Help! Somebody Stole My Cell Phone!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gromit]

And if she was screwing someone else,

And "screwing" you is alright?  Alabamaboy, why on earth would you stick with this woman? She obviously is using you.

[utopiacowboy]

UC, are you serious?!  Most of those would be red flags for me.

This would narrow the dating pool down to less than 2% of the female population in Colombia, and less than 1% who is not "earning her own living" on her back or illegally.

And if she's got all that, she certainly doesn't need your average gringo.  She's going to need someone wealthy to afford a comparable lifestyle here with the maid, hair, manicures, etc.

Exactly! A woman who doesn't need a gringo to rescue her. A woman who combines the virtues of a modern woman with the old-fashioned virtues of a traditional Latina.

[whitey]

Exactly! A woman who doesn't need a gringo to rescue her. A woman who combines the virtues of a modern woman with the old-fashioned virtues of a traditional Latina.

Certainly nothing to argue about in that statement!  UC, from everything I've read from you, it seems like you have a great woman - congratulations.

My fiance is university educated, owns her own house, has a good job, bank acount, credit card, etc.

But, she still lives at home with her family, and she and her sisters all contribute to the maintenenace of the household and to some extent support their parents. Cars are very expensive to buy and operate - she prefers to take the bus and pay her house off more quickly.

I'm much happier that she's still living at home than on her own.

[whitey]

UC, that is the exact thing I told her yesterday.....trust is earned, it is not given. So when she was crying and so upset that I did not believe her story, I told her, "you know what? If you did not lie about some other smaller, more stupid things before in this relationship, then I would believe you a lot better, but because you did lie about those things, and because of my previous experience with Colombianas and many of the experiences of my friends, I do not believe everything you tell me. If you do not like it, then I guess you can leave the relationship if you want. But for me the only way you are going to get my complete trust again is if I can see with my own two eyes that you are not a liar. And that trust will come back little by little. Not all at once. And not without good reason."

Anyone that is blindly trusting a Costena, without her earning it it, it just begging for trouble. It is equivalent to "giving papaya".

A couple months ago in Barranquilla my fiance's sister was walking to the university and had her purse stolen (containing her cell and some money, etc.) by some guy on a moto.  If she had a gringo boyfriend (she doesn't), I wonder if he would have believed her?

A few months before that my buddy and his novia had just finished some shopping, got in her car and drove to a beauty salon, went inside, and returned a few minutes later to find that the window had been broken and the bags stolen.  If she had been alone at the time, I wonder if he would have believed her?

The sad thing is that some colombianas are dishonest, and we've all heard the stories and have become very suspicious.  And to some extent you need to be cautious.

But there are many honest colombianas too, or even some not-so-honest ones who have bad things happen to them that are true.

The trouble is, as Alabamaboy points out, that if you are caught lying once, it takes a long time to earn back the trust.

[Alabamaboy!]

And "screwing" you is alright?  Alabamaboy, why on earth would you stick with this woman? She obviously is using you.

I would love to hear your reasoning of how she is "using" me? She does not receive any cash on a regular basis, I do not shower her with expensive gifts, her cell phone was a $40 one. She has agreed to sign a pre-nupt. She is in total agreement that when she gets her that her "career" will be to be a housewife and help me care for my two children. She understands that the place I live is not a 24/7 disco with friends and relatives around her all the time like she has there in her home now. Like I said, I have not even bought her a ring yet. WE agreed that would happen when she gets her when we are ready to marry.

I am not an old bloated gringo without options. I can get women here, Mexico, and for sure many others in Colombia if I wanted to.

I find it funny that people can look at the exact same situation and some people are outraged that the girl is "taking me for a ride", but an equal number of people want to chastise me for "taking advantage" of her!

[Alabamaboy!]

A couple months ago in Barranquilla my fiance's sister was walking to the university and had her purse stolen (containing her cell and some money, etc.) by some guy on a moto.  If she had a gringo boyfriend (she doesn't), I wonder if he would have believed her?

A few months before that my buddy and his novia had just finished some shopping, got in her car and drove to a beauty salon, went inside, and returned a few minutes later to find that the window had been broken and the bags stolen.  If she had been alone at the time, I wonder if he would have believed her?


The trouble is, as Alabamaboy points out, that if you are caught lying once, it takes a long time to earn back the trust.

That is right, it takes a while for them to be able to earn trust again. And how does someone earn trust from a couple thousand miles away: the only things I can think of is that she answers the phone when she is supposed to, that she is in the house late at night and not on her cell phone in the streets somewhere, that when she says she is going to write a letter or do any particular task, that she actually does it. Other than that I do not have a lot of ideas of how to she can earn trust.

Since I am "all in" at this point, she will be getting her chance to earn trust here in the States and that will happen or not happen very fast. So I am not getting too crazy right now or overthinking things. It is too late for all that. She has done enough for her to be in the game this long with me so we need to take it to the next level now. Nothing else can be determined from a distance. It is show time now.

[Alabamaboy!]

And "screwing" you is alright?  Alabamaboy, why on earth would you stick with this woman? She obviously is using you.

Some more proof to show you that she is not "using me" is that she was attending a University there, for free and she quit about a month ago to put more time and effort into the things for the visa, interview, and English. It took her 2 1/2 years to get into that University.

[Ray]

She has agreed to sign a pre-nupt. She is in total agreement that when she gets her that her "career" will be to be a housewife and help me care for my two children.

CAUTION!

Hi AB,

Just one comment for you or anyone else getting ready for a visa interview:

If what you just wrote should come out at the interview, she could very well be denied a visa. Why? Because it “appears” that you may be hiring a nanny/housekeeper instead of looking for a genuine marriage partner. Throw in the pre-nup on top of that and the interviewing officer may very well get suspicious.

I can remember one case specifically where she was denied because one of the letters she produced at her interview had a very similar comment from the guy that he wanted to marry her, in addition to other reasons, to help care for his elderly mom.

She should be very careful to pre-screen those letters/e-mails for content before turning them over at the interview. You never know if they will actually read through all of that stuff or not.

Ray

[Alabamaboy!]

CAUTION!

Hi AB,

Just one comment for you or anyone else getting ready for a visa interview:

If what you just wrote should come out at the interview, she could very well be denied a visa. Why? Because it “appears” that you may be hiring a nanny/housekeeper instead of looking for a genuine marriage partner. Throw in the pre-nup on top of that and the interviewing officer may very well get suspicious.

I can remember one case specifically where she was denied because one of the letters she produced at her interview had a very similar comment from the guy that he wanted to marry her, in addition to other reasons, to help care for his elderly mom.

She should be very careful to pre-screen those letters/e-mails for content before turning them over at the interview. You never know if they will actually read through all of that stuff or not.

Ray

Great info Ray. Thanks! I will make sure she does not mention that.

[braziliangirl]

Well... Alabamaboy, you are obviously in love with this girl and you already said you'll go ahead anyway.
So, if you want to have some peace, don't overthink everything (or maybe don't keep posting only about her mistakes).
From were we can see, it doesn't seem to be a good idea, but nothing horrible happened, it was just some red flags. Plus we have never been with this girl, we don't talk to her daily, we never looked into her eyes (OK, that was cheesy  ).
You don't seem to be a dumb guy, so if you are willing to pay the price, you might have good reasons. She might, somehow, inspire you to go on...
I wish you the best of luck!

[Alabamaboy!]

Well I lucked out a bit. I have a friend who lives there in BAQ, a guy, who goes to the same University she was going. And he is friends with some of her friends, (but they do not know he is friends with me). He heard them talking about how my girl got robbed and the entire story exactly how she told me. So it seems like she was not lying. I told you! Just kidding. Anyway, it makes me feel better. Because man, I have heard that story sooooooo many times. And I know for a fact that most of the times were lies. Most of the girls were not even my girlfriends, they were just people I know from there.

And she has showed me some very good things, like I have mentioned in other threads if not this one: she is an excellent cook, she loves children and they love her, she is always positive and in a good mood, she is modest, clean, neat, tranquil, beautiful, easy going.  She never has asked for money either directly or indirectly. Here is an example of how disinterested she is in money. I had sent her $250 March 27th for some visa related things. And she was telling me she wanted to buy some little things for my kids, me, and my mom with some of the money. So I was thinking that is not enough money to do all that, so I sent her $250 more on March 30, and sent her a text message after I did it. Then the following morning I sent her another text asking her if she got the code for the $250 I sent last night. She said she did and thanked me profusely. I told her that was a little bit of money for herself and to help her family out a bit. Well I checked my account  last night and she never even took that money out yet!. If it was another girl she would have taken it out within a few hours. She does not really think of herself or buying things for herself.

[Researcher]

   Bamaboy,
      I didn't let one instance convince me that a woman was a scammer.I might have been suspicious and kept my eyes open from then on.Getting robbed in Colombia is quite common but if she and her family suddenly has a streak of bad luck that would be suspicious to me.I don't agree with being "all in" once the visa is started.If I knew for sure I was being taken for a ride or the relationship wasn't going to work out I always got out of it.


   Researcher