My local trip report

[Kiltboy1]

Twelve years in the US and my wife has not changed in the slightest. Still absolutely pura Colombiana. She never wanted to leave Medellin and even though she has made the best of things here in the US, I am sure she would be back in her apartment there before I was cold in the ground.

I have the opposite experience than UC. My wife and I have been married 10 year now and she is completely different than when she came to the USA, but in a good way. For one, she is a Conservative Republican-YES and she was a Liberal when I met her and 2, she fully understands that for all the problems we have in the USA, it is far and away the best country in the world to live and raise a family and to have opportunity that no other country can provide if you get your ass out of bed every morning and work hard.My wife has absolutely no desire to ever live anywhere else. Crap, I'm trying to get her to move to Naples Florida and that is a struggle, She likes it fine where she is at.

Unlike Kati'ks sister, my wife is the most loyal, caring and sincere woman I have ever met and life only gets so much better each year together. My wife is a professional and also just started her own business with 3 coworkers on the side and this is what I like to see in a woman. I am not a man that wants a housewife, that is too damn boring for me. I like a woman with dreams and her own ideas  that also help make me a better person. I do however see lots of guys marry bad including me before and let's face it, they marry with the Peckers and not their common sense.

[robert angel]

Twelve years in the US and my wife has not changed in the slightest. Still absolutely pura Colombiana. She never wanted to leave Medellin and even though she has made the best of things here in the US, I am sure she would be back in her apartment there before I was cold in the ground.

UC, With all due respect, I have a hard time imagining the above, or perhaps I'm not quantifying "in the slightest" corrrectly. Like yours, KB's and my wife, I think they all have been in the USA for over ten years. I think they all share an experience in growing up in country where they saw a lot more poverty and less opportunity, probably even more the case for women back there, than is the case here.

I know how my wife views the poor is quite different here, compared  to back home. Here, she's more likely to see people as really being not so disenfranchised,  as they are more lazy and failing to take advantage of opportunities for education, of fairness in employment, largely due to laws and such. She sees a lot of people complaining without doing anything BUT complaining. Yet she cares about the homeles and donates time and money, albiet carefully. She has seen people largely living off the govt. dole, sometimes in public housing, with air con., cars, internet and smart phones and that's a stark contrast to back home, where if you don't work you don't eat, where to get medical care you need money up front and there aren't student 'loans' and even with an education, jobs are few and the playing field in terms or working is far from being fair and level.

Although back home she was always aware of the wealth gap in her home land and now sees it in other places, including here in the USA, she's still amazed when we go certain places, like Boca Raton and the Naples Florida area's "Gold Coast", in NYC, etc., to see the palatial mansions, the amount of cars that cost in the hundreds of thousands each and just how much of 'everything' seems to be in the USA. She's amazed at how much space and open land there is here.

 In ten years, she's grown to appreciate some of the 'finer things', whether it's the best cuts of steak, more expensive 'whole foods',  or skin care products, yoga classes, clothes and shoes---things that really weren't 'in the picture' back home. Not saying she's become overly materialistic or is taking things for granted, but her perceptions and tastes have changed. Thankfully her core values have not really changed.

I am more interested in the 'how and why' our wives have or haven't changed here, for good and bad. For us, I think choosing friends carefully and valuing our own company and advice rather than others, has made a difference. We don't put our lives out on Facebook, which IMO has a lot of 'poison' with people picturing every fancy meal, outfit or 'rich and famous' type lifestyle, experience, yet you never hear about their credit card statements.

We go to certain social events where you can't help but hear, but we don't buy into, the  gossip and dramas among those we know. We have a lot of 'aquaintances' but few we count as friends and confidants. We're really careful about what we do or say, especially amongst the Filipino community. There's a lot of gossip, back biting and people concerned about what other's have materially there, if you give them something to chew on.

But I still really feel that five or ten years in the USA, especially if coming from a non wealthy background, from places like Mexico, S.America or the Philippines, will change anyone. For good or bad and to whatever extent--those are the variables.

[utopiacowboy]

It may be hard to believe but she hasn't changed at all. In Medellin she was a supervisor at a large textile plant and her passion was playing bingo and her family. Here she is a supervisor at a large automobile manufacturing plant and her passion is bingo and her family. She lives her life almost completely in Spanish speaking English only when it is absolutely necessary. She listens to the same music and follows the same soccer teams she used to follow. She is as Colombian today as she was 12 years ago and would go back there in a heart beat.

[robert angel]

It may be hard to believe but she hasn't changed at all. In Medellin she was a supervisor at a large textile plant and her passion was playing bingo and her family. Here she is a supervisor at a large automobile manufacturing plant and her passion is bingo and her family. She lives her life almost completely in Spanish speaking English only when it is absolutely necessary. She listens to the same music and follows the same soccer teams she used to follow. She is as Colombian today as she was 12 years ago and would go back there in a heart beat.

That's great! Your's is a remarkable story indeed. The way you and your wife, your children,  came together, especially the kids, as well as other factors, is just refreshing. Seems that things that all too often become stressors, actually brought and continue to keep you together.  It's rare enough to find stability in the 'whole, enriched white bread' slices of USA life, but to hear you making something out of such diverse ingredients without screwing up the whole recipe is really nice. Salute!!

[katik]

I am referring to those that wonder outside their marriage. I haven't chage a bit either I am the same girl that came to this country 8 years ago! But let me tell you my sister ain't and the others who I know for a fact left their husbands thinking they could make it on their own and later on find themselves not doing so well, and in the process they become more and more "Americanized" but in the wrong ways.
I repeat this is not everybody's case but at least the few I know made me think it is.

[katik]

I have the opposite experience than UC. My wife and I have been married 10 year now and she is completely different than when she came to the USA, but in a good way. For one, she is a Conservative Republican-YES and she was a Liberal when I met her and 2, she fully understands that for all the problems we have in the USA, it is far and away the best country in the world to live and raise a family and to have opportunity that no other country can provide if you get your ass out of bed every morning and work hard.My wife has absolutely no desire to ever live anywhere else. Crap, I'm trying to get her to move to Naples Florida and that is a struggle, She likes it fine where she is at.

Unlike Kati'ks sister, my wife is the most loyal, caring and sincere woman I have ever met and life only gets so much better each year together. My wife is a professional and also just started her own business with 3 coworkers on the side and this is what I like to see in a woman. I am not a man that wants a housewife, that is too damn boring for me. I like a woman with dreams and her own ideas  that also help make me a better person. I do however see lots of guys marry bad including me before and let's face it, they marry with the Peckers and not their common sense.

I agree with you! And my husband can tell you the same about me. I have changed but for the better too! I now understand life different, I graduated college here and it helped me see things in a different way. I help my husband run our business, we work hard side by side everyday. But, again I didnt meant to include every woman I was referring to the 90% of those who leave the husband who brought them here to look for something better or thinking they can make it on their own now that they have a green card.

[Awesome]

It seems to me that a lot of Latina women who come to the US chage their ways after a while of living here. I have a half sister, older than me who married an American about 15 years ago, we weren't raised together but I knew her, she was a good woman, hard working, and very old fashioned. She came here on a fiancé visa and married her husband. The marriage lasted about 4 years; and then she asked for divorced. When we saw each other again after a few years of her being here I saw a completely different person, I saw a woman who slept around, cheated, and a liar, there was nothing left of that Colombian woman she was in Colombia. And this is usually what happens to many Latinas who come here.

This is not the only case I know, I have seen a few similar to my half sister. I am not saying all women here looking for a relationships are bad, but so far I haven't met a good one.

In this case of your half-sister being a cheater do you blame this on her moving to the US or is it the fact that maybe she married the wrong guy in the first place?  I believe women only cheat when they're with a man who doesn't satisfy all of their needs.  Where does she live?  For example where I live it's very easy to find young, handsome, well paid professional, latino men.  These guys can be very tempting to a woman who isn't 100% satisfied in her marriage.


Maybe if she meets the right guy, a man who she highly values, she won't have any reason to cheat or sneak around.


Another question, do you have children who you are raising in the US?  If so how do you plan to keep them from growing up to be terrible, lying, cheating Americans?

[katik]

In this case of your half-sister being a cheater do you blame this on her moving to the US or is it the fact that maybe she married the wrong guy in the first place?  I believe women only cheat when they're with a man who doesn't satisfy all of their needs.  Where does she live?  For example where I live it's very easy to find young, handsome, well paid professional, latino men.  These guys can be very tempting to a woman who isn't 100% satisfied in her marriage.


Maybe if she meets the right guy, a man who she highly values, she won't have any reason to cheat or sneak around.


Another question, do you have children who you are raising in the US?  If so how do you plan to keep them from growing up to be terrible, lying, cheating Americans?

Never did I said Americans were terrible, cheaters and all you just said. If I thought that I would not be merried to one. Don't take it the wrong way Awesome. I meant to be sarcastic when I talked about Latinas getting "Americanized"  meaning Latinas who usually leaves their husbands on the basics of freedom and independence more likely are misusing the term. Therefore, the majority of them just don't do well after that. In my half sister case it was just pure stupidity and bitterness on her part.

[Gato4Astrid]

brought her to the US with a fiancé visa and married her. But 6 months into it they both realized they weren't for each other and she wasn't really happy living here and she went back

Similar happened to me with an Italian girl about 2-3 years ago.  She lives in Milan but her sister lives in England with her husband who is my good friend from school.  Anyway, I met her three times before through this friend's 40th birthday party and two other occasion visiting his house.      She decided to live in England for a year (living in her sister's house).  We went out and became couple.    6 months later, she wasn't happy living England and went back to live in Italy!


In 6 months living in England, she did not learn English at all.  She was too lazy.  That's explains one of the reasons.  Also in 6 months she kept talking about 'Italy this, Italy that' as if everything Italy is better.   Not surprised she went back though she complaint about poor jobs life in ITALY !!  Even she wanted me to change into wearing Italian style!!  WTF!!!  Despite this, her sister & her husband (my good friend) warned her about adapting life in England and encouraged her to speak in English.   The sisters chatted themselves in Italian everyday which hadn't helped at all.


The difference between these sisters.  The older one (my friend's wife) had always dreamt of living in England, learnt English, taking interests in English cultures, history, life, whereas my ex-girlfriend was the opposite.

[Elexpatriado]

Good point.You have to be careful of that too .Better one thta has been in US a long time and have her citezenship.
 

While she may not be a visa hunter, there are many latinas living in the US who are looking to marry an American to gain US  citizenship.  For example many are living here on a temporary visa, or have overstayed their visa and can't legally work.  Therefore there is still a possibility of her using you and you still have to go into it with open eyes.  I know two younger guys who both met beautiful latinas in S Florida and got used for their "papers".  The one who married the Peruana actually thought his marriage was real until she dumped him as soon as she got her green card.  The one who married the Colombiana knew all along that it was an arrangement but he was ok with it since she was by far the hottest chick he'd ever been with.


Logistically speaking it's much easier to maintain a relationship with a woman who's already in the country.

[Elexpatriado]

With all due respect Katik,I dont thinkyou knew your half sister very well. People who were raised with solid,  good morals and standards do not change thier character because of a new environment.
Thats why I keep telling guys on here,you shouldnt take this type of thing lightly, especailly if you expect to bring the woman back to the US or wherever.Two or three trips then back to the US with a marriage Visa,,highly risky..many people have lots of plain  bald-a$$ed luck, and things turn out..but highly risky business..
It sometimes takes years to really get to know someone from your own language and culture...
 

It seems to me that a lot of Latina women who come to the US chage their ways after a while of living here. I have a half sister, older than me who married an American about 15 years ago, we weren't raised together but I knew her, she was a good woman, hard working, and very old fashioned. She came here on a fiancé visa and married her husband. The marriage lasted about 4 years; and then she asked for divorced. When we saw each other again after a few years of her being here I saw a completely different person, I saw a woman who slept around, cheated, and a liar, there was nothing left of that Colombian woman she was in Colombia. And this is usually what happens to many Latinas who come here.

This is not the only case I know, I have seen a few similar to my half sister. I am not saying all women here looking for a relationships are bad, but so far I haven't met a good one.

[Awesome]

With all due respect Katik,I dont thinkyou knew your half sister very well. People who were raised with solid,  good morals and standards do not change thier character because of a new environment.

Exactly.  It's hard to believe that someone who was supposedly a wholesome, honest, good natured person can all of a sudden change into a lying, cheating hussy simply because....she lived a few years in the United States??  I don't understand that concept at all.


Is the US and American culture that horrible that all of these innocent, honest to goodness latinas are being turned into evil lying witches simply from living here for a few years?




Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?  So I think these cheating Colombianas learned how to cheat way before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

[Juan Valdez]

the others who I know for a fact left their husbands thinking they could make it on their own and later on find themselves not doing so well, and in the process they become more and more "Americanized" but in the wrong ways.

+1

[mambocowboy]

Exactly.  It's hard to believe that someone who was supposedly a wholesome, honest, good natured person can all of a sudden change into a lying, cheating hussy simply because....she lived a few years in the United States??  I don't understand that concept at all.


Is the US and American culture that horrible that all of these innocent, honest to goodness latinas are being turned into evil lying witches simply from living here for a few years?




Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?  So I think these cheating Colombianas learned how to cheat way before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

I think it's more the US is the land of opportunity. Immigrants in general are extremely vulnerable because they don't know the language or the laws. They are cut off from their families and all that is familiar to them. I think that's why they engage in behavior that we can consider out of character....

[buencamino3]

Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?

There was also a pole that showed Colombians to be the happiest people. Could there be a connection?

[Elexpatriado]

They had to get someone from  Poland to convince Colombians they were that happy ?

There was also a pole that showed Colombians to be the happiest people. Could there be a connection?

[Ricardo1]

They had to get someone from  Poland to convince Colombians they were that happy ?

Be nice, Expat!

[katik]

I think it's more the US is the land of opportunity. Immigrants in general are extremely vulnerable because they don't know the language or the laws. They are cut off from their families and all that is familiar to them. I think that's why they engage in behavior that we can consider out of character....

Right! I prefer to called it "culture and society shock." And it affects some more than others.

[robert angel]

I think it's more the US is the land of opportunity. Immigrants in general are extremely vulnerable because they don't know the language or the laws. They are cut off from their families and all that is familiar to them. I think that's why they engage in behavior that we can consider out of character....

Tens of thousands of college students who  might be well educated, disciplined and fairly conservative on campus, where there are rules and reputations to consider, go to distant, party oriented resorts for Spring break and become different people . Getting smacko drunk, doing drugs, engaging in sexual activities and other things they'd probably not do on campus or back home, suddenly become OK.

I think there's a parallel there between foreigners who come to the USA. I remember partying insanely hard, chasing skirts and all kinds of debauchery, with Arabs who came from royal families to attend US universities.Alcohol, cocaine and chasing girls from any religious or economic  back ground was somehow "OK' once in the USA. On the other side of the coin, I even dated some beautiful Iranian coeds who let's just say " let their hair down a bit'.

Foreign women who marry and move to the USA, depending on the friends they choose to make and how strong the value system they were raised under is retained, can meet women who encourage them to leave their husbands, get alimony, child support and if applicable, half the guy's assets and move on to greener pastures. Some of these women 'friends' even keep several of their lawyer's business cards to distribute and may get kickbacks for referring new 'clients'.

Chances are that back in the women's native countries, they don't see large billboards and TV commercials advertising things like "Divorces: $100" and that between having to deal with the people in their villages and negative stigma, the church back home might frown on 'quickie divorces for personal profit' and a mindset that views marriages as disposable stepping stones towards a higher, more freegoing standard of living might not be seen as 'right'.

[mudd]

Exactly.  It's hard to believe that someone who was supposedly a wholesome, honest, good natured person can all of a sudden change into a lying, cheating hussy simply because....she lived a few years in the United States??  I don't understand that concept at all.


Is the US and American culture that horrible that all of these innocent, honest to goodness latinas are being turned into evil lying witches simply from living here for a few years?




Didn't someone post a link to a survey study showing that COLOMBIA was the country ranked number one in infidelity?  So I think these cheating Colombianas learned how to cheat way before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

agreed, be careful who you bring up and marry.
" you can take the girl out of the barrio but you cant take the barrio out of the girl "

[Awesome]

Never did I said Americans were terrible, cheaters and all you just said. If I thought that I would not be merried to one. Don't take it the wrong way Awesome. I meant to be sarcastic when I talked about Latinas getting "Americanized"  meaning Latinas who usually leaves their husbands on the basics of freedom and independence more likely are misusing the term. Therefore, the majority of them just don't do well after that. In my half sister case it was just pure stupidity and bitterness on her part.

Ok suppose that your sister would've married the same man but they stayed living in Colombia, do you think she would've still cheated and divorced him?


Do you think if she finds a man that she loves and values she would still cheat on him and divorce him, or is she forever "Americanized" and not capable of being a good wife?




I also saw that you said that she now "sleeps around".  I guess that means she didn't sleep around when she lived in Colombia?  Why do you think she changed in that regard?  Is it because in Colombia she lived with her family and in the US she's more independent without her family there to judge her actions?  Do you think women in the US or women in Colombia sleep around more?




Katik I'm so glad you decided to participate in this forum, your input here is extremely valuable.  I have a million questions I'd like to ask you.  In fact I'm going to start a new thread dedicated to you. 

[katik]

Ok suppose that your sister would've married the same man but they stayed living in Colombia, do you think she would've still cheated and divorced him?


Do you think if she finds a man that she loves and values she would still cheat on him and divorce him, or is she forever "Americanized" and not capable of being a good wife?




I also saw that you said that she now "sleeps around".  I guess that means she didn't sleep around when she lived in Colombia?  Why do you think she changed in that regard?  Is it because in Colombia she lived with her family and in the US she's more independent without her family there to judge her actions?  Do you think women in the US or women in Colombia sleep around more?




Katik I'm so glad you decided to participate in this forum, your input here is extremely valuable.  I have a million questions I'd like to ask you.  In fact I'm going to start a new thread dedicated to you. 

I don't know how to answer some of these questions. I can only judge what I have seen. My sister left a good man who loved her and her daughter as his own, and I strongly belive she did it for several reasons: peer pressure (other Latinas and  American women she met here who constantly told her she was so pretty and she could do better ect) She was also very naive and uneducated (unlike me she didn't have any education) she also started making friends with a lot of illegal immigrants who constantly advised  her wrongly.

Now you will probably ask why did she let these things happened, wasn't she strong to confront these people? Well I am not going to make excuses for her, but I belive culture shock and lonelyness (far from her family and all she knew)   Played a big part in her desicion making. I wish I could share the whole picture, but it will be a long story. My sister is not a good example for me to explain how good women can changed when facing a different environment because she wasn't perfect even before she came to the US. But I saw her doing things here that she would it never do if she was back home. I don't know if she will ever go back to being the same woman she was in Colombia, I don't think so she is to damaged now, even psicologically.

I don't think there is any difference between women in America and women in Colombia when it comes to sleeping around. You have the ones who don't do it and the ones who do. In my sisters case I can tell you she didn't do it back in Colombia, in fact she was for many years in a abusive relationship with her ex husband, the father of her daughter. And stayed with him until she couldn't take it no more. But never cheated (as far as I know) then she met the man who brought her here; and after 4 years she left him. She started sleeping around in order to have a roof over her head and things went down hills from there.
I can tell you for a fact that to this day she regrets leaving her American husband and for listening to her "friends"   

[mambocowboy]

I don't know how to answer some of these questions. I can only judge what I have seen. My sister left a good man who loved her and her daughter as his own, and I strongly belive she did it for several reasons: peer pressure (other Latinas and  American women she met here who constantly told her she was so pretty and she could do better ect) She was also very naive and uneducated (unlike me she didn't have any education) she also started making friends with a lot of illegal immigrants who constantly advised  her wrongly.

Now you will probably ask why did she let these things happened, wasn't she strong to confront these people? Well I am not going to make excuses for her, but I belive culture shock and lonelyness (far from her family and all she knew)   Played a big part in her desicion making. I wish I could share the whole picture, but it will be a long story. My sister is not a good example for me to explain how good women can changed when facing a different environment because she wasn't perfect even before she came to the US. But I saw her doing things here that she would it never do if she was back home. I don't know if she will ever go back to being the same woman she was in Colombia, I don't think so she is to damaged now, even psicologically.

I don't think there is any difference between women in America and women in Colombia when it comes to sleeping around. You have the ones who don't do it and the ones who do. In my sisters case I can tell you she didn't do it back in Colombia, in fact she was for many years in a abusive relationship with her ex husband, the father of her daughter. And stayed with him until she couldn't take it no more. But never cheated (as far as I know) then she met the man who brought her here; and after 4 years she left him. She started sleeping around in order to have a roof over her head and things went down hills from there.
I can tell you for a fact that to this day she regrets leaving her American husband and for listening to her "friends"

I never understood how this could happen but now that I have been married 4 years it is very understandable. My wife's "friends" have told her she can do better. The same things that make her a good friend also make her gullible....