Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?

[Hector_Lavoe]

Major formatting issues on site. Post Deleted. Re-posted below.

[Hector_Lavoe]

Had some major formatting issues with that initial post. Trying again:

I have posted about this girl in the past. We first met nearly 5 years ago in Nicaragua (time flies). She subsequently moved to Panama following her sisters for better job opportunities, etc. We hit it off from the start. But I broke it off with her about 2.5 years ago. She is now 28 (almost 29) and I am 52. I broke it off in part thinking I could find a girl a bit older than her.

After that initial break we kept in close contact for about 5 months. She was trying to get me to change my mind. Finally, she said to me, "Are you really sure you are never coming back to visit me in Panama."  I answered affirmatively and told her yes it is over. 

Soon after that she was in a serious relationship with a local Latin American guy around her age. Saw a few photos of the guy and he is a ripped Latin stud. I wasn't totally surprised because she is an attractive girl. She broke off contact with me after that as the her new novio was your stereotypical possessive/jealous Latin lover. Though I get it. People also need to move on.

I was pretty convinced I'd never hear from her or see her again. I thought for sure he'd knock her up and that would the end of it. She did occasionally text me to say hello but it was always very quick and brief.

As I have stated before on this forum, I have had a few moments when I have cringed thinking: Why the hell did I let that girl go?  Been on numerous trips to Latin America and she was the one that knocked me out the most. Since I broke it off with her in May 2017 I have made a few trips:

-Cali, Colombia for a week (no dice);
-A One Woman Trip to Medellin (Major Failure);
-A trip to Costa Rica (a major bust);
-A few weekend trips to Tijuana but no major connections;

I've also dated a few local Latinas in the USA during that time but NOTHING to write home about.

About two weeks ago I get a text from her. I thought for sure it was another hello and goodbye text. But THIS time was different. She made it clear that the other guy was no longer in the picture. She also invited me to come visit her in Panama. Moreover, she has invited me to go join her in Nicaragua in February when she will go for an extended trip to visit family (Mom, Dad, etc.). I've met her mother once before and she "approves" of me. Of course, any Nicaraguan mother will approve of her daughter dating a guy from the USA unless he is a total douche.

So I have purchased a ticket to go see her in January in Panama.

I know that many on this board will call my plan to bring her back to the U.S.A. crazy! By all means, I want to hear ALL perspectives. I even think it is crazy until I look at the alternatives.

Some of my key thoughts:
1. Big age gap, lots of risk: But we both agree that we want ONE child and if you knock a girl up in the USA you have a better chance of keeping her around;

2. Why NOT go Ex-Pat, Stay Single and Move to Latin America?  The Ex-Pat strategy is GREAT until you look into the details: like trying to find a good paying job, etc. At peak of my career now. Could risk it and just move and network there. But my "conversational Spanish" is NOT the same as fluent business Spanish, NOT even close!  Also, my aging father's memory is going fast. Not many good years left. So reluctant to relocate when he still has his marbles and remembers who his children are, etc.

3. Is She Moving for an Upgrade in Lifestyle/Opportunities? Yes, only a fool would think otherwise. But time is ripping by. Ten years ago I was rarely if ever called sir. Now I get it all the time. Might as well roll the dice. If it crashes and burns so be it.

I will say this: Benjio's recent thread on his buddy in Brazil makes think any guy would be nuts to bring a girl back to the USA without FIRST hiring a private investigator (just in case).

Here are a few photos of the lady:








^The two of us the last time we were together (2.5 years ago)

 

[benjio]

After 25 or 30 the age question is kind of moot. Age plays a big factor when you’re dating a girl so young she’ll inevitably change but most women in their late 20’s have evened out a bit. If she’s level-headed and listens to you I’d say go for it. The truth is as much $hit as we talk on this board about not bringing girls back stateside, there are plenty of guys that do it and live happily ever after. It’s really just a risk vs. reward kind of thing. How much of a chance a man is willing to take. I’m not a huge risk taker...hence my outlook. But that doesn’t mean it’s the best advice in every circumstance. Your point with respect to work is a great one. I’m able to do a ton of my work remotely so “expatting” it is an option for me. But that obviously doesn’t apply to everyone.

I’m in Barranquilla now. Last time I was here was in May I believe. I went to the mall yesterday and had to roll my bottom jaw out on a dolly. I don’t care how many times I come back to Colombia the level of beauty and how many beautiful women there are just blows my mind. She’s a pretty girl but it’s not about looks when dating here. Any gringo can find a 9 or 10 in Latin America. It’s her personality and attitude that will eventually make all the difference. Does she understand and respect the male ego? Can she recognize when she’s wrong and admit it? Is she caring and patient? These are the things you should be asking yourself. The question of whether or not you should consider bringing her stateside should actually be a determination of her character.

[mambocowboy]

Had some major formatting issues with that initial post. Trying again:

I have posted about this girl in the past. We first met nearly 5 years ago in Nicaragua (time flies). She subsequently moved to Panama following her sisters for better job opportunities, etc. We hit it off from the start. But I broke it off with her about 2.5 years ago. She is now 28 (almost 29) and I am 52. I broke it off in part thinking I could find a girl a bit older than her.

After that initial break we kept in close contact for about 5 months. She was trying to get me to change my mind. Finally, she said to me, "Are you really sure you are never coming back to visit me in Panama."  I answered affirmatively and told her yes it is over. 

Soon after that she was in a serious relationship with a local Latin American guy around her age. Saw a few photos of the guy and he is a ripped Latin stud. I wasn't totally surprised because she is an attractive girl. She broke off contact with me after that as the her new novio was your stereotypical possessive/jealous Latin lover. Though I get it. People also need to move on.

I was pretty convinced I'd never hear from her or see her again. I thought for sure he'd knock her up and that would the end of it. She did occasionally text me to say hello but it was always very quick and brief.

As I have stated before on this forum, I have had a few moments when I have cringed thinking: Why the hell did I let that girl go?  Been on numerous trips to Latin America and she was the one that knocked me out the most. Since I broke it off with her in May 2017 I have made a few trips:

-Cali, Colombia for a week (no dice);
-A One Woman Trip to Medellin (Major Failure);
-A trip to Costa Rica (a major bust);
-A few weekend trips to Tijuana but no major connections;

I've also dated a few local Latinas in the USA during that time but NOTHING to write home about.

About two weeks ago I get a text from her. I thought for sure it was another hello and goodbye text. But THIS time was different. She made it clear that the other guy was no longer in the picture. She also invited me to come visit her in Panama. Moreover, she has invited me to go join her in Nicaragua in February when she will go for an extended trip to visit family (Mom, Dad, etc.). I've met her mother once before and she "approves" of me. Of course, any Nicaraguan mother will approve of her daughter dating a guy from the USA unless he is a total douche.

So I have purchased a ticket to go see her in January in Panama.

I know that many on this board will call my plan to bring her back to the U.S.A. crazy! By all means, I want to hear ALL perspectives. I even think it is crazy until I look at the alternatives.

Some of my key thoughts:
1. Big age gap, lots of risk: But we both agree that we want ONE child and if you knock a girl up in the USA you have a better chance of keeping her around;

2. Why NOT go Ex-Pat, Stay Single and Move to Latin America?  The Ex-Pat strategy is GREAT until you look into the details: like trying to find a good paying job, etc. At peak of my career now. Could risk it and just move and network there. But my "conversational Spanish" is NOT the same as fluent business Spanish, NOT even close!  Also, my aging father's memory is going fast. Not many good years left. So reluctant to relocate when he still has his marbles and remembers who his children are, etc.

3. Is She Moving for an Upgrade in Lifestyle/Opportunities? Yes, only a fool would think otherwise. But time is ripping by. Ten years ago I was rarely if ever called sir. Now I get it all the time. Might as well roll the dice. If it crashes and burns so be it.

I will say this: Benjio's recent thread on his buddy in Brazil makes think any guy would be nuts to bring a girl back to the USA without FIRST hiring a private investigator (just in case).

Here are a few photos of the lady:








^The two of us the last time we were together (2.5 years ago)

She is gorgeous.  I have more today than I could possibly write here. It is risky. How many years until you can go expat? If you can't then you should consider bringing her here. But be prepared to support her parents financially at the least... and remember in the US guys are going to be trying to sleep with her constantly.  Do not expect her to understand your culture at all. If you bring her here it'll be a bit of a father daughter relationship for awhile because she will be very dependent on you. Encourage her independence via learning English,  learning to drive.  Not in a pushy way but in a loving way. Bringing her here requires a massive leap of faith. You can't possibly know each other well enough yet because you haven't lived together, but if you love her she will love you back. And trust me if bringing her here  will be scary, it'll be way more scary for her. Hit me up on pm if you want to talk more by phone. I'm 7.5 years into the marriage with 2 kids so I might be able to give some insight...

[robert angel]

Had some major formatting issues with that initial post. Trying again:

I have posted about this girl in the past. We first met nearly 5 years ago in Nicaragua (time flies). She subsequently moved to Panama following her sisters for better job opportunities, etc. We hit it off from the start. But I broke it off with her about 2.5 years ago. She is now 28 (almost 29) and I am 52. I broke it off in part thinking I could find a girl a bit older than her.

After that initial break we kept in close contact for about 5 months. She was trying to get me to change my mind. Finally, she said to me, "Are you really sure you are never coming back to visit me in Panama."  I answered affirmatively and told her yes it is over. 

Soon after that she was in a serious relationship with a local Latin American guy around her age. Saw a few photos of the guy and he is a ripped Latin stud. I wasn't totally surprised because she is an attractive girl. She broke off contact with me after that as the her new novio was your stereotypical possessive/jealous Latin lover. Though I get it. People also need to move on.

I was pretty convinced I'd never hear from her or see her again. I thought for sure he'd knock her up and that would the end of it. She did occasionally text me to say hello but it was always very quick and brief.

As I have stated before on this forum, I have had a few moments when I have cringed thinking: Why the hell did I let that girl go?  Been on numerous trips to Latin America and she was the one that knocked me out the most. Since I broke it off with her in May 2017 I have made a few trips:

-Cali, Colombia for a week (no dice);
-A One Woman Trip to Medellin (Major Failure);
-A trip to Costa Rica (a major bust);
-A few weekend trips to Tijuana but no major connections;

I've also dated a few local Latinas in the USA during that time but NOTHING to write home about.

About two weeks ago I get a text from her. I thought for sure it was another hello and goodbye text. But THIS time was different. She made it clear that the other guy was no longer in the picture. She also invited me to come visit her in Panama. Moreover, she has invited me to go join her in Nicaragua in February when she will go for an extended trip to visit family (Mom, Dad, etc.). I've met her mother once before and she "approves" of me. Of course, any Nicaraguan mother will approve of her daughter dating a guy from the USA unless he is a total douche.

So I have purchased a ticket to go see her in January in Panama.

I know that many on this board will call my plan to bring her back to the U.S.A. crazy! By all means, I want to hear ALL perspectives. I even think it is crazy until I look at the alternatives.

Some of my key thoughts:
1. Big age gap, lots of risk: But we both agree that we want ONE child and if you knock a girl up in the USA you have a better chance of keeping her around;

2. Why NOT go Ex-Pat, Stay Single and Move to Latin America?  The Ex-Pat strategy is GREAT until you look into the details: like trying to find a good paying job, etc. At peak of my career now. Could risk it and just move and network there. But my "conversational Spanish" is NOT the same as fluent business Spanish, NOT even close!  Also, my aging father's memory is going fast. Not many good years left. So reluctant to relocate when he still has his marbles and remembers who his children are, etc.

3. Is She Moving for an Upgrade in Lifestyle/Opportunities? Yes, only a fool would think otherwise. But time is ripping by. Ten years ago I was rarely if ever called sir. Now I get it all the time. Might as well roll the dice. If it crashes and burns so be it.

I will say this: Benjio's recent thread on his buddy in Brazil makes think any guy would be nuts to bring a girl back to the USA without FIRST hiring a private investigator (just in case).

Here are a few photos of the lady:








^The two of us the last time we were together (2.5 years ago)

Lovely lady!  Sounds like she's mature beyond her years too...


It was pretty daunting when I first married my wife 14 years ago. I was literally over twice her age by about a month. Plus, she looked way younger than her age then, as she still does now. People simply cannot believe it if they learn her age. Even younger women from her country are assumed as older when viewed along side her, with women close to her age sometimes mistaken as her mother. In high schools here, she's been mistaken for a student!


But the age gap Math looks better (on paper anyway) given time. To simplify that statement, imagine you're 50 y/o and she's 25 y/o--half your age--doesn't look or sound too good, especially if she's cute.  But by the time you're 75 y/o, she's 50!


I waited about 4 years before formally asking for my wife's hand. For a good amount of that time we both were able to date others. But I did far more dating than her. A Chicago surgeon and an airline pilot, both with a lot more money and no kids (I had two boys AND a vasectomy already) liked her and could've provided her a great deal more material wise. So I knew she wasn't a gold digger or a green card shark. Meanwhile, I was a lower middle class stiff, bald already and out of shape! She was a Logistics Engineer with Coca Cola, a rising star who'd previously interned there while in university!


Once, after we were friends, I even traveled to the remotest part of her country (35 hour flight with all the normal stops) and although just an hour away from her, I was with another woman (who I wasn't even too serious with) and I refused her invitation to get together to meet in person. THAT should've meant '"curtains.'


I knew she valued her family & career hugely then as now, has tremendous work ethic and 'old school' values. Practical and mature beyond her years, but sweet, patient & sentimental.


But we always ended up back in touch, talking as friends via phone and chat-webcam almost every day,  as our relationships came and went, commiserating about breakups, until we finally said "Why not us?" For the longest time I tried psyching myself OUT of pursuing her, repeatedly telling myself:


Too young, too pretty, too nice, too well educated, good family..."


But against all odds I did and have experienced almost zero 'blowback'--a couple old ladies muttered things under their breath--one at Disney World, another at a store one time. My family and friends love her, although we keep our distance social wise--it's her and I--she doesn't even confide my indiscretions to her family or her female closest friend. I suppose some of the ladies? I/we worked with had some commentary in private, but no worries there.


Just a couple regrets: One is that I did not have children with her. I always scoffed at teachers who told us "You could grow up to be president someday"--but if my wife and I had kids, they would have the character and intelligence to do, to be anything.


After ten or so years together, I felt secure enough to wish I had at least tried a vasectomy reversal, but I didn't want to be in my 70's, pushing 80, waiting for my children to get home from dates, football games etc. She deserves it more than anybody I've ever known. Almost every woman who knows her well and gets pregnant, asks her to be her child's God Mother. That says a lot to me. But I only have so much time left and we want to travel and enjoy life, even given our modest income, me retired and her still working. I think if we were rich, somehow we'd appreciate our situation and each other, less rather than more. Little things mean a lot with her.


I do also wish I'd purchased an insurance policy years ago (about $250 to $300 a month) that would cover nursing home care. A couple times when I pissed her off royally and acted too F___ing full of myself, she reminded me: "Who do you think is going to be changing your diapers when you're too old to get out of bed anymore!?--that brought me down a few ladder notches---I'm twice her weight!


I am bothered that the already obvious differences in our age will surely get even more noticeable as I age and she remains flawless, but that's a cross I have to bear...


I've been incredibly lucky and it'd kill me if this went south. While pension wise and Social Security wise (when I can collect SS) later on---I'm pretty well protected financially, she could live well enough without me on her salary. But she just puts the sweetest air and the kindest vibes in any room where ever she goes--a sweet, Christian (non preachy) demeanor. But she doesn't need me to have a decent standard of living--she's worked her way up the ladder the good ole fashioned American way---could have her own condo, the nice car, clothes and all that, without me.


I cannot remotely imagine finding another woman half as good as her, and I have one helluva an imagination!!


I don't think I ought to tell people "Yes" or 'No" about relationships here. I've done so in the past and when things didn't work out, I felt bad. What I did went 100% against prevailing logic here. It made betting on Buster Douglas beating Mike Tyson, Foreman vs Ali or Andy Ruiz beating Anthony Joshua look like sure bets!


Things are great still, but if she finally just had too much of my grouchy, cantankerous B.S. and left me, I'd be beyond crushed but thankful for the great years. I would help her out financially whether I had to or not. That said, she'd probably refuse monetary help, unless a divorce was because I had sex with other women--as she has precautioned me when she noticed temptation seemed too 'available'---she's unfailingly loyal---the most devoted, sensuous woman I've ever met--and I've been around the world a few times!!

Beach pics below are from this month--Dec. 2019, the other two Europe Sept. 2019---we were actually totally worn out, stressed and sweaty in that European pic. She prepares real healthy food, encourages our fitness program and embraces a skin care regimen for both of us that at least seems to work great for her!


I sometimes feel my totally improbable life's been a bit like Forest Gump's luckwise---except that Forest had a kid with his Jenny and tragically, Jenny died too young....

[Hector_Lavoe]

I’m in Barranquilla now. Last time I was here was in May I believe. I went to the mall yesterday and had to roll my bottom jaw out on a dolly. I don’t care how many times I come back to Colombia the level of beauty and how many beautiful women there are just blows my mind. She’s a pretty girl but it’s not about looks when dating here. Any gringo can find a 9 or 10 in Latin America. It’s her personality and attitude that will eventually make all the difference. Does she understand and respect the male ego? Can she recognize when she’s wrong and admit it? Is she caring and patient? These are the things you should be asking yourself. The question of whether or not you should consider bringing her stateside should actually be a determination of her character.

The talent in Colombia is just insane. That said, I never had 9's or 10's beating down my door to meet me or asking me take them back to the USA. (Excluding pure gold diggers of course). I wish it was that easy.

Of course, that could just be me. Some guys have more game. I was never a great networker (be it work or personal relationships). Probably hurt me a lot over the years in fewer dates, etc.   

Though I have no doubt it is EASIER to meet a lady (often younger and attractive) and advance a relationship in Latin America than in the USA.

I’m in Barranquilla now. Last time I was here was in May I believe. I went to the mall yesterday and had to roll my bottom jaw out on a dolly. I don’t care how many times I come back to Colombia the level of beauty and how many beautiful women there are just blows my mind. She’s a pretty girl but it’s not about looks when dating here. Any gringo can find a 9 or 10 in Latin America. It’s her personality and attitude that will eventually make all the difference. Does she understand and respect the male ego? Can she recognize when she’s wrong and admit it? Is she caring and patient? These are the things you should be asking yourself. The question of whether or not you should consider bringing her stateside should actually be a determination of her character.

Yes sir. Very wise words regarding character. I'll be honest I see some good qualities but I won't know for sure until she is here.

I do know She works 6 days a week at a retail outlet in a mall and busts her azz to help her mother back home. I know she has held her current job for at least 3 years. There was just a change in ownership. But I know the prior owners loved her for her customer service and reliability (showing up on time, honesty, etc.).

[Hector_Lavoe]

She is gorgeous.

Those are the "glamour" shots of her but thanks.

She is gorgeous.  I have more today than I could possibly write here. It is risky. How many years until you can go expat? If you can't then you should consider bringing her here. But be prepared to support her parents financially at the least... and remember in the US guys are going to be trying to sleep with her constantly. Do not expect her to understand your culture at all. If you bring her here it'll be a bit of a father daughter relationship for awhile because she will be very dependent on you. Encourage her independence via learning English,  learning to drive.  Not in a pushy way but in a loving way. Bringing her here requires a massive leap of faith. You can't possibly know each other well enough yet because you haven't lived together, but if you love her she will love you back. And trust me if bringing her here  will be scary, it'll be way more scary for her. Hit me up on pm if you want to talk more by phone. I'm 7.5 years into the marriage with 2 kids so I might be able to give some insight...

M.C. All excellent points. I will shoot you a P.M. I appreciate it.

As a guy living in San Diego, I know you can appreciate how tempting/appealing it is to go south of the border. Though you are correct about all the risks this entails.

I was at a new restaurant in downtown LA with some co-workers the other day. The hiring practices at the place are clearly discriminatory....that is only hot chicks need apply! 

It made me think and further cement the notion that I am an older guy now and I am not getting near the young hot ones here anymore. Oh I might get lucky or find a needle in a haystack but with tons of entertainers, professional athletes, etc. hitting on them I can pretty much forget it.

[Hector_Lavoe]

Lovely lady!  Sounds like she's mature beyond her years too...

It was pretty daunting when I first married my wife 14 years ago. I was literally over twice her age by about a month. Plus, she looked way younger than her age then, as she still does now. People simply cannot believe it if they learn her age. Even younger women from her country are assumed as older when viewed along side her, with women close to her age sometimes mistaken as her mother. In high schools here, she's been mistaken for a student!

But the age gap Math looks better (on paper anyway) given time. To simplify that statement, imagine you're 50 y/o and she's 25 y/o--half your age--doesn't look or sound too good, especially if she's cute.  But by the time you're 75 y/o, she's 50!

Robert: Thanks. Your case is an interesting one and a good one for me to consider. 14 years in on marriage and she hasn't left you!  And you did it without "giving" her a kid.

[robert angel]

I think now that a woman wanting to send money home is a sign of loyalty and not all bad, if in moderation.  It's easier if she has a job. Learning English helps there and in some places there are local colleges and churches that offer that for free.
'First jobs' often start at the bottom.  My wife wanted to work ASAP.  She wanted to apply at Victoria's Secret and I nixed that. Same with McDonalds. She started out at JC Penney's, then with the school system, then managed a Chick
Fil A for 5 years (great multi cultural corporate training there) before landing a good job with a medical company, where she's been for 7 years.

It's all a gradual process. Some things take longer than others.

I had a car ready for her when she got here, but while she's the safest driver around, learning was terrifying.

All these years later, she sometimes has moments where she thinks "I can't believe I'm driving a car!"

Even after all these years, she still dreams in her native language! and sometimes gets frustrated that things she wants to say or write occasionally get confused by her 'thinking' in her own language, causing her to lose fluency in translation.

As for guys hitting on her, I am glad she's got her head on straight, that she dresses fashionably but not slutty and is pretty much immune to the wolves who might want to flirt with her.

She has confided in me though that she finds men in uniform attractive and that the one guy she'll leave me for is Leonardo DiCaprio!

[Elexpatriado]

Well if that picture is you..I have to admit you looked pretty good for a 50 year old.

And this coming from someone who is no slouch himself.

I dont recommend taking anyone back to the US but I am in a dffernt age and space than you.

Maybe bring her to thebUS for the 18 month visa period and see how it goes.
Or do a Calipro and knock her up in Nicarauga and bring them.both up laer or go down temporarily until you are financially ready to live down there .

Una relacion de lejos sucks but better than.monkey branching and the US court system.

BTW.I have been going with a 21 year old for 2 years..and its difficult in Colombia..ww even broke up.once but got back together ( for now)

42 year old age difference is a big thing even in Colombia but 20 year age diffrence in any Latin country is no big deal.

Whereas in the US risks are magnified substantially.

[Elexpatriado]

I think the PI idea in your case is a good idea but you have to be very very careful she doesnt find out.

[robert angel]

"">Maybe bring her to thebUS for the 18 month visa period<""

18 months? Am I missing something beyond the 90 days USCIS gives for fiancee K1 visa folks to get married?

Perhaps a tourist visa is for up to 18 months?

[Elexpatriado]

"">Maybe bring her to thebUS for the 18 month visa period<""

18 months? Am I missing something beyond the 90 days USCIS gives for fiancee K1 visa folks to get married?

Perhaps a tourist visa is for up to 18 months?

What donI know i am Canadian

Better to talk to Calipro he took a few Colombianas to the US eitth very little finacial.penalty.

Or some of the other guys

[robert angel]

What donI know i am Canadian

Better to talk to Calipro he took a few Colombianas to the US eitth very little finacial.penalty.

Or some of the other guys

Thanks, looked it up. It can be for UP to 6 months (they decide) time allowed for a USA tourist Visa.

My Mother in law might visit, but under an immigrant visa. 99.9% sure once she gets here, goes to Disney World, Wal-Mart, gets a T shirt, she'll be itching to get back home. We're trying to sort out medical insurance for her here...

Increasingly USCIS hates 'proof you'll return home' paperwork like property titles, bank account statements etc, and relies much more on your verbal interview.

I seem to recall women (even younger ones) from 3rd world Latin American nations occasionally getting USA tourist visas, but obviously "your actual experience may vary" there. Maybe worth a try?

[Hector_Lavoe]

BTW.I have been going with a 21 year old for 2 years..and its difficult in Colombia..ww even broke up.once but got back together ( for now)

42 year old age difference is a big thing even in Colombia but 20 year age diffrence in any Latin country is no big deal.

Whereas in the US risks are magnified substantially.

Damn...a 42 year age difference. Now that is the BEST argument I have heard for going Ex-Pat.


Ok, you got me re-thinking the Ex-Pat option now. Jajaja. The company I work for actually has a Mexico City office but as much as I like the D.F. as a tourist I don't want to live there and not even sure I could get a visa to work there, etc.

[Hector_Lavoe]

^This 18 month or 6 month option is news to me. I have a feeling it is not a viable option otherwise we would have heard a lot more about it on P.L.

[robert angel]

^This 18 month or 6 month option is news to me. I have a feeling it is not a viable option otherwise we would have heard a lot more about it on P.L.

It gets a little dicey to think of her leaving a job she's held for years, to possibly come spend 6 months here with you IF a tourist visa for that long was even granted after interview. But it'd cost a whole lot less and take less time to find out than a K1 visa would.


182.5 days together here to have a 'trial run' (if possible--again prolly a longshot) without marriage being required, VS a 90 day K1 fiancee visa, where marriage is often a foregone conclusion, isn't the craziest thing I've heard here.


Hell, IF she was granted 90 days without the must marry pressure or cost of a K1, it sounds better to me.


In a roundabout way, a "cut to the chase" that might allow for a better informed, less worrisome decision.


We're not getting any younger...

[Hector_Lavoe]

It gets a little dicey to think of her leaving a job she's held for years, to possibly come spend 6 months here with you IF a tourist visa for that long was even granted after interview. But it'd cost a whole lot less and take less time to find out than a K1 visa would.


182.5 days together here to have a 'trial run' (if possible--again prolly a longshot) without marriage being required, VS a 90 day K1 fiancee visa, where marriage is often a foregone conclusion, isn't the craziest thing I've heard here.

Hell, IF she was granted 90 days without the must marry pressure or cost of a K1, it sounds better to me.

In a roundabout way, a "cut to the chase" that might allow for a better informed, less worrisome decision.

We're not getting any younger...

I agree 100 percent. A 180 day trial with no impending matrimony would be great.

But I didn't realize we were talking about tourist visas. Yeah, I think it is highly unlikely she'd qualify for a tourist visa.  I can't imagine the US giving anyone but the upper crust from Nicaragua a tourist visa. I could be wrong. I will research a bit more.

[benjio]

I agree 100 percent. A 180 day trial with no impending matrimony would be great.

But I didn't realize we were talking about tourist visas. Yeah, I think it is highly unlikely she'd qualify for a tourist visa.  I can't imagine the US giving anyone but the upper crust from Nicaragua a tourist visa. I could be wrong. I will research a bit more.

I know three SINGLE women from Colombia and two from Brazil that have gotten them in the last year. The trick is going through immigration lawyers with American connections. It’s really all a question of money. And granted...these were women that had absolutely no intention of staying in the US. If a person has a steady job, a consistent residence or owns property, a ticket to go and return and enough money in a legitimate bank account it really isn’t that difficult.

[robert angel]

It's obviously a long shot. The interview was and still is, the most critical element. Paper documents are so often counterfeit that the already over burdened Embassy desk jockey likely loathes them. They don't want to see a whole lot of stuff on computer either, although almost all of what was done by us on paper 10-15 years ago, is now done online.

Going into the interview confident and well rehearsed is still essential. 

We used to say "It all depends on who's desk your packet lands on and what kind of mood he's in."
That's probably still true---I (still) recently have heard of scenarios where it seemed 100% a couple would fly through and then they didn't and vice versa, where a well prepared, much younger girl without a lawyer or a lot of money ( like my wife, from a 3rd world nation) flew right through w/ a K1.

The Embassy official who processed our "packet" and interviewed her, even texted her as she rode back to the hotel with a "Wishing you the best of luck in your new country." That was unbelievable, but true.

I am not certain, but am inclined to think that if a tourist visa request was submitted and rejected, that it wouldn't have a negative effect on the likelihood of a spousal or fiancee visa being granted later on, but I'd look into that a bit first before becoming operative, getting her hope's up, etc.

I'd like to think that as she's traveled a bit, albeit not to N. America, but traveled and kept her native country connections intact, that might help.

Having records of travel, hotels, money transfers, photos etc. are probably still a good idea, just in case.

Again, a long shot, but as "The Great One"--Wayne Gretzky said:

"You miss 100% of the shots you DON'T take"

[ignorante]

You are 52, and judging by the look from your picture 2.5 years ago, a young looking 52.  If you are concerned about her wanting a ripped stud, get your ass in the gym (you should be working out at your age anyway).   I am the same age as you, and I would not hesitate to marry a girl that age if I were out looking again. 


I just hope you can stand the mental mind [snip] of her having been with somebody else in the interim.  That is tough to take for a lot of guys (it would be for me) even if it is your own fault.


Just to answer about your age, though, I do not think it is a problem, especially if that picture of you is not misleading in some way as to your appearance.

[Fosgate5]

If you don't want her can I have her?


JK, My 10yr younger than me wife wouldn't allow a threesome no matter how cool I think it would be.


Seriously man, listen to that little voice telling you to go for it. F&^k other people opinions on age difference. If you don't hear crap about the age difference your going to hear or see the reaction that you married a foreigner instead of a greedy-self-centered-feminist-twice-divorced- American hag that would drive you to and early death if they don't take you for everything you have and will ever have..


I'd stay out of moving to Latin America for a short time until things calm down after the Venezuela refuggess flooding into other countries and causing a domino effect right now. I would however take the time to help support your father, her family and maybe start positioning yourselves where you could someday retire there. Look to remote consulting positions, online business etc.


Better living situation? Isn't everybody? Again this is going to be something you will encounter eventually. My wife made about $5 a day working 6 days a week in Manila and that was a little below average to average wage. Americans just cant fathom living on $5 a day not realizing the cost of living differences etc and you can hear how they think she was just soo poor etc. You can tell this by the way they open their yaps making job search suggestions. Nevermind that she speaks 6 languages, has a Bachelors Degree in teaching EDD with a major in English and worked as a sales liason for the largest condominum developer in Manila. They hear that thick accent and they suggest housekeeping jobs. But hey, gotta start somewhere right.


.

[Elexpatriado]

Things calm down in Latin.America?
You guys been watching too.much CNN

All the Venezuelan Refugees mean is more chicas as competition for the Colombianas

[fathertime]

I can appreciate that you are thinking this through.   From what you have stated, I would have very little concern about the lady you have chosen.   Personally, I place a lot of your focus on your own thoughts, dreams, and future plans.  Do you foresee yourself as very happy/satisfied/stimulated by being married to this lady in the states?  Do you think you would prefer at this stage of the game to wait it out a few more years, and possibly go abroad where the possibilities may be never-ending. 


Once married and if a child is involved, then usually the die is cast.  The child is accustomed to living here, being schooled here, and it is difficult for many fathers to be too far from their young children.  In your case,given your age, you would likely be committed to the rest of your good years with your wife, slippers, and pipe.  She is a very nice looking lady, so perhaps that, and a lively, loving personality is enough to bring out the very best father/husband in you after all these years and if you think that is what you believe to be the case I'd make your moves as quickly as you can.   


While thinking it all over, if you realize that this sort of lifestyle just isn't your cup of tea, then maybe it isn't a great idea to pursue a life with her in the USA.  Of course a long distance marriage may not be the greatest of options, but perhaps it is also worth at least considering in your case.    Overall, I don't see this as being about the lady as much as it is about you.   


Thanks for sharing the photos, and good luck in your pursuits. 


Fathertime!   

[Hector_Lavoe]

@Fosgate & Fathertime: Thanks for your perspectives. Good points.

Fosgate: My concern about the age gap isn't so much about what other will people think as it is would the relationship/marriage last? On the risk/reward spectrum I am willing to take that gamble.

At this point the biggest obstacle is probably me and my ability to talk myself out of making a long-term commitment. I am going to sound shallow AF (As F*&k), but one of my rationales for breaking if off last time was her occasional bouts with acne. Not looking for a supermodel but told myself: I don't want to wake up to a pizza face.

I think stress and other factors contribute to it. And she often neglects her self-care to send money home to her Mom before she'll visit a dermatologist or purchase skin care products. Obviously, I have the resources to help her in this regard so she doesn't have to choose one over the other.