What's acceptable?

[AsphaltVoyager]

I've been talking with a woman I know in Australia who makes frequent visits to Thailand about the dating and relationship customs of that country's people. What she is telling me is that the Thai people view it as perfectly acceptable for a woman to have one or more in-country boyfriends that take her out to dinner, movies, etc, and then have one or more boyfriends from the internet who are the source of gifts and possible monetary support. My friend seems to think that this is not confined to Thailand, though her travels to other countries in the region are more limited.

Has anyone else observed this to be true? (And, before anyone asks, NO, I am not considering trading one set of problems for another.  )

[Jeff S]

Perfectly acceptable to whom? The massage girls? The con men preying on sex tourists. It's not acceptable anywhere among anyone you should even consider having any kind of relationship with.

[Dave H]

Perfectly acceptable to whom? The massage girls? The con men preying on sex tourists. It's not acceptable anywhere among anyone you should even consider having any kind of relationship with.

Hey Jeff,

That sounds like a better answer!!!  My understanding is that not many good Thai ladies want to be seen with a farang!

AV,

Pay attention to everything William tells you about Thailand and consider it the gospel!

Dave

[z_k_g]

What she is telling me is that the Thai people view it as perfectly acceptable for a woman to have one or more in-country boyfriends that take her out to dinner, movies, etc, and then have one or more boyfriends from the internet who are the source of gifts and possible monetary support. My friend seems to think that this is not confined to Thailand, though her travels to other countries in the region are more limited.

Has anyone else observed this to be true? (And, before anyone asks, NO, I am not considering trading one set of problems for another.  )

Asphalt,

My pinay sweetie and her friends consider it totally unacceptable to have more than one suitor.  Basically, the serious women I have talked to consider themselves "off limits" to anyone, besides the appointed bf, until marriage, a very conservative position.  The bf gets the special privilege of courting- visiting, giving gifts, spending special time with her, and is the designated potential future husband.  Sex is not an option most of the time.

A woman who is seen with a man and "dating" is committed to marriage pretty much.

However, most pinays from good families do not want their daughters associated with a rotation of kanos or foreigners because they will be known as loose girls and labeled undesirable.  This is a real fear and they do not want to risk their reputation to be tainted!  

In fact, if you are a kano, a father or mother may want to have 3 or 4 chaperons always around or you only visit at the house to make sure that gossip is quashed.   Sadly, however, if the pinay goes outside of her village or barangay then she knows that EVERYONE may possilby consider her a bargirl and a cheap woman if seen with you!  Bargirls are considered the lowest trash in the PI, by my girls family and friends at least.

The type of woman you are referring to who has multiple "friends" is not reputable in the PI to my limited knowledge.  

My courtship is a constant tip toe of feelings, traditions and snooping relatives and friends looking at the kano's next move under the guise of watching out for her best interest, which is probably true after all is said and done.  

My sweetie is a tough cookie and has to maneuver through the scrutiny of family and friends because she wants to have a mutual successful loving relationship with me, the kano.  If she would just go back to her pinoy ex bf it would save her a lot of grief in terms of worrying about her reputation and make her parents extremely happy!

In my opinion, the behavior you are referring to is only acceptable with bargirls in the Philippines or possibly some liberated "independent" women in Manila or Cebu City.

Neither of which, in my opinion, are serious marriage material.

Zulu

[jm21-2]

There are plenty of women around the world and through the ages that find it acceptable to have multiple suitors. Isn't the saying here in the US that an attractive girl often has three guys: one to buy her dinner, one for sex, and one to complain to when the others treat her like crap?

The question is, why would you marry such a girl?

[AsphaltVoyager]

Perfectly acceptable to whom?

If you read what I said, she told me that is acceptable to the THAI PEOPLE.

[Jeff S]

You can't lump all Thai people together any more than you can any other group.

[jm21-2]

If an Australian girl tells you that all Thai people think scamming western guys out of money over the internet is perfectly acceptable, and you believe her enough to ask questions about it, you've got a lot of reading/thinking to do. Basically she's saying there's a whole culture which endorses stealing...I mean, it's just absurd. People and cultures are not THAT different.

Reminds me of a girl friend here who warned me that my GF (who refused my plan to get a fiance visa for her) is definitely a green card shark.

[Bob_S]

My understanding is that not many good Thai ladies want to be seen with a farang!

That's my understanding, too, as applies to much (most?) of Asia.  A woman with a good reputation as a person of good character will want to maintain that reputation so won't want to be seen as a yellow taxi.  She can seem cold and distant in public at first, but dutiful anyway in attending to your wishes.  While some girls will run up to you as soon as you get off the plane to give you a hug, that doesn't mean that those who don't do that therefore don't like you.  They may also have deep fond feelings for you, they are just playing their cards close to their chest till they get to know you better.

But if she's playing several guys for coin?  Yeah, that's bad.  Let's put it this way, would you want to court a girl for the purposes of marriage whose female friends all were prostitutes?  Wouldn't that make you naturally wonder about her?  Or would you prefer to date the girl who said, "yeah, a few of my childhood classmates moved to the city to turn tricks/play guys for money, but I don't talk to them anymore."   

[robert angel]

AV,
You are talking in very broad terms here. There are few absolutes in life. Just one phrase >>the Thai people view it as perfectly acceptable<< uses 'The' and 'perfectly', for example.

Not trying to nit pick you to death here--in fact it sort of irks me that we sometimes scrutinize every word and overly read nuances into what each of us write here--sometimes a bit excessively. Nobody's perfect--I've--well, me, myself and I anyways, have written some bonehead, even contradictory posts at times

Of course, there are 'players' everywhere and from what I gather, Thailand is tougher than most places to find the kind of lady most guys here seem to be looking for. I dare say that Russia, former USSR nations and Eastern Europe are harder for most of us to find 'that girl', than say, the Philippines as well. That said, some guys have done well and are happy with what they've 'found' in all of these places.

You never know until you test the waters and love, good or bad, is like lightning--it can hit you anywhere at any time.

[AsphaltVoyager]

... love, good or bad, is like lightning--it can hit you anywhere at any time.

Whew boy! U sure got that right. *LOL*