Barranquilla the trilogy

[robert angel]

Steve just my 2 cents as devil's advocate, 6 months is a long time for a couple without much time together. Prevailing wisdom on here has been to visit at least every 3 months. Worked for me, then lastly we were apart 6 months from my last visit until she arrived. That felt too long...

That was my initial take on the situation too, especially given the prevailing wisdom here on 'three months'. But it's also a test of judgement and patience, probably of maturity too. If she was under 25 y/o, I think it'd be more worrisome. It's been a long time ago for us, but even with my wife working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, we found, more accurately we 'made' time to chat on Yahoo and to webcam most days. It cost her dear food money, and I didn't realize just how 'dear' it was until much later, but she never asked for a peso and I felt awful later. Oh yea, 12 hour time difference too---that was brutal. I'd get up at 4:30, 5:00AM to chat for an hour or two and lots of times she went straight from work, tired and hungry. I'm embarrassed to say how long we waited, let's just say it was years. I was stupid and had cold feet.With Facebook and all the other convienences (temptations?) today, it probably would've turned out differently. I got lucky in more ways than one.

It sure would've been easier with things like viber, Skype and whatsapp, but although it was a long time, we toughed it out and stood the test. I think that 'test' has stood us well, as we've had our share of ups and downs since she got here. Life in N. America, other women from her country here who don't have her grounded, 'wise beyond her years' outlook' and have changed--all that, me, my son's and more could've run off her off. Fact is life here WILL change her. A lot of good women as educated and pretty as her would've found a younger, richer guy who wanted kids and run off, but I got lucky. She takes her vow of marrige seriously. I treat her family as my own and that means the world to her. Heck, our families have a nice relationship overall,  which only adds to the glue---to what I call the 'sticktoitivness'. I found an exceptional woman, and while they're quite rare, if someone (two people actually) has patience and tact, it can happen to them too.

But regular communication and people being there where and when they say they'll be, building trust in the process, is key. Leave no room for doubt. Especially at first, 'trust but verify'. It might feel like you're playing dirty, but 'all's fair in love...'

If you're prone to 'showing your ass' show it now. Fart? Let er rip or forever hold your peace. And if you don't make your own bed in the morning, don't start now!

[stevekoozer]

Steve just my 2 cents as devil's advocate, 6 months is a long time for a couple without much time together. Prevailing wisdom on here has been to visit at least every 3 months. Worked for me, then lastly we were apart 6 months from my last visit until she arrived. That felt too long...

I understand where you are coming from and I agree with your opinion to a point. Like I said this is a bit of a test for her. Right now she is ok with 6 months that could perhaps change in a bit in the future and I will adjust my visit plan accordingly. There is no lack of communication with us we talk every morning and on her lunch break and when she gets home and has finished dinner. I believe my method currently will undoubtly prove if she is in it with me for the long haul. As always time will tell on how we progress. Perhaps I do things differently than most in a sililar situation but that's the way I am and how it works for me and so far it works for her too or should I say seems to. 

[mambocowboy]

I understand where you are coming from and I agree with your opinion to a point. Like I said this is a bit of a test for her. Right now she is ok with 6 months that could perhaps change in a bit in the future and I will adjust my visit plan accordingly. There is no lack of communication with us we talk every morning and on her lunch break and when she gets home and has finished dinner. I believe my method currently will undoubtly prove if she is in it with me for the long haul. As always time will tell on how we progress. Perhaps I do things differently than most in a sililar situation but that's the way I am and how it works for me and so far it works for her too or should I say seems to.

I agree it will test her but the true test won't come till she is married to you in your country...

[stevekoozer]

I agree it will test her but the true test won't come till she is married to you in your country...

I totally agree on that point. The difference in culture alone is huge not to mention the difference in climate and so on. I am pretty flexible life wise and work wise so there is that to throw into the mix in the future. I would not have any issues moving there and doing project work a couple of months here and there sort of like a semi retirement. I did a lot of project work years ago a[size=78%]nd have been to quite a few countries over the years. Still to early to tell anyway so it is a play it by ear thing for now. Yes lots to discuss and lots to consider in time.  So far all is going pretty good and I am not going. To try to re invent the wheel with her. If we make it to the point of marriage that will be down the road a fair bit in my mind so we both got time. We'll I am gonna be busy for the next few days boys shooting ducks and geese. I said screw it and took off for a couple of weeks to knock some birds down and watch the labs work. I might pop in in a couple of days to continue this discussion but for right now we are seeing about 10 thousand new birds per day coming in for a stop over that's a lot of sausage and jerky and a whole HE!! Of a lot of fun. Then it's moose and elk mule deer and whitetail deer in November[/size] . I might even break out the 338 ultra mag and shoot a 1000 yard match or two between that time.
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[/size][size=78%]Seems things might be changing around here a bit perhaps for the better or perhaps not. Let's call it a vanishing and perhaps a vanquishing I think you guys know what I am talking about.  [/size]
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[/size][size=78%]Have a good one boys [/size]
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[fathertime]

I totally agree on that point. The difference in culture alone is huge not to mention the difference in climate and so on. I am pretty flexible life wise and work wise so there is that to throw into the mix in the future. I would not have any issues moving there and doing project work a couple of months here and there sort of like a semi retirement. 

Your flexibility should behoove you, if you choose to use it....Overall it has to be a pretty low percentage of guys that can work or just take off and stay in Colombia for an extended period of time, although on this site it seems that quite a few can nowadays.




Fathertime!   

[robert angel]

I agree it will test her but the true test won't come till she is married to you in your country...

Well, unless you have a crystal ball and can tell what 5 or 10 years in your country will do and the kind of friends she'll make, their influence on her etc., all you can do is read the signs on the ground and through the wire.

 From what it sounds like, she sounds mature, even tempered and realistic. Probably fairly patient too, but that test is apparently being written as this is being typed and will run quite a while longer. It sounds like she has a good rapport with her family. Yea, as I recall there's an in-law who might be a little loco, but we all have something different somewhere in the family and if everything was perfectly normal, that'd be abnormal in and of itself. Be a hard bill for most guys to follow too. I've cooled my jets and given up some bad habits over the years, but I'm glad my wife has seen people over the course of her life--typically spouses of friends and people in her village, that make me look almost like a saint.

While it's a nice thought to 'save someone' from a horrible life of things like over the top dysfunctional family dynamics, extreme poverty, sexual and substance abuse, the reality of it is that sort of baggage rarely ever disappears. Never marry someone because in large part you feel sorry for them. I did and it sure came back to bite me in the ass. Marry someone because you BOTH stand to make each other's lives better, with there being a whole lot more 'upside' than 'downside'. Don't marry someone who you view as a 'work in progress' with a few things that you'll 'iron out later'.

I used to hate all those profiles that had lead ins like: "Looking for my Knight in Shining Armor" "Damsel in Distress" & "I want to be treated like a Queen" and all that crap. I'm not Sir Galahad, that's for sure.

It's always going to be a bit of a gamble, but if she seems to have her head screwed on right and is grounded and over age 25, I think it's a lot better than if she's younger, uneducated and transient. If she doesn't value family and friends in a loyal fashion, it's sort of silly to assume she's going to make you the first person on earth to get that sort of treatment, even if she purrrrs like a Siamese cat whilst sitting in your lap. (where your balls are, BTW)

Be careful what you wish for.

[stevekoozer]

Well, unless you have a crystal ball and can tell what 5 or 10 years in your country will do and the kind of friends she'll make, their influence on her etc., all you can do is read the signs on the ground and through the wire.

 From what it sounds like, she sounds mature, even tempered and realistic. Probably fairly patient too, but that test is apparently being written as this is being typed and will run quite a while longer. It sounds like she has a good rapport with her family. Yea, as I recall there's an in-law who might be a little loco, but we all have something different somewhere in the family and if everything was perfectly normal, that'd be abnormal in and of itself. Be a hard bill for most guys to follow too. I've cooled my jets and given up some bad habits over the years, but I'm glad my wife has seen people over the course of her life--typically spouses of friends and people in her village, that make me look almost like a saint.

While it's a nice thought to 'save someone' from a horrible life of things like over the top dysfunctional family dynamics, extreme poverty, sexual and substance abuse, the reality of it is that sort of baggage rarely ever disappears. Never marry someone because in large part you feel sorry for them. I did and it sure came back to bite me in the ass. Marry someone because you BOTH stand to make each other's lives better, with there being a whole lot more 'upside' than 'downside'. Don't marry someone who you view as a 'work in progress' with a few things that you'll 'iron out later'.

I used to hate all those profiles that had lead ins like: "Looking for my Knight in Shining Armor" "Damsel in Distress" & "I want to be treated like a Queen" and all that crap. I'm not Sir Galahad, that's for sure.

It's always going to be a bit of a gamble, but if she seems to have her head screwed on right and is grounded and over age 25, I think it's a lot better than if she's younger, uneducated and transient. If she doesn't value family and friends in a loyal fashion, it's sort of silly to assume she's going to make you the first person on earth to get that sort of treatment, even if she purrrrs like a Siamese cat whilst sitting in your lap. (where your balls are, BTW)

Be careful what you wish for.

Geeze guys I got pretty busy and forgot all about this thread that I started way back. I had full intentions of continuing on with this but got tied up again. Anyways all is going well with our relationship and things get better day by day. I still get a morning what's app every morning asking me how I slept and to have a good day. This is at about 4:30 am my time on week days and 8 or so on the weekends. Then again on her lunch break even though I try to beat her to it sometimes I think I have only got to one time. At night skype I usually get the upper hand of getting on first as I get home befor she does lol. She has taken it upon herself to learn English with out any prodding from me. So our conversations verbally are her in English and me in Spanish thusly we both inprove. She corrects me on my Spanish and I correct her on her English and it is kind of fun. Have had a couple of disagreements since I got back and both were worked out without any drama on her end and me not getting too worked up.


Rob it is her brother inlaw that is the loco one. Well at least when he was drinking at her mom and dad's when I was there on my last visit. He got tuned up though because of it. Now that is the only impression I got from meeting him the one time with beer and old Parr involved. Next trip might be different when I go back if he is not drinking. I don't think I am going to drink any amount with him anymore as first and formost I am not a big drinker anymore and don't like hangovers. Secondly I do not like disrespectful drunks. Now he did not give me any attitude or disrespect me at that time but I have a suspicion that when he is sauced up he could be that way once you have interacted with him a few times and he thinks you are bud's. My girl has not come out and said that as such but she has hinted a bit that his behavour can be shall we say sometimes not the best when he is drinking. So to keep the peace in the family I will refrain from drinking more than a beer or two with him when he is around. That should keep any confrontational situations to a minimum. I do try to be as easy going in a situation like that as I can but if you get ignorant and get in my face you aren't going to like what you get for your efforts.


 I don't push her on getting info about his personality ECT as it is not something that helps myself and her continue on with our relationship in this early stage. I have more than enough intellect to understand various situations, inter family dynamics and personal romance preferences. 




Have a good day boys

[robert angel]

Geeze guys I got pretty busy and forgot all about this thread that I started way back. I had full intentions of continuing on with this but got tied up again. Anyways all is going well with our relationship and things get better day by day. I still get a morning what's app every morning asking me how I slept and to have a good day. This is at about 4:30 am my time on week days and 8 or so on the weekends. Then again on her lunch break even though I try to beat her to it sometimes I think I have only got to one time. At night skype I usually get the upper hand of getting on first as I get home befor she does lol. She has taken it upon herself to learn English with out any prodding from me. So our conversations verbally are her in English and me in Spanish thusly we both inprove. She corrects me on my Spanish and I correct her on her English and it is kind of fun. Have had a couple of disagreements since I got back and both were worked out without any drama on her end and me not getting too worked up.


Rob it is her brother inlaw that is the loco one. Well at least when he was drinking at her mom and dad's when I was there on my last visit. He got tuned up though because of it. Now that is the only impression I got from meeting him the one time with beer and old Parr involved. Next trip might be different when I go back if he is not drinking. I don't think I am going to drink any amount with him anymore as first and formost I am not a big drinker anymore and don't like hangovers. Secondly I do not like disrespectful drunks. Now he did not give me any attitude or disrespect me at that time but I have a suspicion that when he is sauced up he could be that way once you have interacted with him a few times and he thinks you are bud's. My girl has not come out and said that as such but she has hinted a bit that his behavour can be shall we say sometimes not the best when he is drinking. So to keep the peace in the family I will refrain from drinking more than a beer or two with him when he is around. That should keep any confrontational situations to a minimum. I do try to be as easy going in a situation like that as I can but if you get ignorant and get in my face you aren't going to like what you get for your efforts.


 I don't push her on getting info about his personality ECT as it is not something that helps myself and her continue on with our relationship in this early stage. I have more than enough intellect to understand various situations, inter family dynamics and personal romance preferences. 




Have a good day boys

Sounds really good Steve. Afraid you're not missing much here lately.

Having that 'give and take' with your lady--being able to disagree and even argue, and most importantly getting over it without holding onto the hot stone in their gut--the 'grudge' is to me essential.

Sometimes my wife forgets so quick that we'll be laying together, getting all warm and cuddly and then all of a sudden, she'll remember the dastardly, unforgivable deed I did hours ---or the night before and suddenly exclaim: "I forgot--we're STILL not friends!"--but that soon passes, thank God.

I just can't deal with not knowing what I'm coming home to. From what I see here, some guys sort of like that 'Kisses and hand grenades' dynamic that might be more common in S & C America than in other places. I don't think for a minute though that all Latinas are that way. Yes, making up after a spat can make for great sex afterwards, but the way I see it, keeping things sweet and spicy w/o boredom is better than up and down dramas.

Even though sometimes I do know that my wife may not be in the best of moods when I get home, I've usually given her good reason to be pissy and I know it's going to pass. Sometimes --especially at 'that time of the month', she can seem a bit irrationally upset and I try not to roll my eyes, as I try to tell myself "Don't overreact---this too shall pass.'

 If it was unexpected trip wires and booby traps going on adnauseum, I'd fish  a whole lot more or just say 'bye'..

She already knows when I go to sea or field, I might be days--I negotiated some 'non negotiables' before we got married, including Saturdays to do whatever I please--which is usually hunting for Indian artifacts.

At first she got a bit put off --calling them 'just rocks'--she's so damn practical--everything should have utility. One day I came home and found she'd 'cleaned up' and tossed projectile points I had on shelves haphazardly into a shoe box. Clovis, Cumberland and other points, many 15 to 20,000+ years old, worth thousands--some grades 9 and 10's--lost their value right away, a chip here and there. I straightened that out quick as slap. My fault really--she knew I fancied them, but I never told her that some are literally worth more by weight than gold.

In a way, it worked out for her though. She had been wanting wood floors for a long time. I finally gave in, adding a number of mahogany bookshelves too. I realized myself (she never said it) that pretty much nobody had ever come over and said: "Nice spear points there Rob"---or "Where on earth did you get ALL those stone axe heads?"--"Are those big stone things with the holes for grinding or something?". So I dropped another bundle on display cases and took over my older son's room after he moved out. The really big pieces, the garage.

I guess maybe they figured I was Fred Flintstone or something, but were too nice to say. But looking back, it did seem a bit primitive I suppose. Didn't really go with the curtains she had all done up, or the new furniture. I don't miss the paper plates, pizza and Chinese take out boxes or tripping over X Box 360 controllers all over the living room either. Almost tame....

Yea--most families have a member or two, if not just an inlaw, with substance abuse issues or other peccadillos and as with most folks, alcohol & drugs can bring out the worst. The people who get weird on booze or drugs are usually totally oblivious to the Jekyll and Hyde type transformation that occurs.

I have to give your lady major class and diplomacy points for not totally dissing her brother in law or other family members. Took me too long to realize, but slagging your family to others is not only very uncool, but it makes you look bad too, if not just petty. I mean--what are you going to do? They are what they are, it 'is what it is." Maybe allude to it, but unless it overwhelms your life, try not to get hung up on it.

 That said, we should still have a pretty good idea of, shall we say: 'The family dynamics?" as we'll be dealing with them to some extent, be it hearing about them or worst case scenario, bailing them out economically, providing health care payments, etc.

I think it's only natural that years later, you'll hear some interesting new 'stories'--I still hear some and we've known each other 14 years, married ten. But I sort of had an idea already and was clear that she loved her family, so I knew she could form lasting attachments.

At dinner tonight, we marveled at how her stepson had been asked, as  Freshman at the University of Georgia, to teach a Pre Calculus class to his  class mates to prep for the mid term exam. I said---"Funny how far we've come--remember when Nicky wrote  and left a note under his pillow, asking the Tooth Fairy: "Tooth Fairy--could you please leave the money and still let me keep the tooth?". Smart kid even then--and great memories for one helluva a step Mom!

Staying in daily contact with each other--- being there where and when they say, is super important. It's the glue--the mortar between the bricks and w/o it, things can crumble surprisingly fast. I am out of town for 3 nights next week and she's already almost crying.

Never mind 'out of sight out of mind'-If you're not keeping tabs--keeping in touch, don't think 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder"--Think more along the lines of "Absence makes the heart go wander"


Language and learning each others sounds great. Touche' Can't say we've done that--she already had decent English and her language is really difficult for me. I know the essential--the 'polite' words' in her language. She asks for help still--asking me to correct her English pronunciation and w/ some professional correspondence and I guess that'll always be the case.

We were at a shopping outlet Sunday and split up. I was in Columbia Outfitters and she was in Anne Taylor's Loft women's wear store when she phoned me with her location.  I don't 'do' dresses or women's shoes. She kept saying "I'm in the Loaft", like in 'loaf of bread'. I was stumped and getting more exasperated by the second. Like WTF? -- Finally she added 'Anne Taylor'.

I just don't think I'd have the patience to make it work with a Latina, Thai or Chinese lady who was severely English challenged--power to you guys....