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Offline brettb

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10 common myths
« on: April 18, 2011, 12:41:03 PM »
Hey guys I found this on a different site... Was curious as to your takes and thoughts on it. I have a feelings the author might be a little biased....


10 common myths and beliefs I’ve heard from older Western men who intend to marry a beautiful, young Filipina and bring her back home with them to live happily ever after: [The following are sweeping generalizations and of course there are always exceptions, but based upon my own personal experience of having been-there, done-that 18 years ago, as well as those of many other older American husbands with younger Filipina wives that I have gotten to know over the years, I have found these characterizations have some basis in truth.]

1. “My Filipina bride and I will have lots in common. Once she arrives, I’ll include her in all the outdoor activities I enjoy like playing golf, boating, camping, hiking and swimming at the beach.”

Won’t happen. Chances are your Filipina wife isn’t going to want to do any outdoorsy activities. Light skin is coveted in her culture and considered a symbol of social status. As a result, Filipinas avoid the exposure to the sun which would occur doing outdoor activities. And you can forget about camping. Oh, she’ll go with you alright, but she won’t see the point of “roughing it” when you have a perfectly good house back home to sleep in. Most likely one of the reasons she came to America was to get away from roughing it.

2. “Homesick? Nahhh, not my girl. Once she gets here my friends and family will welcome her with open arms. I’m sure she’ll feel right at home.”

Don’t expect your new wife to automatically become close with your family or your buddies and their wives or girlfriends. Oh sure, she’ll smile and be friendly and polite to them, offering food and getting them a beer, but she would much prefer to be talking and texting with other Filipinas in her own dialect. Filipinas naturally discover the local Filipino network or sub-culture and gravitate toward it. They are more comfortable going to those social Filipino gatherings where there is plain white rice, greasy lechon and stinky fried fish, than spending a Thanksgiving dinner at your aunt’s house passing the sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce.

3. “Materialistic? Oh, not my wife. She grew up without having much, so I’m sure she won’t need or want much here.”

Don’t expect your frugal young Filipina bride to remain the same once she moves to the West. She will quickly adopt the mall-shopping, credit card-worshiping, materialistic values of other American women. Once she makes friends with other Filipinas from Fil-Am associations and social gatherings, she will quickly be caught up in the who’s-got-the-most competitions they have amongst themselves - who wears the most branded clothes, has the most shoes, most expensive purses, etc. One of the first things they do once connected with the Filipino sub-culture is to compare incomes, houses, cars, jewelry, shoes and ages of their husbands, (the younger and more gwapo the husbands are, the higher the status). I have found Filipinas to be extremely competitive in this respect.

4. “My new Filipina girlfriend is such a delight. The other day she said she couldn’t wait to get married and move here so she can cook meals for me and to do my laundry.”

The Filipinas who grew up in homes with inexpensive student helpers, maids and cooks are shocked at how expensive and unaffordable such domestic services are here in the U.S. The allure of preparing dinner each night and washing dirty socks quickly tarnishes when it’s not something they are used to doing. Soon comments can be heard under their breaths about how they never had to do these chores back home.

5. “Oh sure, I realize when you marry a Filipina, you marry her whole family, but that’s not going to be the case with my wife. I made it clear that we can help out on occasion, but we wouldn’t be supporting any deadbeat relatives.”

Your Filipina may give you the impression that you are the number one priority in her life and that her first allegiance is to you and any children you may have together, but believe me, you’re not – her tribe is. She may love you and treat you right, but her Prime Directive (to borrow a Star Trek term) is to provide as much support to her family back home as she can – even if it means raiding your own children’s college savings. If you’re lucky, this support may be as little as paying her cousin’s tuition, or it could be as excessive as building a home for her parents.

Every single Filipino we know that lives here is sending money home to the Philippines. Mostly the husbands are aware of this and consider it the cost of domestic tranquility, but also genuinely wanting to help out at times. But what many American husbands are not always aware of is the AMOUNT of money being sent home. Often they are oblivious to the fact that additional funds are being embezzled from their joint savings account, withheld from her paychecks or drawn from a secret credit card or line of credit.

6. “My Filipina wife is so beautiful, and has such a lovely smile. And the best part is that she doesn’t realize just how pretty she is. She thinks she’s just average looking and wishes her nose wasn’t so flat and her skin wasn’t so brown. I love that about her.”

When an older, out-of-shape, or bald guy who might be considered a 3 or 4 on a scale of 1 – 10 here in the U.S., goes to the Philippines, he suddenly seems to jump up to a 6 or 7. Well, by the same token, it doesn’t take long for an exotic, young Filipina who, by her own country’s standards might be considered just a 5 or so, to realize she is now an 8 or 9 here in the West. If she has a job working with the public, expect American men to be constantly hitting on her. Most of these younger men in their 20’s and 30’s couldn’t care less if she is married to you or not.

7. “It’s cute that my fiancé likes those inane karaoke parties and loud dance clubs, but once she moves here we’ll be hanging out with my friends who enjoy more mature and adult activities.”

Don’t expect Filipinas to suddenly outgrow those silly, childish karaoke competitions or quit wanting to go to dance clubs to show off their latest outfits and to enjoy male attention. Once they realize their youthful, exotic beauty can attract younger Filipino men – straight men who actually ENJOY dancing and singing karaoke – they become embarrassed to be seen with the older husband. And if you’re over 40, the prospect of spending the evening listening to loud, pounding music or off-key, amateurish singing becomes so unappealing, you’ll soon find yourself gladly willing to let her go out with her girlfriends so you can stay home to watch the game in peace and quiet.

8. “One of the things I love about women from the Philippines is that they sure know how to take care of and please their man.”

Sure, in the Philippines, that is for the most part true. That’s how most Filipinas were brought up and if they didn’t openly treat their husbands well, people might talk. This outlook often quickly dissipates however once they sees that most American women and their new Westernized Filipina friends no longer go out of their way to “please” their husbands. After a while they realize the husbands aren’t going risk losing a large percentage of their assets or custody of their children in a divorce unless things get really bad. In the States, there’s not much chance of a husband leaving his young Filipina wife for a younger woman. Where’s the guy going to find a woman younger than his wife anyway… at the high school?

9. “Since divorce is illegal in the Philippines and against Catholic upbringing, there’s no way MY lovely bride will divorce me at the drop of a hat like an American woman might.”

Oh sure, there are some statistics that seem to indicate that the odds of divorce are less with a Filipina than with a Western woman, but my guess that only applies to those living in the Philippines. Newly arriving Filipinas quickly realize divorce in the U.S. doesn’t carry shame and dishonor that it did in the Philippines. Even the most devout Catholic girl is likely to change her principles after she's been here for a while, especially if she's befriended “Westernized” women who know the ropes. It won’t be long before she figures out that even though Western men are considered a trophy and a status symbol in the Philippine culture, here in America young, attractive women don't generally date older men, unless of course they are wealthy or famous.

Half of our Filipina friends who married older Americans have divorced their husbands within five years of coming to the U.S. and ended up dating or marrying younger Filipino guys from here, with whom they have much more in common. I don’t believe that was ever their initial intention however. Many of the other half would divorce if they could afford to live on their own or could figure out a way to send as much money home to the Philippines while being on their own. When I think about it, I can name only a handful of Filipinas who are still happily married to their older American husbands after 5 years or so.

10. “My Filipina wife loves me and I know in my heart she’ll never change, no matter where we live.”

No matter how much she loves you, if you take a sweet, young, naïve girl from the province and bring her to the West, whether it is the U.S., Great Britain, Germany or Australia, she is going to change – sometimes for the better, often for the worse. Sometimes they become SO Americanized from living in a Western surrounding, they become the antithesis of what attracted you to Asian women in the first place.

What relationship wouldn’t change? It’s perfectly natural. Going from living in a culture where marrying an older man is common and respected, to suddenly living in the U.S. where single American women don’t want to date any guy 5 – 7 years older than themselves, and where daily sitcoms depict the husband as a bumbling screw-up and his wife as attractive and smart but berating , would change the outlook of any foreign woman.

Offline Jhengsman

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2011, 02:08:34 PM »
Most stereotypes are built on some truth. However I think the local Fil/Am Association ties are being oversold. Once she understands that in America the Thanksgiving celebration is THE major  family get together then she would probably want to be there more then the husband who only  wants to eat, drink beer and watch the Dallas and Detroit NFL games.

Offline robert angel

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2011, 04:19:09 PM »
Whether or not the original author of the post is biased or not, I think almost all of what he says is true, MORE OR LESS. The phrase 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is typically followed, consciously or subconsciously. It often happens unconsciously and slowly, I think--over a period of years.

Personally, from over twenty years of involvement with Fil-Am associations in different states, and with about twenty years of marriage to two Filipinas, I feel that with the Fil/Am associations I have been around, they foster materialism, gossip and intrigue and we're better off w/o them.

I have seen too many 'prayer suppers' turn into malicious gossip fests afterwards. How ironic. We know all those people and get invited to various 'affairs' but 9 out of 10 times or more, we opt out and my wife doesn't mind in the least--she sees it for what it is.

I have seen too many people come from having almost nothing material wise--from utter poverty, to "Knowing the price of everything--but the value of nothing".

So what if she doesn't have a Louis Vuitton purse? They are coveted by many Filipinas. It doesn't bother my wife and if she made $90,000 a year, I don't think she'd go out and buy one. To be honest, I don't think she'd return it if I bought her one, but if I gave her the money instead, she'd probably buy all her siblings personal computers and internet connections with the money or pay to allow her parents to travel somewhere they've never been--a dream vacation. They are such selfless people and would not do that unless she (we) insisted.

Keeping your circle of friends (I mean close 'true' friends--not 'acquaintances' you're friendly with) in general and in the Filipino population in particular, to a small amount, is a very good idea, in my opinion. Personally, I don't think I've ever had more friends I counted as truly 'close 'friends than I have fingers on either hand.

Materialism and becoming more materialistic, is almost inevitable when you've lived in the USA for a while and perhaps even more so when you're working quite hard for the money you make. Places like the USA, most of Western Europe, and certain parts/segments of society in of Japan, China and Russia just seem to crave designer label merchandise. If you don't relate to that mindset, chances are you will once immersed in it.

Sending money home? I read the OP and I thought in my head "Yea--it's almost like a Manchurian Candidate effect or as if there's some hidden computer chip in most Fillipina's brains that out of obligation, guilt or whatever, something makes them feel compelled to send money home, sooner or later, and usually sooner.

If a guy wants a stay at home wife and is under the impression it isn't going to be that way, he's setting himself up for some friction later on, almost certainly. If he's marrying a wife who's going to work, he'd best accept that she's busting her ass to make some cash and it's only fair that she and hopefully he decide where some of it goes. At best, you can work out priorities and amounts, I figure. At worst, you will deal with lies and denial.

A lot of the things in the OP, I don't see in my wife, but I do see overall. I am glad we're not into the karaoke scene--I was the one who bought it for the wife, who wanted me to buy a modest, single mike version, not the deluxe, two mike wireless setup I got her one Christmas and we might use it once, maybe twice a year.

Clubs? We might go out once or twice a year to see 'what's hot', look at all 'the beautiful people' getting stupid drunk and sticking their tongues in each other's mouths and for sure my wife knows just how hot a commodity she is when I go to take a pee and ten guys are on her like white on rice, asking her to dance, to buy her a drink, etc. It might be another 6 or 8 months or longer, when we have a few days off, before I might say--'let's paint the town' and go out and break a sweat dancing, have breakfast out at 3 AM, etc.

I trust my wife and sometimes she will half heartedly ask if she and a couple friends could go out night clubbing together. I nicely say "No--I don't like that idea, hon" and she never has. Same reply when she's mentioned flying to Las Vegas with her two friends a couple times. For that matter, I don't think she'd be too keen if a couple of my best buddies and I "did Vegas" stag style for a few days.

I have said time after time here that moving to the USA IS going to change a person, ANY person, no matter what. Unless you're in the middle of nowhere, say an adobe hut in Texas, in the middle of Montana--w/o internet and TV, life in the USA is going to change a person, and not for the better. How well she was raised, hopefully with the right values and whether she has a constitution--namely a personality and mindset, that helps her to maintain what values she was raised with and hopefully are ingrained deeply in her, enough so as to weather the storms, changes and temptations-that will make all the difference.

You may be damn sure right now that the woman you bring over here will be able to avoid being overly tempted by the offerings here in 'the land of milk and honey'--but you may find that your assumption--your 'hope' was very wrong when you look back years from now. Right now--and even to a lesser extent, years into marriage--we're all still 'running on dreams, hopes and expectations.

Only time--5, 10 years, then decades, will tell. People DO change. But how much and whether for better or worse--those are the unknown variables.

And so I tell you boys, that 'simple Filipina' you may love so much now, and vice versa, is NOT going to stay 'simple' for too long after she gets here. My wife loves to joke when I tell her to check herself--that I'm not going to like or allow this or that in our lives--she says (jokingly) "You forget that I'm an AMERICAN BEEEETCH now" --with a laugh.

Well, at least for now--it's a joke--and a funny one, that we both laugh about....
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 09:08:17 PM by robert angel »
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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2011, 04:19:09 PM »

Offline Ray

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2011, 04:03:01 AM »

Here’s my take on this…


1. Depends entirely on the individual. From my experience, though they may not lay in the sun to get a tan, most all Filipinas love swimming, beaches, picnics, and outdoor activities in general. My ex loved family camping trips.

2. Most all Filipinas like turkey dinners and many become expert at preparing same for Thanksgiving feasts. Finding Filipina friends with the same dialect is not important here. Outside of the Philippines, they are all Filipinos first. Speaking in one’s native dialect at a Filipino gathering is considered rude so verbal communication among Filipinos here is primarily in English or Pilipino (Tagalog).

3. Again, depends entirely on the individual. I found that a minority of Filipinas play those “mine is better than yours” games. My wife would never tolerate “friends” like that.

4. Filipinas are very adaptive to new environments and cultures, and doing household chores after growing up with a maid is simply not a problem.

5. Sending money home is part of the culture and should be expected in most cases. Secret credit card accounts and “embezzling” family savings are not common problems. Most all Filipinas will put their own family and children first. The big issue is that some cannot say no to requests from family members back home so that’s where your help may sometimes be needed.

6. Having American men hitting on your wife at work or anywhere else is only a problem if she has a weak character or has spent most of her adult life working in bars.  ;D

7. I don’t consider karaoke “childish”.  I see it as good healthy entertainment. Most Filipinas I’ve known prefer karaoke parties at home or at a friend’s home. If it bothers you, let the girls sing in the other room while the guys drink beer and watch sports on TV.

8. If you treat your Filipina wife right and take care of her, you won’t have to worry about her taking care of you. If you treat her like a dog, as some American husbands do, don’t expect her to sit there and take it.

9. Do Filipinas here sometimes file for divorce? Of course. But the idea that half of them then marry or date Filipino men here is news to me. That very rarely happens. And I know dozens and dozens of Fil-Am couples still happily married after many long years together

10. Worrying about how or when your Filipina wife might change or become “westernized” after living here is just dumb. If you marry a mature woman of strong character, she will retain her core values. A young teenager with no values and a weak character may change into anything imaginable.

I think this stuff is mostly over-generalization probably based on the personal experience of a guy who hangs mostly with couples who met in bars in the Philippines where the wives were very young (18-22?) when they married.

If you choose wisely and treat you Filipina bride with respect and love, you won’t have to worry about most all of this stuff.

Ray



Offline Dave H

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2011, 06:18:39 AM »

I think this stuff is mostly over-generalization probably based on the personal experience of a guy who hangs mostly with couples who met in bars in the Philippines where the wives were very young (18-22?) when they married.
If you choose wisely and treat you Filipina bride with respect and love, you won’t have to worry about most all of this stuff.

Ray


Hey Ray,

I agree, those were some pretty interesting "OVER-generalizations." I have heard them all before. I feel sorry for any unlucky bastard who has been through all of that crap!  ;D Sounds like it probably came from some guy who is trying to sell his "How To Find and Marry a Good Filipina" e-guidebook!  ::)


 I guess my wife must not be a "Filipina," because about 99% of it did not describe her...even after 11 years together.  ??? She did get homesick the first year, but dealt with it and didn't seek out seek out other Filipinas.

Dave



« Last Edit: April 23, 2011, 06:39:18 AM by Dave H »
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Offline kojak

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2011, 04:41:31 AM »
Very good points Ray.....!


If you don't mind me asking Ray how old was your wife when you guy's first met?
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory or defeat." --Theodore Roosevelt

Offline robert angel

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2011, 10:41:49 AM »
Re:
>>Worrying about how or when your Filipina wife might change or become “westernized” after living here is just dumb. If you marry a mature woman of strong character, she will retain her core values. A young teenager with no values and a weak character may change into anything imaginable.

I think this stuff is mostly over-generalization probably based on the personal experience of a guy who hangs mostly with couples who met in bars in the Philippines where the wives were very young (18-22?) when they married.<<

I think that generally speaking, the problems/generalizations discussed do tend to have a greater chance of occurring if your bride is really young and if one or both of you are immature. I think that the younger you are, usually the more impressionable you're going to be. You can grow together or grow apart, I figure.

And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

(Bob Seger)
« Last Edit: April 27, 2011, 10:46:58 AM by robert angel »
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Offline Ray

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #7 on: April 27, 2011, 04:43:13 PM »
 

If you don't mind me asking Ray how old was your wife when you guy's first met?


 33
 
 

Offline seattlejoe

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2011, 06:39:02 AM »
As long that I have been married, I can't seem to find that secret credit card. ::)  I wonder where her boyfriend lives :-X


                                                         

Offline seattlejoe

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2011, 06:46:49 AM »
Hey Ray,

I agree, those were some pretty interesting "OVER-generalizations." I have heard them all before. I feel sorry for any unlucky bastard who has been through all of that crap!  ;D Sounds like it probably came from some guy who is trying to sell his "How To Find and Marry a Good Filipina" e-guidebook!  ::)


 I guess my wife must not be a "Filipina," because about 99% of it did not describe her...even after 11 years together.  ??? She did get homesick the first year, but dealt with it and didn't seek out seek out other Filipinas.

Dave
Hey Jr.    I wonder studs like us.   What status we have amongst the Filipinas.  Do you have a title of our e-book yet.  Maybe mimi Fester knows where my wife's secret card is hidden

« Last Edit: April 28, 2011, 06:50:16 AM by seattlejoe »

Jeremy.west

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2011, 01:23:51 AM »
"How To Find and Marry a Good Filipina"

!!!!

Thats really Funny

Offline flipflop

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2011, 07:27:12 AM »
Johnny Lingos wife changed

Offline Dave H

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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2011, 12:46:31 AM »
Hey Jr.    I wonder studs like us.   What status we have amongst the Filipinas.  Do you have a title of our e-book yet.  Maybe mimi Fester knows where my wife's secret card is hidden

Hey Fester,
 
I'm still working the title, kicking a few around. "Buy Our Expensive E-book...or the Filipina You Marry May Actually Be a Ladyboy/Green Card Shark/Gold Digger!" or "Pay Us $1000 Now and Save the Embarrasment of Marrying a "Filipina" With a Few Extra Body Parts."  :-[
 
I haven't found the secret credit card hidding spot yet, but I'm pretty sure that the boyfriend is Robin Padilla!  8)  Man, I'm good! I should really get into the Philippine PI business like many of the expats around me!  :o  Oh, for PHP10,000 I will deliver a small Teddy Bear to a fiancee...if she lives within 2 blocks of my house.  ;D
 
Fester Jr.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2011, 12:49:56 AM by Dave H »
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Re: 10 common myths
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2011, 12:46:31 AM »

 

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