Bogota trip report. Visiting the family.

[Researcher]

I don't think its boring hell id love to have a beautiful Colombian wife and do the quiet more natural life once in awhile!

It isn't boring to live but it is boring to read about. Most people like drama but often times real life just isn't up to snuff as far as having entertainment value. That is why "reality shows" are scripted. I am perfectly happy with my boring but comfy life.

[robert angel]

It isn't boring to live but it is boring to read about. Most people like drama but often times real life just isn't up to snuff as far as having entertainment value. That is why "reality shows" are scripted. I am perfectly happy with my boring but comfy life.

I'm no expert, but I sort of thought that marrying a Colombiana more often than not entailed dealing with dramas, a volatile temperaments and more. Obviously not all women are the same and I might be perpetuating a broad stereotype. I must have bought into it wholesale, because I was concerned I'd have to be sort of a 'lion tamer' if I married a woman from Colombia and set sights on the Philippines instead.
 
Few guys here share details of what life's like after marriage--'the nuts and bolts' of daily living--I guess Whitey and I do so more than most and his Nazly's certainly no 'wild thing'--she really contradicts my stereotyping. She and my wife seem to share a lot of characteristics--being level headed, steady, wise and loyal, as well as being very beautiful, inside and out.
 
There's a couple other posters here with situations that seem pretty similar. They tend to be guys who stay out of the fray, not getting caught up in spats here and I guess the same is probably true at home.
 
As I get some age on me and even though when I was my wife's age I was pretty much still a party animal, we both like a fair amount of 'bored and comfy' ourselves--more and more. I think getting bored, laying around the house w/ each other is GOOD to an extent.
 
We both work full time and coming home is nice. Last night around 8PM. my wife said "I'm bored--I want to get out and do something. I pointed out the obvious--that in an hour the malls would be closed, the weather wasn't good, that we'd already eaten dinner and summed it up by adding "We don't always have 'downtime' like this and some getting bored, maybe watching a movie, making small talk and having a snack in bed would do us good". And as usual, it did.
 
Once in a great while, we'll go out to eat, maybe hit a club or two for music and dancing (neither of us really drink) but hanging around the house isn't too bad at all these days.

[benjio]

I'm no expert, but I sort of thought that marrying a Colombiana more often than not entailed dealing with dramas, a volatile temperaments and more. Obviously not all women are the same and I might be perpetuating a broad stereotype. I must have bought into it wholesale, because I was concerned I'd have to be sort of a 'lion tamer' if I married a woman from Colombia and set sights on the Philippines instead.

Some guys may disagree...I'm not married either way. But from my dating experience I'd say your previous assumptions were correct. It just comes with the territory. I use to complain about it and I've actually broken up with a couple of Colombianas because of their tempers, but I've learned to put up with it. I've also learned that 90% of the time irrational behavior, constant nagging and picking fights are just a lot of women's way of saying, "I'm really [snip]ing horny!!!" For some reason a lot women have a problem just coming out and saying, "Could you do me a favor and please [snip] my brains out for a couple of hours?" Go figure...
 

I guess Whitey and I do so more than most and his Nazly's certainly no 'wild thing'--she really contradicts my stereotyping.

Whitey hit the Costeña Lottery and believe me he knows it.... 

[Researcher]

Most women like drama. Latinas can be more intense but the key is learning when to put one's foot down and that goes for pretty much all women. They expect their man to be strong enough to at least not take guff off of a female. I know that is considered "sexist" by American standards but then nature is nature. We are programmed a certain way that even social conditioning can't over ride.

So really some level of "drama" in a relationship is normal and considered boring. There are many stories of guys on these forums wondering if they are being taken for a ride or cheated on. That is the kind of drama I meant not the everyday stuff.

[bcc_1_2]

Most women like drama. Latinas can be more intense but the key is learning when to put one's foot down and that goes for pretty much all women. They expect their man to be strong enough to at least not take guff off of a female. I know that is considered "sexist" by American standards but then nature is nature. We are programmed a certain way that even social conditioning can't over ride.

Believe it or not many scientists and people all across the political spectrum do agree with you... some under their breath so they don't have to sleep on the couch. In the past I'd always post progressive Bill Maher's comedy routine on it to illustrate. 
Is it right for me to think you are making the most of your trip but aren't really that thrilled about return trips to Bogota? Without the chase and the rush of it all... does Colombia feel a lot different now? More like a chore to visit?

[Researcher]

Believe it or not many scientists and people all across the political spectrum do agree with you... some under their breath so they don't have to sleep on the couch. In the past I'd always post progressive Bill Maher's comedy routine on it to illustrate. 
Is it right for me to think you are making the most of your trip but aren't really that thrilled about return trips to Bogota? Without the chase and the rush of it all... does Colombia feel a lot different now? More like a chore to visit?

To be honest it did feel like a chore at first but that was my problem. I realized I had gotten comfortable and had kinda lost my "mojo". Having a sense of adventure really is a must with a venture like this. Once I embraced that my sense of adventure returned.

My wife still looks out for me while there. She checks to make sure my car door is locked and we travel as safe as wecan. I believe she thought I didn't know better before. Now she knows me well enough to know that isn't the case.

[whitey]

Thanks Rob, Benjio ... actually Nazly is like Sofia Vergara on crack with PMS ...


Right now as I write this, she's curled up on my lap like a cat ... she walked over and said her usual "I want hugs" and is having a little nap.


When I came in the door after work, she was a little sad and shed a couple tears because an employment counselor told her she has a strong accent and shouldn't apply for customer service jobs.   I hugged her, reassured her that she's doing great with her English and her accent is diminishing every day, and that this person was pretty insensitive to say that in the way she did.  Storm over.


That's about as dramatic as it gets around here.

[whitey]

Is it right for me to think you are making the most of your trip but aren't really that thrilled about return trips to Bogota? Without the chase and the rush of it all... does Colombia feel a lot different now? More like a chore to visit?

That's a great question and would actually make a good topic on its own.


Speaking for myself, few things are as exciting in life as the first time you do them, but after 13 visits to Colombia so far, I still love going.  It's far from a chore to me, and there's many places I'd still like to see there.


I've lived with Nazly's family twice for 6 weeks at a stretch and enjoyed it ... not that every day was a scintillating new adventure ... just normal life ... but normal life down there is of course different for me and always interesting.


Researcher ... why were you thinking of it initially as a bit of a chore?   Been there, done that?  Bogota too cold, rainy, and polluted?  Just other places you'd rather spend your vacation time and money?


Sounds like you had a good time and made the best of it, as these things usually turn out ... even experiencing life on the finca ... something I'd like to try one of these days ...

[Researcher]

That's a great question and would actually make a good topic on its own.


Speaking for myself, few things are as exciting in life as the first time you do them, but after 13 visits to Colombia so far, I still love going.  It's far from a chore to me, and there's many places I'd still like to see there.


I've lived with Nazly's family twice for 6 weeks at a stretch and enjoyed it ... not that every day was a scintillating new adventure ... just normal life ... but normal life down there is of course different for me and always interesting.


Researcher ... why were you thinking of it initially as a bit of a chore?   Been there, done that?  Bogota too cold, rainy, and polluted?  Just other places you'd rather spend your vacation time and money?


Sounds like you had a good time and made the best of it, as these things usually turn out ... even experiencing life on the finca ... something I'd like to try one of these days ...

I had just gotten settled into a comfy lifestyle. I had forgotten what it takes to travel to a country like Colombia. Not drinking the water, being careful about what I eat and stuff like that are annoying but the adventure is worth it.Before the adventure involved hot single babes now it involves my Colombian family. I realized how focused I had been on small insignificant things since I had not travelled in a while.My wife's family always takes good care of us while we are there and once I loosened up I really enjoyed the trip.

[fathertime]

I'm no expert, but I sort of thought that marrying a Colombiana more often than not entailed dealing with dramas, a volatile temperaments and more. Obviously not all women are the same and I might be perpetuating a broad stereotype. I must have bought into it wholesale, because I was concerned I'd have to be sort of a 'lion tamer' if I married a woman from Colombia and set sights on the Philippines instead.
 

well ra...lion taming is just part of the job for many of us...but i do think it is a stereotype with many exceptions...i think most grown men know what what these types of marriages entail and know what needs to be done and when...but if not it it is on the 'job' training! jaja


Fathertime! 

[bcc_1_2]

That's a great question and would actually make a good topic on its own.

It's an honest question. I keep hoping for the day owning real estate in Tela will make sense. I personally feel like I'd much rather stay Oceanside in Costa Rica to visit family than head to Colombia to visit family (or Honduras). Once the chase is over it would just seem like... a chore to go back.

[robert angel]

Right now as I write this, she's curled up on my lap like a cat ... she walked over and said her usual "I want hugs" and is having a little nap.


When I came in the door after work, she was a little sad and shed a couple tears because an employment counselor told her she has a strong accent and shouldn't apply for customer service jobs.   I hugged her, reassured her that she's doing great with her English and her accent is diminishing every day, and that this person was pretty insensitive to say that in the way she did.  Storm over.


That's about as dramatic as it gets around here.

I tell you Whitey, I really feel for Nazly--actually the two of you and we can REALLY relate. For some time now, my wife has been  pretty unhappy with her job. At each job she's had, she got the highest evaluations, awards, etc. But despite a five year bachelor's degree in engineering (maybe that actually hurt---'over qualified') and sending out several dozen resumes' NOBODY was calling--for like a year and a half.
 
Top flight references, no employments gaps--but nobody was calling. I'd hold her close, telling her: "Honey, I PROMISE something good will come, you're too good at everything you've done, academically and at work" --"Accent or no accent, you always worried about a new job, then you blew everyone else out of the water"--"It WILL happen--I just can't say when". We prayed....
 
Monday, my wife starts a new job, handling accounts with a major medical equipment supply firm, with at it's headquarters five minutes from our house, with branches in S. California, Quebec, Germany and Japan. She's going to look into adding S. America to the list to counter Japan supply lines that offer shorter margins than before.
 
The President of the company, an unassuming multimillionaire and his top guys have known her for a couple years. A month ago, the president ran into my wife and said "Are you working two jobs--why?--I THOUGHT you were already working with us".
 
Then things changed. She had to apply up against some twenty 'suits', all going through interviews, more interviews--even a psychological--all for ONE position, They knew she was a winner and that the big guys liked her, but a weird interview, a faulty psych. profile, failing an ungodly difficult Math test (she got 100%) and she could've been eliminated.
 
So she finally caught the proverbial 'break'--and yea, it took a little help from friends she made the old fashioned way. Good salary, gads of bonus options, great vacation, personal leave benefits, pension--the whole nine yards. Next week, they're treating us (including me!) and her fellow employees to a great 'picnic' and choice seats at a pro baseball game. Then a three day weekend. We have options for a week long Caribbean cruise wit her company in December that will cost us $200, IF I can get the time off in December. It was always HER struggling to get vacation time to match mine before--LOL
 
THEN, today, she got a call from City Hall, asking for her to answer some additional, more personal questions, as she aced the civil service test--they wanted to know about her values, what's important to her, etc. Geeze--she felt like one of the bible's wandering Jews of Egypt--lost in the dry desert and suddenly it's practically raining--raining jobs!
 
So is she smug? Hell no! As I write this, she's working on her accent. EEEE, IIIIII, OOOOHH--consonants, syllables and so on. She's called the company that makes the recorded lessons and books and is probably signing up for one hour live sessions with their post graduate educated staff.
 
She hasn't done that in a long time, but in her new job and if she takes the govt. job later, there will be concerns, insecurities within her about her accent, which has gotten better, but is still quite noticeable. That's her way--she gets nervous, worries and motivates herself to try harder than the next person, all the while staying a 'team player'. She doesn't let the nasty folks get a rise out of her (she cries on my shoulder later), but meanwhile, she's pulling up the good people all around her.
 
Sooo, to 'help her along, I have been pretending to be the client/customer from HELL, as she will have to make some 'cold calls' to Doctors and medical companies. I've been saying stuff like WHERE are you from!!??--"Don't they have any AMERICANS there? I bet you're a 4 foot tall illegal alien"--"I want someone who can speak ENGLISH!".
 
I have mocked and mimicked her. I have thought of PMing Ray and asking that next time he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, to call her and take some shots--she can take em. She knows I am trying--that really we are role 'playing,' but she's dealt with folks who were jerks about her accent before and it will happen again. We're just not going to let them beat her down.
 
Whitey, I think a Colombian accent is harder to lose than my wife's, which as Philippine accents go, is pretty tough--a southern Mindanao country provincial accent, but between here and personal correspondence on the side, I know that with time--and we sure need patience on 'time', Nazly WILL catch a break, the wind will fill her sails and she will fly, especially with a guy like you beside her. Stay there to encourage her, keep giving her hugs when she needs them, helping to minimize the impact of negative people on her. It starts with little steps and the trip won't just be long--it's probably as never ending as prejudice itself. But as long as you're in it together, nobody can beat you down--better days WILL come.
 
Most of the guys here go 'the extra mile' to accomplish important things--let's keep on walking!

[jselva]

Do you mean a chore because its boring? Chore because you have t be careful of crime etc?
 

[mambocowboy]

Thanks Rob, Benjio ... actually Nazly is like Sofia Vergara on crack with PMS ...


Right now as I write this, she's curled up on my lap like a cat ... she walked over and said her usual "I want hugs" and is having a little nap.


When I came in the door after work, she was a little sad and shed a couple tears because an employment counselor told her she has a strong accent and shouldn't apply for customer service jobs.   I hugged her, reassured her that she's doing great with her English and her accent is diminishing every day, and that this person was pretty insensitive to say that in the way she did.  Storm over.


That's about as dramatic as it gets around here.

well, sh--, if accents were a problem the Indian folks who offer tech support for my computer would never have jobs because I can't understand a word they say...

[Researcher]

It's an honest question. I keep hoping for the day owning real estate in Tela will make sense. I personally feel like I'd much rather stay Oceanside in Costa Rica to visit family than head to Colombia to visit family (or Honduras). Once the chase is over it would just seem like... a chore to go back.

To be honest it is no more of a chore than travelling from one side of the US to the other to visit family. A week before my wife and I went to Bogota I had to go to Detroit for my job for a week.....I'd rather spend a week in Bogota than Detroit.

[robert angel]

well, sh--, if accents were a problem the Indian folks who offer tech support for my computer would never have jobs because I can't understand a word they say...

Researcher--sorry we're derailing your excellent trip report here--it deserves and will stand alone over time--any time someone searches 'Bogota' or 'Trip report' here...
 
I really feel that the companies ought to have a big hand and accept responsibility for this. I have had some Dell (rhymes with hell) techs from India that were impossible to understand. I have better luck with the Dell call centers in the Philippines--less accent challenges, better, faster resolution of problems w/o all the mysterious 'disconnects' when the situation gets difficult.
 
But several times I had India reps who I told I felt bad for all the nasty responses they get from angry Americans--I told them that they didn't really represent our country's people. The reps acknowledged a lot of nastiness goes on and a couple women actually cried out of gratitude, thanking me for caring.
 
There are programs out there that do work. my wife pulled out one last night that works from a book, accompanied by recordings. It's pretty good, although if you want six months of hour long, everyday lessons live one on one with speech professional who's Master's degree or higher, that's a cool $2500.
 
The program has you read, say it, listen to them say it, you say it again and so on--not too expensive as I recall for the book and recorded version.
 
I once got a Belkin rep out of Cebu City, Philippines who was in the same engineering class as my wife--he told me all about how nice she was and he spoke English clearly. 100 million Filipinos on the other side of the planet and I get some stranger on the phone there who knows my wife!
 
 

[whitey]

Researcher ... sorry for jacking your thread a bit ...


Rob, congrats to "Mrs. Angel" on the new job!  Nazly read your post ... it always makes her feel a little better knowing she's not the only one struggling with these issues ... although of course she has many acquaintances from school going through the same thing.


Actually, it's a little easier for Nazly since she has an English speaker at home and no financial pressure ... but still tough mentally.


The next day after my post, she got called back by a call centre for the next step in the hiring process.  Who knows how things will turn out, but if she gets it, it would be fun to rub it in that employment counselor's nose a bit ...

[Researcher]

Not really hijacking the thread guys. It is good to hear from married guys on the forum and what you may be going thru.