I don't think that I would ever seriously consider traveling overseas to meet just one woman unless we were already in an intimate relationship. Online sex doesn't count.

If you are going to go all the way to Brazil... I suggest you find at least 5 or 6 other women in the same town you'd like to hook up with.

unless he has some other plans to go along with this 'only' woman.

I found my prometida via ColombianCupid, but also went there for business trip as well.  It works out for me.

[Calipro]

I have no intention to go there to have "a good time" I respect her too much to even try! She would never let me anyway

She is attractive but no classic beauty, but i am getting more and more attracted to her personality.

Sounds to me like you have already ruled out letting the relationship grow to the sexual satisfaction fase.

The "I'm not worthy syndrome" is the kiss of death IMHO.

Anyway I hope you talk to her about  your plans of not trying to get in her pants before you buy go down....because if she is OK with that....... DON'T BUY THE TICKET !!!!!!!!!!

[Pivery]

  I'm puzzled Aakerfelt...

I was under the impression you were asking for advice. No one here is trying to give you wrong info. and 95% of the people here have been through this process you are just beginning. Nobody knows what your intentions are except you and we don't want you to crash and burn if there was information that we could have told you and didn't. That's what the board does here. The experienced guys help the new guys coming on and hopefully one day, you will be one of the experienced that can offer help the new guys.

No need to snap at anyone trying to offer help. We all want you to succeed and we don't get any merit badges for helping. We just want to give back to the board that helped us out.

Pivery 

[herbrags]

  I'm puzzled Aakerfelt...

I was under the impression you were asking for advice. No one here is trying to give you wrong info. and 95% of the people here have been through this process you are just beginning. Nobody knows what your intentions are except you and we don't want you to crash and burn if there was information that we could have told you and didn't. That's what the board does here. The experienced guys help the new guys coming on and hopefully one day, you will be one of the experienced that can offer help the new guys.

No need to snap at anyone trying to offer help. We all want you to succeed and we don't get any merit badges for helping. We just want to give back to the board that helped us out.

Pivery 

Why people here say this man make anger at you?  He not angry I don't think. He allowed to say what he want and don't listen to all people advice. He choose.  I do not understand why man want to travel to see woman and not try to sex with her if moral is not problem. A man must experience and not pretend too.

[Jeff S]

The majority of us from the Asian board who are happily married traveled to see only one woman, and most here on the Latin board, travel to see many. I don't know if the difference in the men or women, but I suspect some of both. Anyway there is no hard, fast rule about it. I also don't see traveling somewhere and not coming home with a fiance or a lot of trophies as a disappointment. I've been traveling international extensively since the 1960s, and have never been disappointed visiting a new place, meeting new people, and experiencing new cultures. I suppose if you have the single minded purpose to make it a romantic encounter and are one of those guys who can't think of anything to do during the day when your gf is working, you could be setting yourself up for a disappointment. It's all about your attitude.

[aakerfelt]

Sorry guys, I just have had some bad experience from international dating. It was never my intentions to take it out on you. Maybe it came out that way!

[Pivery]

  I'm sorry Herbrags,

I cannot understand what you are writing, but...

Aakerfelt, sorry that you had some past drama. No one here rubbed a magic lamp and a beautiful latin wife appeared, so we understand where you're coming from.

Just be open to advice good and bad. I cannot speak for all guys on the forum but as for myself, I used a great deal of the information from the guys here back when I was starting out. Some of it was good and some of it I didn't use. But in the end, you have to do this thing yourself. As far as the lady in question now, good luck with her. It's such a great feeling to have a girl in your sights. Whether you're in love or just seeing where it goes, just take things slowly and hopefully things work out good for you two. If any questions arise, please feel free to post them or PM someone if you want it kept private.

We're just here to help. 

Pivery

 

[utopiacowboy]

The majority of us from the Asian board who are happily married traveled to see only one woman, and most here on the Latin board, travel to see many. I don't know if the difference in the men or women, but I suspect some of both. Anyway there is no hard, fast rule about it. I also don't see traveling somewhere and not coming home with a fiance or a lot of trophies as a disappointment. I've been traveling international extensively since the 1960s, and have never been disappointed visiting a new place, meeting new people, and experiencing new cultures. I suppose if you have the single minded purpose to make it a romantic encounter and are one of those guys who can't think of anything to do during the day when your gf is working, you could be setting yourself up for a disappointment. It's all about your attitude.

I am one of the ones who traveled to Colombia to see just one woman. It only takes one if she is the right woman.

[Researcher]

         When I started to consider marrying a woman from another country I did travel to see only one at a time.While some guys did find their wives this way many didn't, it just didn't happen for them. As I continued I began to see the possibilities that would be available to me if I went to see many women. There are alot of women in the world, I mean alot, so why limit myself to one country let alone one woman.I travelled to other countries and met alot of women. I could have ended up marrying the first woman I met but it just didn't happen for me that way. With as many women in the world as there are it just didn't make sense to date them one at a time.I think one of the biggest advantages to this is the amount of available attractive women. I decided to use this fact to my advantage.I'm glad I did.

   And if any of you guys who married the "first one" have any secrets please share.Then all the guys that are looking won't need agencies or internet intro sites. All they will need is a big butterfly net to scoop up the woman of their dreams.

 


     Researcher

[Jeff S]

I doubt you'll find anyone here who married the "first one." I certainly didn't. I'd been traveling and dating foreign women on four continents for 15 years. I just never went to visit one with a plan B, C, D, E and so on in-mind, and never considered a trip a waste of time even if the relationship didn't work out. Of course it was never my intent to get some unpleasant task accomplished in the least amount of time and money, either. I looked at it as having fun, exploring new places and meeting new people.  It also never occurred to me to look at it like shopping - as going through the available inventory and picking out the best of the lot. Actually, I wasn't even doing it with the intent to get married, though that thought was in the back of my mind. But when I met my future bride, it became obvious to me.

[Kiltboy1]

In my 10 years plus of traveling to LA, I only used agencies two times and all the other times I used the websites and i always had at least 4 women as backup plans if my first lady did not workout and i always had to go to the BullPen because they always disappointed me in some way. The only time I ever traveled to meet someone without any backup ladies at all was when i went to Ecuador to meet my wife for the first time but there was something completely different about her then the other women and after traveling to meet her, it was the culture she was raised in which is completely different from Colombian and Venezuelan culture( the two countries I had dated many women from) and as it could have gone the same way as the others, it did not , but i do reccomend having a backup Bullpen of at least 4 women, especially if Colombia is your destination because there are just some crazy women you will encounter there . BACKUP PLQN A,B,C

KB

[Pivery]

  I suppose it's not the worst idea to go down to wherever you go for just one woman. As long as you realize that if that one woman does not work out, you're essentially screwed. But on the other hand, if you have been in contact / talking / webcamming with one woman for enough time to know where you guys are at, going down there for only her makes sense.

Sometimes having too many women to be looking at or thinking about in some ways makes the job harder. After using an agency to meet 45+ women that were all interested in me, I couldn't keep the names and what they had told me straight. So thinning them out and concentrating on one lady after I got back home worked out for me. My second trip to Colombia I only went back for her. We had been talking for months and I knew where I stood, so as with most things in life it was a gamble but not as much since we knew each other quite well at that point.

There's just no way of knowing how you will make out. There are guys who go to (insert country here) and find their wife the first time. While other guys travel from country to country constantly only to never to find that special person. The important thing here is not how many times you go down or how many back ups you have around as much as you find the right woman. Then the others don't matter.

Pivery

[Bear]

I like it that you haven't limited yourself to one place but then that could also really be confusing and hard to focus.  Becoming engulfed in another culture is an awesome experience.  Trying to jump between them might have caused you some confusing expectations.  Slow it down here.

Next, for me, I was involved with 13 Filipinas before I met Honey and chatting with literally hundreds.  How are you going to find what you are looking for focusing on one-at-a-time.  Also this process can be very long and your method appears to be dragging in out which could make it more tedious and spoiling expectations.
In other words I'd say you are going too slow, speed it up some here.  Chat with more.

Since I was divorced and had a lot of experiences, I never wanted to think about again, much less experience again, I was able to focus on what got me there and an idea of what needed to change.  It also made me aware of some failings of guys around me and an idea of what got them there.  I formulated some questions and altered some of the ones that were being passed around the Asian side at the time and my first few weeks/month of chatting with a candidate was a questioning period.  It seemed to help run the scammers off because they didn't want to participate; they wanted to get "emotional" quickly and I wouldn't have any of that.  Keeping track of the questions and how answered them was surprisingly easier than I thought and I only once sent a girl a letter with another's girls name on it (oops).  

International dating to me changed my life.  It's made my life so radically different from 10 years ago.  I know I don't look, think, work, eat, or even sleep the same.  But like in any marriage there lots of bumps in the road, I think this road had way more than bumps than expected, things I just never thought about due to culture changes.  It sounds like you yet to even hit this part or you are in its confused your expectations.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do you have a plan?  Do you know what you want/expect from this person and to what outcome.

The Bear Family

[utopiacowboy]

I didn't marry the first woman, I married the right one. I had had a relationship with a former classmate from elementary school, then a brief relationship with a woman who turned out to have mental problems, and then a Mexicana who was a lot like m ex-wife.

[Pivery]

  UT,

It sure looks like you got it right with your wife. I think that's the idea - to get the right one. Not spend endless amounts of money and trips going back and forth. Some guys don't have a real good idea of what they want, so their time is wasted.

I just think some guys don't spend enough time getting to know a woman on a daily basis. They see a picture of a short skirt and that's what they focus on. They cut off all of the other possible candidates, and when they actually get down to her country and the two spend quality face time together they find they have nothing in common.

That to me is a waste. But whatever works for that guy - it's his business. I just hate to see a guy go down there with unrealistic expectations because he did not do his homework. The journey pays off for a guy who knows what he wants in a woman and dedicates himself to finding a woman with those qualities.

Pivery

[Researcher]

             I agree with Bear. That many countries in one year is a bit much. I visited several countries but over a much longer period of time.
             I still recommend meeting several women. It's not that difficult to do if you have the right frame of mind. My goal was to meet women when I started and that's what I did. But that's all it was, just meeting them and getting to know enough about them to decide whether or not I wanted(or they wanted) to go further. And by "go further" I mean get to know more about each other. Some guys decide that they are engaged to a woman before they even say hello, so it would be difficult for them to use this approach. Other guys think of it like "picking out a puppy" but that also is not the best way to approach international dating. There is nothing wrong with looking at profiles, photos and sometimes videos to decide whether or not you would be interested in meeting someone.  I enjoyed "looking" and meeting women. I lost count of how many women I have met over the years probably because it just wasn't that big of a deal. I also can't remember how many I dated either because the one I married is the only one that really matters.
             To me, the best approach is to plan on meeting many women. I agree with KB about having a plan A,B,C,etc... For some guys, plan A may very well be the right one.For other guys, Plan Z may be the right one. I just don't believe in "putting all of the eggs in one basket". And wondering the globe waiting for Miss Right to come along may have worked for some but if I am a single guy that's open to the possibility of a relationship, I'm gonna be meeting some ladies.


  Researcher