Greetings from a new member.

[Marcus]

Greetings all -- good to find a community as welcoming as this one, for something as daunting as pursuing a ‘foreign’ bride.  Unfortunately, I am yet another American man introducing himself here, and what follows will be a hodge-podge of background information and questions.

Bluntly speaking, I am single and in my mid-twenties, a hopeless romantic who after experiencing the American dating scene, is returning to the idea of pursuing a (probably) Filipino lady.  It was after some soul searching earlier this year that I realized I no longer wanted to participate in the American dating culture, which now strikes me as superficial and a seeming free-for-all.  I’m not a conservative Family Values type, but I do find much value and meaning in relationship, monogamy, loyalty and commitment.  For the kind of person I am, and for what I’m looking for in a spouse, I had to admit to myself based on my experience, it was not very likely I’d find success just by living life in the States.  It’s only happened twice that I’ve found a woman with whom I thought I could share a lifelong relationship.  For one, it became one of the most painful experiences of my life.  For the other, the circumstances are just too different to make work.

So, I suppose this is where I throw myself upon the mercy of the community, and open myself to any and all ideas and advice.  But I do have several more specific questions.

Part of the fantasy (I won’t couch this with any euphemisms) is welcoming a woman into my life, and being able to provide for her in ways that might not necessarily be open to her in her home country.  Showing her all the opportunities that life offers, exploring these opportunities and the world, and providing the options like that of a first-rate education.  Would you say this is a realistic goal?

The prospect of traveling abroad is daunting to me.  I realize it is customary for the man to travel to her home country, but are there exceptions to this rule?  I have no desire to become an expatriate, for what difference this may make.  On the other hand, I am perfectly open to making arrangements for her to have visits state-side before making an absolute commitment.

For my part, though I can be quite sociable, I am generally introspective and tend to have my head in the clouds, which leads me to think I might be more at home in an Asian culture.  I am currently transitioning from a service-level job to heading a nonprofit corp.; the days are in sight when I will have the financial ability to support the kind of relationship I seek, so I’ve decided now is as good a time as any to begin learning more.  I’ve also recently been accepted, after earning my two-year degree, to university to pursue my chosen fields of philosophy and physics.

Thanks for reading.  Perhaps one day I will be able to return here and share with others what I’ve learned through my success.

[michaelb]

Part of the fantasy (I won’t couch this with any euphemisms) is welcoming a woman into my life, and being able to provide for her in ways that might not necessarily be open to her in her home country.  Showing her all the opportunities that life offers, exploring these opportunities and the world, and providing the options like that of a first-rate education.  Would you say this is a realistic goal?
>
This is known as 'The White Knight' syndrome.............it's fairly realistic that you will do this for 'the one', both out of love and necessity, once she's here. However, if that's your main reason for this quest, that is not a good idea.


On the other hand, I am perfectly open to making arrangements for her to have visits state-side before making an absolute commitment.
>
You may be open to it, but La Migra isn't.....any idea how hard it is for a common person from a third world country to get a tourist or student visa into the US? I'll tell you....it's somewhere between slim and fat....and slim just rode out of town. Some actors, models, musicians and athletes can get performer's visa (P-1, but it's for the major league players, P-2 or P-3 maybe if they're part of a touring cultural show, such as a troupe of traditional dancers or the like), yes. Some (OK, many) rich people might get tourists visas and (if they're rich and have strong ties to their home country) their children do get student visas. But 99 64/100% of the ladies you (or most guys here) are likely to get to know won't qualify for any kind of visa except fiancee or spouse.......which of course means that you have made 'an absolute commitment'.

[Marcus]

This is known as 'The White Knight' syndrome.............it's fairly realistic that you will do this for 'the one', both out of love and necessity, once she's here. However, if that's your main reason for this quest, that is not a good idea.

I think you are quite correct.  If I was primarily concerned with being the White Knight, I would have grounds for questioning my motives.  But it is really only incidental to me, something I had realized after the fact of deciding to pursue international dating.  But having now realized this, I would be lying to say being able to provide wasn't also appealing to me.

You may be open to it, but La Migra isn't.....any idea how hard it is for a common person from a third world country to get a tourist or student visa into the US?

Unfortunately, here too I am at the beginning of my learning curve, and am as yet only familiar with the bare bones facts of visas and passports.  What I had read on the subject didn't suggest many undue hassles for Filipinos seeking a visa to enter the U.S., but I will need to solicit more opinions.

[robert angel]

Hi Marcus and welcome.

I think if you're really interested in meeting a Filipina and possibly a wife, you ought to basically realize that if you want to  marry one, you're going to simply have to go over there. That said, it's expensive, but I don't recall a guy here saying he didn't have a wonderful time there.

Plus, it would allow you to most importantly see the culture and life style that created her--only fair and really an excellent idea.

You would also need to show proof you went there, with pictures of you and her--hopefully with her family and in different settings and receipt records of the trip--hotels, airfare, etc. This is so the US Govt. --more accurately USCIS, knows its legitimate.

Sure there are Filipinas here--in the churches (especially Catholic), working as nurses, teachers--all walks of life, but to various extents, life in the USA has changed them and the playing fields on which you're meeting them.

In short, I think if you want to make this a serious, goal focused mission, you need to resign yourself to going there. My first time, I psyched myself out, thinking it was too far, too different, too dangerous--in fact it was different, but friendly and very pleasant over there, with almost everyone speaking good English and most western foods available.

Don't psyche yourself out!

Good luck!

[Marcus]

Thank you, robert; for the various reasons you've stated, I've come to realize I should consider a potential international excursion as a positive and necessary learning experience.  I had been thinking of it as psychologically daunting and a (largely financial) impediment, but upon reconsideration, I see that that need not be the case.  More grist for the mental mill -- in this case, travel reseach.

You are correct in that I wish to make this a serious, goal-oriented mission.  But I'd also like to enjoy the journey, which means doing plenty of research ahead of time.  For a novice into this process, such as myself, what do you make of the chances of successfully finding a spouse?

[robert angel]

Marcus,

If we can't find a wife in the Philippines, I don't think we can find one anywhere. Aside from the many poor, under employed or unemployed ladies, (many of them well educated), even many of the ones comfortable with their income--their 'station in life' if you will, are quite open to the idea of marrying a foreigner and living abroad.

Many of the better ladies will come here, maybe go to Disney Land and a few other 'must see' sights, live the 'American lifestyle' and then begin counting the days until you'll be able to retire and happily move back there together. Not all, but some. My wife wants a home back there, close to her family very badly, but to come back to the USA for 2 or 3 months a year. Maybe in 7 or so years, that will happen.

That said, you'll need to take the time--and there's no substitute for putting in the time, to eventually find out the differences that exist among the women you meet in this journey. Especially early on, you will be blinded by beauty, charmed by their sometimes seemingly simple and sincere demeanors, only to find out that so are about 20 other guys with her at the very same time, feeling the same way. You'll have been played like a violin. Chances are, many guys will have played her as well, promising her they'd come and visit, among other things, then breaking her heart. Maybe it's 'tit for tat'.

Don't feel that you've found that gold nugget of a woman miraculously in the first week. Even if you're tooth achingly sweet on a gal, continue to exercise your options to meet others and learn more, while trying to be as honest with the women and with yourself as you can. This isn't fast food, although the internet seems to give you false illusions and expectations.

A time will come when you need to narrow down your choices, most preferably to one woman , IF you've done your homework correctly. Hopefully by then you'll have learned a bit, quite likely had your heart broken or at least disappointed, and will find yourself ready to make that long, long journey to exotic Asia, where the nicest, loveliest ladies exist, along with law and order, TV in English, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Dunkin Donuts and Subway!

[piglett]

Welcome to the board Marcus


piglett

[Dave H]

Hey Marcus,

Welcome to P-L! Sit back, relax, fasten your seat belt, and enjoy the ride! It can get bumpy at times, but is usually quite an enjoyable experience overall!

Good Luck!

Dave

[Ray]

The prospect of traveling abroad is daunting to me. I realize it is customary for the man to travel to her home country, but are there exceptions to this rule? I have no desire to become an expatriate, for what difference this may make. On the other hand, I am perfectly open to making arrangements for her to have visits state-side before making an absolute commitment.

Hi Marcus, welcome aboard.

Yes, there are exceptions to the “rule” that you have to travel to her home country. Actually, whether you marry her over there or petition her for a fiancée visa so you can marry here, you will need to meet her in person, face to face. Where you meet is not a requirement of law, just that you meet.

Even still, there are some rare exceptions to that rule also. We did have one member who got a waiver on traveling due to a serious heart condition, so she was able to obtain a fiancée visa without ever meeting him in person, but that was a one in a million exception.

In general, the chances of the average single Filipina woman being able to obtain a visitor visa to the States are probably much less than 1%, so to save yourself a lot of grief, I would just forget that option right now.

Now practically speaking, you are going to have to resign yourself to getting a passport and a plane ticket and making a trip overseas, preferably multiple trips.

Instead of feeling daunted by the idea of international travel, try to look at it as an exciting adventure that most people never have the chance to take advantage of.

Philosophy and Physics? Now that is an interesting combination. Studying Philosophy may be fun, but if you want your education to help pay the bills, I would recommend Physics as a major.   

Ray

[Jeff S]

Welcome Marcus.
Yes, it is a lot of fun introducing new people into your world. That isn't always a character flaw (white knight syndrome) unless you feel you need to rescue someone in distress. As Dr. Laura says, rescue a damsel in distress and you end up with a distressed damsel. Enjoying teaching someone about your culture, customs, and life is very different. Feeling the satisfaction of being a provider and protector of your family, likewise isn't a character flaw, in spite of what hardcore feminists may rant. It is a very normal, natural part of being a man.

There are countries in Asia where people may travel to the US on tourist visas fairly easily, unfortunately the Philippines isn't one of them. When I was dating my wife I made two trips there and she two trips here, all over 1 month each, in a span of two months.

What is so daunting about traveling? Having a fear or even apprehension about exploring new places, meeting new people and seeing new things is something to be gotten over. Spend some time watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations travel channel show and that'll start you on the way to your cure.

Spend some time reading the archives, especially the trip reports, and enjoy. Feel free to ask anything you wish. We're happy you're here.

- Jeff

[Marcus]

Thank you for the kind words, all.  I will attempt to give each response individual attention.

If we can't find a wife in the Philippines, I don't think we can find one anywhere. Aside from the many poor, under employed or unemployed ladies, (many of them well educated), even many of the ones comfortable with their income--their 'station in life' if you will, are quite open to the idea of marrying a foreigner and living abroad.

A fact I remind myself to be conscientious of on a regular basis.  Given the added motives a would-be spouse may have for immigrating to the States (and I should like to find a lady wanting to make a permanent home here -- of course, not that I'd rule out return visits), I know I would feel a special responsibility to see to her happiness.

That said, you'll need to take the time--and there's no substitute for putting in the time, to eventually find out the differences that exist among the women you meet in this journey.

A prospect for which I am grateful, since I am not quite yet in a position to support this relationship, nor quite yet able to travel abroad, but still wanting to open lines of communication.  I decided it would be a good idea for me to make one or three pen pals, to help break the ice, and learn better about the culture and how to converse with a Filipina.

Welcome to the board Marcus

Thank you!

Welcome to P-L! Sit back, relax, fasten your seat belt, and enjoy the ride! It can get bumpy at times, but is usually quite an enjoyable experience overall!

Thanks!  I have already learned much to value.

Now practically speaking, you are going to have to resign yourself to getting a passport and a plane ticket and making a trip overseas, preferably multiple trips.

Instead of feeling daunted by the idea of international travel, try to look at it as an exciting adventure that most people never have the chance to take advantage of.

What is so daunting about traveling? Having a fear or even apprehension about exploring new places, meeting new people and seeing new things is something to be gotten over. Spend some time watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations travel channel show and that'll start you on the way to your cure.

I've already resolved myself to international travel on this endeavor, and still now think of it as a necessary and enjoyable learning experience.  It is apprehension I feel towards the prospect, apprehension mostly over the possibility I will make some misstep, or not plan thoroughly enough, and so find myself in some trouble.  But I have also long desired to travel for my own enrichment as my finances permit; so with the English language being so pervasive in the Philippines, and with the history our two nations share, perhaps the Philippines is a fine place to begin.

Philosophy and Physics? Now that is an interesting combination. Studying Philosophy may be fun, but if you want your education to help pay the bills, I would recommend Physics as a major.

Well, I am already committed to a first major in philosophy (and what I hope to be a minor in mathematics).  Fortunately, my attention to philosophy is already paying dividends, and I am becoming self-employed.

Yes, it is a lot of fun introducing new people into your world. That isn't always a character flaw (white knight syndrome) unless you feel you need to rescue someone in distress. As Dr. Laura says, rescue a damsel in distress and you end up with a distressed damsel. Enjoying teaching someone about your culture, customs, and life is very different. Feeling the satisfaction of being a provider and protector of your family, likewise isn't a character flaw, in spite of what hardcore feminists may rant. It is a very normal, natural part of being a man.

I think we're in complete agreement.  What follows from being a provider, in my case especially, is being able to turn to my partner and say, "Know how to be the most fulfilled in life, and I will support you however much you want me to."  And as you say, there is much to be enjoyed about teaching, but also mutual learning.  Though what I find most enticing, is committing to a relationship, and then going off together to explore not just each other, but what all the world has to offer.

[z_k_g]

Marcus,

Welcome to P-L.

I'm sure that you will exactly what you are looking for if you take the time and attention required.  In some ways this will be the most important decision of your life so do it right!

There are a combination of men on P-L.  Some are wise, some are experienced, some are novices, but what we all have in common is the desire to find and maintain a healthy relationship with a woman.  The primary focus is foreign brides, however the knowledge gained can be applied to achieve a fulfilling relationship wherever you wife is from!

Just remember to be open, honest and speak your mind at all times, your opinion is valued!!

Zulu

[Bob_S]

Part of the fantasy (I won’t couch this with any euphemisms) is welcoming a woman into my life, and being able to provide for her in ways that might not necessarily be open to her in her home country.  Showing her all the opportunities that life offers, exploring these opportunities and the world, and providing the options like that of a first-rate education.  Would you say this is a realistic goal?

Everyone has already pounded on you about the pitfalls of the White Knight syndrome, so I'll spare you.  But look at it this way, selecting a spouse should be about finding your match, so optimally, you'd want someone who has as much to offer you as you do to offer her.  It's about blending your worlds, not just superimposing yours onto her (that creates a kind of father-daughter dynamic that is lethal to a marriage).  View this as a necessary adventure to expand your world.  Oh, the things you will see!  For example, though I didn't click with the girl I went to visit in Volgograd (Stalingrad) over a decade ago, I still don't regret the trip because of how deeply moved I was by witnessing the changing of the guard at the Mat Rodina.

So select a country that you find deeply fascinating, then focus on the woman there.  I was interested in my wife's country long before I met her.  As such, our relationship has allowed me to delve into it so much deeper, and I would gladly move there (again!) given a chance.  You'll find that for the guys here happily married, they more often than not have the same feelings.  They plan to live in or retire to their wife's homeland.

Maybe you haven't reached that point yet, but soon you will realize that it is worth risking your life to travel to inner Mongolia or Turkmenistan if that's what it takes to go meet your perfect match rather than stay in the domestic dating scene.

The prospect of traveling abroad is daunting to me.  I realize it is customary for the man to travel to her home country, but are there exceptions to this rule?  I have no desire to become an expatriate, for what difference this may make.  On the other hand, I am perfectly open to making arrangements for her to have visits state-side before making an absolute commitment.

Sure, there are exceptions.  You can select to pursue women from one of the 36 countries in the Visa Waiver Program.

But I have also long desired to travel for my own enrichment as my finances permit; so with the English language being so pervasive in the Philippines, and with the history our two nations share, perhaps the Philippines is a fine place to begin.

English is pervasive all over. (A redundancy?)  You want English?  Hong Kong was a British colony for over a century and most everyone is bilingual to some degree.  You can get by fine in English only in pretty much every country of the East as long as you stay in the cities.  It tapers off quickly once you head out into the boonies of any country.  Heck, I see more English in the suburbs of Nagoya than I do in some neighborhoods around Los Angeles!

Though you should expect to have to learn some of the local language of your future spouse, even if it is at least the basic 6 (yes, no, hello, good bye, please, thank you).

So, welcome to the forum.  There are other young guys like you in various stages of the quest, so you are not alone.

[jm21-2]

Chances of her being able to visit you are pretty slim outside of a few countries. My GF is from Taiwan, had a good job, and had a work visa for Australia, but they still denied her a tourist visa to the US because she had an American boyfriend. *grumble grumble*

You'll have fun traveling abroad. Don't worry about it so much. My first trip abroad I went to China, the girl I was going to meet was really late and my cell phone was about out of batteries...no one spoke English...she eventually arrived and we hustled into her brother-in-law's van and took off...it may seem scary as [snip] but really Asia is a pretty safe place and when you're in the middle of it you don't even think about it.

If you're in your mid-twenties the big worry would typically be vacation time.

[Marcus]

Thanks again for the replies.  Before getting more specific, I did have one other question.  I’m still thinking that finding a couple pen pals from the culture I’m considering (the Philippines) is a good idea to break the ice and continue my learning, but I haven’t yet posted any profiles on any site.  Does anyone have a recommendation?  I’m aware of FilipinaHeart, with some profiles requesting pen pals, but I’m wondering about others, too.  For what it’s worth, I don’t mind paying a modest membership fee, especially if that gets me into a higher quality site.

I'm sure that you will exactly what you are looking for if you take the time and attention required. In some ways this will be the most important decision of your life so do it right!

Absolutely!  This is a fact of which I remind myself whenever I might happen to be feeling anxious for results.  This is a process to be enjoyed and learned from.  And since I am inquisitive by nature, framing this process (and relationships in general) as an exploration puts it in terms I can readily appreciate.

Just remember to be open, honest and speak your mind at all times, your opinion is valued!!

Thank you!

So, welcome to the forum. There are other young guys like you in various stages of the quest, so you are not alone.

Thank you!  Though I don’t have much in the way of a point-by-point response, I did want to voice my appreciation for your wise words; I have nothing to disagree with.  One possible exception is, a desire to relocate to my spouse’s homeland, which for the moment at least, I’m not motivated to do.  There is still hope for this possibility, as my self-employment will afford me considerable freedom of travel.  The greatest restriction against my relocation, that I now see it, is my professional activities taking place mostly in the States.  But thinking of it now, after what I hope to be a long academic “career,” there is no reason why I couldn’t maintain a second home in the Philippines (for instance).  Certainly possibilities to consider.

You'll have fun traveling abroad. Don't worry about it so much.

Thanks!  In the two days this has been on my mind, my perception of this traveling has shifted from being daunting, to being necessary and enjoyable, now to something to be relished.  But it is still tragically unfortunate acquiring a visa to enter the U.S. is so difficult.  I had hoped to be able to show her life in America with me before she made a decision, but it now seems even that may be prohibitive.

[z_k_g]

For what it’s worth, I don’t mind paying a modest membership fee, especially if that gets me into a higher quality site.

I used www.dateinasia.com.  Its free!  I found my sweetie on there but it took weeding through 300 or so pinays (filipina girls) to find her.

Others on F-L may disagree, but paying does not always give you the best results or any at all for that matter.  I've used pay sites before and its pretty much the same, just costs you money.  Instead of 300 pinays on the free site you have to weed through, you get 30 pretty decent women on the paid site.  Result? You still end up with 1 or 2 that meet your needs.  And guess what?  On the paid site there are 2,000 other horny guys hitting up on the same 30!  Its much better to weed through the 300+ and find the gem!  You will probably be the only foreign guy she has ever chat with!!

I actually enjoyed the experience of weeding through the 300+ pinays.  I learned a lot about the scams, lies, ladyboys that populate the Philippines and was way more comfortable with the whole chat/cam/email culture by the time I met my sweetie.  She is an absolute gem, I am a very lucky man and god willing she will be my wife one day!

But that's just my experience, you may have different affectations and tolerance for BS and the weeding out process!

Hope this helps!

Zulukong

[Bob_S]

I have nothing to disagree with.  One possible exception is, a desire to relocate to my spouse’s homeland, which for the moment at least, I’m not motivated to do.

That's just because you haven't been there yet.  But once you meet The One, you'll fall in love with everything about her.  Her dinky mud floored nipa hut fishing village with neither plumbing nor electricity will seem like paradise.  And you'll look forward to spending as much time there as possible.

In the two days this has been on my mind, my perception of this traveling has shifted from being daunting, to being necessary and enjoyable, now to something to be relished.

That's the spirit.  I first considered the possibilities of this adventure while reading travel blogs of guys like Wayan Vota when he started his blog "Bellybutton Window on the World" while still a Peace Corp volunteer in Russia.  Plus I had another friend in the Peace Corp who occasionally sent back e-mails of his adventures.  My secure desk job started to feel more like a prison.  I thought to myself, what's the worst that's likely to happen?  Other people do this all the time with no problems.  And even if something does go wrong, it most likely won't kill me, and will just add the the adventure of it all.

[Gato4Astrid]

I used www.dateinasia.com.

Zulukong

"Love knows no borders"   whoever owns it must have known Jamie's website "Love has no borders" lol

[jm21-2]

Thanks!  In the two days this has been on my mind, my perception of this traveling has shifted from being daunting, to being necessary and enjoyable, now to something to be relished.  But it is still tragically unfortunate acquiring a visa to enter the U.S. is so difficult.  I had hoped to be able to show her life in America with me before she made a decision, but it now seems even that may be prohibitive.

I hear ya. I'd love to be able to see if she was into things like sailing and camping, which would be very important as far as compatibility goes....and my parents would love to meet her...I'm thinking maybe Canada is an option. If I lived more in the south maybe Mexico. It's ridiculous how restrictive our immigration system is. But then I'm more of a libertarian open borders sort of guy...

You can always do the fiance visa and then there is 90 days int he US you can use to see if there are any catastrophic surprises...but it would probably mean not having a wedding in her country, which means no family or friends at her wedding, which is a pretty big deal.

[Marcus]

Others on F-L may disagree, but paying does not always give you the best results or any at all for that matter. I've used pay sites before and its pretty much the same, just costs you money. Instead of 300 pinays on the free site you have to weed through, you get 30 pretty decent women on the paid site. Result? You still end up with 1 or 2 that meet your needs. And guess what? On the paid site there are 2,000 other horny guys hitting up on the same 30! Its much better to weed through the 300+ and find the gem! You will probably be the only foreign guy she has ever chat with!!

Excellent thinking!  I have no issues against wading through even hundreds of profiles, as I have already taken such a cursory look through the profiles on FilipinaHearts.  My primary concern is whether a paid site is more likely to attract Filipinas with genuine intent.  But probably a critical eye should be used regardless of site.

I actually enjoyed the experience of weeding through the 300+ pinays. I learned a lot about the scams, lies, ladyboys that populate the Philippines and was way more comfortable with the whole chat/cam/email culture by the time I met my sweetie. She is an absolute gem, I am a very lucky man and god willing she will be my wife one day!

When you say weeding through 300+ pinays, do you mean examining profiles, or did you actually have communication with all these women?  If it was two-way communication you had, I hope I won’t have had to do same to find my sweetie.

Speaking of your sweetie, is that her in your avatar?  If so, I agree you’re a very lucky man.

You can always do the fiance visa and then there is 90 days int he US you can use to see if there are any catastrophic surprises...but it would probably mean not having a wedding in her country, which means no family or friends at her wedding, which is a pretty big deal.

I still now believe this process is something to be savored and not rushed unnecessarily.  But at the same time I cannot help but think of ways to best use time and money.  Perhaps one way is to apply for K-1 visa sooner rather than later -- after a first visit to the Philippines -- and using the time between beginning application and acceptance to have another visit and continue “courtship.”  Once the visa has been issued, bring her to the States to see life here still appeals and possibly marry.  But as you say, the tradeoff could be none of her friends and family being present.  I suppose where she would want to marry is one of those Important Questions.

Best of luck to you on your own journey!

[z_k_g]

My primary concern is whether a paid site is more likely to attract Filipinas with genuine intent.  But probably a critical eye should be used regardless of site.

Since the sites are free it doesn't matter which one you choose!  The ladyboys, scammers, fakes, partygirls, bargirls and jewels all use the same sites.  Its up to you to find your match!!

When you say weeding through 300+ pinays, do you mean examining profiles, or did you actually have communication with all these women?  If it was two-way communication you had, I hope I won’t have had to do same to find my sweetie.

I chatted with over 200 women in pretty much every province of the Philippines.  I probably sent out 300+ emails.  I averaged about 5-10 chats on yahoo every day for about a month.  Yahoo has chat archiving which is great because you can store the chats review later and cross reference the answers you get the first time you chat with later chats!  You got to make sure you turn on archiving its not on by default!

All of the pinay girls use yahoo chat so its the best chat client to use!

It will become pretty easy to pick out the garbage.  Compatibility will be obvious after a few chats.  As you get better at chatting you can weed them out quick!

My sweetie was very shy initially.  I have a rule that I MUST see a picture before I chat.  Her picture was not so good and she was wearing huge sunglasses, the trend there now, and I could barely see her face and she wasn't smiling!  

After our initial chat, I was pretty smitten, so i relaxed my rules, hehe.  I didn't see a picture of her for a month but our conversation was really nice and she was obviously a decent person.  I concluded that even though her picture was not so hot we could be friends if nothing else because of her pleasant demeanor and sincerity.

Well, she surprised me one day with an email and her pics!!   I was blown away!

There were others but they went to the wayside pretty quick so I could focus my attention on her!

Your experience my vary from mine, but I think all those chats help me get the "feel" of how pinays think in some ways.  

Also, I used those chats to test my approach and really got a better understanding of the right and wrong way to talk to a pinay!

Would I do it again?  Yes!

Speaking of your sweetie, is that her in your avatar?  If so, I agree you’re a very lucky man.

Yes!

Zulu

[robert angel]

Re:

>>In the two days this has been on my mind, my perception of this traveling has shifted from being daunting, to being necessary and enjoyable, now to something to be relished.<<

                                                                            &

>>That's the spirit.  I first considered the possibilities of this adventure while reading travel blogs of guys like Wayan Vota when he started his blog "Bellybutton Window on the World" while still a Peace Corp volunteer in Russia.  Plus I had another friend in the Peace Corp who occasionally sent back e-mails of his adventures.  My secure desk job started to feel more like a prison.  I thought to myself, what's the worst that's likely to happen?  Other people do this all the time with no problems.  And even if something does go wrong, it most likely won't kill me, and will just add the the adventure of it all.<<

It sure is nice to travel to distant locales, meet exotic people and not have to go there with the possibility of having to kill half of them as 'enemy combatants!'

[z_k_g]

It sure is nice to travel to distant locales, meet exotic people and not have to go there with the possibility of having to kill half of them as 'enemy combatants!'

Great Point!

Now I wish we could apply that same sensibility to New Orleans, Detroit, New York and Boston inner city ghettos and rural Alabama, Idaho, Mississippi, Texas and Arizona in the good ole USofA!!  There are good and bad people everywhere!

Its amazing how we can have an open mind once we leave our own boarders but treat each other like crap here in our own country!

Zulu

[Dave H]

It sure is nice to travel to distant locales, meet exotic people and not have to go there with the possibility of having to kill half of them as 'enemy combatants!'

Hey Rob,

Now what fun would that be? 

A few moths ago. I couldn't get reasonable airfare for a flight on the days I wanted. So I took a Greyhound bus from Baltimore to Detroit...believe it or not, I had a wonderful relaxing trip and met some very nice people along the way. In Detroit, several very "accommodating" guys kept trying to get me to walk around the corner and down the street to a taxi that was hidden from view...hmmm, doesn't sound like a set up to me. I would laugh and tell them my ride was coming. When my ride finally arrived, the guys were still there. You should have seen their eyes pop out of their heads when I climbed in the back of my ride and told them to call me if they ever needed anything! 

Dave

[jm21-2]

Remember that when you apply for a fiance visa it means you intend to get married. If it's just a possibility you shouldn't use one. Anyways, good luck. For me, I find the long distance part to be pretty bad after meeting her in person. It's kind of depressing to know there's this wonderful girl out there, talking to her, going on webcam, but no physical contact. Other guys seem to enjoy it though. And my girlfriend is a lot slower to get married than most it seems which draws out the process.

If I did things again I would be looking for a girl who was looking to get married quickly. Maybe even one of these marriage agencies operating in Vietnam or Mongolia catering primarily to guys from richer Asian countries. I guess my biological clock must be ticking or something.