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Author Topic: Confusion  (Read 1420 times)

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Offline mambocowboy

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2017, 04:25:51 PM »
OK Jimmy,

I don't see any urgent need for you to run for the hills just yet.

BUT, I really think you need to slow down and grasp reality. I know you are probably experiencing a fantasy land dream because a sweet, cute female is showing you the kind of attention that nobody else has. I know the feeling.

A couple of questions:

Are you ready to support her family for the next 20+ years?

Are you prepared to handle her greedy sister (and maybe others) when she incessantly bugs your wife for money? Believe me, she won't want to deal with it so YOU will have to do it yourself.

When (not if) she comes here and wants to work, are you prepared to accept the fact that she will want to send virtually all of her income home to her family, in deference to the needs of your own family?

Not trying to bust your balls Jimmy, just trying to make you aware of some of the cultural differences you will need to deal with.

When you get that book I told you to read, look up the term "utang na loob" for starters.

If I were you, I would go ahead and make that trip in July, but be careful not to commit to anything that you have not fully thought out...

I wish you luck brother!


Ray
+1. Good advice Jimmy. Lots to think about....

Offline robert angel

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #26 on: March 11, 2017, 06:47:29 PM »
Two guys at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, sitting next to each other. Guy 'A' looks over at guy "B' and notices a huge, bloody bandage covering 'B's left ear.

'A' asks 'B'----"Whoa---WTF happened there, man?"

'B' calmly responds, explaining: "Oh man, I was ironing my work shirt, and the phone rang, and with out really thinking, I put the iron to my ear."

Next week at the the AA meeting, 'A' is sitting next to 'B" again. 'A'  looks to his right and sees another bandage, covering 'B''s right ear this time. Incredulous, 'A' asks: "Geeeze man, WTF happened to your other ear THIS time?"

Without even having been drinking or blinking, 'B' calmly replies:

"Man, I was ironing my work pants, and damn, if the phone didn't ring AGAIN."

Jimmy, that one's for you. Insanity is doing the same thing again and again, yet expecting different results. Do what ya got a do, fix what needs fixing, break old mindsets, be ready to end things, having learned from them and moving on for the better.

You can learn to deal with your own faults and weaknesses, misperceptions, infatuations etc. I have or have had them myself, pretty much everyone of us here has. I can still rationalize a circle into a square, if I let my over active brain lead me down such a path.

I finally leveled with myself and dealt with most of my demons. I had to improve myself and my own situation first and that led to me being better able to cultivate better, lasting relationships with others.

I have been in some pretty darks spots in life. Just for one, I had a marriage to a Filipina go south, leaving her with the big house, her earning more than me and me with primary custody of two young sons. I refused her lawyer's offer of monetary child support, thinking it'd make my ex wife less bitter and show the boys that parents could divorce and behave like civil friends and co parents. Didn't turn out that way.

I had terrible guilt about what happened to my kids. I faced overwhelming responsibility and financial stress, all while fighting horiffic clinical depression. Went from 225 pounds to 155.  No money, no time to date, even if I had money. We were living in a dingy apartment, me feeling that everything good my kids had ever known, all that they viewed as perfectly normal and wonderful, no matter how cold and distantly emotionally removed my ex was--it was all gone and I was at least half to blame.

Everyone in our swank neighborhood, our family and friends, thought we were the post card perfect family. My bipolar, passive aggressive ex, who had a terrible childhood as an abused orphan, today prefers a luxurious lifestyle, living alone in the big house, paying a maintainance crew to keep it up. Sold my John Deere tractor. The boys visit her occasionally, still have bedrooms in 'her' house as well as in the 'home' my wife and I own. Both boys are out and on their own, but their parents houses and their respective bedrooms remain the same.

I don't think my ex has been on date since we separated/divorced. Pretty lady too. Shamey, but that's her cross to bear, and still, I wish her well. She likes 'things'--objects, travel, more than people and relationships. She's not a bad Mom overall, she just tends to get very cold and quiet for extended periods if the boys disappoint her. But she loves them and they here and she's taught them manners, while we've both raised them to be Christian in a good way,  to study, to be ethical.  But regarding me, she still carries the irrational bitterness, that hot stone in her belly that she can't let go. Guess maybe it's like fuel to her, I don't know. It'd kill me.

I don't know if she ever wonders about had she not married me and been deported, what her life with no family back in the Philippines, making a few pennies for every dollar she makes here would be like, but that's a moot point now. She's a US Citizen, but won't register to vote, as it might mean jury duty.

I was thirty when we married and I rushed it then. I was a 'wild and crazy guy' partying and over doing it. I figured she was quiet, easy going, a model gorgous registered nurse, who'd help me help myself to 'cool my jets' and settle down. She spoiled me, with gifts--a Rolex watch, leather jacket, put Michelins on my sports car while I was at work, etc.

We even bought our first house together before we even wed. Her idea. I was already living very well as a bachelor, in a luxury apartment overlooking the river in the best part of town, a place people would die to have, but she was sweet at the time, exotically beautiful and she left me at the time wanting for nothing. Set up like a bowling pin. Turns out her three year work visa as an Rn had expired. She was illegal and while I didn't know it--- marrying me, and her sharp lawyer 'took care' of all that. 

But I had a a silly dream. Maybe you know it--- thinking we're 'supposed' to get married by around age thirty, stop being the rogue bachelor, have kids, get the pink house on a big garden friendly lot, the picket fence, blah, blah, blah. I had a dream, and I didn't sweat the details.

It sure as hell didn't turn out like a dream, and yet it went on for a long, long time. Kids will make you try and hang on to extraordinary extent sometimes. No blow out fights or loud arguments, but eventually it was clear, that the gas tank was empty and the cold house wasn't going to be healthy for the rapidly growing kids anymore. Should've seen it coming and acted sooner, but the crash was nonetheless devastating.

If you are in a similar mindset/place,  remember that when you're at the bottom, the only way you can go is UP. A lot of guys unfortunately have to hit that 'bottom' before they make some changes. I had to. I hope you don't. No it wasn't always easy,  but it was worth every moment of angst and loneliness. I'm not perfect now, not by a million miles. Never will be either.

But if I was able to bring it around, so can YOU. Just do it. You're a young buck, don't rush relationships. Get comfortable in your own skin before trying to meld your own with another's.

I was past age 40 before really recovering and getting my act more together. Finally comfortable in my own skin, then getting too comfortable being single, controlling everything myself.Afraid to take a chance, to 'commit' again. I finally metaphorically speaking, struck gold, platinum and diamonds, all in one girl. Still, it took me and my cold feet 4, FOUR years before asking her Father for her hand. Incredibly, she waited for me to come out of my 'comfort zone' and better life I'd made for the kids and I and let her in. I was a better man by then. I still had, really still have, some rough edges, but she keeps polishing them. Be patient, work on yourself and good things will come.

Get comfortable in your own skin, work on what needs working. Figure out what you want, what you need and don't be afraid to say 'no' and walk away if doesn't seem very, very promising. Be wary and don't rush to judgement thinking 'she's the ONE' too quickly. Take your time! In the long run, you'll be doing yourself and her a huge favor. Might hurt now short-term,  but if misjudged and rushed, it'll hurt a whole lot more later. Good luck.

« Last Edit: March 11, 2017, 08:17:51 PM by robert angel »
Shirley, you're not serious...

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2017, 08:09:28 PM »
Two guys at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, sitting next to each other. Guy 'A' looks over at guy "B' and notices a huge, bloody bandage covering 'B's left ear.

'A' asks 'B'----"Whoa---WTF happened there, man?"

'B' calmly responds, explaining: "Oh man, I was ironing my work shirt, and the phone rang, and with out really thinking, I put the iron to my ear."

Next week at the the AA meeting, 'A' is sitting next to 'B" again. 'A'  looks to his right and sees another bandage, covering 'B''s right ear this time. Incredulous, 'A' asks: "Geeeze man, WTF happened to your other ear THIS time?"

Without even having been drinking or blinking, 'B' calmly replies:

"Man, I was ironing my work pants, and damn, if the phone didn't ring AGAIN."

Jimmy, that one's for you. Insanity is doing the same thing again and again, yet expecting different results. Do what ya got a do, fix what needs fixing, break old mindsets, be ready to end things, having learned from them and moving on for the better.

You can learn to deal with your own faults and weaknesses, misperceptions, infatuations etc. I have or have had them myself, pretty much everyone of us here has. I can still rationalize a circle into a square, if I let my over active brain lead me down such a path.

I finally leveled with myself and dealt with most of my demons. I had to improve myself and my own situation first and that led to me being better able to cultivate better, lasting relationships with others.

I have been in some pretty darks spots in life. Just for one, I had a marriage to a Filipina go south, leaving her with the big house, her earning more than me and me with primary custody of two young sons. I refused her lawyer's offer of monetary child support, thinking it'd make my ex wife less bitter and show the boys that parents could divorce and behave like civil friends and co parents. Didn't turn out that way.

I had terrible guilt about what happened to my kids. I faced overwhelming responsibility and financial stress, all while fighting horiffic clinical depression. Went from 225 pounds to 155.  No money, no time to date, even if I had money. We were living in a dingy apartment, me feeling that everything good my kids had ever known, all that they viewed as perfectly normal and wonderful, no matter how cold and distantly emotionally removed my ex was--it was all gone and I was at least half to blame.

Everyone in our swank neighborhood, our family and friends, thought we were the post card perfect family. My bipolar, passive aggressive ex, who had a terrible childhood as an abused orphan, today prefers a luxurious lifestyle, living alone in the big house, paying a maintainance crew to keep it up. Sold my John Deere tractor. The boys visit her occasionally, still have bedroms in 'her' house as well as in the 'home' my wife and I own.  I don't think my ex has been on date since we separated/divorced. Pretty lady too. Shamey, but that's her cross to bear, and still, I wish her well. She still carries the irrational bitterness, that hot stone in her belly that she can't let go. Maybe it's like fuel to her, I don't know. It'd kill me.

I was thirty when we married and I rushed it then. I was a 'wild and crazy guy' partying and over doing it. I figured she was quiet, easy going, a model gorgous registered nurse, who'd help me help myself to 'cool my jets' and settle down. She spoiled me, with gifts--a Rolex watch, leather jacket, put Michelins on my sports car while I was at work, etc.

We even bought our first house together before we even wed. Her idea. I was already living very well as a bachelor, in a luxury apartment overlooking the river in the best part of town, a place people would die to have, but she was sweet at the time, exotically beautiful and she left me at the time wanting for nothing. Set up like a bowling pin. Turns out her three year work visa as an Rn had expired. She was illegal and while I didn't know it--- marrying me, and her sharp lawyer 'took care' of all that. 

But I had a a silly dream. Maybe you know it--- thinking we're 'supposed' to get married by around age thirty, stop being the rogue bachelor, have kids, get the pink house on a big garden friendly lot, the picket fence, blah, blah, blah. I had a dream, and I didn't sweat the details.

It sure as hell didn't turn out like a dream, and yet it went on for a long, long time. Kids will make you try and hang on to extraordinary extent sometimes. No blow out fights or loud arguments, but eventually it was clear, that the gas tank was empty and the cold house wasn't going to be healthy for the rapidly growing kids anymore. Should've seen it coming and acted sooner, but the crash was nonetheless devastating.

If you are in a similar mindset/place,  remember that when you're at the bottom, the only way you can go is UP. A lot of guys unfortunately have to hit that 'bottom' before they make some changes. I had to. I hope you don't. No it wasn't always easy,  but it was worth every moment of angst and loneliness. I'm not perfect now, not by a million miles. Never will be either.

But if I was able to bring it around, so can YOU. Just do it. You're a young buck, don't rush relationships. Get comfortable in your own skin before trying to meld your own with another's.

I was past age 40 before really recovering and getting my act more together. Finally comfortable in my own skin, then getting too comfortable being single, controlling everything myself.Afraid to take a chance, to 'commit' again. I finally metaphorically speaking, struck gold, platinum and diamonds, all in one girl. Still, it took me and my cold feet 4, FOUR years before asking her Father for her hand. Incredibly, she waited for me to come out of my 'comfort zone' and better life I'd made for the kids and I and let her in. I was a better man by then. I still had, really still have, some rough edges, but she keeps polishing them. Be patient, work on yourself and good things will come.

Get comfortable in your own skin, work on what needs working. Figure out what you want, what you need and don't be afraid to say 'no' and walk away if doesn't seem very, very promising. Be wary and don't rush to judgement thinking 'she's the ONE' too quickly. Take your time! In the long run, you'll be doing yourself and her a huge favor. Might hurt now short-term,  but if misjudged and rushed, it'll hurt a whole lot more later. Good luck.
Very hard earned experience , well told. You learn so much about your significant other through shared experience. That's why these extremely long distance relationships are so risky. It's so hard to spend that necessary time together and truly get to know each other, yet ICE forces us to rush into marriage (eg K1 visa gives you 90 days to marry). You can't know exactly what you're getting yourself into, but advice from guys who have experience with foreign marriage is very valuable. Despite all the trollish nonsense we've endured on this site, such advice redeems  Planet Love.. Ignore hard earned advice at your own peril....

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2017, 08:09:28 PM »

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #28 on: March 11, 2017, 09:39:01 PM »
I appreciate the advice everyone is giving me here.  It is indeed good, sound advice. Gives me a lot to think about.  In the way I'm not going to rush into anything, I'm also not going to rush out of anything. 
She has been painted in such a bad light with you all, I'm not sure what or why.  Like specifically, what exactly about her is making you guys feel uneasy about my predicament?  Her sister?  Her sister should not be a determining factor.  And she won't be.  I agree, I have to be smart about this and prepare to walk away, but I am not going to do that until I'm sure.
I mean, the thing is, you guys really only know my side, (which I believe strongly has been blown out of proportion) and not her side.  This is why I over look everything, because not only am I trying to see every possible side of my own, I'm trying to see every possible side of the other party.
So, specifically, almost in a list format, what is so bad about her?  Because I may be able to clear a lot of the possible misconceptions up.
Lastly, the night I joined this sight, i was feeling particularly down.  Not even really because of her, but just anxiety. I also was looking for anyone to clear up any misconceptions I may have had about her, as a Filipina woman.  And truly, this started out that way.  I never knew filipinas had it rough over there in the Philippines.  I never knew they had their fair share of horror stories. It really helped put things into perspective. Then somewhere, things got out of control.  Somehow it was assumed I've proposed to her.  I haven't. Don't know that I will.  It all depends on the future. That which I don't know.  Do I have Feelings for this woman, yes.  Do I think she has feelings for me?  Yes I do.  Why,  because she doesn't have to talk to me. If all she was after was green card or money there are a lot better choices in men.  Easier even.  I'm certainly no catch, even to a foreigner. Yet, she chose me and yes, I chose her. 
I'm not jumping into anything with her.  We talk.  We both have Feelings for each other.  Unless something happens, I'm going to see her in july, and we'll move from there. 
She's not a bad person. It's my belief that she and I are alike in that, we've both been hurt, and we're both afraid.  I'm afraid she won't like me.  She's afraid I won't like her.
Taking it slow, we have no other choice. And I'm okay with that.  Not rushing it.  Feeling it out.  As I said, I'm not running away, but I'm also not diving in.  All we have is time, so we're going to use it.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #29 on: March 11, 2017, 10:24:34 PM »
I dare say we've not painted her in a 'bad light'------ you, yourself have done anything posted here that might be construed as that---you're putting it out, rolling with it, then you change your story. If we go on the 'clues', the information you provide, only to have you change your story like a defective  weather vane-- the first 'it's her, then no, it's me' -- kinda thing, it's on you.

'Confused' is certainly an apt word for this thread and while self decisiveness can be an admirable quality, it actually doesn't appear to be your strong suit and I think you've probably made up your mind already.

I'm not going to take time out to pick out bits and pieces here to copy and paste, such as things that among other things you seem to deny, indicate you've said to her you want to marry her, obviously while communicating. 'Proposed'? Look up the word 'semantics', OK?

I'm not going to prepare some silly 'list'. You probably feel now that things you said about supporting her family to whatever extent were misconstrued by us as well.

I guess you see how we're just a vindictive bunch of old guys who have nothing better to do than to disparage ladies that guys happen to fancy.

It's noble that a man defends his lady, but believe me, nobody has it in personally against her and we're talking scenarios based on the changing stories you're putting out, not on some person we actually have first hand information about.

I suggest YOU go back and reread your own posts and see for yourself where some of us might have reached that conclusion. If you're into 'lists' have at it. Meanwhile, if you can't stand the heat, if you can't remember your own 'recipes', stay out of the communal kitchen here.  We're trying to help, but....I'm about done with this dishwater, anyway.

We're all  'probably' wasting our time here. I hope there's a light at the end of the long tunnel you seem to be in the middle of, and that it's not a train.....

Sorry man, but again -- good luck all the same.

Denial isn't just some river in Egypt, that's for sure!
Shirley, you're not serious...

Offline JamesDonut

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #30 on: March 14, 2017, 05:35:40 AM »
Jimmy, you've had lots of good advice on this thread.  Allow me to throw my 2 cents into they ring also, if I may.  It seems like there is a huge communication gap going on here between you two.  Not only on a esoteric cultural level, but on a basic level necessary to manage a good relationship.  The odds of this working out in your favor are remote at best.  I'm not saying a relationship like this can't succeed, but it requires a lot of in face time for it to "click."  Trying to work out these misunderstandings when you are already married is very difficult. 

Having said that, it wouldn't hurt to visit and experience what the Philippines are like.  But I wouldn't go there with the goal of getting engaged.  Better to go there and learn about the culture and see all the beautiful ladies that you have to choose from there.  No doubt there is someone much more desirable and compatible for you.  Good luck!!     
Revel In the Past, Party In the Present, Save Donuts for the Future.

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #31 on: March 14, 2017, 07:58:50 AM »
Jimmy, you've had lots of good advice on this thread.  Allow me to throw my 2 cents into they ring also, if I may.  It seems like there is a huge communication gap going on here between you two.  Not only on a esoteric cultural level, but on a basic level necessary to manage a good relationship.  The odds of this working out in your favor are remote at best.  I'm not saying a relationship like this can't succeed, but it requires a lot of in face time for it to "click."  Trying to work out these misunderstandings when you are already married is very difficult. 

Having said that, it wouldn't hurt to visit and experience what the Philippines are like.  But I wouldn't go there with the goal of getting engaged.  Better to go there and learn about the culture and see all the beautiful ladies that you have to choose from there.  No doubt there is someone much more desirable and compatible for you.  Good luck!!     

Listen to him. Bets advice ever, Go to Taiwan vist here, go to Filipines visit her and/or others.
 
Dont get hung up on internet communications. What kind of relationship is that?Its hard enough communicating face to face.
 
Relaxand take it easy man.
For all you know , she could be a guy stringing you on, living a Walter Mitty troll existence, like a certain member of this forum.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #32 on: March 14, 2017, 07:45:08 PM »
Maybe Jim feels we're picking on him--I dunno. While it sounds like he's pretty much made up his mind and he says he wants to get insights on the culture and mindset, he might be dealing with more than being left feeling we're slagging his lady. (we're not) We generally try and provide the whole cake here and that includes flour, frosting and no artificial sweetners. I could see it that the way I go off tangent a lot might put him  a bit

But comeon back in the water Jim. It''s actually been better here in terms of post volume, people getting along and keeping it pretty even w/o members provoking members lately.  And you've helped in that regard--thanks.

If I offended you,  if you want to 'let off' on me, or get some info, tips on the side, 'man to man', strictly between us, after you've made ten posts, you can make PMs if you want  and feel free to contact me.As long as my wife is hooked on those crazy Korean soap operas, I ought to have time to reply.

 Again, if you want it 'off the record' you have my word it'll stay that way and I'd like to think most members feel that I'd keep my word on that. Ray's the same way, I'm quite sure. He and I have occasionally fought like two bobcats in a burlap bag, but damn it, gotta admit he's probably helped more guys interested  in visiting the Philippines and pursuing a good woman than anyone else online.

That said, your experience 'out in the main' here, also helps guys that are trying to get up the gumption to 'get on the plane' and do it. You're not just blowing smoke, you're figuring, making real plans and that automatically earned you respect here. Don't let us get your goat up to the point where you shut yourself out of a resource that could help your situation.
Shirley, you're not serious...

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #33 on: March 15, 2017, 02:31:35 PM »
Thank you guys. I understand that you guys are just trying to protect me. I understand that you guys have seen a lot of really bad situations unfold. And I cannot be more thankful for you looking out for me. I agree I need to be careful, I need to take it slow, I need to visit her, and I need to see where it will go and I know that that takes time. I'm not just looking for a beautiful woman. I'm looking for a woman who is beautiful on the inside and in my eyes. Do I know this woman Inside and Out? Do I know this woman through and through? Do I know if she is legitimately beautiful on the inside? No. There is no way for me to know that except by time. Meeting her and spending time with her. I really do appreciate you guys giving me advice, tips, pointers, and looking out for me. Any and all concerns that I had, and any that I may still have, I finally got up the nerve to discuss it with her. And she and I had a good conversation and discussion and both agreed that no matter what we have to take it slow, get to know each other, and of course least meet on multiple occasions. So that is the plan, we are going to take it slow, we are going to get to know each other, and we are going to see where it goes without planning too far ahead.
I also understand that it takes investment from both parties in order for a relationship to work. And I cannot give too much investment on something that is not definite. So we are also working on that and taking it slow.
I admit I took it too fast. I admit I got excited. You're right, that I don't get a lot of attention from women. So to get attention like I have been from her is quite foreign to me. And yes, it took me by storm. But I do understand the dangers in that now. I don't want to get too emotionally attached, only to be hurt. So not only do I need to take it slow for her sake but also for mine. Never mention we're going to slow down maybe not talk as often and I'm going to go over there in July and meet her. Then we will see where it goes from there. Nothing else.

In addition on a personal note, I have been really busy with my business, and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone here or have upset anybody. Also on a side note, everything I'm saying right now is text to speech, so if it seems unorganized or if it seems sporadic, that would be why. And I'm on my phone and the text to speech, so I'm not really as able to scroll up and see what I've said and ensure that it'll make sense until after of course I post. Hopefully this isn't too confusing.

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #34 on: March 15, 2017, 06:41:12 PM »
For the life of me I cant figure out which One of the two of you is more verbose..

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #35 on: March 15, 2017, 07:16:52 PM »
Me.  I ramble. Gets me into trouble sometimes.  I tend to over explain.  Like right now. 

Offline Ray

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #36 on: March 15, 2017, 07:54:00 PM »
Good for you Jimmy.

Your situation is really not that unusual, but we are interested in how things work out for the two of you. I hope you keep in touch with the forum and update us.

If you had a chance to read that book I recommended, we would welcome your comments/questions on Filipino culture.


Ray

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #37 on: March 15, 2017, 09:30:12 PM »
I still have to get that book.  Finding a more current one at a decent (not $200 price ) is proving difficult.  And I'm not sure how accurate the older version will be.  A lot has changed in the world since 1992. Heck,  a lot has changed since 2000.

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #37 on: March 15, 2017, 09:30:12 PM »

Offline Ray

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #38 on: March 20, 2017, 04:55:10 PM »
I still have to get that book.  Finding a more current one at a decent (not $200 price ) is proving difficult.  And I'm not sure how accurate the older version will be.  A lot has changed in the world since 1992. Heck,  a lot has changed since 2000.

Jimmy, what kind of game are you playing here?

You came here asking for help in understanding Filipino culture, and now you are making excuses for not reading an excellent book that will answer many of your questions.

FORGET ABOUT $200!!!

Go to e-bay and buy an older edition. You shouldn't have to pay more $4. I have the 2006 edition and it still works just fine. I gave my older edition to a nice American guy who wanted to marry my wife's younger cousin, of whom I am very fond. He had never been to the Philippines when they were married here in the States, and he has since told me that book saved his marriage several times.

Now if you can't afford the four dollars, then you really should get out of this game, because it will cost you MUCH MORE than that in the long run.

Time to shyt or get off the pot Jimmy...  ;D


Ray




Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #39 on: March 20, 2017, 07:01:41 PM »
Whoa dude. All you needed to say was,  "hey, the older versions are good too."
Culture shock, Philippines right?  Looking now.

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #40 on: March 20, 2017, 07:08:44 PM »
I don't know if I can put links here. There's like three different ones, but all by the same dude. One that has a person with a painted face, one that looks like traffic and a vehicle head light, and a third with a man and woman dressed nicely on the cover.  Which one do I want?  They all have the same exact title. 

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #41 on: March 20, 2017, 07:21:34 PM »
Okay, I went back and read through some forum posts and saw you say black cover.  I'm sure that's the one with the painted face.  Going to buy now.  Thanks ray. Didn't mean to upset you.  I wasn't trying to find excuses not to buy.  Just wanted to be sure I bought the right one.  I'm eager not to make mistakes.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #42 on: March 20, 2017, 08:02:30 PM »
Ebay, amazon, abesbooks, halfprice.Com and there's a bunch of other sources if you just Google  a few minutes. I mentioned all this before....

Just dig a bit and I'll be real suprised if you pay more than 10 bucks. Regardless of the edition, doing so and reading it will be healthy for you, akin to a needed psychological immunization for you against Filipinoitis.
Shirley, you're not serious...

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #43 on: March 20, 2017, 08:16:35 PM »
I don't know what you mean by that.  But I bought it. Now I just wait.

Offline Ray

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #44 on: March 21, 2017, 01:19:30 PM »
I don't know what you mean by that.  But I bought it. Now I just wait.

Four dollars well spent! Should answer some of your questions.

Sorry for the kick in the ass to get you moving...  :-*


Ray

Offline Rschnb67

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #45 on: March 23, 2017, 12:35:26 PM »
You cant learn about a future wife from a book about he culture WTF. Eveyones different.
Heres an idea actually get to know your woman before you rearrange your life and get married

Offline Ray

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #46 on: March 23, 2017, 03:20:45 PM »
You cant learn about a future wife from a book about he culture WTF. Eveyones different.
Heres an idea actually get to know your woman before you rearrange your life and get married

The book IS NOT about any particular woman!

It is a valuable resource in understanding Filipino culture. After all, the OP did come here asking about Filipino culture, which should be a prerequisite in getting to know a Filipina.

He is already communicating with her regularly and planning a trip to meet her in person and spend time with her, so please chill out…

Thanks,

Ray


Offline Jhengsman

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #47 on: March 23, 2017, 07:26:39 PM »
You cant learn about a future wife from a book about he culture WTF. Eveyones different.
Heres an idea actually get to know your woman before you rearrange your life and get married
The cultures are compatible, not identical. Simply things like a come here or go there motion can cause undue stress

Planet-Love.com

Re: Confusion
« Reply #47 on: March 23, 2017, 07:26:39 PM »

Offline Jimmyhopes

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #48 on: March 23, 2017, 09:49:14 PM »
Just an update to all.  She and I have decided to take a break, per my suggestion. she was getting overwhelmed with a lot of things between family and work and me.  So, she accepted the proposal of taking a break.  I'm unsure for how long, we didn't go over that.  She was pretty emotional about it.  I reached out to her friend and advised her friend to comfort her.  But her friend said she was too emotional to talk about it.  She's been so overwhelmed lately and I'm hoping this break (at least one thing off her plate ) will help.  I'm still going there in July though.  In the meantime, trying to respect her space and not reach out to her at all.  Just waiting for her to reach out to me.  I know she's hurting, I am as well.  Hoping this will be good for both of us, and strengthen our bond.  Of course, I humbly admit to all of you, I'm scared. 

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Confusion
« Reply #49 on: March 24, 2017, 07:10:02 AM »
Well to me it is quite obvious this WOVO stuff sucks big time. It´s insanity to gey so wound up in a woman you havent even met. Absolute insanity..
« Last Edit: March 24, 2017, 07:12:22 AM by Elexpatriado »

 

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