How Many Kids are Acceptable, and does it depend on how hot the girl is?

[Juan Valdez]

Everybody has there preferences, and I'm just curious to see what people think.

I don't have kids, and would like to start from ground zero with a chica and have our own kids.
Therefore I don't want to be a stepfather.  If I already had kids, that would probably be different.

Having said that... I do find myself getting weak for a girl with kids, if I'm extremely attracted to her, and feel a strong connection.

So my vote is # of kids = 0
Really Hot Girl with kids = Still No, but maybe ;-) Lol

For guys that will take kids... how many? 1, 2, 3? 

Utopiacowboy, you took on at least 2, right?

[benjio]

Everybody has there preferences, and I'm just curious to see what people think.

I don't have kids, and would like to start from ground zero with a chica and have our own kids.
Therefore I don't want to be a stepfather.  If I already had kids, that would probably be different.

Having said that... I do find myself getting weak for a girl with kids, if I'm extremely attracted to her, and feel a strong connection.

So my vote is # of kids = 0
Really Hot Girl with kids = Still No, but maybe ;-) Lol

For guys that will take kids... how many? 1, 2, 3? 

Utopiacowboy, you took on at least 2, right?

Please correct me if I'm wrong Juan, but the only reason guys ask questions like this is when they are interested and/or already communicating with a girl that has multiple children. If I'm right, I'd like to throw a question back at you. When a single mother has multiple children in Latin America and she's looking to meet foreign men, how can you tell if her interest is more about you or if it's more about finding a provider to make a better life for their kids? I can tell you from my personal experience, that if I was willing to raise multiple children that weren't mine, I'd have the hottest Colombiana wife in Texas. I guess in the end it works out for both parties because it's very unlikely a woman like that will ever try and leave you. No woman on the planet knows how to appreciate a good, devoted husband and father, regardless of looks, earning power, etc. than one with a child(ren) she needs help taking care of. But me personally, I'd have to know it was more than the opportunity to improve upon her and her family's quality of life. Colombian Men don't date single mothers for a reason. Whatever that reason is, sometimes gringos choose to ignore it.


There are so many super hot women in Latin America without kids. If you're questioning it...you should probably stay away. If it wasn't an issue with you, you wouldn't be questioning it. Just my honest opinion. There's nothing wrong with what UC did as he's happy. But I honestly don't think he went online to see what everyone else thought before making the decision to be with the woman he's with now.

[Gato4Astrid]

In addition to Benijo's posting, will the woman have time for you?  I've known many of the women with kids who had 'no time' for me.  However, not all of them though.

[utopiacowboy]

Everybody has there preferences, and I'm just curious to see what people think.

I don't have kids, and would like to start from ground zero with a chica and have our own kids.
Therefore I don't want to be a stepfather.  If I already had kids, that would probably be different.

Having said that... I do find myself getting weak for a girl with kids, if I'm extremely attracted to her, and feel a strong connection.

So my vote is # of kids = 0
Really Hot Girl with kids = Still No, but maybe ;-) Lol

For guys that will take kids... how many? 1, 2, 3? 

Utopiacowboy, you took on at least 2, right?

Yes, my wife had three kids and I had four of my own. So most people would regard me as a complete lunatic anyway. I get a lot of pleasure from my children and their spouses and children.

[Elexpatriado]

Colombian Men don't date single mothers for a reason. Whatever that reason is, sometimes gringos choose to ignore it

Here is where I disagree with you. That is the myth, Colombian men dont date or marry women with kids.This is another False Gringo myth.
I dated at least 2 girls who had step fathers who married their mother when they  had several kids. Two examples- One girl from Pereira whose step father married her mom when she had 3 kids. my freind and her 2 brothers. They then proceeded to have a fourth child (a little girl) who is now about 4 years old.
Another example. A girl I dated from Cali who also had a step father, who married her mom with two kids, her and her older brother. They then proceeded to have another kid  (her younger brother) who is now 10 years old. The couple have been together for 12 years.
Another less compelling case, but still the same type of thing. The girl in the Peluqeuria that does my nails. She has 2 kids 12 and 16. She has been going out with a guy for about 6 months now, and he apears to be madly in love with her.
There are countless other examples, the details just dont come to mind right now. Sure it is not every day common practice, but it is not that uncommon.
Also, you figure there are so many single childless women online, well it just isnt that way. The majority have at least 1 kid. Sure there are many childless younger women, but these gals have all the younger childless guys willing to marry them and give them visas, and would be less willing to give a guy in his fifties with 4 kids a chance. Thats just the way it is.
 
Personally, I wouldnt take more than one kid, and it would depend how old they were, and how I got along with them.

[buencamino2]

I don't have kids, and would like to start from ground zero with a chica and have our own kids.
Therefore I don't want to be a stepfather.

What I think is your instinct is right: you will be much happier in the long term if you start from ground zero.

[Awesome]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with a woman with kids, it's just the overall situation that can make things difficult.  If it's just a casual relationship it's not that big of a deal.  Take her out alone some times but you might have to pay for the babysitter.  Take her out some times and bring the kids along, it can be enjoyable.  Every situation is different.  If you're like me and you love kids then have at it.


If the relationship starts getting serious you must realize that her child is going to become YOUR child.  If you can't handle that or just don't want that then it's just not going to work out.


One thing about many single mothers is that they've learned very well (the hard way) the difference between a good man and a sorry ass no good deadbeat and they realize that when/if they do find an actual good man they're more likely to value him and treat him like a king so as not to lose him.


Another thing is it's not always wise to place too much value on how "hot" she is.  If she's a 6 on a scale of 1-10, but she's smart, responsible, and has a heart of gold I say she's a great woman.  I can be perfectly happy with a 6 or a 7 who is a truly great person on the inside.


Of course I'm just repeating what's been said on this board a million times.

[AndyLee]

Personally, I wouldnt take more than one kid, and it would depend how old they were, and how I got along with them.

In my opinion this is sound advice. One kid, preferable a girl, younger than say 10 years old and still cooperative gives you a chance to become friends with the kid before he or she becomes a rebellious teenager. And, as Gato pointed out, one kid is less likely to usurp all the mother´s time.


In the case of a child over 18 it depends if they are out of the house and independent and what is the likelihood they will move back in when they see the sugar daddy arrive. It also depends if the independent child is in university and who is paying for that, or does he-she have a GOOD job and does it look like they are going to stick it out.


I can appreciate what Elex says about stepfathers, but, I personally have not met all that many families where there is a stepfather. Like he says, it is not totally uncommon though. It does happen often enough that I am not surprised when I do hear about it.


I did have a girlfriend in Cartagena for a while who´s stepfather had taken on her and her sister and brother when they were pre-teen and the man seemed to be a pretty good father figure to them from what I could tell. I was even more surprised to find the guy had three other kids by a previous marriage and had actually provided for those three kids while they were growing. I would say though that he was an exceptional guy just as I would say that UT is an exceptional guy.


I even saw one family where the step father had separated from the mother of the step kids after a few years, and the kids wanted to go live with him rather than their biological mother. So, it happens. But, I also agree with Benjio that the Colombianos don´t seem to search it out. In the United States and Europe of course it is very common to have a step father.


I just did a check on Cupido for number of women within one hundred miles of me who are single without children. I did a range from 26 to 52 and I got back more than 1000. So, there are more than enough single women without kids. I know it is hard to take a pass on a really attractive woman, but if she has two kids or more, I´d take the pass. Just my two cents.

[robert angel]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with a woman with kids, it's just the overall situation that can make things difficult.  If it's just a casual relationship it's not that big of a deal.  Take her out alone some times but you might have to pay for the babysitter.  Take her out some times and bring the kids along, it can be enjoyable.  Every situation is different.  If you're like me and you love kids then have at it.


If the relationship starts getting serious you must realize that her child is going to become YOUR child.  If you can't handle that or just don't want that then it's just not going to work out.


One thing about many single mothers is that they've learned very well (the hard way) the difference between a good man and a sorry ass no good deadbeat and they realize that when/if they do find an actual good man they're more likely to value him and treat him like a king so as not to lose him.


Another thing is it's not always wise to place too much value on how "hot" she is.  If she's a 6 on a scale of 1-10, but she's smart, responsible, and has a heart of gold I say she's a great woman.  I can be perfectly happy with a 6 or a 7 who is a truly great person on the inside.


Of course I'm just repeating what's been said on this board a million times.

The whole situation is so complicated, so many variables according to culture, as well as is it a boy/s girl/s--how old the kid/s, are they hopelessly indulged, spoiled already, the ages, mindsets of the Mom, Dad? Is the bio Father involved--going to hold them hostage for money---sign off on visitation? It's a lot more than is it one , two or three kids questions and how that relates to her 'hotness'. I'd like to think that if a guy has his head together it's more of a 'yes' or 'no' answer that he's pretty predetermined to have an answer already to if it's not a whole LOT of kids--like 5,6....or if otherwise  'as described' complications are involved. I don't think any guy wants to sign onto raising another father's kids to a number the size of a soccer team. I think if a guy's thinking anywhere along the lines of "If she's a TEN, 3 kids are fine, if she's a NINE, I'll accept two and so on that he's probably bound to screw the whole ball of wax up to start with...

[vikingo]

There is an economic aspect to keep in mind as well. Putting a child or several through college and university is not small change and with a gringo step dad demands will be higher as to their clothing and electronic toys, eventually a car. She is first of all in love with her kid(s) of course and she will ignore her culture she is used to, leave family and friends behind and put up with a gringo and his mediocre Spanish, all for a better future of the child and hopefully in North America or Europe.
She is doing the best she can to rectify her mistakes getting laid by irresponsible macho Colombians who run after hearing she is pregnant.

[mambocowboy]

The whole situation is so complicated, so many variables according to culture, as well as is it a boy/s girl/s--how old the kid/s, are they hopelessly indulged, spoiled already, the ages, mindsets of the Mom, Dad? Is the bio Father involved--going to hold them hostage for money---sign off on visitation? It's a lot more than is it one , two or three kids questions and how that relates to her 'hotness'. I'd like to think that if a guy has his head together it's more of a 'yes' or 'no' answer that he's pretty predetermined to have an answer already to if it's not a whole LOT of kids--like 5,6....or if otherwise  'as described' complications are involved. I don't think any guy wants to sign onto raising another father's kids to a number the size of a soccer team. I think if a guy's thinking anywhere along the lines of "If she's a TEN, 3 kids are fine, if she's a NINE, I'll accept two and so on that he's probably bound to screw the whole ball of wax up to start with...

a Colombiano will marry a woman with a kid  if she's hot and he doesn't have better options. But trust me, they view a gringo who will take on a Colombiana with kids as a sucker. The worst gringo-Colombiana marriage I know is a gringo who took on a Colombiana and her two spoiled sons when they were about 9 and 10. They are about 13 and 14 now. She still spoils them and they are soft as baby sh--. She goes back to Colombia every three months where she has a business her gringo husband is funding. He also gives her an extra 2 grand a month on top of that. He would love to have a child of his own with her, but she has told her friends she will never give him one. She is enjoying the liposculpting and boob job he paid for  and doesn't want to risk ruining her figure or putting her business plans on hold. That's the clearest example I can think of why not to marry a latina with sons. But of course we have Utopiacowboy who seems very pleased with his decision to take on a widow with 3 kids, so there are exceptions...

[Hector_Lavoe]

I don't have kids, and would like to start from ground zero with a chica and have our own kids.
Therefore I don't want to be a stepfather.  If I already had kids, that would probably be different.

Having said that... I do find myself getting weak for a girl with kids, if I'm extremely attracted to her, and feel a strong connection.

Just my opinion Juan: Don't do it. You don't have kids and there are plenty of nice ladies in L.A. without kids. As UtopiaCowboy noted, his deal was nearly a one for one exchange. A very different scenario.

I am in the same boat as you (no kids)....while every woman's motives and character must be vetted on a case by case basis, a woman with kids No. 1 priority will be feeding/caring for her kid(s) not your relationship with her.

Granted, there are exceptions, U.C. and Kiltboy both found great ladies with kids. But I'd rather just keep it less complicated/simple and start with a clean slate....

[Hector_Lavoe]

The worst gringo-Colombiana marriage I know is a gringo who took on a Colombiana and her two spoiled sons when they were about 9 and 10. They are about 13 and 14 now. She still spoils them and they are soft as baby sh--. She goes back to Colombia every three months where she has a business her gringo husband is funding. He also gives her an extra 2 grand a month on top of that. He would love to have a child of his own with her, but she has told her friends she will never give him one. She is enjoying the liposculpting and boob job he paid for  and doesn't want to risk ruining her figure or putting her business plans on hold. That's the clearest example I can think of why not to marry a latina with sons.

Wow, just amazing what some guys will put up with. I assume the kids are living with/supported by the gringo or are they still in Colombia? Either way this guy is shelling out a lot of money/resources on this lady. I don't see this one ending well.

[Awesome]

Every single situation is different.  One woman with kids could be a great wife, while the next one could be a total nightmare.  There are a million variables that could affect how the relationship could turn out.  Just because one guy is a weak pushover who allows himself to get played by his golddigging wife doesn't mean the next guy will get played the same way.


And there are plenty of guys who get played and used by women who have no children.  Not to mention there are guys out there who's own children don't even respect them.  Guys like KB and UC probably receive more love and respect from their stepchildren than some guys receive from their own biological children.


I've dated plenty of women with kids and I absolutely enjoyed every minute of it.  All of the children of the women I've dated absolutely adored me and I NEVER had any problem with them behaving badly or rebellious.  When you have big balls and an even bigger heart people can feel that, and especially children can feel that, and you will be loved and respected.  It just comes natural.  Men who can't handle a woman with kids usually are cold, selfish, weak, insecure types.  Their woman doesn't respect them and the kids don't respect them...because they don't deserve respect.




And if you have to get on an internet forum to ask what you should do in this situation, then that's REALLY not a good sign for you, at all.

[Elexpatriado]

 
The exact same situation can occur with a women without kids. I have seen it. Just replace the kids with ma and brothers and sisters. Exact same situation can occur if a guy lets it.

Just got to know where to put your foot down.

It just gets worse taking them out of Latín America. Expectations go way up.

a Colombiano will marry a woman with a kid  if she's hot and he doesn't have better options. But trust me, they view a gringo who will take on a Colombiana with kids as a sucker. The worst gringo-Colombiana marriage I know is a gringo who took on a Colombiana and her two spoiled sons when they were about 9 and 10. They are about 13 and 14 now. She still spoils them and they are soft as baby sh--. She goes back to Colombia every three months where she has a business her gringo husband is funding. He also gives her an extra 2 grand a month on top of that. He would love to have a child of his own with her, but she has told her friends she will never give him one. She is enjoying the liposculpting and boob job he paid for  and doesn't want to risk ruining her figure or putting her business plans on hold. That's the clearest example I can think of why not to marry a latina with sons. But of course we have Utopiacowboy who seems very pleased with his decision to take on a widow with 3 kids, so there are exceptions...

[mambocowboy]

Wow, just amazing what some guys will put up with. I assume the kids are living with/supported by the gringo or are they still in Colombia? Either way this guy is shelling out a lot of money/resources on this lady. I don't see this one ending well.

They live with him.

[benjio]

Here is where I disagree with you. That is the myth, Colombian men dont date or marry women with kids.This is another False Gringo myth.

Sure it happens! Lets remember that almost everything we post about Colombia on this board are generalizations. There's always the exception. You've spent a lot more time in Colombia than most of us here so of course you've had the opportunity to run across situations that I've never encountered. I'm serious about that too....I have never known a Colombiano who married a woman that had children from another man. And when I did it, I had several Colombianos asking me why.

[AndyLee]

I think a recent experience is interesting in this thread. About three months ago I met a nice woman on cupido and we hit it off online and spent a lot of time texting and skyping. We wanted to take it to the next step so she spent last weekend with me and we had a great time. Very pretty girl, nice smile, sweet and loving, 28, slender with nice body shape, fantastic buns.
She was never married but she has a 2 year old son by a guy who disappeared when he found out she was pregnant.
After a really nice weekend together we thought we might have a future together so I invited her to visit me again, but this time bring her son so we could get acquainted. So she did that today.
Quite frankly, after today I am swearing off the up to one child rule. No more kids.
This one was stubborn, bossy, whiny and acted generally like a spoiled brat.
I had cooked a really nice Colombina style lunch with vegetable soup, pork, rice, salad and pita bread. He would not eat a bite, just whined and fussed instead. His mother pleaded with him and cajoled him for an hour unsuccessfully. So I suggested we go to the park and hang out for a while. He refused to walk the five blocks to the park, even though he will be 3 years old next month. He would not let me carry him, so it was up to his mom to lug his butt all the way. Then at the park he insisted on riding on the toy chivas that circle the park and after two rides I was bored and suggested we walk down to the galleria and window shop. The mother liked the idea but the kid pitched a fit.
Her being a mother to that boy is a full time job. Finally, after four hours of his b.s. I suggested she take him home for a nap. As much as I like her, and no matter how pretty and sexy she is, I will not call her again other than to remain friends on Facebook. The kid is a definite deal breaker.

[benjio]

I think a recent experience is interesting in this thread. About three months ago I met a nice woman on cupido and we hit it off online and spent a lot of time texting and skyping. We wanted to take it to the next step so she spent last weekend with me and we had a great time. Very pretty girl, nice smile, sweet and loving, 28, slender with nice body shape, fantastic buns.
She was never married but she has a 2 year old son by a guy who disappeared when he found out she was pregnant.
After a really nice weekend together we thought we might have a future together so I invited her to visit me again, but this time bring her son so we could get acquainted. So she did that today.
Quite frankly, after today I am swearing off the up to one child rule. No more kids.
This one was stubborn, bossy, whiny and acted generally like a spoiled brat.
I had cooked a really nice Colombina style lunch with vegetable soup, pork, rice, salad and pita bread. He would not eat a bite, just whined and fussed instead. His mother pleaded with him and cajoled him for an hour unsuccessfully. So I suggested we go to the park and hang out for a while. He refused to walk the five blocks to the park, even though he will be 3 years old next month. He would not let me carry him, so it was up to his mom to lug his butt all the way. Then at the park he insisted on riding on the toy chivas that circle the park and after two rides I was bored and suggested we walk down to the galleria and window shop. The mother liked the idea but the kid pitched a fit.
Her being a mother to that boy is a full time job. Finally, after four hours of his b.s. I suggested she take him home for a nap. As much as I like her, and no matter how pretty and sexy she is, I will not call her again other than to remain friends on Facebook. The kid is a definite deal breaker.

Before I actually seriously dated a Colombiana with a child I met a girl on CC while living Pereira. We went out a few times. Mostly just grabbed drinks in the evenings and chatted a while. She was a little too skinny for my taste and the huge breast implants she had gotten done in Medellin the previous year sort of looked out of place on her small frame. She was very pretty though and a sweetheart so I wanted to see where things were going to go. I already knew she had a son from her Cupido profile but I hadn't thought to ask her about him and she never mentioned him when we were together. While we were out having drinks one night I decided to ask some general questions about him (name, age, hobbies, etc.) out of curiousity. She immediately lit up like a light bulb. Once the flood gates were opened she couldn't stop talking about her son. Before we left each other that night she asked me if I wanted to meet him. I was apprehensive but I said yes. Now that I think back the only reason I said yes was because I had already slept with her. As I've previously mentioned Pereiranas aren't too big on waiting to get to know a guy well before hopping in the sack. At least from my experience. 


About a week went by and I gave her a call to see if she wanted to do something the upcoming weekend. She told me she had been craving a hamburger so I asked a good friend of mine about a good burger joint in the city. He told me about a place called Sayonara in Circumvalar that was excellent so I called her and told her to meet me there that Saturday afternoon. At this point I had completely forgotten about our conversation about her son. Low and behold, she shows up at the restaurant with him. My first thought was, "Ahhhhhhh $hit!" But I quickly lightened up. I like kids and figured it would be fun to get to know the little guy. BOY WAS WRONG! Little f#cking nightmare!!! The kid was around 6 years old and wouldn't sit down! Sayonara is not a big place but he was running all around, in between the tables like it was a gotdamn obstacle course. Whining over the most trivial little thing. One of the girls who worked there brought him over this coloring sheet and some crayons to keep him occupied but he started crying because they didn't have the colors he wanted. His mother was so embarrassed. She kept apologizing to me...."Lo siento, Lo siento...perdon." But she wasn't doing anything to discipline him. Just a bunch of idle threats that I could tell never actually got enforced because they didn't even give the kid a moment of pause. THE ABSOLUTE WORSE THING was the kid kept complaining about being hungry. When the burgers were finally ready I went up to get the order and brought it to the table. He said he didn't want it!!! All of a sudden he had to have McDonald's!!! I specifically asked him what he wanted on the menu beforehand and he told me but then he didn't want to eat!!! Little brat kept whining and whining about wanting McDonald's until his mother promised to take him as soon as they left. The burgers at that place weren't very expensive but I was in no position to be wasting money on ANYTHING at that time in my life.


Long story short...I started ignoring her calls. I really liked her and the sex was pretty good but I couldn't put myself through trying to turn that little boy into a man. The girl I seriously dated some time afterwards had a son that wasn't quite as bad. The only problem with her was I couldn't tell him a thing. She would flip out anytime I tried to discipline him. I just haven't had very good experiences with single mothers in Latin America. And like I say all the time....there are sooooooooooo many hot, single girls that aren't mothers? Why take the risk of putting yourself through all that heartache and stress?


What I don't understand about women in Latin America is they're okay with a boy's biological father disciplining their children, but then they feel they need to protect their kid from a man they are dating...no matter what the circumstances are. WTF?

[utopiacowboy]

One thing about reading these PL horror stories. I always end up feeling that I am a very lucky man.

[buencamino2]

I posted this before but I think it's funny. I was talking with a guy about how obsessed colombianas are with their male children and he said well it's probably the only man in her life who hasn't cheated on her.

[Elexpatriado]

I have had similar experiences to the ones above, but also (strangely enough) have had experiences with kids that were really good, and I got along withn great.


I would tell the OP dont write a girl off because of horror stories here. Go out with here and her kid a few times and see how it goes.You will know right away if its for you or not.


Same with girls without kids. There are ALWAYS going to be problems.You marry a Colombiana, you marry the family. At least thats my experience. If she doesnt have a kid, she may be caring for her elderly mother or grandmother, or nephew or niece.


Though if you can get a hot women without kids, and have a job, are educated, arent jealous or psychos, are willing to leave their family in Colombia, yet still be a loving wife and mother, so much the better.


Or better yet,get a billionaire heiress Like Benjio. Good on you if you can do it.

[Elexpatriado]

I posted this before but I think it's funny. I was talking with a guy about how obsessed colombianas are with their male children and he said well it's probably the only man in her life who hasn't cheated on her.

I think thats Cali Pros quote. But in the end they end up raising Maricas or Machistas by their own actions. That is why single mother Colombianas with sons are kind of like DR. Frankensteins

[benjio]

Or better yet,get a billionaire heiress Like Benjio. Good on you if you can do it.

HA HA!!! I'd advise against it. It's like you said there are always downsides no matter the woman or her background. I love my girlfriend to death. She's an awesome person and partner! But she's far from perfect and our relationship is even more flawed. I don't mind doing the cooking. As I've previously written here I actually enjoy it. But imagine dating or being married to a woman that's never done a household chore in her life. Never washed a load of clothes. Never ironed a shirt. Never cleaned a dish. She never even walked her own dog when she had one. Maids and servants for everything. Her parents have a very nice 5 bedroom penthouse apartment in Ipanema and they employ a staff of three. That's right...you read that correctly. There are two people living in an apartment, and they pay three live-in employees to take care of it for them.


Something I never shared with you all here but think about quite often is maintaining my girlfriend's lifestyle if we ever get married. I honestly don't think she would do well if she had to downgrade a bit. I can't come close to doing what her father does for her, and I'd feel a little emasculated if he continued to do those things after we were married. As a husband that's my job. So we'll see what happens with that. She's no Paris Hilton but she has some pretty expensive spending habits. Especially eating out because she can't cook and loves gourmet food. Believe me when I say there are times when I miss those simple coconut rice and fried fish dinners prepared by some pretty Morena in a Barranquilla slum while Vallenato Music blast in the background.

[buencamino2]

I think thats Cali Pros quote. But in the end they end up raising Maricas or Machistas by their own actions. That is why single mother Colombianas with sons are kind of like DR. Frankensteins

No it wasn't CP I was talking to. It was a guy not related to this forum.